Help!! I Need Some Opinions! (Sorry, This Is a LONG One)

I think it is a wonderful idea, as long as you don't mind each other being with someone else. I think the separation is well established. Not to say that they won't ever fantasize about the two of you together, but that could happen any way.

I sometimes have a friends daughter who is a single parent. While she is with us, she sometimes calls me Mom and him Dad or sometimes it is done in talking..."Dad did it". Her Dad is so far away, she really only knows his voice. So it is possible they may think that, but they are also old enough to understand you when you say, ...at Daddy's house.

The next best thing to your kids having two parents who are together is having two parents who are friends.

I completely disagree with your mother. How great that you are friends. Go to Chuck E Cheese and have fun.

I think it sounds like a great idea. As long as you are consistent with your words and actions I don't think it would send mixed signals. If you hated each other one day and then went to Chuck E Cheese together the next day that might be confusing for them. I think it is great that they can grow up with memories of you all doing things together, and they will understand that you two aren't together. It will be there norm.

I think as long as you and your ex don't show any affection for each other it should be fine. Kids might start to get confused if mom and dad get touchy-feely, but if you're truly just friends then this shouldn't be an issue. Keep it light, casual and public and I hope you all have a great time :)

I think its great. My husbands parents went through a horrible nasty divorce when he was about 8 years old. I mean, it was bad. At one of his softball games they both showed up and were civil to each other, when my husband saw them talking, he instantly burst into tears, because he so wanted his parents to get along for him and his siblings. It is so sad, because to this day, his parents cannot be in the same room. I think its awesome that you and your childrens father can have such a good relationship for the kids. You have no idea how much it will mean to them that you are willing to do this for them. I think to this day it really hurts my husband that both his parents cannot show up to our kids birthday parties. You are doing an awesome thing. They can count on mom and dad like they are a team.

I think its a great idea!
My ex husband and I were married for 5 years and divorced 6 years ago. My two younger boys from the marriage don't remember us together my oldest does. We have birthday parties with both of us there, they love it!! They are so excieted to have mom, dad, and the "step" parents all together at thier games, concert, parties, class functions etc. They have never wondered if we were getting back together or mixed signals even before we were remarried in the beginning or now. I think its great that they can have the memories, it will be a comfort for them I think when they get older. What better than to have your both of your parents be together and be great role models for them on showing them what parenting is all about!

I think it's a great idea. You are showing your children that mom and dad care about them and fostering a healthy relationship, eventhough you two aren't together. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

I think it sounds a whole lot nicer than never doing anything with your parents together. I think they'll appreciate the memories.

I think it's a great idea & kudos for putting the kids #1!!!!! Just make sure you act as friends and absolutely nothing more. That's when the confusion may start. Always be honest with the kids if they bring it up and have fun with it! Enjoy Chuck E. Cheese!!!

Well I can tell you it can be a success. This situation happened a lot in my boyfriends family. 30 years later they all are still invited to get togethers. Everyone is friendly, everyone gets along. They are all one huge blended family.
Have you ever thought about what you would say *if* they asked you why you and daddy aren't together? Just think of how you might handle it, and cross that bridge if you ever come to it. In the meantime, kudos for you for handling this in a mature way, and for thinking of your children! Have fun at Chuck E Cheese!

Any time you can show children harmony, it is good for the kids. I think you are being very mature. Read some books on the subject and share them with mom. Bravo!

Like you, my parents split when I was too little to remember them together. I cried the first time I saw a picture of them sitting together on a couch smiling at each other (who knew my dad was such a cutie and my mom such a flirt?). All I remembered was them yelling at each other about child support and who gets who as a tax deduction.

So, I say YAY for the two of you for wanting to make positive memories for your children. Yes, they may be a bit confused...if you two get along, why not be married (their possible thoughts...I get why you're not). As long as the two of you have a "stock" answer to give, I don't see a problem.

