Right or Wrong? Getting Pictures Taken with My Ex at My Daughters Wedding!

Remember -- To her they are simply "Mom" and "Dad". She doesn't view them as "Ex"es.

To her they are a unit and despite divorce, they will always have a tie in her mind. And she deserves that. The divorce has nothing to do with her. And if this is what she wants, then by all means, all the adults involved should make it happen with as little discord as possible.

I think you need to let it happen because it's the right thing to do. Divorced or not, things like this are about the kids and not about the parents.

Good luck!

They will always be her Mom and Dad, divorce and new spouses will not change that. It would be wrong of you to deny her that on her wedding day.
She is entitled to it.

S.

Take it from someone who has been there. My parents are divorced. When I got married I wanted a picture of just me and my parents. My Dad's GF had a huge problem with it and even went as far as to threaten to leave him if he did. The picture was taken nonetheless and they fought for a long time about it. My Dad eventually married her (God's knows why) and because she tried to dictate who I could and could not take pics with, made my Dad feel like he had to take sides, that in the end I had NO respect for her. To this day I have never forgivien her and she is STILL so controlling it makes me sick. I'm cordial with her but that's it!

Just talking about it right now has made all those mad feelings I had back then resurface. Please don't make this specal day for his daughter turn out to be horrible because of some insecurities! It's not worth it!!!!

My fiance's daughter got married last year and he had some really nice pictures taken with his daughter and his ex, and his other children and ex as well. I thought it was a really neat thing. I love how they all get along. It makes it so much nicer for the kids when adults can act like adults.

I think it is wrong for you to be so obstinate about this. You're going to ruin his daughter's day because of your jealousy and selfishness.

Also, just wondering but how is it that you've been with him for 3 years but he's only been divorced for 6 months? I think you should judge not or you'll be judged yourself.

Play nice. You're an adult. Let the pictures be taken.

Sorry, you are in the wrong. My parents were divorced, but I had pictures of them together at my wedding, and so did my sister. This is her choice, her request, and her "moment". It isn't a couple picture, it is a parent picture and those are her parents.

As a daughter getting married, how would you feel if your dad's current girlfriend said you couldn't have your pic taken with both of your parents? Seriously, these are her parents so you need to put on your big girl panties and take a back seat. I know it's not always easy but the situation requires it right now.

I’m sorry but I really don’t see how this could be a problem. It’s just a picture. There is a reason they are no longer together and having this very special picture taken with their daughter is not going to get them back together. If that’s all it took, then THAT’s the problem!

This really isn’t your decision to make and if you try to force this issue, guaranty you will get on the daughter’s bad side and do you really want that?

Relax and realize that this is about her. Oh and try to have a good time! Your BF and daughter will respect you for that! =-)

I think you are in the wrong on this one A.. While you have been with him for 3 years, he had his daughter with this other woman. Your boyfriend and her mother are her parents! She wants a picture with her parents. She deserves a picture with her parents. You need to step back and understand that this has absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with your boyfriend's daughter. It's her wedding, her special day, he pictures that she wants (since neither parent seems to be able to make her wedding). Do not "stand your ground"....I don't think you have anythign to stand on! You could be making this so much worse for yourself....you are not even married to her father! She will resent you and this will just make the personal relationships with your boyfriend's children worse.
Remember, he is divorced. He doesn't love her, he obviously feels something for you. This picture is just that....a picture.
L.

Is it wrong for me to not want him to have pictures taken with his ex wife together or should I just stand back and let it happen?
Yes and Yes.

Should I stand my ground and say no they have to be separate, O. of her and her mom then another of her and her dad and me if she wants me in it?
No.

You are a girlfriend. These are her parents. She is allowed to have any pictures taken that she wants...it's her wedding. No offense to you and your relationship but girlfriends come and girlfriends go. Parents are forever.

Go and be gracious in the background.

He is with you not his ex.

But his ex is still the girl's mother. Of course she wants a wedding pic with both her parents. I suggest you just let it be and let the girl enjoy her photos. Ask your boyfriend to make sure there one of just him and his daughter that you can have framed for him to show off.

After all, he is going home with you.

I am puzzled by why you would object. Is there some danger in having the two of them standing side by side? My ex-husband and I are in many of my daughter's wedding pictures. These are HER memories, and both of us are important to her.

Having exes who are companionable and able to communicate in a civilized and friendly manner fortells a less stressful future than those who can't or won't be friendly. I'll never love my ex, but we do get along fine.

I don't mean to be harsh, but why in the world would you want to keep this girl from having a photo taken with her mom and dad? And what makes you think that you have any right to request that she do what you want? "Standing your ground" is likely to cause a lot of problems.
Your boyfriend and his ex are linked forever as the parents of this person, nothing you can do or say is going to change that, so you may as well get comfortable with the idea. Posing in some wedding reception photos with his ex and his daughter is not going to change anyone's relationship, they will still be divorced, you will still be with your boyfriend, and he daughter will have a nice family photo to remember her special occasion.
Let it go.

She should be able to have her parents in the same picture. Most families do this. My MIL and FIL have been divorced forever, but they're both in the same shots in our group family wedding photos. This is HER wedding and those are her photographs. What is the harm going to be in them being in the pictures together? Everyone knows they're divorced, and they won't be posed with their arms around each other or anything. Stand FAR back from this one. YES -even if you're paying for the pictures! Why you would be doing that is beyond me, but this is about the daughter and her wishes, not yours. If you're paying for the pictures as a gift, there's nothing worse than a gift with conditions and strings attached. Look at every answer here and please do the right thing -you'll be really glad in the future that you did.

Honey, let HER have HER mom and dad in a picture for HERSELF...those are her parents. You are not. You are just a girlfriend. This is not about you. This is about her life, who made her life. There is a strong biological need for all people to have that moment for themselves.

