Paternity Is Questioned, the Answer Not Okay for Everyone Involved.....

I'd take the easy way out and just cut the relationship loose. It doesn't seem like it's working for anyone and I wouldn't want to deal with the drama unnecessarily.

- Get your own paternity test done. Don't trust his. Either the results, nor that they were done correctly.

- Follow the advice of your attorney and have him audited.

- File an amendment to your own tax returns claiming you son.

- Ignore the bleating of the scare mongering goat to the best of your ability.

- Ideally, keep all communications written for record purposes.

- Keep Calm & Carry On

This is kind of a no brainer. Sever ties with him. Seems like at this point you are the one seeking ties and I am not sure why. Well other than money and that is silly at this point since he can walk into court with the paternity test and end that whenever he likes.

At least if you just comply with what he asks your son won't be drug through this hell.

This is a battle that you didn't need to fight. If you had the right to claim your child (legally in the agreement), then all you had to do was go ahead and file your taxes with the dependency for your child. The government would've caught up with the dependency and audits with no action on your part. After all, you wouldn't have even known he claimed the depenedency if someone hadn't told you. File your amended tax return claiming the dependency, and you will get the money you're owed from the IRS without continuing to involve your son's father.

Then, talk to an attorney and have a DNA test done by a facility that you (and your attorneys) have agreed upon. Based on those results, you can decide what to do. However, if he's not your son's father, the other man is and may have legal financial responsibilities for him (i.e. - state social services may have a say in this).

I haven't read all the other responses so this may be a repeat.

First have an official paternity test done, through the courts. You cannot make any real decisions until you are certain. I personally think it should have been handled a long time ago. Not judging you, but if there was a doubt it should have been handled when he was born. He deserves to know who his biological father is.

As for the taxes, it doesn't matter whether or not he is the father, if it wasn't in the decree that he can claim your son, he cannot. It's actually very simple. Do what your lawyer told you to and contact the IRS. She may not be calling you back b/c she told you what to do, what more can she say esp if you don't take her advice.

The only way to end this craziness is to do those things. I hope this doesn't sound mean, cause that s not my intent. Good Luck!!!

Paternity or not, he has a court order that requires him (as a child born into that marriage - my friend was not legally divorced when she got pregnant with her then BF's child and in order to prevent a lot of extra hassle for her then-husband, they wanted to be divorced before the baby was born. See what your STATE says about children born into a marriage - sometimes it doesn't matter that they aren't biologically "his") to pay so that needs to be clarified with the courts. Further, I'd find out what needs to be done with the IRS and I'd also want a second opinion on that paternity test. I think he's not stable if he's sneakily getting DNA testing done without talking to anybody about it.

I would tell BF that he shouldn't get involved with the ex. There was no reason for him to turn to your BF and ask him to do the job he can't man up to. Again, underhanded and manipulative. Your son is between you and your ex.

It's not "rocking the boat". It's finding out YOUR rights and your child's rights.

What would I do if I were in your shoes? I would have my own DNA test done. As to your son's biological father? You need to contact him for a paternity test. Period. End of Story.

Then I would wait for the results. If the results are that he is NOT your ex-husband's child. I would contact a counselor who deals with things like this and find out how to tell my son the truth WITHOUT ripping his world apart.

To me? Telling him the truth will be the most important thing...however - hard it will be to do so - tell him the truth. As you don't want this coming out from someone else where you can't give your side of the story.

Then I would ask my son what he wants to do. Does he want to maintain contact with the man he called dad for "X" amount of years or does he want to press on. LET MY CHILD MAKE THE DECISION. As this is HIS parent/role model/father figure. Yes. you have a great man in your life now. That's AWESOME!!! But your son needs to know the truth. FROM YOU.

So bottom line? Get a paternity test done PRONTO. Get a hold of man you suspect to be his father to tell him what has transpired.

Then I would talk with my ex-husband and tell him the cat is out of the bag. MY son knows the truth. Let him know his decision. Then go to court and get the custody and child support dropped. Then this man who you say isn't dealing with a full deck - can be out of your life FOR GOOD.

I would then get custody, visitation and child support with the biological father. this might be hard to get. and you also need to give your son time to be anger, hurt and everything else that will happen. Make sure the counselor is on board with it and make sure your son is taken care of the right way.

GOOD LUCK!!!

You NEED to talk to your attorney. If he/she hasn't gotten back to you, get a new one. There is a lot of advice about paternity and just severing ties etc...but the reality is you must follow the law. There have been some high profile child support cases where the fathers were determined to NOT be the biological father yet still were responsible for child support because they signed the birth certificate and agreed to be responsible in the divorce decrees and then changed their minds. Yes you should have a court ordered paternity test done, if he is not the father then the courts may let you decide to end any support, but it also depends on the divorce decree and the law in your area. As far as the taxes, if the divorce decree says you claim your son, then do so and let the ex deal with the consequences. The IRS does not take fraud lightly.

I don't think you said how old your son is, and if he's very young, this answer will be different. But assuming he is at least 8: I would ask my son how he feels about your ex, and what kind of relationship he wants to have with him. Then I would just go with whatever your son wants. Since your son and boyfriend seem to have a good relationship and your bf wants to be his dad, the two of you should get married and cement this family.