You rock!

i was married to my husband for 17 years our children are a year apart we were divorced a year in june. our kids tell everyone they like doing things with us and we get along better as friends. our kids tell their friends mom and dad like each other better since they dont live together dont let anyone try to tell you it will confuse your kids they will enjoy it it will show them that both of you care about their happiness

I agree with all the other moms. Kids want nothing more than their parents to get along--even if they don't live together. The best thing you can do is love your child's other parent. That doesn't mean you have to be married to them. I have seen it both ways (the parents do NOTHING together and hate one another) and the parents get along and do things together (even though they know they are terrible as a couple together). It takes a lot of maturity to do the latter. Wishing you the best! Hurray for your kids!!

J.
These are your children! If the father and u can get along and share those precious memories of the children growing up why NOT? They would respect you both and remember the main parent is the one who the children will go after male to male female to female, So, I think you should continue for the reasons for the children to learn to respect each other and understand some times mommy n daddy cannot be together but they still are their for us.
I think your mom needs to stay out of it. You just have to make sure that your mom does not bad mouth to your children that it is a bad idea.
Perhaps she is jealous that they could not do it as parents.
Good luck Honey and enjoy ur babies with their daddy and good luck in school and accomplish your goals also a great inspiration for the children too!

Well I would ignore your mother. This sounds like a positive situation. It sounds like your all friends and there is no strife. I think the best situation is to be married but you are giving them close to that. You are showing them unconditional LOVE and acceptance. You are showing your twins that despite the fact that you and the father are not together your still friends and work great together. This is a good life lesson on how to get along with others. You sound like a wonderful mom.

I think this is an incredibly beautiful incredibly mature idea! !!!!

DO you realize how much absolutley needless drama most people would create? That drama is what hurts them most I promise you!

BRAVO to the both of you!

DO NOT LET ANYONE NOW OR IN THE FUTURE CREATE THAT DRAMA! (ie; parents, future husbands/wives etc etc.)

Listen to your own instincts!

You are modeling life and relationships with people for your children. So by going out in social situations with their father, you are showing them how to have HEALTHY relationships with someone even if you do not live together.

It is a wonderful idea. It will show your children that they have a Mom and Dad who love them and respect each other. That even though they do not live in a "typical" family, they have a loving, respectful, healthy family. So they will have what most children with two parents living together, will not.

Don't listen to your mom. If you and the dad are friendly and can hang out with the kids, that is fabulous. You are doing a great job!

J.,
You don't have to look far (on this site, even) to see issues, problems, etc., caused by moms and dads who just cannot be mature and get along for the sake of their children. Count your blessings that right now, at least, this will work for you! I'll bet the kids, even at 3, are well aware that mom & dad are not married and don't live together but they are very loved by both parents, right? As long as they continue to know that, I think the interaction is a good thing.
It might not always be and you need to keep in mind that the "vibe" might change as others enter/exit the picture...for example, if you re-marry, your new hubby might not appreciate the fact that you & your ex get on so well (which would be a character flaw in him IMO!) but just be aware that the dynamic might change over time.
But, overall, I think the kids seeing mom and dad being kind, civil and having fun together would be an awesome thing!
As for your mom, I'm sure she has the best of intentions, but no O. knows your kids the way you do--so follow YOUR mommy gut on this O.!

My sister has a 6 year old who's father she is no longer with. She is engaged and will marry the man she is with now. But a couple times a year she and her ex do something as a family with her son. The 3 of them go the a monster truck show every year together. It works out great, her son can see that mom and dad like each other just fine as friends and can be in the same places together. This idea you and your children's father have is a great idea. My parents were married for most of my childhood and when they divorced it was nasty and awful and they both bad mouthed the other to us. Your situation seems like a perfect healthy alternative for the children to see mom and dad together and in a friendly relationship.

I am the mother of a grown up daughter and her dad and I were divorced when she was 3. I think this is a GREAT idea. If I could turn back time, I would have raised her with this level of coparenting and we'd all be better off. Congratulations to you both for putting your kids first and tell your mom I said congratulations on raising such an emotionally healthy daughter!

You and their father are definately going to have to communicate over their life time. The fact that you are showing the kids that you can get along like two civil adults is awesome. It is good for them to know that though their mom and dad might not live together, but you still both love them very much. The kids deserve both of your attention and it would be a great time for the two of you to communicate what's been going on in their lives. Sometimes grandma's need to adapt to a different society then what they are use to, unfortunately.