Just smile sweetly, step out of the way and let her have her pictures the way SHE wants them. There are just too many divorces now days for kids to have to navigate through these sticky situations not created by them.

And I know from lots of personal experience from lots of friends who have divorced/remarried that all their kids want a photo of their real mom and dad taken at the wedding. And no one ever thinks twice. The new spouses kindly and respectfully step to the side.

A....I think you need to pick your battles...and this is NOT a battle you want to fight...because even if you win...you LOSE!!! If you make a big stink and convince your bf not to be in the picture...don't you think that his daughter is going to hold it against you FOREVER??? Back off...even if you are paying for the pictures ( which I am not sure that I understand....but if you are...good for you for being so generous. ). let the bride and groom decide who and what is in the pictures...you need to take a back seat on this day...tell your boyfriend how HAPPY you are to see his daughter so happy...and really mean it!!! This could be a good or a bad start to a whole relationship with his side of the family. I am sure the ex is uncomfortable having you there at the wedding reception at all...so just sort of fade into the background and be the gracious girlfriend...your boyfriend will thank you for it !!!
I know what it is like dealing with ex's....I am a 2nd wife...and have had to deal with her for years....I learned the old adage "A spoon full of sugar makes the medicine go down"....applies to ex wives too!!!

I think you should step back on this one. It is important to his daughter to have these pictures. It's not about them or you, it's about her and that her parents can come to her wedding to support the child they created. It won't change how he feels about you. She was then, you are now. But in my opinion, you should let it happen. It would be great if she decided to have a picture with you and her father too, but remember that this her special day.

My own personal experience is when I had my parents in the delivery room for the birth of their grandchild. It meant so much to me to see them there put there differences aside to be there for me. I love my stepmom and had her there too.

I don't think it's appropriate for you to dictate what pictures she has in her wedding album. This is her father and if she wants pictures of her parents together and they can stand to be in the same room together long enough to have them done, then you need to take a step back and let her have her memories. This isn't about you and it's just a picture. They will always be her parents and it isn't her fault they decided to divorce. Be the bigger person here and let it go. It really shouldn't have any bearing on you whatsoever.

It is the BRIDE'S MOM AND DAD - she deserves to have a picture with the two of them in it. She should not be forced to have multiple photos up in her home and/or office because that would make her dad's girlfriend happy. Please just let it be.

It's really not your decision. Divorced or not, they are both still her parents. If they can handle being together for a few photos to make their daughter happy, I say there's no harm in it. It would be nice if she included you in some pictures with her and her dad as well, but I think you just need to follow her lead here and keep the peace. I don't think it's any disrespect to you for the girl to want pictures with her parents.

This is in no way reflective of THEIR relationship... it's refelective of their relationship to HER. They are her parents, and regardless of their other relationships will be her parents until they day they die. Both of them. She wants a picture of her parents. That simple.

Even if you were married to him, or she had half brothers/sisters via you... you didn't raise her.

The question gets really tricky (usually solved by extra photos) when it's honest to god step parents.

My good friend is a case in point. Her parents divorced when she was very little (2ish), and both remarried. So both sets of step parents also raised her. For her wedding photos she had the following pics taken both with her in each and without her in each:

- Mom & Dad
- Mom & Papa & Dad & Mama "Carol"
- Mom & Papa
- Dad & Mama Carol

Regardless if they are married are not, they are still her parents and I think most brides would want a picture with both her mom and dad together. I think you should just step back on this one. It's not like the two of them are posing together, just the two of them holding hands :)

A.,
I don't see why he shouldn't take the pictures with his ex wife. He divorced his ex wife not his daughter and these are wedding pictures. Of course she wants to have them both in her pictures, it's very normal. You have no reason to be offended or concerned about this. They are only pictures and they are her parents. I don't think she will appreciate a negative attitude from you. So, just enjoy her and her new husband. You have your place in her father's life and she can't take that away from you; just as you can't take her father's place in her life away from her.
Blessings

I am sorry to say it, but I think you're wrong. Wouldn't you have wanted pictures with both your parents together? I would, even if they were divorced.

Hi A.,
My parents are separated and both remarried. When I got married I had a picture taken with my mom and step dad, my dad and step mom and mom and dad. I also had a family picture taken with all my parents and all my siblings. That's my family and whether they are together or not they are all mine. So I understand why she wants a pic of her parents together.
All that should matter is you know you your boyfriend knows that you are together, don't worry about what others think. Be a strong supportive girlfriend and if at all possible be friends with her mom. All four of my parents are friends and it makes my life so much easier. She will love you for being okay with things, if you tell her she can not have something she may hate you for it. Just be as supportive as you can, this is her day and she deserves it to be the best possible.

Her mom and dad are the ones that created her, she should be allowed to have a picture to remember her day with them and her if she wants.

Sounds like you may have a deeper concern here b/c a pic that won't be in your home shouldn't be bothering you this much. This is a petty issue to be dealing with....pick your battles, this isn't one of them. I think the real question here is: Why does this bother you so much?

My parents too are seperated, and my Dad is remarried. My Mom has not. But I know from my own experiences, like graduation, my baby shower, the birth of my son, that pictures of me with my parents were important. And I would also have pictures taken with my dad and step-mom. I think it sounds like since they have only been divorced for 6 months you are feeling a little insecure. It's not a big deal to let her have a picture with both of her parents, it is her wedding reception. You shouldn't make her big day about you by making a big deal about something as simple as pictures.

My two cents, having been at a friend's wedding where the photographer took photos of the bride and groom with bride's parents, groom's birth parents, groom's dad and stepmom, and groom's mom and stepdad - while I can understand why you'd have strong feelings about your boyfriend and his ex being in a wedding photo together, please remember that your boyfriend *is* his daughter's father and has been for all her life, and it would be perfectly understandable for her to want a photo with both of her birth parents. Also IMO being gracious and not insisting on separate photos would be a good step in establishing a healthy relationship with your boyfriend's daughter and her spouse, but if you insisted on separate photos, chances are that friction between you and her will just keep growing - so you have more to lose by insisting on separate photos than you do by letting her decide how she wants the photos taken. Good luck with your decision!

