How Do You Know When It Is Time?

I am really not trying to attack you but you said that you enjoy shopping, so do you enjoy the fruits of this gambling maybe? Anyways I would suggest marriage counseling too. I'm sure there are other issues as well and the money probably is not as important to you as working things out with your husband and getting more attention from him that he is spending gambling. good luck.

A.,
I thought I might pass this along to you for a possible solution to your problem. I was just curious as to whether or not he goes to casinos to gamble or is he betting with friends and things of that nature? If it is the casino thing I might be able to help you, but I do have a couple of questions if you don't mind. First does your hubby want to stop gambling? Does he realize and admit he has a problem? Does he know how you feel about it and how it is affecting your family? If he does know he has a problem and would like to stop for himself and your family, then my advice would be that he calls the gambling addiction hotline and start from there. They will put his name on a list that circulates to all the casinos and he will not be admitted for five years to any of them, should he try to go back. But the catch is he has to want to do it. This is all strictly advise, you can take it or leave it. I worked in Tunica for a while and I got to see first hand how it can take over people's lives so I know what you are going through. I hope this helps and if you want the number for the hotline, let me know. Good luck to you and your family!!

I agree try for counceling, and have him to get into a gamblers addict group. If he declines i would take more drastic measures. I was married to someone like this before. He was a loser but he is the reason i made my life better i didnt want to live like i lived with him. No i am married to a wonderful man. Email me if you would like to talk
____@____.com

A., I kinda know how you feel. I've been married for almost 6 years and my husband is gone for 2 to 3 months at a time. I have a 5yr old and a 1 year old. Although my husband doesnt gamble, he is a big spender. When he comes home he is always trying to come up with something to "make" just to spend money. I know we aren't "single" parents but it sure feels like it. As far as your question goes, im not sure. I know that staying in it for the kids is not right. They will be loved either way. I have asked myself the same question many times but never come up with anything. I just wanted you to know that your not alone

A.!
GAMBLERS A....
You are so strong for sticking this out, but if you feel like you are drowning...what do you think your little girl is picking up on. It is time to put an ultimatume out there for your man. Once you set up the standars, you have to stick by your guns. You can do it. When people say they stay for the kids...well, you kids are not oblivious to the hurt and pain. Set a date, and tell him that you love him, and tell him you need something from him if you 2 are going to remain happy. Tell him his daughter needs this also. You can support him, and grow stronger as a couple by getting over this hurdle together. If he just stands back and lets you run this race alone, or even worse, slows you down...you may want to consider other alternatives
I Will Pray For you

Hi A., My husband used to commute when we were still living in southern utah. He worked in Vegas. Bad Idea! He also had a gambling problem. I too was at my wits end but I could not face the idea of leaving him for something that can be fixed. I told he that he needed to decide what was more important feeding his kids or gambling it away. I also told him if he had to gamble to set a limit on what he gambled. $20 was what we decided on. Also I encouraged him to play free poker on the internet which has seemed to help. I think he just needed the mind stimulation from the challenge. Hope this helps. And my hubby has not stopped gambling but he spents a lot less.

I have a wonderful husband now, but before I was married to him I was married to an alcoholic. I decided to leave after spending much time feeling as though I was a room-mate, schoffieur and babysitter (for him). I didn't feel like a wife, I was always taking care of him and he was never taking care of me. At the time I was friends with my husband now and he gave me a glipse of how a person is suppose to treat someone they love. I'm not going to say it was an easy decision, but my current husband was there to give me a lot of support and friendship. We didn't have kids together so things weren't as complicated as it is for you. But ask yourself "Can you see yourself in the same situation 10 years from now?" Would you be happy? If he's gone all the time, how much would it really effect your little girl? It sounds to me like you would be happier being alone and not having to be responsible for him. You may even meet the love of your lifetime.

My 2nd husband had a drug problem which caused so many problems in our relationship. I realized it was time to end it when I was having a conversation with my sister and I was going on and on(this wasn't the first time I'd had this talk with her). I asked her should I just leave him and she looked at me and said "if you have to ask that question i think you already know the answer". She was absolutly right. I already knew it was over i just wanted someone else to say it. But i'm happy to say he got clean and we are very good friends and parent our son very well together but sepratly. You do what's right for you and your daughter and eventually everything will work its self out ok.Best of luck

A., if he won't agree to get counseling (alone, for his gambling problem), and also couples counseling, LEAVE HIM. Don't waste 20 years - like I did - in a bad marriage. Don't waste your youth, and your child's growing-up years!

