Acceptable Ways of Dealing with Those You Don't like in Your House

I am having roast pork with 'kraut', macaroni, and mixed veggies for dinner tonight.

Yesterday, my youngest daughter danced a 'solo' dedicated to me..and pete (my SO who died)...It was to the song "Talking To the Moon"...and it was SPECTACULAR!

Sometimes...just as when MY kiddos were 'toddlers'...I find 're direction' can be a helpful tool.

**just saying**

Best luck!

My husband's grandparents have an awesome plaque in their house. It reads, everyone who enters this house brings joy, some by coming, some by leaving.

Does that help you?

Best,
F. B.

I don't think anyone bullied you in the last post. As others have said on here, the house questions are getting to be a bit much. It's not even just one every now and then, it's all consuming. Yes, we can bypass them - which I do for most of them - but honestly, give it a rest.

Go look for the house you want, buy the house you want, and everything else will fall where it will.

And if you don't like it, just move on. No one is being a bully. People are giving you honesty and you just don't appreciate it. But like Christy Lee, I teach my children honesty is the best way to go.

Wow, I go away for a couple of hours!!

I missed the last couple of hours because I just found out a dear friend died suddenly yesterday morning. I'm kind of in shock at the moment. We've been dear friends for 20 years and neither of us were privy to each other's personal information within our marriages.

I assume I am the so called "bully" you are referring to since you scolded me in your SWH on the other post. I still don't get what I said as out of line.

Honestly, I gave my opinion based on your post. That is not bullying.... If I were "bullying" I would be making threats to you, your family, terrorizing you.... which I did not and would not because I am not that type of person. I am honest and I will speak as though you are right in front of me when I type my answers. I am a person of my WORD.

I stand by my answer... and I add.... I think your friend's husband should be ashamed of himself for talking about his wife behind her back. My husband is my partner and we don't talk about each other, our financial situation, our plans for the future or our personal lives with other acquaintances. We have more respect for each other than that.

I truly wish you the best in finding your perfect spot to call home.

Pssst come on over here for a minute and let me explain something. When you ask a bunch of strangers a question on the internet you will get answers you may or may not like. You are only giving them part of the whole story (since your point of view may differ from others in the same story) and only sharing what you choose to share. When you get an answer from a complete stranger that you don't like it's not bullying. It's a difference of opinion. There's an old saying that everyone is entitled to their own wrong opinion so instead of being a victim admit that not everyone is going to see things your way and get on with life.

Bullying is currently the buzz word that everyone is throwing around when situations arise. You, dear J. were not bullied by anyone on this site. There was a difference of opinions. Since you are home schooling your children please learn the difference.

Well, since this question is really just a way to discuss replies you don't like, I will reply that this isn't your house... Maybe your question should read "at school" - a place you have a right to be and in that case a need to be but it's not yours... I find some answers on here really mean too. I have been hurt. Sometimes it's bc people don't even read the question right and that's really frustrating. In this case, if people are tired of your house questions, they can just skip them. It's like the "am I pregnant?" question. I just skip those. Why belittle the poster? Just skip it. In this case, I don't mind your house questions really as I love love love house hunting. :) People who don't can skip them. What I have found offputting though as Wild Woman put it, is your bragging about your husband's big income and your real estate agent making a TON of money on your 1200 sq foot house and things like that. It honestly just sounds foolish. You're in your 40's and have student loans... You live in a 1200 sq foot house and I don't care what town it's in. People with money in NYC and San Francisco and Beverly Hills with probably the highest per sq foot cost in the country don't live in 1200 sq feet with 3 kids... (And I forgot you were stressed about your downpayment) So there are people on here with actual real money that roll their eyes at your claims of "big earner". You're bragging yet to some of us it's so misplaced which makes it more annoying. And the way you were kind of mocking this house bc of the ugly street just doesn't go over well. So some people are just mean in their replies and some are just reacting to how your posts are worded...

Wow. The word bullying is way overused in our society. There was no bullying there. No one was trying to make you do anything. Bullying is a repeated effort to control the victim through physical violence or emotional or social cruelty. Do you teach your children that every unkind word is bullying? You know as well as anyone that there are strong opinions on this site and multiple interpretations. If you don't like something someone says here, ignore it.

Have a better day...