Those are her parents, this is her wedding. Just because her parents got divorced does not mean they stopped being her family! I am sorry to be blunt, but you are in the wrong here, even if you are paying for the pictures (I am assuming it is not just you, but HER father, that is paying?) This may sound harsh, but you need to stay out of the way and let her have things her way. Fact is, you may someday be married to her father, but she is an adult, so she probably will not really consider you a real step mom, so do not be insulted if you are not included in the photos, but there is nothing weird or wrong with 2 people being photographed with the child they created, no matter the reason, even if those 2 people are not together.

They will ALWAYS be her parents as a couple,.

But you are the one he is with.
Be the most gracious you can be. Prove to everyone you are secure in your relationship with him and with theirs.

It will be noticed and appreciated.. It took many years for any of us to accept my fathers second wife. We put her through hell, but she was always very gracious in the face of our treatment of her and we have apologized and told her she taught all of us a great lesson. My father is divorced from her, but we still loves her and consider her part of the family.
I am sending you strength.

I think you are being too tough on the daughter. She deserves to have a picture with her mom and dad, even if they are divorced. I am sure that she will have separate pictures taken of you and her dad with her, that is if she is not bitter about the fact that you have been with her dad longer than he has been divorced.. Bottom line her mom and dad divorced each other....they did not divorce her!!! She is still her mom and dad's baby. She should have a picture taken with them. I really can't see why you would think that it's not okay for them to be in a picture with her. No offense but I don't see that you have any word to say as far as her having a picture taken with her mom and dad. If anything I would think that her mom would have some ground to stand on saying that you should not be in a picture with her and her dad, since you are not her mother.

I think you need to look at this through the eyes of your boyfriend's daughter. She wants photographs taken with her parents, regardless of their current relationship status. Quite frankly, you are being immature in wanting to deny her of this. Regardless of whether or not you have been with your boyfriend for 3 years, that does not make you the mother to this girl. Nor does it change the fact that your boyfriend is her father. As her parents, they should be represented as a unit in the photograph with their daughter who recently got married. Don't ruin the reception because of your own insecurities. Back off, and let her enjoy her day - with her family.

Her parents are her parents, if she wants them in a picture together for her then I think she should have that on her special day. Then she can have one taken of herself, dad, and you. Just set back and remember it isnt all about you.

Yes, be the grown up and definitely step back. It's her photo album, her memories of her family the way it was supposed to be (for her, not necessarily for her parents!) and at least for her wedding I would let them stand together for a photo. They don't even need to stand next to each other, in my sister's wedding album the photo has my mom, my sister, my brother in law and my dad in line in front of the camera. You can tell they are uncomfortable, but, hey, guess what, it's not their day, it was my sister's! So if your hubby and his ex can swallow this pill, I think you can do it too. You'd be very gracious if you'd do that.

it is her wedding, my parents have been divorced for as long as i can remember and only have 1 picture of my mom and dad together with me and my brother that my mom would burn if i gave her the option...i would LOVE to have a picture of them together and had my mom showed up to my wedding i would've asked to have that done, she probably would've refused. i wouldn't deny that to my step kids...if she gives you guys a copy of the picture you don't have to display it.

maybe you can suggest that mom stands on one side and dad stands on the other side of her-will show cooperation, but it wont show that you really oppose the idea...i would be furious if my daughter's step mom threw a fit at me and her dad taking a picture just us 2 on her wedding day.....hopfully that's a long way from now.

it's HER day don't make a big deal of it and don't be offended by it, are you guys married?? if not, i really don't think you have a place to speak. if you are, then i would only mention something to your husband if it bother's you that bad

My step daughter's invited me AND their mom ONLY to a girls night out thing...was awekward and i was hurt cause they originally only asked me to go, but one thing i've learned through my own experience's don't deny your step children to be with their parents, that's the other parents place...and THANK GOD no she didn't show up.

Please! Please! Please! Don't ruin his daughter's wedding reception with your insecurities! Its her wedding, they are her parents. Whether they are married or not doesn't matter. She wants pictures with her mom and dad, they aren't romantic pictures of the two of them. You really need to step back and keep your mouth shut on this one.
I know you've been with him for 3 years, but she isn't your daughter and you aren't married to her dad. Therefore you don't get to be in any pictures (unless she specifically asks). Please just assume you won't be included so she won't have to feel awkward on her day.
At my wedding I wanted a picture with my mom and dad. My mom threw a fit saying she wouldn't do it. It caused a lot of bad memories for me about my wedding day. There was no need for it. Getting a picture with your daughter and her father on her wedding day shouldn't be such a big deal. But it means a lot to the child.

I think that is very wrong of you. What is wrong with her wanting a photo of herself with her mom and dad? She had her wedding out of state but is coming to celebrate with her family I think it is rather selfish of you to want to take that away from her. It is not your decision to make whether or not they have a family photo done even if they are divorced they are still a family. The only people to have a say in it are her, her mom, and her dad.

If you don't want to pay for the pictures, then don't. You are not obligated.

However, YES it is wrong for you to not want his daughter to have a wedding picture taken with her mother and father in it. They are her parents, they will always be her parents. It does not matter that they are divorced or that you are with him. In her eyes they belong together into a picture as her parents.

I think you need to examine your motives here, it sounds like you are a bit insecure in your relationship.. pictures or not, you better get used to the idea that your boyfriend will forever be connected to his ex by the children they have together. If you can't live with that you may have to find a man without "baggage" or you will make everyone involved, including yourself, miserable.
Good luck!

