I posted last week that I was thinking about going and seeing a house a friend really likes and wants.
Today at a party the women's husband told both hubby and I , at different times, that we should go look at the house and buy it if we like it, that he will get her over any hump she might have. He said it wasn't going to happen for them, and he'd hate to see us miss out on a great house because of his wife's "dream."
Would you go see the house? it is a great house, great price, great location, has everything. (the location is great if you homeschool, as the town isn't known for it's great schools). We saw a house like it today, they were both doing open houses. We skipped my friend's house though.
Hubby is warming to the street, as it's location is great.
We do homeschool, so I'm not worried about the school. Second, the location has everything I want (a nice piece of land, walk to train, library, etc). We have not found a house, and I do like this town a great deal. I think it would be a good fit for us. The high school rates a 9, btw, so it's just one questionable elementary school, one rates a 7, the other a 5.
The hubby brought it up because at the open house yesterday the Realtor tried to get us to go see my friend's house. I told her a friend wanted to buy it, so we weren't looking at it. The Realtor said," tell your friend to bring any offer!" I told my friend this, and her hubby overheard. He was shacking his head in the background, saying, "it's not going to happen." He then discussed it individually with hubby and I later. The long and the short of it that my friend bought and remodeled her in-laws house 1,5 years ago. Financially, they cannot afford to buy another house right now, but my friend wants a bigger house. When they did the remodel, they got plans for a second story, etc. They couldn't afford the bigger house then, and they can't afford it now either. This is what her husband told me, btw.
I told her I wouldn't look at it because I thought they were going to buy it. They aren't moving, they aren't looking to move, they can't afford to move. I will of course ask her if it's OK with her before I see it, but I was just curious if people's thoughts on this matter would change given the new information. In short, my friend isn't even in the housing market, so does this mean that a house she likes is off limits?
TF you are out of line. No one is talking behind her back, and I have discussed the finances with these friends. We are good friends, comfortable enough with each other that talking money doesn't matter. You are out of line assuming we are doing anything more than trying to not hurt her feelings, and again, we weren't talking behind her back. I honestly don't know why you people seem to love to create negative assumptions thinking the worst of people.
I am planning on discussing all of this with my friend tomorrow. It will be the first chance we've had to see each other without tons of other people around, and we are in-person friends that don't email or call, etc. Thanks for the suggestion to really watch her body language.
Personally I would have to clear it with my friend first. Only because you and she already talked about it and you said you would NOT look and gave reasons why you wouldn't look.
Yes, I'd go see the house. If you don't you'll always wonder what you might have missed. Anyway you may decide on a different house. If you do buy it deal with an issue if there is one. I like the saying about not borrowing trouble.
I answered in the last post that I would stand by my word because my when I give my word, I will stand by it.
It sounds as if some things have changed... BUT... I would never buy a house in a school district that is not so good or on a road that I hated.
For starters, not everyone homeschools and a HUGE deal breaker for me would be a good school system. We purposely paid MORE to be in our school district in order to guarantee a better education for our daughter.
We are empty nesters and still.... if I relocated, it would be in a good school district because the next person looking for a home might have children and be looking for a good district plus my property values are higher because of the school district.
I feel bad for your friend because it appears that you, your hubby and her hubby are all talking around her and negating her feelings. I have close friends but they don't know my business (especially financial) like you seem to believe you know about this person's business. It doesn't help because her husband is talking behind her back. I feel sorry for her.
My definition of a friend would not be someone who is out to prove they can one up me and dangle their money in my face. Don't underestimate her, she may have something in her back pocket that you don't know about.
Good friends are hard to come by and I treat them like I want to be treated.
ETA: I am sorry if you feel I am out of line but when I read the body of your post...... the husband was "shaking his head", said he would "get her over the hump, and calling it her "dream".... You are having conversation with your hubby and her hubby and she is left out of the conversations... .. I take that as someone talking behind her back.
Either way... best wishes on your new house when you find one.
My therapist and I are reeeealllly looking forward to your closing date! Then we can both dry out a little. So my advice is YES, please God, yes, buy this house! It's clear why you don't have any friends or family anyway! No worries!
And I never thought I'd see the day that TF was called "out of line"! Hehehe!
:)
J....
I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. To be honest, your house searching posts are growing old. I'm NOT being mean - but really. I think someone told you to sh*t or get off the pot. I think you need to do this.