I have shied away from here bc I think people can be mean. And some replies to you were. But I do read for entertainment and have to say my jaw has dropped at how you brag at the same time you are stressing about money many wouldn't have to. I know this is all hard to hear but I hope you kind of think about it. I have been very turned off at your ego though same time you seem like a nice person. Perhaps very conflicted and that's something to think about for your own peace of mind. It's not only money you brag about though same time seem not to have enough. It's how home schooling is th best but then you'll post how hard it is or something. Or I remember a post asking why everyone doesn't have a lot of children. It was rather high and mighty and then you'll be posting a week later how you're falling to pieces. Your husband doesn't help enough etc. So much pushing of your beliefs, why doesn't everyone live like I do? yet very opposite posts later. You are in the thick of three kids so it's understandable but it also can rub people the wrong way after a while. At least that's how I feel. So by the time you wrote about your friend and the ugly street, I shook my head. There are so many people on here with way more money as evidenced by no mortgage or something who don't talk the way you do. This is an anonymous site so you can say things here you might not say to friends. But you still have to think how it will come across. And I agree no one is bullying bc you don't have to ask these questions. I mean all this well even though I'm sure some of this is mean. But I've followed your posts and have the same feelings about how you seem to brag with little to back it up. So I would think about it if I were you.

Eta: no one is perfect and sorry if this is hurtful. As I said though, there is a pattern and it does seem to be an area for you to think about. We all have them.

Eta 2: seriously? People are giving you something real to think about and I can see being upset but your SWH is some cryptic one liner? I'm done.

Hi J.. Actually my kids already know better than to endlessly post a lot of very personal information on the internet so we don't have your problem.

And since they're not self-impressed pompous bores, they'd be likely to giggle at anyone (much less a complete stranger) who pokes fun at them. And then use their common sense, like they'd think "duly noted".

I suppose there are some occasions where when your opinion is asked you should not answer, or you should not answer honestly, but an anonymous web site is not really one of them.

It's been my experience that kids learn the most from modeling, so perhaps you can find a homeschool lesson that will teach how the internet is not the same as your close circle of friends and family, and you ALL could get help!

I also think you might be better off finding a home buyers support group, afterall, this is a parenting site.

Best to you!

:)

Sigh. Please don't use the word "bullying" so lightly. You are an adult, willingly exposing yourself to the opinions of strangers online. Real bullying happens every day, to kids who are NOT willingly exposing themselves, kids who are just going to school and riding the bus and trying to make it from place to place without being attacked, emotionally, socially or physically. Throwing this word around just belittles and diminishes their very real and serious struggles. Being here is a choice, so in no way is it possible to be bullied.
Okay, off my soapbox.
Now, in regards to your question. We generally don't have people we don't like in our house. If we have a difference of opinion we agree to disagree and change the subject. That's what I do and that's what I've taught my kids.

"I try to teach my kids to pass by what they just cannot like" So you go with do as I say not as I do? Clearly you just started a post to pick at a sarcastic response so you are not passing on by.

See how I had passed by your millionth post about finding a home.... And you didn't even notice. Apparently ignoring annoying people doesn't work.

By the way, pointing out you are getting annoying with the redundant house questions is not bullying, it is stating an opinion. Just as we have to put up with your inane questions you have to put up with our less than favorable answers.

I mean you do get that don't you? You are annoying. People have politely posted that, over and over, now the polite is gone, but you keep posting. Why do you feel you have a greater right to this site than those that are sick of your questions?

Shame one of the rules here isn't someone can't keep asking the same question over and over and over....

Oh, why is this answer a bit harsh? Well J. G here called a friend of mine a bully which she is anything but. Some of us defend friends.

I skimmed through your posts. I wonder why you keep posting when you think some answers are posted by bullies? Why do you keep asking the same question? One thought is that you can't take ownership of your own decisions unless other's agree with you. Or you can't make a decision at all and the difference in answers confuse you. Frustration and anger are sometimes the result of not understanding. Another possibility is you and your husband disagree and you're looking for confirmation you're right.
Because you post more information that is something different then your
first post I wonder if you're setting us up to be wrong. Or maybe you just like to fight. Perhaps your life is boring and you're trying to spice it up.

My take on all this is that for some reason you are showing us that you are not a healthy person who deserves put downs. I suspect you'll call my post as bullying. That is a start for you to figure out why you are doing this in spite of the negative and somewhat mean responses. Your posts aren't working out for you. Get some help so you can be healthy and happy.

I just reread this post. I suggest you're modelling the opposite. You are not walking by what you don't like. You judge people's responses. You are not caring or considerate. You keep stirring up dissension. If your life is chaotic like your post, in kindness I urge you to get help.