Please consider being the one who says "Yes, honey, please be a great Dad and be in any and all pictures you are invited to be in." The divorce and your relationship make it so important that you are the most gracious, most loving and most supportive of your boyfriend and his relationship with his daughter. You will be very happy with your positive attitude later on. My best to you.

Hi A., I am not reading any other answers so that my opinion is not wavered. I think it is perfectly reasonable for her to want pictures with both of her biological parents in it. Does she want shots of just her mother and father in the picture without herself and her new husband? Or does she want photos of herself and her parents together? Just because they are divorced does not mean that to her they are still her parents. I would let it go unless she wants a picture of the 2 of them making out, lol.

Try to put yourself in her shoes.

It's your wedding day.

You love both of your parents.

Some woman who has been with your dad for 3 years (yet your dad only got divorced 6 months ago) now is trying to tell you that "No, on one of the most important days of your life, you are NOT allowed to take pictures with the two parents who raised you".

Really...some woman who came between your mom and your dad is now telling you how your wedding pictures of you and your family are supposed to be?

I don't think you'd be down with that plan whatsoever, so back off and let the daughter decide how she wants HER special day with HER parents to be.

You should absolutely NOT prevent your boyfriend from being in his daughter's wedding picture! These are HER wedding pictures and she naturally wants HER parents in them. It is perfectly acceptable and reasonable to expect her parents to be adults and have a picture taken together for her wedding.

Since she is having professional pics taken, it may get too pricing for all the poses that I would want but maybe a personal camera (if the professional one doesn't) could also capture ones of each parent w/ the bride as well as one of the bride (and groom) w/ both your and your BF.

My parents were separated by the time I was born and I have never seen pics of me w/ both my parents until I made them both get in the picture w/ me at my graduation and again at my wedding. I also had pictures with each of them alone and with my dad and stepmom.

My son has had occassions (some birthdays, Eagle Scout Court of Honor, and graduation) where his father and I were with him, then separately each of us w/ our current spouses and again with all four parents. Do I "want" to be in pics w/ my ex? no but these poses were my idea so each would have pictures we would want to display AND having ones for my son (that is what it is all about).

I had to do this!!
My husbands daughter got married a couple of years ago, they had been divorced for 18 years. I was the wife now, but sat with my mother and father in law and even allowed my husband sit next to his ex for the ceremony (neither of us were crazy about the idea but it was for his daughter) so they could both share the joy of their daughter's day. I didn't love it much, but the pictures for his daughter were priceless to her I'm sure.
There were separate pictures of me with my husband and his daughter as well. You arent stepmother status yet so you really don't have much say in the matter, but I suggest you do the right thing for his daughter and you will feel good about it after it's all said and done. Sit with a smile on your face, this is not about you and definitely not about your b/f and his ex getting back together..... it's about the bride and her bio parents, and these things don't get to happen often to kids with divorced parents. Let it ride, it will show good character on your part and you will gain respect from all involved by not being insecure.

Whoa! It's HER day!! You are not her mom...my question is....how is it that you have been together for 3 years, but they have only been divorced for 6 months??? Sounds like you were in the "picture" long before you should have been...and you shouldn't be telling your boyfriend what to do, your not his boss and it's his daughter.

My personal opinion is that you should let them get the picture together, it's just a picture and it means way more to your step daughter than to you since she will have the memories. I don't think she will leave you out of the pictures but if she prefers it then so be it, you are with her father now so a picture shouldn't make you feel threatened in any way(unless there's more to the story) he is already divorced.
Let her have her moment with her mom and dad and everyone can move on, it's a difficult situation because if you try to stand your ground then you will end looking bad. hope it turns out ok,

It sounds like this is important to her (they are her parents after all), but I understand you being a little bit uncomfortable with it (you've been with him for 3 years and it's his ex-wife!) I think as an alternative she should maybe be in the picture with them, or have separate pictures taken (one with her and mom, one with her and dad). Did she discuss some pictures being taken of you and your boyfriend together? It should be known that you're in the picture now (no pun intended! lol) since everyone might not know they're not together anymore.

You are being unreasonable - those are her parents....she may want a picture of you and her dad with her too - who knows, but totally reasonable for her to want a picture with her parents....

Wow, looks like you hit a hot button with people! For what it is worth this is my point of view. My mother died in 2007, my Dad now has a girlfriend. Last year, my father gave back the small gift wedding album that I gave to him and my mother because he felt his girlfriend didn't like having it in the house since it showed him with my mother. This act blew me away. I understand life goes on, and past is past. But I can tell you, I do not think highly of his girlfriend for this. She has been nice to me, but this little action has always put a thorn in between us. If you value your relationship with his daughter ... don't stand in the way ... you will not be forgiven ... people only have their wedding once.Good luck in your choice!

Yes, she wants pictures with her parents... she deserves that right. It's not about her whether they are a couple or not, but a picture for the bride to be with her family.

Seriously, if you want to start out her marriage as being the bitter harpy and make everyone feel awkward and drive a serious spike in your relationship with your bf's daughter, then by all means oppose... but it would be much better if you just let the daughter have a photo with her parents, and be gracious about it.

You are paying for the pictures OR her father and you are paying for the pictures? Big difference!

These are her parents...of course she should have a picture with them both...why wouldn't she want/ expect/deserve/ and get them?

Her wedding, her family, her choice.

Sorry, you are having such a problem with this. I wish you all the luck in getting rid of your jealousy and baggage about the ex wife.

Your Man is with you now...let it go.

Its her wedding, and they are still her M. and dad. It is just a picture. Those are the memories she wants to have. You didn't say she did not want to have one with you either, so I would assume, she would take a separate one with you and her dad. I would let them take the picture. It is HER memories, not yours.