What I find so frustrating is that you have stated:
"I should add that chances of us buying it is around 8%. It's on an ugly culdesac road, the kind hubby hates. I'm just talking about looking at it, and we probably won't, since there is a nice farm house nearby that is way more us...."
Why not go for the Farm House? WHY oh WHY are you fixated on **THIS** house? It's almost like the child syndrome where mommy said "NO" so you HAVE to do it anyway...because your mom said NO so it MUST be good. Make a decision...go against your word and look at the house and buy it - even though you have stated there is only an 8% chance you would - which many found an odd percentage...
Did you stop to think for a second that the husband of your friend is testing you and your word??? Giving you a story and see if you will go against what you said?? My friendship and word mean more than a less-than-perfect home. I say less-than-perfect - because really - you stated 8% chance to buy it...
Here's some red flags for me.
1. You stated it's a seller's market there in Chicago. Okay GREAT!
a. That means LOW inventory and LOTS of buyers...
b. IF that house is SOOO awesome...it would have multiple offers on it..and sold already..
2. You CANNOT change the street. You can't. Your husband might be "warming" to the "...ugly culdesac road, the kind hubby hates." but the minute something goes wrong??? He will HATE it...
3. School district ratings matter to those who do NOT home school. So re-sale? Might be tough - which takes me back to #1B....people are paying attention...
So again...I will reiterate what I said to one of your other posts on this...
I WOULD NOT entertain the house - because my word and friendship are more important.
GO buy the farm house that is more your style. Stop making excuses...sh*t or get off the pot. Make a decision.
I can't wait til you buy a house. Seriously.
I'm not understanding why you can't simply have a direct conversation with your friend?
I don't believe in any one "perfect" house. Houses are like most things in life - what you make of it. And there are houses everywhere.
I would not want to live with the icky feeling of possibly hurting a friend, but I wouldn't mind talking to her about the situation especially since her husband brought it up to you guys. That being said - him telling you that it's OK is not the same as HER telling you that it's OK. And even if she tells you she's NOT OK with it and you still buy the house, at least you known where you stand. I don't like all this triangulation and rationalization on the sidelines.
Also, I've generally found that it is a bad idea to discuss financial issues in great detail (including homes), with friends. There is just too much potential for problems - even problems you don't anticipate.
JMO.
I guess I wonder why if you are such good friends that you can talk money (how much one can afford for a home), you can't tell her you really want to look at this house. And it is a little weird that her husband talked to you and your husband about it, but she wasn't there. I would think if she was as okay with it and on board with it as her husband, she would tell you the same thing.
Honestly, you've asked a lot of questions about buying a house, and I think we all know it can be stressful, but at some point you just have to pick what works for you.
I'm with Theresa on this one...just go buy a house already.
i just can't imagine really telling a friend 'i'd like to have this house even though i can't buy it, so you can't have it either.'
haven't you clarified the situation with her yet?
i'm really surprised that it's gone from an 8% chance (still giggling over that particular stat) to your absolute favey. is the house in the woods off the radar now?
khairete
S.
I think the way the husband spoke to you about it without her there is weird.
Why not just be direct and tell her?
"you know that house I said I wouldn't go see? Well now it has been talked about so much I had to see it for myself. Curiosity got the best of me, and funny thing now we are considering it........"
Otherwise the drama is just building and making it hard to make a clear decision.
Also, so true what other posters said about resale and school districts.
Good luck!
You already posted that the road is a deal-breaker for your husband, right?
And unless you truly, seriously WILL homeschool--why waste time and energy looking this house?
If you get a crush on this dream house, you will either get it (a really dumb decision that affects your children's education, which needs to trump all else....doesn't it? /and you don't sound like homeschooling is the priority for you--the house is), or you will just feel upset and hurt that you can't have that house ....Either way you lose. I would not bother to see it, period.
Since this is your second post about this house, please either decide that you do not have time to waste looking at house with two HUGE "no" factors against it, or just go see the house and get this drama over with . It really has turned into drama -- friendships at risk! Husbands going behind wives' backs to convey Vital Information! Constant conflict over whether you should or shouldn't!
Please just either commit to not seeing this house or go see it and take your tissues when it breaks your heart. Why are you still asking "should I or shouldn't I"?
I wouldn't buy a house in a less than desirable school district.
