EXTREMELY Needy Father

First and foremost you need to put your health and mental well being ahead of your father. He's behaving like a child. I agree with the other poster -- you should change your cell number and advise family members not to give it to him as he's calling you at inappropriate times of the day and it's causing issue at your job.

If a care package is all he needs, why not mail him one once a week? As for the phone calls and constant contact -- you can determine when, how and if you respond. Let any relationship be on your terms. You won't be able to stop him from calling or contacting you. But you get to decide if you're going to respond.

Good luck!!

K.,
Seems like your father is LONELY you have not mentioned your mother so is there not a good relationship there as well(with you girls and your mother or are you closer to mum than dad?) He could be competing for attention. Whatever the case,he is obviously using his girls to fill a void and the money is his ploy. He is not needy by your admission but it's like a guilt trip on you two because his life is empty. He may not realise that you both have love (lots of it to give) but he is driving you all away. Have you tried to tell him this?
I suggest you and your sister organize specific (individual) times to see him and reminisce a lot. Tell him up front there will be no money just a pleasant visit and if he says don't bother...you must still go. Don't allow him to manipulate.
See if it works. Good luck!!
J. S

I wish I had some good advice to resolve this but it is difficult situation. Can you have his number blocked from your cell phone and maybe home phone? Check with the phone company. Do you want to cut him out of your life completely? Just talk to him when you call him or are willing to visit? If you are worried about him having enough food maybe arrange to send a small care package by mail or delivered by a grocery service the beginning of the last week of the month. Basically you need to figure out your limits and then stick to them as he pushes and pushes to get what he wants. If he has a gambling problem it is just like other addictions such as alcohol or drugs. There are support groups like Gamblers Anonymous and other kinds help available but unless he is willing to recognize this as a problem and do something about nothing will change. You (or you plus other relatives) may want to try confronting him on the gambling problem (especially if no one has tried to do it before) but I may not work the first time. Whatever you decide good luck.

Why don't you just make the visit and lay the cards on the table. Tell him how you feel, and I mean everything. Tell him how he has never been there for you, how you think he only wants to see you so he can get something from you, how he has never been a father to you. This conversation can go one of two ways. He may be able to explain to you why he did the things he did, apologize, and you can both set some new boundaries and start a who new and different kind of relationship. Or get everything that you have ever wanted to say to him off of your chest have closure, change your cell and phone numbers and never see him again. I think this cloud over your head will effect you if not now but down the line if you do not suck it up and just deal with him. I had the same type of relationship with my dad (I am fifty now) and it took me until maybe 2 years ago to forgive him for our past relationship and try to make a new one. Trust me it is no where near perfect but I have accepted him for who he is, realized he will never be the fantasy dad I wanted, and forgiven him. My father was very strict, distant, has been married 4 times. Need I say more. Each wife came first, he never helped financially in anyway with schooling, wedding, etc. I have come to realize that this is all his cross to bear not mine. I deserved a better father but what he did give me was all he chose to. My father grew up with a very abusive, scary, father who he was terrified of and did not show love. So I get it. People make choices they can choose to do better or be better then what they had, or they can follow the same pattern. My father chose the wrong path, so that is his loss. As crazy as it sounds my daughter (who is 20) and I are going to visit him in Florida next week and taking a cruise with his current wife of 10 years (aside from my mom almost a record. lol) and 27 other women. As I said forgiving him has helped me to move on. I did have many issues towards men because of my relationship or non relationship with my father(trust me my husband has suffered the anger) and have realized that forgiveness has really set me free. There are some wonderful things my father did give to me. Independence, strength,and diligence so it wasn't a total loss. I am a firm believer in letting relationships go if they are toxic, however I also believe that we should give that person a chance to tell their side. Either way you will have some answers and much less stress. I hope things work out for you, stay strong. Good luck.