It's just a picture. Wedding and funerals are emotional times and people really remember how people reacted on those days. You want to give your boyfriend good memories of you on his daughter's big happening in life. I think it is in your best interest to let whoever needs to be in the picture to be in it.
PJ

let her get the photos. some of her mom and dad and her new hubby and some of you and her dad and the new hubby. they are her parents. you are part of the current family but those are her parents. I struggled with this also with my step daughter. the ex always wanted me husband to pick the daughter and her up and take them to do "family" things without me and our children. I said no to that but the photo is different. It is her mom and dad and taking the high road on that is the way to go.

The bride wants her pictures with her parents. Yes, it is overreacting for you to argue the issue.

Honestly, I don't think it is your decision to make. I understand why you aren't comfortable with it, but there is no harm in pictures. It is the bride's decision and up to her biological parents to work it out with her. Hopefully she will also want to take some shots together with you and her father.

It's hard for a kid to adjust to their parents' divorce, even if that "kid" is actually an adult. On her wedding day, she probably just wants to feel like a family again and put her parents' differences aside.

To echo what some others have said, you need to look at it from his daughter's point of view. She probably just want a picture with both of her parents - having nothing to do with them as a couple. I'm sure it's a bit difficult for you to accept, but it's important.
My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. At my wedding (20 years later), I really wanted both of my parents to walk me down the aisle. I was mostly raised by my mom (although I had a good relationship with my dad) and I felt it important to have BOTH of my parents walk me down the aisle rather than the traditional situation of just my father. But my dad refused because they weren't married any longer and he thought it was "wrong". I'm pretty sure he was either trying to protect my step-mom's feelings or perhaps even acting on what she'd said previously to him. So I gave up and just had my dad walk me down the aisle. My mom backed out gracefully but I would have LOVED to share that moment with her. I probably still hold a slight bit of resentment to both my father and step-mom over the matter.
So that being said, if you want to keep peace with your boyfriend's daughter, I think you should just gracefully step aside and let her have this picture. Remember, it is her day. View it as a picture of her with her both of her parents rather than her with a couple.

I know you have a lot of answers already but I had to chime in - I also have divorced parents - but they are my parents. At my wedding, I had a photo with just my mom, one with my mom & my dad, and then my dad & step mom.

It is a picture that means something to her! Let her have the picture. She could have the same photos that I had listed above.

i have to agree with other who assert that this is less about your relationship (or any assumed intimate relationship with the two of them); yet about THEIR daughter.

regardless of his current partner (you); his ex-wife will always be his daughter's mother. and if the relationship between his daughter and her mother is amicable, you might be perceived in a very unflattering light.

now, regarding "not everyone knows that her mother and father are not together anymore"; that's simple. tell them. i'm assuming you will be at the reception, correct? so that should clear up any misunderstanding.

try not to get too caught up in the "imagery" of them two posing together. if he's divorced, then it's clear he's chosen to end his relationship with her (the mother).

if you have an issue because you paid for the pictures, then i'd really suggest that you re-examine your motives for doing so. did you do it for your stepdaughter? or did you do it to have some control (not intended to be derogatory). i think you did it for your stepdaughter. and if this is the case, quite honestly, your feelings (albeit valid) really take a backseat to her wishes.

try not to worry too much :-)

When we got married my husband's dad was remarried to another woman. (he has since divorced and remarried my MIL)
I do not have a pucture of the three of them or of his mom and dad with the three kids, his sister and brother and he. It is something we wish we had.
I agree with others, step aside. It isn't your day.

You are obviously jealous of the ex. Sorry that's blunt, but I can't see any other reason why you would object to his daughter having a photo of her mom and her dad in her wedding album. My step-mom was gracious enough to insist that my dad pose for one at my wedding. Without her help, I not sure he would have done it. I truly treasure that photo. If you were in your step-daughter's shoes - you would want the same thing.

I haven't read any of the other responses yet. But if their daughter wants a picture with her mom and dad TOGETHER at her wedding i think you need to back off a little. Just because they take a picture together doesn't mean they are "together". I am divorced. My daughter is only 8 now. But she hardly EVER gets to do anything with "mom and dad" ... I can see how she is missing out :( at her wedding if she wants us to take a picture together you better believe i'll do it for her!!

A., I am sorry, but I am sitting here laughing at you for even posting this question. IT'S NOT YOUR CALL. This is HIS daughter's wedding. This is not about you. Your boyfriend was married to his ex for a very long time and long before you where ever even a twinkle in his eye, they chose to have a family together. This man and woman will share that connection for the rest of their lives. Nothing changes the fact that these are her parents. This situation makes you seem very immature. I have had two stepmother's, one of whom acted like this regarding everything. I was an adult when they married and she acted like a child with just about everything regarding MY relationship with MY father.

My advice to you is to sit back and smile. If you show any discomfort or irritation during this very happy time, your boyfriend's daughter will never forget it and it could very likely cause a deep divide in your relationship with your boyfriend.

And I have to say that unless you are paying for the entire reception out of YOUR OWN POCKET, you need to not bring up the tit-for-tat business of "even if I am paying for the pictures." If you don't want to pay out of your own money, then don't. But if it's coming from joint finances, it doesn't matter. You should be doing it for the daughter and do it without strings attached.

I don't mean to come across as harsh, but you touched a nerve with me with regards to my dad's ex-wife and I would hate for any bride to feel the tension I did on my wedding day. It's her day. Make it all about her.

Nothing wrong with it as long as you don't sit on his lap. Be adults, smile and say "Maturity" when the camera flashes. LOL!!!

She knows they are not together too. It's about getting a picture with her PARENTS; it's not about who us coupled up. Being gracious about this will be in your best interest in the long run.

I also note that, from you message, you were with her Dad BEFORE her parents divorced. Regardless of the state of the marriage, this is not meaningless to an adult child and the daughter is being gracious in including you (regardless of whether it seems that way from your point of veiw). All she has asked is for some pictures of her with her parents. It doesn't sound like she has excluded you in any way.