Give up on getting money from your ex. Your son is the only thing that matters. If he has a nice relationship with your ex (assuming he wants it), that's all that really matters. It's possible to have two (or three) dads if everyone behaves properly.

being this man sounds like a puke and already did a DNA test on his own without you there. While it came back your son wasn't his, I would do one again with all of you present. Then if it comes back a second time that its not his son it is time to get the other guy involved. If its his son then he needs to know. He has the right to know he has a child for sure not just a "maybe". You son also has a right to know the truth who is bio dad is. There may be a medical reason down the road that it would be helpful to know the medical history.

Here on out I would go tell the ex that your son doesn't want to go for visitations any longer. It doesn't sound like he is going to care. Legally he is your son's father if he was born while you were married. If not then you need to go back to court and have the birth certificate changed to his real dad posted.

I really think its best to get a lawyer involved and get this all straightened out to the real way it is. btw I would still audit your ex and get the money owed to you.

as Jill F. said "this is your golden ticket" if son does not want to visit your ex why keep making him? If this man is not a good influence in your son's life; get out now!
Is the other possible father a stable person who would be a good influence on your son's life?
If not you and your boyfriend and son can be a family.
Wish I could have gotten rid of my ex :)

Wow! That is a lot to take in! Well, I wouldnt involve the man you thought was his father this whole time, it is obvious he doesnt want the resp, which is only natural. Was he listed on the BC as the father? And yes, I would def demand your own paternity testing done so you know for sure this man is not the dad, unless the paperwork came from a legal source. He will probably have to pay back the money that was issued to him when he filed his tax returns. And just so you know, if you involve the state, they will go after the bio dad and make him take a test for sure and he will have to start paying CS, and i am sure visitation will be set up as well. Good luck!

You don't say if you saw the paternity report at all in your post. Personally, I wouldn't trust the word of your EX on a report he had done by himself. Your son could still be his biological child because you weren't involved in the testing. It wasn't done by a neutral third party. It was done by your crazy ex husband.

How did he do the test? Did he take the child into a facility? Did he do the swabbing himself? Are you sure the DNA he sent in to be tested was really your kids? Are you sure he didn't just swab one of his guy friends just to get a report that would end in results in his favor?

I'd pay to have your son and ex retested together in your presence. So you could see the technician swab them both in the same room. Or at lest get the test done by someone you hired to go to both your husband and son to collect the samples. (I don't trust your ex very much from the little I've read here...) For some reason, the excessive amount your ex threatened to get a paternity test done makes be believe that he never really wanted the child to be his. Someone who wanted the child would not use that as a weapon in a fight as much as he has. It leads me to the conclusion that he may have not been 100% honest with you about the testing process and the "results". He was devious about claiming the child on his taxes, what makes you sure he's being honest about this?

That's what I would do if I were in your shoes.

Then if it turns out that your crazy ex is indeed the father, I'd amend the current agreement to make sure you have sole custody and then I'd file for child support and try to have as little to do with him as possible.

If he's not the father, forget about him. Wash that man right out of your hair. Get on with your life.

Regardless if the ex is truly the father or not (suggested he didn't do the testing correctly or fraudently), he seems to think he is NOT the father. This is your golden ticket to remove yourself from this craziness. If you truly believe your son is not his, then talk to your lawyer, have another paternity test done, and get him legally out of your way. Then it is up to you how much you want your son to visit with him. Your son doesn't seem to enjoy his time with him anyway.

I wouldn't talk to the possible bio father until YOU have done another paternity test. Then you need to decide what you want out of the situation. But, you have to decide now for the long term. You can't keep changing things depending on how your life is going. Your son needs to know the real truth, but not until YOU know the real truth. I would talk to a certified counselor who works with kids about these issues before you even think about telling him.

As far as the financial things (taxes, and child support), I would consult my attorney. He may have to pay back the tax money, but you may have to pay back the child support.

Please please tread lightly with any decisions with this. Your son is in a complicated situation. He has three fathers (two psychological fathers and one biological) in his life. He is faced with the daunting task of trying to sort all this out as he moves through life. Although it is clear you feel your current boyfriend is the best father of the bunch, please leave room and freedom for your son to have his own opinions with this. His loyalties might change over the years as he goes through different things. Professional help might not be a bad idea. Although you might want to be done with the one father, your son probably has deep ties to him somewhere inside.

I would cal the company that did this test and ask for a verification.

I would request a new test, just to make sure the ex really swabbed himself and not someone else .

Then I would dance for joy and get his rights to your son cut and move on with your lives.

Verify who your child's father is. He deserves to know where he came from. If that father is interested that is fine, if not, be prepared to explain it all to him later.

I am glad your boyfriend is fond of your son, but unless you 2 marry or he adopts your son, I am really not in favor of your son calling him dad. Your child deserves the man that would promise to always be there for him.

I am not sure your son could handle a dad for a few years again, that could leave his life at any moment. It would just be so cruel.