Enough already. Get over yourself J.. Buy your house, take care of your family and treat others as you would like to be treated. Simple really.

I've taught my children that honesty, even though it might feel uncomfortable to hear, is far better than being passive aggressive.

It seems like, over the past 3 months, you've found at least 10 homes that you've posted about (I count 22 posts about real estate, home repair or moving since 11 January). And each of these homes has some weird story (too small for someone, another friend's family likes it, it's by the railroad tracks, whatever).

J., I get that you're searching for the perfect home, and that finding it, preparing to move, and selling your home can be difficult. But many of us are honestly tired of hearing about it.

ETA: I just wanted to add, I find the title of your question to be interesting. Because this isn't "your house." I can't help but wonder at your word choice.

ETA2: The number of people agreeing with the so-called-bully should give you some indication of what the MMP community thinks of your posts. As Felinestroller says, "Just saying."

I'm with Felinestroller W.....

It's Spring break at our house and a GORGEOUS day on the California coast.

Made zucchini muffins last night and they're almost gone! BBQ tonight: mahi mahi with tropical salsa, asparagus and roasted potatoes.

We were entertained in our living room last night too. Both girls had the singing bug. From pop songs to the national anthem we heard it all. Such pretty voices and so much fun, nothing sweeter to me than that sound.

Switch gears and things have a way of coming into focus. Redirect J.!

ADDED: Great SWH...Way to take the good advice you've been offered and turn the tired old page. So mature.

J.,

I'm sorry - how are you being bullied?

You come to this board FREELY and willingly. I, for the most part, like you even though we have never met in person...however...your house hunt questions are getting tiresome. Sorry that offends you or hurts your feelings.

How do I teach my kids to deal with people or situations that are not what they want? I ask simple questions -

did you start the situation?
what have you done so far to fix it?
Can you apologize? Even after apologizing it will NOT make it go away. It will NOT change it and erase it. So you need to learn from it and mean your apology.

I'm sorry - judgement is part of human nature. It's what keeps us alive...well - it used to until we became a nanny state where the government needs to protect you from yourself...so we teach our children to look at the WHOLE picture...words..actions...deeds....and decide (or judge) whether or not we want these people in our lives...

Do we use sarcasm? Yes.
Has belittling happened? Yes. Are we proud of it NO. However, we LEARN FROM IT.

Why not flip this around. How many house questions have you asked? You're upset because people are saying ENOUGH ALREADY...right? Well, maybe there's some truth there, right?

Have you thought of how others might see or perceive you??? You've asked about people's incomes and savings...then you have gone on about the house hunt and getting yours ready for sale...however...you contradict yourself as you are a saver...but you are concerned about not having the down payment...you brag (it's how others might see it) that your real estate agent is going to make TONS off your sale...and you want to negotiate rates...you state your husband is a huge bread winner...but then again - you contradict yourself...as you are stressing over payments, down payments, etc. This is just what I see. I get buying a home is stressful. Getting a home ready to sell is stressful. and you are looking for answers. You are getting them and not seeming to like them.

In regards to this house and your friend...I'm sorry. people have told you what they would do and you don't like those answers. I just stated earlier today that this house is like the "child syndrome" mommy said NO so I HAVE TO HAVE IT...even though LOGICALLY - you've already surmised you won't buy it...but you are harping on it...like a dog with a bone...that's MY opinion....

So with this post - after ALL my book writing - you are frustrated because people are not telling you what you want to hear. You are offended that people liked a response and consider it bullying...remember you come to this site. YOU post the questions...you aren't always going to get answers you like!!

Sorry!!

The lesson that I teach my children that I find most applicable here is " two wrongs never makes a right".

I am not saying that people were wrong in the way they responded, I honestly didn't read every response that you received so I can't really say that no one was rude or off base. But even if your opinion is valid and people were being rude to you, that does not make this post ok. You are calling people bullies and questioning their mothering ability all because you didn't like how they replied to you. How is that any better than a rude response?

It seems to me you are looking for approval from others to go ahead and look at this house. For the most part you are not receiving that approval from the posters here. Instead of getting combative, maybe you should look elsewhere.

Why does it offend you if people are tiring of your house hunting saga?
It's a stressful time - there are lot's of decisions to be made - I get that (I've been through it a few times) - but you're rehashing and rethinking and you seem to be caught up in some sort of feedback loop and you are distracting yourself with friends opinions/dreams and online social sites.
Maybe you should stay put for a year or two if you can't make a decision.
Deciding shouldn't be this hard to do.
Don't ask people what you should do, inform them what you have done.

