Son Nursing to Sleep and Sleeping in Our Bed

I'm going to go experiance with my son the sooner the better. My son slept in his own room until he was 8 to 10 months. But then the whole transition to on demand feeding had to stop as well. I wish I did it sooner because he got louder. I did the sleep traing. I felt better and stuck with it.

Try "The No - Cry Sleep Solution" by Pantley. It is a very gentle way of encouraging your child to sleep for longer periods of time. She has done her homework and knows what realistic expectations are for small children. There is no "crying it out" involved and it is very effective yet still gentle.

Oh... I've been going through this with my daughter. We went on vacation, then she got a cold, then molars came in, and well... I'm sure many can relate to this. What's worse is that she never cared for a pacifier, or anything else for comfort other than mommy's breasts.

What worked (is working) for me is taking her off the breast while she is still a little awake, but done nursing. You can tell when the milk stops flowing and they're using you as a pacifier. I would place her in her crib and pat her back while she cried and fussed a little for about 10-20minutes at a time. This was very successful for her midday nap, but evenings were not as easy. She'd get up a few times in the middle of the night to nurse.

This is when I recruited my husband. After I put her down for the night, she wouldn't see me again till the morning. Her dad got up the first night (2-3 times) to pat her back to sleep. Sometimes he'd have to carry and rock her back to sleep. After about 2 days, she stopped getting up, and slept for 6-8 hours straight.

She's now 17months and still gets up every once in a while, but we remain consistent with having her dad put her back to sleep, which now only takes 3-5 minutes. It's still a huge improvement from the past 6 months.

It's a process indeed. I'm not into letting them cry it out either. That was never the option for me.

Hope this helps!

Hi N.. A few things: First, at 8 months, it should be easier to transition him to sleeping in his crib. After a few days the new "habit" will be established. Second, I am with you - I was never able to let my babies "cry it out". That said, here are a few ideas. 1) I am not sure if he is napping in his crib, I assume so, perhaps you could try mimicing/incorporate your napping routine into going to bed at night. EG: if you rock him at nap time, but haven't been at bed time since you are taking him to bed with you,then perhaps you could add that into your routine. 2) You could also try transitioning him back to bed in the crib in steps, like rock him and lay him down at 90% asleep and if he fusses, rub his back until he settles down, the after a few days of this, rub for less time, then move to a pat and sitting in a chair away from the crib and comforting with your voice if he fusses and then to sitting in a chair outside the door.

As for the nursing, he should be able to sleep through the night. I am not sure with your routine on this, but you could try giving him an additional feeding heading into bedtime. Also, once he is sleeping in his crib, you can try letting him cry a little - NOT cry it out, but if you usually pop awake at the first peep (I know I do) you could wait to go in for a few minutes (start at 2) and see if he settles, if not go in and feed him and then you can slowly extend the time you wait. Again, I sense this is a habit thing for him rather than a need. I hope this helps and you and your husband get some peaceful sleep soon!

Hey N. - I completely understand how that can happen. I am a mom, but my son is 28 (can't believe that, I remember it like it was yesterday) but I did nurse him and we have always been close. First, you will probably have to nurse him to sleep, but then put him in his crib, if he wakes, just go in there to nurse him back to sleep, then back in his crib. I would not let him cry his self to sleep, no matter what your husband says. Nursing babies are use to being close to someone. Men are weird and are threatened by the mom's attention to the baby, just try to show your husband special attention at different times.
Is he eating food as well as nursing? That usually helps them sleep through the night. He may also be waking up more frequently in your bed because of too many people in the bed.
Take care and Good luck!

Remember that babies are creatures of habit...they expect what you usually do. Meaning...whatever it takes to get to sleep is what he's going to expect if he wakes up in the middle of the night (all kids do, most learn to get themselves back to sleep on their own). I would look into the Ferber method which is not the same as crying it out but rather weaning them from your involvement in the sleeping process. Shoot me an email if you have any questions (it worked wonders on both my kids that never seemed interested in eliminating night feeds/waking before 9 mo).

