Finding and Justifying Me Time

So sorry! I am a person who needs some time to myself sometimes, too! Can you arrange a day off (or a few hours) on a weekend? I also recommend that you find a support group for special needs - they may have resources to help with caregiving. This situation is tough on all relationships - mother daughter (your mom and your kids with you), SOs, co workers. It sounds like the relationship is over with SO, but with your mom, hopefully it will change soon.
I don't have much advice, but you definitely will be a better mom, daughter, SO, if your needs are met. Easier said than done, and good luck!

I remind myself (frequently) that if I am happier , I am a better Mom and my kids will be happier. Take 15 minutes early in the AM for stretching, exercising or meditation. Once a week while kids are in school take an hour for yourself, (or two hours every other week) schedule it in and keep it like a therapy, counselor apt! buy yourself a new outfit or browse the bookstore, library or anything that is just for you! Use your mom as a babysitter one evening a week, she will feel needed and you can either have some "me" time or take time with one child while she has the other child. I see how hard it is for the siblings of special needs children to have their parents attention. Maybe you'd all enjoy that one on one time. You have to push yourself to find the time think of it as taking care of your health(physcal and mental) so you can continue to be strong for your kids

Just like you schedule daily activities for your kids and your work schedule, you need to schedule me time too! If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be any good to anyone else. Its not selfish to take care of yourself and get a break-its smart and its good self-care. DON'T WAIT...DO IT TODAY!

M

You will most likely feel better when you are no longer in your unhealthy relationship with your "sig". You shouldn't feel guilty for needing alone time! I can't even come close to understanding how you must feel, but you really sound stressed and upset. I know for me, even a few min or an hour of alone time can do a ton of good for me. Can your mom be with the kids for a little while? Can you take a day off work and go do something for yourself while the kids are at school? I hope you find something that helps you...

Set aside a time every day even if it is a short while that is just for you. Let your mom know how important it is and how you really need her support and help. I know you are fed up with her and sig. other. I think it is great to get rid of sig. other as he is not contributing in any way to your family but only serves to further drain your emotional, physical and financial resources. Let your mom know that you will need her support and help on this. Give her the chance to step up and help. I know it is probably tempting to toss her aside along with the sig. other but wait. She will probably be very helpful once sig. other is out of the picture and as a single mom with a special needs kid you are going to want that help.

You might also want to check into getting respite care.

I read an article recently in the Wall Street Journal about people's resolutions to make their relationships better. One idea struck me as interesting as I also often shut down my husband bc by the time he's home, it's when I want to be alone. One couple has set up 10 min to talk - each downloads to the other for 5 min. That's it. That way the person who doesn't want to talk knows it's only 5 or 10 min of their time. He said it's really helped.

it sounds like you need to get out of the house by yourself at some point because you can't get much me time at home. Can you get a regular baby sitter to come in for a few hours 1 day a week so you can get out for some me time? I get irritable too when I am stuck inside all day and everyone in the family wants attention. Even getting outdoors for 30 minutes with the kids might help. I pick up my older one from school and we all go to the park for a few minutes if it is nice enough. Even 10 minutes of running around outside helps my 4 year old son be a little less hyper.

You need some down time, don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it! Don't even call it "me" time, how about "mental health time out" or "attitude adjustment period"? Just like you need sleep so your body can rest, you need quiet time for your mind to rest.

Since you work from home, can you find an excuse to get out of the house for a walk or an "errand" every day? You could go out for coffee, take an exercise class, or my favorite ... go to the library and browse... it's quiet and it's free!