I live with my husband and son and I love (and like) everyone in my house.
We can have discussions and even arguments and still love/like each other.
Sometimes you just have to agree to disagree.
Sometimes you just have to have a thicker skin and let it roll off your back.
If you don't let it roll off, then you are carrying it - and it's not worth the energy to carry that weight/baggage around.
There's no such thing as a non-judgmental human being.
To have standards means you judge what is acceptable to you and what isn't.

And I hope you realize that by drawing attention to what is bugging you that you've pretty much guaranteed that there will be even more flowers for that comment that is irking you so.

This is easy. No one lives in my house that I don't like.

Oh J., the childish drama you post so repetitively.

You love to attempt to be the strong personality in a room, and you love to try to appear to be the intelligent personality in the room but you clearly can't handle other strong women giving strong and valid opinions and you fall short in so many other ways. Sorry, honey, but we're not the ones who have been doing the bullying.

When you find that people are responding to you a certain way in certain posts, did you ever stop to think that maybe, just maybe, it's not Everyone Else that's the problem? It's pretty consistent, after all. Think about that.

Maybe it's actually you.

Now this, my friends, is actual trolling...

You post a question that seems legitimate just to get a rise out of people (not an over the top obviously ridiculous question). I think Jules has accomplished her task.

I teach my kids that your word is golden. I teach my kids to treat others with respect. I teach my kids if someone is not being kind, walk away ~ no need to get revenge.

How are you different? You told your friend you are not interested in the house and will not look at it. You are not respecting your friend by keep posting here on this board looking for encouragement to look at the house, in which you are now obsessed with this house. I have many dear friends, it would never occur to me to have to repeatedly post about them....I would have enough respect for them to go directly to them. You are not being kind by calling someone a bully, a term that you should know how to use......and there is clearly no bullying going on. Definitely some not so nice posts, but clearly not bullying.

Also, on my block there are 3 houses for sale. All have sold within 1 week. One that I know of had 3 offers. For someone that boasts about a husband that makes 3 times the annual salary, has a fat savings account, maxes out all retirement etc etc, why in the world would you even consider buying in a bad school district? even if it's 'just' elementary. I just don't get it.

If you were being "bullied" on this site it would need to be "unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose."

To call a difference of opinion "bullying" is a little stretch, IMO.

You asked for opinions. You got them.
Keep in mind that must of us here have already made a very similar decision in life without needing affirmation from dozens of virtual strangers.
Heck, I have a relative that just made an offer on a house this past weekend without mentioning it to ANY family members.
The house questions and your perceived "obstacles" are wearing thin. I'm sorry. Good luck.

Who's the bully? I just read all the answers and can't find one. I need to know who to give my flower to!

Oh dear, harsh words and feelings all around. I'm staying out of this one...except to say that J. G., I'm surprised at the tone of what I'm seeing directed at you. I'm as blunt and sarcastic as they get but a couple of the responses really made me cringe and I don't think they are warranted. Try not to take it personally.

Have a nice day everyone!

I had been taking a break from Mampedia, but your house posts have sucked me back in. Better drama than my soap opera!

I'm sorry to say I missed all the drama on this, so I'm zeroing in on just this and your last post. I haven't been online a lot and I didn't notice there were a lot of house posts, and honestly, it's your right to post as many as you want and people can skip them.

Anyway. Friend drama aside. I did not go back and read all your posts, but are you the one who was depressed a while back because you hate suburbia and you want to go somewhere where you can mow the lawn in nature all day...or something similar?

If so: Forget the cul-de-sac house. Just forget it. It hasn't been THAT LONG since you started looking at houses. We took a couple of years to find one that was "really us". And we were living in a crappy apartment while looking.

Ugly street? Hubby hated it? Don't do it. Bad school district? NOPE!!!!! I homeschool too but I'm never moving to a bad district again. We have a beautiful big old house but will have to move by middle school/ high school because I'm not planning to homeschool forever. Plus, even if I was planning to homeschool forever, life might intervene and I may not be able to if I need to work full time one day or whatever. But it's going to be hard to sell our big old family house for a decent price and move to better district... WHY?? Because we're in a shitty district and the good district costs more!!!! DON'T DO IT.