Don't take both away at once. First, try to get him out of the bed and back in the crib. Then worry about the nursing to sleep issue once he is happy in his crib. I don't have any advice on the bed issue because my daughters never slept with us, but I feel your pain about transitioning into the crib. It take forever for my 3 month daughter to go down for the night.

As far as nursing to sleep, I personally think he may be too young to go to sleep without the breast. And I would say enjoy it, because once it is over with you may miss it. In a few months, I would say start putting him down after nursing but while groggy and partially awake. Gradually, he should tolerate going in the crib while he is alert.

However, the whole "grazing" - waking up every so often just to nurse a few minutes - is a real pain. I would have a very formal routine at bedtime - pjs, lotion, book, lights out, nurse, etc. Then if he wakes again, let him try to sooth himself for 3-5 minutes. If that fails, shhhh him, pat his back or tummy, and walk out. Try not to talk. Repeat as needed. And you may have to do some extra nursing, but don't give in at every cry. You may have a few rough nights, even a few weeks of rough nights, but your committment will make it worthwhile when you have a kid who can self-sooth.

I am personally appalled by old-fashinoned Cry It Out - let your baby scream until so exhausted that he falls asleep and so insecure that he stops calling for you. You have a three year old, so you know there are plenty of occasions when you will have to walk away from a screaming toddler. I think your son is too young for that kind of treatment. Good for you for not going that route.

Also, it is unlikely he will take a pacifier at this age, and that is really a good thing. It is best to try to phase a pacifer out around 6 months - nothing is worse than a toddler walking around with one in his mouth all day. It' s just a bad habit you'll need to break later.

Good luck - I know it's cliche, but this IS just a phase which will pass even though it seems to be lasting forever.

I used to nurse my son to sleep, but I made the change to just nurse him at night to get him to settle down and relax, but I put him down in his crib awake (but groggy). It is important for your son to learn to put himself to sleep so that he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night needing you. I also did not want to let my son cry it out, but finally, I decided to time it. When your child cries, it can feel like an eternity. When I actually looked at the clock, I realized that if I just let him be, he'd fall asleep within a minute or two. I made a deal with my husband, that if he cried more than 10 minutes, we'd go get him, but most of the time after a minute or two, he'd fall off to sleep. It's tough at first, but after a few nights my son didn't cry at all.

Good luck.

I'm a breastfeeding mom with a soon to be 8-month old. He has slept in our bed since day one. Just over a month ago, i decided he needed to go to his crib. He's our 3rd child and we put big bro and sis in their cribs at the same age. Many will not agree with this, but this has worked for me. I nurse him to sleep and then put him in the crib on his stomach. He sleeps through the night (8:30ish to 5am) about 95% of the time. The pediatrician is not thrilled about it but she admits that by that age, babies are quite capable of rolling over on their so even if we did put him to bed on his back he could easily roll over to his stomach. Also, try getting him used to his room for a few days before you start putting him to sleep in there and create a routine...bath, bedtime story, nursing and then down to sleep. HTH

I and my daugther were in the same situation. There are 2 issues here : co-sleep and nursing to sleep. I deal with them seperately. First I moved her to her own room when she was 10-month-old. I know my daugther does not sleep in the crib for sure,so I put a futon on the floor. Every night I lay down with her and nursed her to sleep, then I left the room. When she woke up during the night, I came back to her room and nursed her to sleep again. A lot of time I fell asleep with her. When she turned to 13 month-old in April, I stopped breastfeeding. When she woke up during the night, I rocked her or tried to feed her regular milk. The first two weeks were tought. She cried for it. Eventally she fell back to sleep without breastfeeding. Now she still wakes up during the night, but she leans to fall back to sleep by her own.
Good Luck.

