Help with Friend

Hi, I work for this really great program called Healthy Families. It is a program where we provide in home support for pregnant and/or new moms. It is really fun, we talked about child development and whatever else the mom needs. If she is still pregnant, we talk about prenatal stuff to. It is really all about the mom and baby. If she needs resources we give those as well. Anyhow, my number is Kimberly Teninty # ###-###-#### ex7181. I work at Healthy Families Southwest Human Development and if she calls it is called Kyrene Infant Development as well and I can lead her in the right direction. I can also mail some info to her as well. Just le me konw.

Hello,
Wow I can relate to your life right now, with you and your son. I went through the same thing. But with your friend, you don't want to leave her now. If this is her first child she needs someone there to be strong, and help her through this confusing time. The only way I got over my ex husband was to think about all the mean things he would say and do. You say that this man was a jerk to her. Well she needs to JUST think about the mean or hurtful things that he did. And try not to think of the happy memories. This way she knows why they are apart. When I was pregnant with my first child I wanted to work it out with his father SO much. But then i realized, wait a minute he is not here with me while I am pregnant with his baby. He is not worth my time. Does the father ever come to visit her or call and ask about the pregnancy? If not then he is not worth her time. But right now she needs friends that have been through pregnancy before. Talk to her and cry with her if you need to. If it were not for a dear friend of mine I would have never got through both of my pregnancies. Both dad's didn't want to be part of the pregnancy, which is when I needed them most. I knopw it is hard to go through this, but you need to help her look on the bright side of life. And talk about how GREAT life is with a baby. And how happy and wonderful it will be when she sees that little face for the first time. Go out with her to buy some baby clothes. Try to get her mind off of him. And for now just talk with you son's father about YOUR son not her, this way you are not in the middle. This is the best advice I can give, and I hope it helps. Again she just needs to think about the bad things she and the father had together not the good memories for now, until she is over him. But I know from experience that you need friends and family support so you are NOT going through it alone. Good luck and you can email me if you want to talk more about it, ____@____.com luck and tell her good luck as well. Once that baby comes it will be worth all the pain she ids going through now. Babies and children are the best thing in life and the reason for life!!!
M.

Hello T.,

This is a tough situation you have. Your friend, does she have any family to help her? Other than that, you need to tell her that you ae her friend and you are sorry this happened, but she decided to be with him, reguardless of the fact that he hasn't been a 100% when you too were together. My point is let her know you love her friendship, and you will be a friend and you really would like your children to be close, but the negativity is weighing heavy on you, and it can't be good for her pregnancy. She has to realize that it is some things in this world we can not change. One of the BIG things we cannot change is men. So she needs to move pass the anger--she will be hurtinging for a minute, but LIFE does go on, and she needs to prepare for this gift God has given her---Let yourself be an example---You seem to be done with the man, and you seem to love you child and can live day to day without the drama. Once she gets over the fact that their relationship is done---she will be much better. Also don't lie to her, let her hear the truth---. If thais doesn't work. advise her that you cannot talk about him when you two speak. Make that a rule of conversation. Once she starts talking about him --tell her you have to go--eventually she will get the picture. Keep you head up. You are doing great.

Hello,

I would like to point out the term "friend" and this term does not apply to this person in which you are referring. This is not someone in which you need to associate yourself with it is apparent that she is toxic. Not only is she bringing you down she also bringing your child down. Unfortunately, you will have to encounter her from time to time being that she is having a child that will be now linked to your child. Although, I feel you need to keep this simple. I cannot believe the level at which she carried this relationship out and that she has called to confide in you. She has major issues and really needs to look elsewhere for support. Your obligations should be directed to yourself and your child. The energy you are projecting or extending to this person is wasted energy and energy that can be shared with a "Good Friend". Misery loves company. Friends are people we "choose" to be in our lives. In no way am I saying to be mean but just bid her fair well and pray for her - wish her the best. You are not here to carry her burdens.

I am sure alot of people would agree that she is not a true friend.

A friend is a friend for life my dear. Men come and go and friends are always there for each other. Maybe she is postpardem with the preagnancy and all, I was and she may need counciling or even medication to feel less depressed. It should be her happiest time in life. It is great that you are there because the one thing he couldnt take is the children or your friendship away. She may feel guilt of what happened, but its not your fault you should be able to introduce your husband to anyone and hope he doesnt stray. She made a mistake its only human and to forgive and go on. You will make it through this, hang in there.

First off your "friend" shouldn't have dated your ex-husband and father of your child. PERIOD! Now she is pregnant and having problems, and complaining to you about them. How awkward! How dare she expect you to comfort her. You have a past with this man also, what about what you went through with him and how you feel about him now! And you still have a relationship with him regarding your child so she is putting you in a strange position. This doesn't seem to be a true "friend".
Someone else will always have a worse story, so she needs to toughen up. Not only for her but for her unborn child. "Don't be a victim!" ---Is what she needs to learn. I know it must be scary being alone and pregnant but she needs to deal with it. You are a strong and very caring person; obviously with all that's gone on. I can't believe you've tolerated it but that says something about you and the kind of person you are. The world needs more people like you. Caring without thinking. Putting your feelings aside. Good for you. I would let her know how you feel about the whole thing and just do what you can. I think all the advice people have left you on this website is helpful so I won't leave anymore other than to say I wish you the best and hope this friend of yours grows up and takes good care of herself and her child.

If she was really your friend, regardless if you introduced her to your ex-husband then she shouldn't have hit it off with him.

She shouldn't dump her problems on you. She should understand that you went through this with him and obviously she didn't care enough to get it. Now that it's happening to her, she needs you. You need to tell her exactly what you wrote above. You are too good of a friend to her and she's the one being selfish.

Does she have any family?
Good Luck!