So let me restate...for YOU to be gracious about this now will be in your best interest in the long run. Remember it's about her parents, not about who is coupled.

good luck

Sorry but I think you're off on this one. Divorced or not, this is the bride's big day and she is entitled to have things according to her and the groom's wishes. I certainly would want a photo of me with my parents. They conceived me and raised me. And unless they were just the epitome of lousy parents, there's still a bond and love. Where you have 3 years, how many were invested with the daughter and between them? There's a lot more history there.
Please don't squelch her big day. Hopefully this is the once in a lifetime occurance and it should be as hassle-free as possible. I understand your feelings, but it does sound a little bit on the insecure side. You'll score more points by putting these petty grievances aside for the bride's sake.

My parents had been divorced for about 7 years when I got married and both had moved on with other people. They did not take any pictures together, but honestly I would have liked a picture of me with my two parents. I didn't push it because I wanted it to be a happy occasion and not make it more stressful and uncomfortable. If I had pushed and asked I am sure my parents would have obliged to make me happy, not because they were disrespecting their current partner or because they harbor secret feelings for eachother, but because they chose 25 years before to have a child together and that didn't change when they separated. I think if his daughter really wants this on her wedding day, then let it go. You do not have to have any of the pictures in your home displayed. I had been keeping this picture I had of my parents dancing when I was just a kid by my bad for years after they were divorced. I just loved that picture and it was a happy memory for me. I never would have hung it in the frontroom since it would be weird for my parents, but I was finally able to just put it away about a year ago. I love both of my parents current spouses, but you only have one mom and dad and sometimes it is hard to let that image go, even as an adult, and especially on your wedding day when you are celebrating your own marriage. I hope this helps and that you don't make a big deal out of a picture---it is nothing more than a picture with the two people who raised her, for better or worse.

Yes it is wrong. It is only pictures and they are her mom and dad. She has a right to have photo's of her parents on her wedding day. If you stand your ground you run the risk of upsetting his daughter and that can ruin your relationship with his daughter. When you marry someone with children you must be willing to share your husband with his family. He is going to have grandchildren someday so you will have to be in each others company for many years to come.

I think you should stay out of this one. I know it is hard, but they are her parents and as a bride/daughter, I would want pictures on my special day, of my parents. They do not have to be next to each other, but on either side of the bride should work. If she has separate pics of she and her parents, individually, it will serve as a reminder of their divorce, not of the happy day. I just dealt with a similar issue, my aunt and uncle have been divorced for 10 years and they each refused to come to my wedding last year, if the other attended....come on folks put your big kid panties on.

Back off, its HER wedding pictures. Now if she wanted pictures of them holding hands, kissing, embracing, that would be a thing to make a big deal about, but not just being in the same shot. Obviously he doesn't seem to think its a big deal, so let it happen.

The divorce is recent, fresh, and I'm sure (even if she won't admit this) she was hoping that they'd still be together for her wedding. My dear friend asked her parents to be in the same picture for her wedding, and he was remarried already. It was emotionally tense for the mom, but she wanted a picture of her biological parents and her and her husband, and they all got through it fine. It would've been bad if the new wife had thrown a fit, nothing like making an uncomfortable situation worse. And its not about the parents, its about those getting married.

Best wishes.

I think you may have some insecurities about your relationship to be feeling so defensive about this.

Your boyfriend and his ex are NOT getting their picture taken "together", they are getting their picture taken WITH THEIR DAUGHTER - it's not the same thing. Even if you were married to your boyfriend, her having pictures taken with her parents, even though they are ex's, would still be appropriate. My mother and father have been divorced since I was 10 - they were at my wedding and in the wedding party pictures, and I also had a picture with both of them because they are my PARENTS. I did NOT expect them to have pictures taken together other than the ones with me, nor did I expect them to interact.

Relax, step back, and enjoy the party. It doesn't matter what other people think. You need to be secure in your relationship.

I didn't read all the answers you have already gotten. When I was married my parents were newly divorced. They were married for 24 years and my wedding day had only been about two years from when the divorce was finalized. It would have meant the world to me to have a picture taken with my Mom and Dad. Not for their house of course but to put up in mine. Because at the end of the day they were my parents. They were both remarried at the time but I wish they could have been the bigger person and done that. They had so much bad blood between then we never got that picture.

thats her mom and dad, those are her parents, and im sure she will want a picture with only them. my parents have been seperated for ooh, 13 yrs now but they still have to take pics together for me and my sister. i do include my step parents in pictures. but, thats just it. they are my step parents. i love them both to death, but when it comes down to it my mom is my mom and my dad is my dad.... sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. but if you make a big deal about this the daughter will be very unhappy with you for some time!

Kids want their parents together if not in real life at least for pictures or special occasions. My cousin recently was accepting an award and had his mom and dad come up on the stage and publicly thank them. My cousin is in his late 50s, his parents has been divorsed for about 35 years, both had new sposes( 25+years married second time) sitting in the audience and cheering for them. They all did it to make my cousin's day special. My uncle told me later that he felt a bit veird to stand next to his ex wife and hold her hand and pat her shoulder - but he did it for his son, and that the history they had cannot be just dismissed or thrown away - it was the life they had.
I hope that helps.

Personally I think your not considering her feelings in this. You sound very selfish considering only how YOU would feel seeing your BF in a picture with his ex. If he's ok with it and she's (the ex) is ok with it, it really isn't any of your business and you'll only create hard feelings with your BF's daughter. Be proud of your BF that he can put aside any difference that he had with his ex and be able to support his daughter in her needs.

I agree with mostly everyone here..
Its her big day - if she wants a pic with just her mom and dad.. then so be it!
if you want a pic with her and your bf ( her dad) then get one. but you shouldnt stop her from having a pic with her parents!!!!