If you are looking in the Chicago area I'm wondering why you would look at an area with poor schools. There are too many options to settle. A poor school district absolutely impacts your home value.
I thought you already had one picked out that you really liked. Why go look at this one that will hurt your friend if you decide you want it? I'd not even bother.
Seriously, why all the hoopla over this? You're in the market for a house, she's not. I really can't see her telling you not to look at a house and being serious about it. Are you sure she wasn't kidding. If you don't buy it someone else will, if it's all that. I would think she'd be happy for you. I know you're a homeschooler but if the school district really is that bad then it'll bite you in the behind when you try to sell, something to consider. Just let her know you're going to look at it. Chances are you may not even like it. Housebuying is a huge task, it's not "just buy a house already".
Didn't you already say you didn't like the cul de sac it was on?
Or is it looking better as compared to what else is available?
When we were looking, we looked at a wide variety of houses/neighborhoods/yards/etc then narrowed the list down to a few favorites and looked those over again.
It's hard enough to find a place that will make both you and your Hubby happy.
Take a look and see if you can eliminate it or if it is 'the one' you've been looking for.
If you're friend can't afford it, her 'dream' is more of a delusion and you can't make decisions around that.
ETA:
If your chances if buying it are 8% and it's on an ugly street, and you know for certain your friends are NOT moving....
Why in the HECK would you "look" at it?
I don't get it.
I do hope you close a deal soon.
I feel like every "regular"on here is going to agree on thd perfection of he house AND deal before you commit! Lol
Do you have this much trouble with every decision in your life?
--------------
Do you homeschool?
Otherwise, why bother?
Sorry confused...
"Not known for it's great schools" would pretty much check it OFF the list for me.
There are two issues - your friend and whether this house is right for you. In terms of your friend, like someone said, talk to her and read her body language. If she's rational and there really is little chance they will buy it, she shoudl be ok with you buying it. Of course, it depends a little what type of person she is. Does her whole world revolve around her house and she's competitive? If so, she likely will never really get over this even if she says she will. Is she easy going and not materialistic and very matter of fact? Then she probably would be ok with it. Second, you have been all over the place with where you are going to live. I thought the country? Then there was that farmhouse that is much more "you guys". Your husband hates this crappy street etc. So I don't know about the house itself. I do get if there are a lot of suburbs to choose from, opinions can change the more you look. I get that. But this house is obviously cheaper bc of the schools and the ugly street. That street btw might bug you every time you drive on to it... But in terms of the schools, buying on the assumption you will homeschool for the next 12 years or more really is a big assumption. Homeschooling one 6 year old (5 or 6 or 7?...) is one thing. Homeschooling 3 kids as they get older is another. My sister lives where the public schools aren't good. Her kids have been in a expensive private school. As they get older, they are BEGGING to just go to public school. They want bigger, more kids etc. Your kids might start to hate being home schooled. They may not, but they may. If they do or you can't handle 3 or one has some special needs etc, you're stuck without a good public school option. I'd try to avoid that. Options are always good.
If she isn't going to buy it, then why shouldn't you?
I would definitely go see it. If you like it, have a conversation with your friend. If they plan to make an offer, you absolutely step back and let them have it. But, if both she and her husband say they have no plans to purchase the house, you're free to make an offer if you want. Just go into it knowing that, even if you love it, you may have to pass and let your friend move forward. It never hurts to look though, especially if it has the potential to be a great move for you.
Of course I would look! You can't base your huge life decisions on a friend's fantasy. Her husband said it's not going to happen for them. She will get over it eventually and find another place she can focus on.
I wouldn't have told my friend that I wouldn't view her 'dream house' in the first place.
I think you should go see the house. You certainly make it seem like you want to. And you did mention in an earlier post that your friend wouldn't *really* care and that looking at the house wouldn't ruin your friendship so go for it.
Go see it! If you love it and get it, I'm sure your friends will be very happy for you.
It's your friend's dream house, not yours. I don't see you gushing about anything except the drama of it. Since there's more drama than dream about the house, skip it and get over it. Move on.
The more you talk about this realtor the less I think of her. Switch realtors and expand your zip code search.
I'm glad that you did not allow the bullies to stop you from seeking advice on this.
Talk to your pal. Gauge her body language. Honestly, I think she'd be jealous and pissed. I'd not gamble my friendship on it.
