Co-Parenting With Your Ex

IF you two can be adults about this, the VERY BEST thing for the kids would be for you guys to keep the family home and have the girls stay there permanently and you and bf move in and out for visitations, each one staying with the girls for one week. But you have to be mature adults and truly want whats best for the kids, even at the expense of yourself, for this to work. It truly is the best thing for the kids.

To do anything else, says that you value yourself and your comfort over that of your children's. Says alot!

You should have everything in writing, maybe hire a mediator or a lawyer to get something drawn up. My husband's parents were like you, amicable, had nothing drawn up, then he met someone new and she was SO CONTROLLING. They eventually had a ton of issues and had to go to court multiple times, with his father dropping out of the picture for 10 years when his new wife didn't get her way.

Everything may be fine now, but you never know what could happen in the future. Better to protect everyone now while you still get along, and hope it never becomes an issue.

I suggest that you put whatever arrangements you agree upon in a legal form so that any change in circumstances in the future has a forum for change or not. You agree now but you may not in the future. I've read on this site of new relationships negatively affecting initial agreements for example.

Go to your county court house and file something legally. Whatever you do, make sure YOU have them full time, even though he takes them to school. You may have to change your work hours. You don't want it to look to the courts like you can't take care of the kids. Schedule all the holidays for visitation, like "dad has kids Christmas Eve from 4pm until Christmas Day at 8am on even years"...meaning you will have them every other year. You need to make sure you say the TIME for beginning and end times. Also state that "receiving parent will pick up child for their parenting time". That way there is no fighting on one of you saying the other person has to deliver the kids. I would get something in place right away. Also communicate via email only and KEEP all of the emails in a file for documentation. Lots of us have been through it. Good luck.

You sound like my friend and his wife. They grew apart. He kept the house and primary custody. It will take some adjustment on everyone's part and what was once streamlined in a joint household will need to be adjusted for the new configuration. You may need to do something like drop them off with him at 6AM so that they get to school on time. Or you may need to change your work schedule so that you do a drop off and he does a pick up in the evenings and you get them from him when you get home. My DH did not have his ex nearby and had to adjust his work schedule within the hours offered by the school's after/before care.

I would talk to him about a reasonable schedule. What is not just fair to you and him, but fair to the kids? I personally think back and forth all week is hard on kids so you should consider week on/week off or the standard EOWE with a night or two inbetween for a dinner visit. I would discuss holidays. Maybe this year you do a joint Christmas (if you celebrate Christmas) but down the road you trade off. In my experience, splitting the day is hard and it leads to rushed events. Try for things like one gets Christmas eve and one Christmas Day. Find out what is appropriate for CS and get everything legal to protect both of you. A handshake doesn't go far when presented with an emergency.

It will not be easy, but it will be best if you and your STBX can continue to work toward a common goal.

I am personally not a fan of nesting. If you are splitting, then split. Give the kids two stable homes vs having three residences (wherever you and he stay when not with the kids). No need for everyone to be a nomad, and much easier when/if the parents move on.

Even though you're getting along now you need a legal plan for custody, visitation and child support, either via mediation or court ordered.

Because there are kids involved, this is more like a divorce than a simple breakup. Do it by the book, not by yourself.

Have you considered talking to a family law mediator? A mediator can help you navigate the legal issues quickly and cheaply, with civility. (date of separation, child support, spousal support, 401K split, pensions, property etc) Congratulations to you both for approaching this life change with maturity. Your daughters are sure to appreciate it, when they are old enough to understand.

Good luck!

because you two are not married i would suggest writing up a parenting plan and both of you need to have it notarized then file it with the courts. No lawyers or mediator needed, especially if you two can be civil and able to come to mutual agreements that are in the best interest of your two kids together.

be sure to stipulate how to separate holidays, birthdays and special occasions. How you want to split the time 50/50 each week. Then you need to state their time during school breaks, summer vacations, parents birthdays. Write as much as you can down, Also in your parenting agreement, be sure to state in there if either one of your schedules change or work, or even residence changes that a new written agreement must be done, again notarized and filed with the courts.

make things simple stupid. I have full physical custody w. joint legal. Our visitation schedule every other weekend he see's his dad. Starting saturday morning till sunday evening. We live 2hrs away, so i handle everything without fathers assistance, but thats by his choice.

Odd years are mine for holidays, except my birthday or my ex's. Son bday is generally with me because it always falls on a week day. Holidays since we moved have been hard, especially during the week. I cant afford to take time off, so he's been with me, except for thanksgiving and christmas, i take time off so dad can see him.

you will have to agree with what is best for everyone involved. Be sure to address once both of you have a relationship, that a new partner must NOT interfere with things are. Both agree to support the children financially. Help out with childcare, medical, etc. THink of EVERYTHING to cover yourself for later issues.

by the sounds of it, i hope you two can continue being adults and awesome parents for your children through this break up. TOo many kids are effected due to the immaturity of the parents during times like these. As they forget its not about them, its about the children.

Push come to shove, if it gets ugly, and i pray it never does, you will then have to consult an attorney. Until that time...continue being civil and supportive friends and parents :)

good luck