A. ~
Three years ago my step-daughter got married. I assumed there would be pictures with my husband and his ex, and there was, but only 1 or 2. They are her parents, regardless of their status at the time of her wedding. There were also pictures taken with my husband and I with my step-daughter & son-in-law. So everyone was included.
Who's paying for the pictures also is a non-issue. The pictures are for her, not for your boyfriend or for her mother. If you don't want a copy of that picture, don't get it. My husband and I paid for over half of my step-daughter's wedding, her mom paid for nothing, because she wasn't able to.
D.

She just wants a picture with her mom and dad. Step outside you box and let it happen.

That is her parents. I personally think it would be extremely wrong of you to not 'allow' your boyfriend to take pics with his daughter regardless of who else is in the pics with him. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't do this.

My daughter is SO resentful that her fathers wife would not allow her father to take pics with just the 3 of us (we are both remarried) on her graduation day. She has never forgiven her (4 yrs later) & her dad either. And it actually made our strong better because I (& my husband) came out looking like the mature adults who would do anything for my daughter.

Do you not have a good relationship with the daughter? This will probably make or break your future relationship with her too & possibly with her father, they may both resent you.

I think you need to put this in perspective. She wants are picture with her parents and I think she should get what she wants on her wedding day. This has nothing to do with them being together. I would step back and be supportive. It is the right thing to do.

I know it's weird but it's okay for your boyfriend's daughter to get a picture with both her parents in it. Usually those pictures have one parent on one side and one on the other with your daughter in the middle. It really doesn't signify that they are "together," only that they are both her parents.

At my wedding we had my husband's father and wife on one side of us and his mother and her husband on the other side of us. We did not take pictures with just his parents because they had been divorced for so long and both remarried. It seemed silly to us to have that, so I can understand your feelings.

The best thing is to step back and be gracious--you never know, you might be invited to be in the photos too! Just let your boyfriend's daughter have her way, as silly as it seems to you, it's important to her.

I'm a stepmom and I was once The Girlfriend of 3+ years. I can totally understand how repulsive the idea of such a picture is for you...and your boyfriend. (My husband would certainly not *volunteer* to be part of any pictures that included his child's mother.) That said, a picture of the groom with his parents is not repulsive to the groom. It is understandable that he would want this picture - and it is understandable if he wouldn't.....not all adult kids need the image of themselves with their divorced parents. I think if the request comes from him, not his mother, then it should be supported. This is not a picture of a family unit b/c such a unit does not exist...it is just a picture of the groom with the two people who happen to be his biological parents. This picture does not ever need to be in your house. While I think supporting the groom's request is ok, and the right thing to do, I think it would be very wrong of him to NOT include a picture of the family unit that includes you/groom/father of the groom (the mother is definitely not part of this family unit)...and I believe this picture should be taken no matter who is paying, but ESPECIALLY if you/father of the groom are paying. And THAT is the picture that will be displayed in your house. Also, when there are pictures of the whole family, you and stepdad should be in them.

They are her mom and dad... you should stay out of it and let them do what they want. I would want a picture with my parents, and I would get really upset at any girlfriend that tried to prevent it.

Let them take their pictures and do not voice your opinions - even if you are paying for them. They were family far longer that you have been in the picture.

please let her have photos with just her parents. do it for her. you can also be in other photos if you want, but they are her mom and dad.

My dad has taken the "we are not together so i'm not going to be in "family" pics with your mom" in the past thanks to jealous girlfriends... As a child i can say that it HURT! We now have fatherless group pictures.

No matter who is paying for them they are and will always be the genetic donors of the child...

BUT we also have group pics of mom, one of dads ex g-friends who we think of as a step mom and all of us kids...

Let HER make the decision of who's in what pics... Its a picture, not a vow... She will respect you a lot more than if you try to "stand your ground" and control this aspect of HER day...

Let her take the picture with her mom and dad!

I'd let it happen but wouldn't buy any to display in my home. If your BF wants to store one for sentimental value, I'd let him. She's not dealt with this but your taking a humble stand will help everyone deal with it. I hope your BF doesn't act like nothing has changed but it's his daughter's day and she should have what she wants. I'd just smile and keep my mouth shut - you're way ahead that way. making a stink will backfire on you.

Take the high road, and smile pretty!
Even thought my parents were divorced many years before I got married, I still wanted the same type of pictures, with my mom and dad and step parents as well.

the parents are divorced from each other not from the child. this is her special day and she should have the say about pictures. everyone else should set aside their own feelings and make the day special for her.

Updated

the parents are divorced from each other not from the child. this is her special day and she should have the say about pictures. everyone else should set aside their own feelings and make the day special for her.

it means alot to her but if mom and dad cant stand each other its not going to happen anyway. I would allow it but not have it hung in my house to flaunt it. if they cant stand each other and agree they are only doing it for her happiness. if you dont allow it you will be the bad person. let the parents work it out one or both may say no. another option is to take one of her and each parent and crop them together. and since you are the one paying for them she can pay for that pic if she wants it. but you would get good step parent points if you pay for it.

WorkinMom below said it perfectly

Hi Mama-

This situation sounds SOOOOO familiar. My Hubby (of 7 years) and I have been there and done that. In our case, it was his side that was divorced and only his father had a new significant other. His mom was and continues to be very vocal about her dislike of her ex.

That said, we asked both parents to be in a picture with us. We did this because, regardless of the status, this was his "family" and he wanted a picture just like I was getting with my family - to have both HIS father AND HIS mother in one image. I believe we also took a photo with both parents and Dad's new wife. Afterwards, we did take a picture with just Mom and this is the photo we framed and gave to her as a thank you. We also took a picture with Dad and his new wife and this is the photo we framed for them and gave to them as a thank you. However, in our photo album we used the photo of the family (without the new wife as she is in other pictures - like the table shots).

I understood and still do understand where Mom is coming from, but this day was about us and we tried our hardest to be considerate of everyones feelings while honoring our desires. I am sure that the daughter knows and understands the situation; but these are going to be her memories and she should be able to have in the photos whomever she wants. If she is anything like I was, the angst of dealing with this situation is keeping her awake at night!!