All my babies slept with us until they quit nursing. The first two both quit before 2 because I was pregnant with the next. The little one, however, was 26 months before we stopped. She would want to nurse all night. I found that if I just let her sleep with us, I could get some sleep. I always started her out in her bed and if she woke b4 I went to bed, I'd put her back in her bed. But once I went to bed, I could get her and take her back to my bed and go right to sleep. I know that after 6 and a half years of having babies in our bed, my husband was ready for them to go. The way I see it is two years (or six years in our case) is such a short period of our lives and if it's what works, then.... You will get your bed back soon. It really is worth it. He'll sleep in his own bed once he stops nursing. Is having your bed to yourselves more important than continuing to nurse? Try to put him down in his own bed to start the night, that way you can have a little time alone in yours. Good luck. Don't make him "cry it out". It sounds like you don't believe in taht method and therefore it will never work for you and will make you cry too. Just remember to look at the big picture and realize what a short period of time this is. Enjoy your baby while you can. One day he won't want to sleep with you. :)

Dear N.,

There is no easy way. I had to just "cut the cord" so to speak and put my son his crib. It will be a few difficult nights but he (and you) will make it through. It will only get harder as he gets older. If you are simply not ready (and that is fine as well) you have to just admit this to yourself and make alternate sleeping arrangements in your home until you can figure this out. With that said I would also like to state that I do admire your committment to the attachment style of parenting and subscribe to the same beliefs. Often though, there is a point when you need to decide that some things are impacting you and your husband's everyday life negatively and should be modified. Babies are smarter then we think and will always be in charge if we continue to let them. I'm sorry as this is probably not the answer you were looking for but is my experience. Good luck.

Hi N.,

As far as the pacifier goes, I saw a baby show that stated you have to start babies that are nursing on them 1 month after they are born to get them attached. It was not encouraged to start the use of pacifiers before that age because they need to get used to nursing first then introduction to a pacifier. Being that your child is 8 months old, I am not sure how you should handle this other than not starting it or forcing it, which was also noted. At 8 months old your baby should be eating at least stage 1 foods and he should not be introduced to a pacifier this late, but I am no doctor. I figure once you get him/her attached you will later have a question posted her on how to assist with weaning them from it.

As for getting him or her out of your bed, you will have to do it in steps, like nap time, then move to bedtime and let him or her stay don't fall for the tears, it will be hard but trust me you are only hurting the baby by perpetuation the behavior. Kids learn very early.

TA

I'm in the same predicament, only with my 8 mo old girl, my husband is a little more tolerant, but I understand that the pressure is on you to find the solution, because you provide the attraction of the nursing. I haven't fully idd a solution, but MUSIC is the most helpful thing yet, we both play her a classical CD at bedtime and even sing to her on occasion. It's the only thing that helps her fall off to sleep, but believe me, the boob is #1. I walk her around, read to her and play the music, that's all I've got. We are thinking about buying her a newer, fancier crib bc she is in a pack and play for sleep.

I am a mother of four ages 5, 3, 21 months and 3 months. I did the cry it out method with the first two and it worked beautifully although I would not have been able to get through it without my husband saying its ok they are fine. the third I refused to nurse in the middle of the night and she eventually got use to it. My 3 month old has slept from day one in a bouncey seat in her her bed next to ours and falls asleep if I turn my back to her after a couple of weeks she knows the routine and does it on her own now. good luck I know how heart wrenching it is to get through this.

I know how you feel. I had the same problem with my daughter. She refused to sleep in her crib and the only way for me to get any rest was to let her fall asleep with me while breastfeeding in my bed. I tried over and over to put her to bed in it and I hate to say that we finally had to use a modified cry it out. It was horrible but it seems to have fixed the problem in three days. The first day I breastfed and rocked her to sleep at naptime and then put her in her crib. Of course when she woke up a few minutes after I left the room she started having a fit. I let her cry it out for no more than 15 min. at a time (more was just too hard) and then I went in and comforted her back to sleep. I did this for two hours before she would go to sleep. That night she stayed asleep only waking for her feeding on schedule and then went right back to sleep. The next two days were a little easier each time and now she is sleeping soundly and actually seems to be in a better mood (better sleep maybe?). She is doing very well and despite my fears of giving her abandonment issues she is her same lovey self and she actually seems more confident. My daughter would not even like to be put down for long before and now she still likes to be held best but she is perfectly content to analize the world around her. Hopefully you will find this useful. Whatever you do make sure you are consistant. If your not it can cause even more problems later on. I would also suggest doing this at naptime since you will be better rested and able to calmly soothe your son.