You can do better. The friend drama could be handled with some direct communication, but it's a nice perk that you wouldn't bum out your friend if you just let this house go. Give it time. House hunting is difficult unless you have unlimited funds. You shouldn't have to talk yourself into wanting the house. There will be problems and you will be stuck there-especially if it's a bad district. You'll know the perfect house when you see it. Be patient. Save up some more money if possible, you shouldn't even be considering a move to a bad district, homeschooling or not.

If the high school rating is OK, then...meh...maybe. But if hubby is paying, don't put him on an ugly street he hates. Too many strikes against this place and no need to rush.

there are a million billion trillion homes for sale right now. find another one and stop whining.

The same way that I choose to ignore the umpteen million "could I be pregnant" questions or troll questions, because they annoy me, we are all free to click or not click your posts. If I click it knowing I'm going to be annoyed by it, that's on me. I click what interests me, not what annoys me.

I will say that once I figured out about the flowers a couple of months ago & techno-idiot that I am, I've been reading/posting here for several years--I started sending them when I liked someone's reply. And then I realized that I had flowers! Whoo Hoo, other people agreed with me! Yay Me! Then I thought--but only 2 people agreed with me? Oh, poor me! I started to feel all FACEBOOKY--hey look at me! Aren't I great & Isn't my life great! Or don't look, clearly I suck. So, ick. I don't think Mamapedia is about that.

So I've learned to appreciate the flowers & appreciated that we ALL come from life from a different place, have different opinions & for the most part, every person who posts a reply, cares to share. Not sure about that troll stuff but there are Mamas here that handle that.

Everyone has opinions & *ssholes. You are free to ignore them. And when people disagree--that does NOT make them bullies! And if you *feel* bullied, stop reading that persons stuff. Problem solved.

ps House buying is stressful & I haven't followed your saga. But IMO--NEVER, EVER push for a house your spouse doesn't LOVE too. YOU might get YOUR way--but it WILL effect your marriage for years & in ways you can't possibly predict.

And we live by the Golden Rule.

When we post on here we open ourselves up to different points of view. Everyone will read the question and put their own experience and knowledge into their response. Not to mention, when you ask for someone's opinion you better brace yourself to receive it. I've posted a couple of pretty personal questions on here recently. I did get a couple of questionable responses. I would have considered them rude if I chose to react in that way. But I didn't. I reminded myself that everyone sees the world differently.

Is this a serious post? So WHEN I give a person a flower and they already have one or more - it's considered BULLYING??? well sugar!!! I didn't know that!!!

Can you please tell me what your definition of BULLYING is? Because I think it's a whole lot different than mine. Has someone here threatened you? Has someone here told you that you are worthless, lack value, etc. routinely? Physically touched you and hurt you? Pushed you down? Called you names? Sent you messages that are not appropriate?? THAT is my definition of bullying...saying something you didn't like and/or telling you NO, you shouldn't do that??? NOT BULLYING...

You are obviously NOT happy that people keep saying NO to you about this house.

I wish I could copy and paste people's responses....but that would probably be considered flaming or something so I'll go over it.

You have stated your husband HATES the street.
You have stated there is a very low probability you will buy the house.
Most importantly, you told your friend that you would NOT see the house.

How do I raise four boys? My husband, Tyler, and I remind them daily by living by our word, responsibility, respect, compassion, honesty/integrity.

We don't have people we do not like in our home. It's really that simple.

Well, if it was TF now 14 found her answer helpful.

Her answer was spot on. You don't want this house, you "like" it because she made it sound so desirable. When someone else wants something it makes that thing look better to us.

That's just the way we are programmed. Not a bad thing just the way we are.

You have a friend who is dreaming about moving. I have been in my new house almost a year. Quickly I found out that I hated so many things about it. I want to move so much right now. She is finding the same thing I imagine.

I think her husband was not very nice to talk to your hubby about his wife. He should have told his wife "Honey, that house is not going to happen and you're tying up J. and hubby. They are actually looking for a new house and by fantasizing about this house you're keeping them from even looking at it. It's NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, honey, stop this. We can't afford to move for a long long time".

By telling her this he would knock her out of her fantasy and she could come to you and tell you they had no interest in this house and you are free to look at it and even buy it if you like it.

Then you won't like it anymore and want to go look at it. If she doesn't want it then it's likely you won't want it either.

BTW, if you home school then the school district has no bearing on your search at all. Your kids will not be in that school system so it doesn't matter.

Can't we all just get along?