Take the "test results" to your lawyer, get him to legally demand a proper test. Pray that the results are the same, after it is proven that he is not the father then cut all ties. He should no longer have any right to your son in any way shape or form.

Good luck.

Whew, I didn't read your entire post. I got as far as the tax filings. My daughter's ex claimed their son on his taxes and so did she. IRS took care of it. Your ex can file and amended form. Or if you didn't claim your son, you can file an amended form. I would consult with a tax attorney to be sure that this is a good way to do it.

As far as paternity is concerned, you can still have a paternity test. I'd just go ahead and arrange for one. Research where it can be done and tell your ex this is his opportunity to get it taken care of. Forget about what he's said in the past. Just get paternity established.

There may be a way to get him to give his DNA thru a court order. Ask your attorney.

Or if your ex is willing to give up custody, let him do so. I'm sure there's a form he can sign. Again, ask your attorney. And stop sending your son for visits when the ex doesn't care. Stop forcing him to be a father.

Don't respond to his threats. You know you're legal. Ignore him.

The way you stop this drama is to list the problems and then fix each one. Do not rely on your ex to do anything. You take over and make your life the way you want it. Stop trying to make him do anything. You file with your son as a dependent and ignore what he's done. It's not up to you to get him in trouble with the IRS. He's doing fine doing it for himself.

Honestly I would see this as a way to be rid of your ex for good. It does not sound like your son likes him very much anyhow. And do you REALLY ever want him spending time with him alone again? Esp with his crazy wife? I would be so afraid what they would tell my kid. Your son is so much better off without this man and you know it. Whatever heartache that telling your son about this now "might" cause will be nothing if you keep him, and his wife, in your lives. THis is your chance and I think you are pretty lucky to have gotten it. Use it.

ETA-I would say wait to tell the bio dad but I have a strong feeling that your ex or his wife might do that for you. I would get to him before they do. Actually maybe tell him before you cut ties with the ex so he can be ready for whatever your loser ex may do.

Riley said exactly what I was going to say. (Thank you)

Unless you have a certified documentation with a particular notation as to who performed the test you really only have his word (his wife?) on what the truth is. It may be well worth it to do your own test. Obviously he isn't even liked much by your boy, but verifying that he isn't the father would probably free up your son's emotional state as well as yours. And then, lets plan that wedding!

What does your son want? Go with that. If you have no obligation to the ex, then you should do whatever makes the most sense. I personally would stop contact with the ex.

Here's what I suggest ... get a paternity test with BOTH men as possible fathers. Once you know for sure who IS the father ... then you can go from there to make things the best you possibly can for your son.

Heck contact the maury povich show ... they LOVE stuff like this. And you'll have an answer.

We are hearing about your son not wanting to see your ex through your perspective, yet we do not know what is going on in his head. Example "I would love to go fishing with him, just me and dad. i don't want to hurt my mom's feelings, so i'll act like he doesn't matter." i really feel sorry for your son. this could really damage him. you can be happy you do not have a girl because girls tend to voice their hurtful opinions "If you knew you had sex with multiple men, why didn't you get this resolved earlier so i could have built a relationship with my real dad?" If he is such a 'loser with issues' why didn't you use better judgement before going to bed with him?"

First off, if he is not the father and you want him out of your and your son's life are you willing to pay all child support for the past 8 years of your son's life? I think this would be the right thing to do (not something you want to hear). Would you still fight to have him pay support without any visitation rights? Some states do not care about paternity if you were married and got pregnant. Legally he could be the father regardless of the DNA test (sounds crazy, but i have heard of cases).

On a side note, i do believe if everyone (grandparents and great grandparents) had a paternity test we would learn a lot of grandmas fooled around. i am saying this because my first points may sound harsh and i am not against you, but want you to know there will be issues and your son will pay the price. I am trying to let you know that what you did is not perfect, but also not un heard of. The DNA testing has opened pandora's box that was closed for generations.

First of all get a call into the state office and have them a copy of the DNA test so they can stop all child support on him.

Plus, call the IRS and tell them he filed taxes claiming your son as his and he is not even his father.

This will allow you to file your own taxes and get all the unearned income credits. You will get a larger refund even on your own with out your new boyfriend being part of it.

You will have to go through all the possible fathers to continue any state assistance. They have the right to make a parent pay for any costs they have. On one of my grand kids they went through 3 guys before they found the right one.

In our court orders all parents are required to carry insurance for their child anytime it is possible. They deduct the child support from their wages before taxes and every year we get part, if not all for back child support, of their state and federal income tax refund.

This is fair for your child. There is no reason for him not to get a state card. He qualifies and he should have the coverage they offer. There is no shame in that. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

I think this guy needs to be weaned off your son. He loves him, he has been his "dad" his whole life and it's going to devastate him to find out he's not his dad but he must be told.

Unless you are not reporting the child support to medicaid (they do count that as a source of income) he can't get you in trouble. He DOES owe you that tax money.

Good Lord. If he is not the father and has been nothing but trouble then drop it. Do not make the kid go with him, do not have anything further to do with him.
Despite the long and crazy story it sounds simple, or am I missing something?