I agree that your husband needs help-the twelve steps are what has helped my dad with his addiction. The thing is that if your husband is addicted to gambling, only he can take the steps to change it and it involves a LOT of change. By staying with him you may be enabling his addiction by not letting him hit rock bottom. Look in your heart, and I mean really look at the things you have not been wanting to see or acknowledge. You know what you need to do, this was a start, you have the strength to pull through I promise. Try finding an AL-Anon meeting in your area. Addiction is addiction - Be it alcohol, drugs or gambling, addicts are very abusive when they are using. You need to take care of you and that sweet little girl.
-K.

Hey.....

I'm a trucker's wife as well and have went through similar problems that I won't get into. However, please email me at: ____@____.com and we'll take our conversation there. Currently, my husband is home after 8 years of OTR and teaching at the tech school. He seems to have it together now - but there are still issues...........

Would love to hear from ya'. Maybe we can do coffee one day?

I live in Byron and have one 5 year old. Where do you live?

Hello A. I am L., I do not know about gambling but I do know about husband haveing addictive behaviors. Email me @ ____@____.com or come and join my online group...
www.mommiefriends.com

Hey A.,
I'm not married to a gambler but my marriage is at 17 yrs. and a miracle many times over. I can't answer the question about time. I don't know. For me, I had to know that I had exhausted all resources, turned over all stones.
Is he willing to get help? If you'd like to talk more, email me at ____@____.com.
L.

Hi A.! You pose a very difficult question to which there is NO easy answer. I have been married for 12 years, but we have been together for 16 years total. I have 2 kids, a 6 y.o. girl and a 3 y.o. boy. Their father is a dentist who has provided us with a very good living, BUT he is NOT nice to me and sometimes the kids. He's not physically abusive, but instead of gambling, he is verbally abusive to the kids a little and to me A LOT. NOT gambling, mind you, still a very serious issue/problem. I filed for divorce earlier this year and I tell you what....the decision to do it was NOT easy, I prayed, I cried, I DID IT. I just asked God to lead me in the right direction for my kids sake. I didn't know if the time was right either as I've been unhappy with him and his problems for a couple of years, but it did NOT get better....only worse. The decision for me was made a little easier when I put my kids needs first before my own. I WANTED to be in a loving relationship...which I wasn't. I did NOT want my kids to live in a house of lies and imitation of love, so to keep them for thinking this was the way a marriage should be...I filed. It was very dysfuntional and I did NOT want them to suffer any longer. Once I made the decision, they don't even miss him around the house as he was gone a lot anyway with work. It's a much peaceful environment and happier one too since mommy is happier :-) we are SO much better off without him...the material things he gave us are insignificant compared to the happiness we have now as a family. so to wrap it up....just pray and ask for guidance....YOU WILL KNOW IN YOUR HEART WHEN IT IS TIME. I hope this helps. I wish you and your beautiful daughter the best of luck. My name is A. and you can reach me at ____@____.com if you want to.

Hi A.,

You are a very admirable person to try to work things out for your daughter's sake. Your problem is like many other people I know rolled into one. My mother stayed with my father in an abusive relationship for my sake because she grew up in a broken family and swore that she would work out whatever problems would come up. Unfortunately many did and still do....after 32 years of marriage. Am I better off for having a mother and father who stayed together for my sake? I don't know and honestly sometimes I think we would have all been better off if they had divorced. I do know that they both are changed people in a loveless marriage. Unfortunately, my husband's parents went through the same thing but his father changed for the better but they still have a loveless marriage. What I am trying to say is that every situation is different and some people can change while others don't. All I can say is take it from a child who lived in a home where the only reason two people have stayed together is because of that child (I am an only child also), sometimes divorcing could be the best course of action. Sometimes it is not. Thankfully, I have learned from my parents what a marriage is NOT and have a wonderful realtionship with my husband. Just pray and think about how your decision will impact your future and your daughter's future. I hope things work out for the best for you. Good luck!

I hope this helps , i know my kids can tell when i am not happy ,they sence it and sometimes my moods or my stress level gets to me and they can tell.sometimes i dont think i give them what they need or i dont give them enough because of the stress of being unhappy even though my kids make up the difference they can tell. i just no it takes alot to wear a person down and being unhappy is a major one... so if it cant be fixed and u have tried all u can to be happy u need to make a change for u and ur kids to make evry body happy i no it has to be hard on ur kids also ... just make sure u dont forget abouy your feelings because alot of moms stay for there kids sake but they are miserable and that doesnt help the kids at all.. just dont forget about yourself as well as ur kids... i hope this helps i had to do it for me and my kids to be happy