I have no idea about the "7 flowers" issue and am clueless on that.

Anyway, once when my daughter was younger, a relative's daughter came to visit. This girl is about 4-5 years older than my daughter. And this girl had a sense of "humor"... that to them, was funny. Because that is how THEY joke around in their home and in THEIR family. So for THEM, it was "normal" stuff. But for me and my perspective, it is not "normal" humor and it is mean. ON purpose.
But my daughter, was crying and the girl would then say she is "whiny" and "a baby" and complain, about her. At which point, the adults of that family agreed and said that my daughter just "can't take a joke..." etc. and the girl and them just said it is joking and my daughter is too sensitive etc.
BUT to me, their sense of "humor" is at the EXPENSE of others. It is not in "humor." And it is not kind. At all. Their jokes are PERSONAL in nature. Not on fun.
My daughter, even at that age at that time, knew that. Inside.
I STEPPED up for HER, even to my Husband and said "NO. You back up YOUR daughter. Your Niece is NOT nice. She is making fun OF your daughter, ON purpose and at HER expense AND she is being laughed AT... no along with. BIG DIFFERENCE. "
I also said, "this may be 'normal' in your family, but it is not nice. You all make fun OF people. THAT... is NOT 'humor.' It is picking, on others. Only your family, can take it because that's what you all do."

There are all types of "humor."
I teach my kids that. Ever since they were younger.
BUT, I teach them HOW humor is also wrong... once it HURTS the other person and IF or when, it is done in malice... AGAINST or AT... someone.
Or done in a group, against someone.
Some people, think 'sarcasm' is... humor.
Some people... think belittling... is humor.
Now, I am ONLY reflecting on this.. in terms of my In-Laws. Not about your question etc.
And, per my daughter and what her relative did to her... it was NOT humor and it was not sarcastic humor either. They were belittling her.
To this day, my daughter DOES NOT LIKE, her cousin.
Abhors, her.
And I don't blame her.
And that relative of my daughter, just keeps saying how my daughter is "whiny" and a "crybaby" and "can't take a joke..."
Well, no, that cousin was taunting my daughter. I was right there. That is not humor.
I tell my daughter she does NOT have to like her relative. And yes she can dislike her. She has reason to.
And that she is a better human, than her cousin.

Unfortunately, I do have people in my home that I do not like. I cannot really tell my husband that he cannot have so and so over, can I? I try to teach my kids that even if they do not like someone, they have to be respectful and courteous. That includes offering a drink or what have you. There is one guy that my husband used to deal with that I just cannot stand. He just totally rubs me the wrong way. My husband usually deals with him outside so I am able to ignore him.

There has been a change in mamapedia and the people involved. Even a innocuous question such as "what's your favorite vacuum cleaner?" can elicit potentially hurtful responses; responses that can be tinged with self-righteousness and judgement. When I post a question I try to be specific and neutral. Asking for opinions about behaviors and sharing experiences for personal validation can result in 'honest' responses that can sting the asker. For that reason it is best to use Mamapedia sparingly. To your question, in our home we try to maintain openness to the feelings of others.

Good luck in your home search. :)
Michele

When it comes to my house, I don't invite just anyone over so I don't have people I don't like in my home. I feel like my house is my sanctuary.
I cannot stand sarcasm. I'm very straightforward and if I'm going to express my feelings, I say exactly what I mean.
This is what I do to teach my kids that certain things and behaviors are not okay: In front of the person, tell your kid, "Abby, that behavior is not okay for you. We don't act like that." That's what I do when my daughter's (she's 4) friends are doing things that are not okay and the parent doesn't say anything. Then parents usually try to say something to their kid.
I only do that if the behavior is extreme. Usually I'll wait to discuss it when I'm alone with my kids. HTH

We always have operated on the principle that "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." I have always taught my son (who is a little different himself) to display tolerance and respect for everyone, even if we don't agree with their opinions -- we try to separate the opinion from the person. There are some people in life that you're just going to have to either deal with, agree to disagree or walk away from/ignore. My brother can be a self-righteous blowhard -- do I still love my brother? Of course! But we don't exactly hang out very often outside of holidays and birthdays. I have friends who have radically different viewpoints -- we'll usually avoid certain topics in conversation, and most of them are mature enough to not bring things up. I have also had to block certain friends on social media if they get too confrontational about things. If invited, I will express my views, but I don't have the time to get into an argument about things. Life is too short to let people ruin my day.