Take Care and Good Luck!

I had to move from Hawaii to Virginia when my son was 8 months old. We lived in hotels for almost a month, which meant that he slept with us. Getting him back into his own crib was a challange! I didn't want to give up nursing him at night, and he was too big for a bassinet, so we moved his crib next to our bed. I would let him fall asleep being held, then transfer him to the crib. If he started fussing in the middle of the night (he wanted to be held more than nursed), I reached through the rails and rubbed his back. He stayed in our room in his own bed until he stopped nursing a few months later, then we moved him into his own room. He wasn't able to fall asleep on his own for awhile, but I did end up having to use a modified cry it out solution, where every few minutes I went into his room to rub his back. It took about a week of that to get him to learn to sleep on his own, but he started sleeping through the night the first time he fell asleep on his own! 7pm till 6am!

N.- I know I'm late to chime in, but since I just went through this, I couldn't resist. 8 months truly is the time when co-sleeping kinda loses its charm for some families (not all--I completely support all moms and their choices). I noticed a lot of moms posted that they were frustrated and ended up resorting to a modified cry-it-out, and I KNOW I'm going to get in trouble for this, but I have to say that we, too, ended up using a controlled crying technique. One of the things that convinced me that I wouldn't irrevocably damage my relationship with my daughter was actually reading Evil Ferber's book. He made more sense than I was expecting. Don't EVER tell my husband I said that though :). I was a wreck during the process even though my daughter did just fantastic and seemed, if possible, MORE loving, MORE attached because she was actually better rested and I hadn't even noticed how gradually sleep-deprived she was becoming from all the lighter sleep she was getting co-sleeping.

This is NOT to say that you should do our method or that co-sleeping is bad. I miss sleeping with my daughter and had fully expected to keep it up for longer and be a fabulously attached mom, but I ended up having to get real, see the situation for what it was, and do what was right for her and for our family. Whatever that decision is for you, using whatever method, I wish you the best of luck!!!

Hi N.,

If your son wakes frequently due to being hungry, and yet falls asleep before finishing, then try to wake him during feeding by wiping his face with a wet rag. My youngest daughter is also 8 mos old, although we never let her sleep in the bed with us. The only thing that I can think of is to make sure that he finishes his meal, and lay him in his bed. It will take him some getting used to. My daughter, instead of taking the pacifier, decided to suck her thumb. About getting him to sleep without holding/feeding him, I'm stumped, because my daughter will not usually go to sleep on her own, unless she's so tired that she falls asleep in her jumper or exersaucer. I understand that you lean towards the attachment style parenting, as I have done the same thing with my youngest. However, sometimes you do just need to let him cry it out. It will be hard, but you may need to do that to get him to sleep on his own. Good luck & God bless!

Hi N.,

Contact the La Leche League.

WWW.lllusa.org/VA/WebTidewaterVA

Good luck. D.

My 3 would nurse before going to sleep too. Then I would put them in their crib to sleep. I found that with my youngest one, I had to put a crib mattress cover on and then the sheet that I held against my chest for awhile. (the things we do for our babies! LOL) And we kept music or tv quietly going so he could hear it always. This helped with him not waking for every little sound. It takes time and patience. And look at your little girl who is now 3yrs old! Wow, don't they grow up fast?! See, your son will be out of your bed soon! So be sure to enjoy him while he's little. You will feel so much better once you get him sleeping in his bed. I have so been there and done that! LOL How about nap times? Does he sleep in his crib then? That would be a good place to start if he doesn't.
Sounds like you are a GREAT mommy! Keep up the good work! And please, don't let him cry it out.
Take Care, N. SAHM of 3 boys 12, 7 & 2yrs old.