The best thing you can do is be honored at being included in the event and smile nice for ALL the photos. If, when everything is done, you have not been included, gently ask her if one could also be taken seperately with her father and you and ask her for a copy of that photo since that is the one that will mean the most to you and your significant other. It may be as simple as being overwhlemed at trying to get all the "right" shots and she accidentally forgets.

Best of luck!
~C.

Don’t feel bad, because I can totally see where you are coming from, that is VERY awkward for you and if people don’t even know they are split up, that makes it even more awkward that you have to deal with people thinking they are one big happy family. I cannot see myself allowing that, lol BUT the big picture is I can see where other people are saying be the bigger person, do it for the daughter. To her they are her parents and that’s what is dear to her. It doesn’t mean they are back together or your husband loves her still but its just more about thinking about the daughters feelings. MAYBE what you should do is do a picture like that, of her and her parents and then do one of you, her dad, and her and then on of her mom, her and her moms new man if she has one. Or hell if you get along one of all of you together-its 2012...most every family is a blended family these days anyway! Good luck!

My husband, whose parents divorced many years ago, wanted pictures with his mom and dad on the day of our wedding and they obliged although his mom seemed very awkward about it. I think it was a nice gesture on their part. The wants of the bride and groom are more important than your own on this day. Let her have it as she wants, and even if it hurts you, take a big gulp and smile it off. Heck, you can reward yourself for being a good sport about it with a nice glass or wine or two, and some playful ribbing to your guy later about how nice you were about the whole thing, with an expected award for your efforts! Vegas, maybe? :-)

Wow that is sticky, especially the part you are together for 3 years and they are divorced for only 6 months. So they had children and many years of marriage. I do believe the child should get a picture of her and mom and dad together. And if she wants a pic of you, dad and her together since you are her new family. Divorce does not mean forgotton...he will always have her on his mind. Look at the years..... he didnt walk out on her and their children, maybe they still want a good relationship for the kids. I' have been divorced for 23 years and just last weekend I sat down to supper with my daughter and her father. We get along very well. We did this for her. And it made everyones life go by easier. I think you should support him on this and make it a happy day for all of you.....

I know this is a hard situation, but I think you should let it be. Let the daughter have pictures with her mom and dad. It's her wedding and she didn't get to have her mom and dad there to celebrate, so now she just wants a couple pictures of them together. As much as it's difficult, the best thing you could do is step back and be gracious. Maybe, if your boyfriend is willing, he could ask his daughter after she gets the pictures she wants if they could do a picture with the three of you (you, him and her) for his own. That might make you feel better. But make sure it's him that asks, not you. Again, the best thing you can do is just smile and be gracious, even if you are gritting your teeth the whole night. It's just one night, and he's with you. Just keep reminding yourself. And your graciousness will go along way toward family harmony, which lasts a lot longer than one night.
Good luck!

I would do all you can to support her on her big day. tell her do what you want its your day? I bet she'll want a picture with you because your totally supporting her. You will come out looking the best and it will only grow as you continue in your relationship with his daughter. There is nothing better than being classy and not the person causing the problems. zip it and smile .

A.---You have to get over it and let the pictures happen as your boyfriend's daughter wants them. Her parents are divorced, you have a 3 year relationship with the man. If you can't stand him being in the same picture with his ex, I think you have much bigger issues to resolve. Relax. You don't want to develop a strained relationship with the daughter and her new husband. Please take a deep breath and enjoy the day, for your BF and his daughter's sake.

Good luck. D.

A wedding is about the bride and groom. Even though her parents are divorced they are still her parents.

It may be difficult for you, but yes you should stand back and let the picture be taken with her parents.

She will have, and I believe your boyfriend as well, so much respect for you. You will come out shining by being unselfish and letting his daughter get the picture she wants.

I think ur making a big deal out of nothing. I also think you should back off and let the pictures be taken. You make it sound like there gonna kiss or something. It's only pictures and hes with you know so at least relax and enjoy the night without making trouble. I have a on my hubbies side his parents are seperated and his dad can't stand the ex which is my hubbies mom and they still take pics together and there other halfs don't say anything. Its not a big deal. I feel your over reacting. Now if your new hubbie has said to you theres still sparks he feels than thats something different but really when two people divorce theres a reason and most of the time they can't stand to be around wach other any way.

My parents are divorced and at my wedding we took pics of me, husband and mom then me, husband and dad and then one pic of me husband mom and dad and step mom.

I think you are creating a bigger issue out of it, IMO. I TOTALLY agree with Ellis. "To her they are simply "mom" and "dad". She doesn't view them as "Ex'es". I say you need to stand back and all her to have a wedding pic of her mom and dad.

Good luck!

I did not read through the 62 responses...sorry if I am repeating. Let the poor girl get a picture with her mom and dad. I doubt that she thinks that she can get them back together by snapping a pic. There is something to be said about having a picture of you and your parents on your wedding day, regardless if they are married or not! You are making this a much bigger deal than it needs to be. And I would venture to guess that you are going to cause MAJOR drama if you try and step in here.

You are wrong.
My parents divorced 3 years before I got married.
I wanted a picture with my parents....its my wedding day, and they are my parents. It is not wrong for a child to want a picture with their parents.

i would let the bride have her parents together...they made her therefore i think a picture of the 3 of them is fine. If they got a divorce i wouldnt owrry about anything. if she wants more pictures taken of the father ask if she would like any pictures taken with the curent girlfriend.

As a child from divorce I would NEVER ask my bio parents to have. Pic done together!! They are no longer together and I repsect their choice, although there was a time I wanted them back together I realize as an adult that was never an option.

As the step parent with a step daughter, I too would he horrified at the thought of my husband getting a pic taken with his ex wife, their daughter should respect the fact there are reasons they are not together