Hi,
My 11 month old son's father and I have been together for 2 years. We've shared most of the expenses and have an 11 month old son. I am scared because he is claiming to want to petition for full custody of our child. I explained to him that the court will 1st need a paternity test, then the court will decide what is best for our son if we cannot come to some sort of agreement. My question is this....I make almost the same money he does, I will have a place to stay with him when our lease is up and he will go back to live with his parents, I will get a 2 bedroom apartment for us eventually, and I have a good job and solid foundation. Is there ANY way that a court would rule in his favor? I don't do drugs or anything like that either. We are in NY.
Thanks
Well he is refusing mediation, says he will take his chances with the courts. We have to live out the remainder of the lease together and it kills me inside every day. I wish I could help him to see that if we don't come to some sort of an agreement, nobody will be happy and our son is who will end up suffering!
Judges in the county I live in are BIG on both parents being involved in the child's life. Rarely do I see one parent getting sole custody. But every situation and court are different. I would get a mediator as soon as you can and try to work things out with him outside of court if possible. But I wouldn't see a judge taking a baby away from it's mother. Good luck!
No one can tell you the outcome of two equally fit people petitioning for custody of a child. If it were me, I would seek the assistance of a mediator and come to the table with a very reasonable offer of visitation or joint custody. People who are reasonable in these types of situations, typically fare better in court.
If you are a good mommy and don't have a drug or alcohol problem, there is no way a court will take your son away from you. If he is not abusive, have a drinking or drug problem, the court will award him visitation. Worse case scenario is if both of you are good parents, and live close to each other, a judge may award 50/50 custody.
If he takes you to court, he will have to pay for the paternity test. he may just be trying to manipulate you into staying with him. it's a classic control method. Don't let him scare you. Look up Family Crisis Center. They can give you advise on where to go for help. And it is free.
Take care!
M.
Its nearly impossible for one parent to get sole custody, he would have to prove that you are unfit to be in the child's life. Most of the time one parent has "residential" custody, but in a good custody agreement, both parents have equal say as to any big decisions in the child's life, and the non-residential parent has liberal visitation.
My husband and his ex (also never married) have joint custody but live an hour apart. My step-daughter lives mostly with his ex, but is with us every other full week in the summer and every other weekend during the school year. Holidays are alternated every other year except Christmas which is split in the middle of the day. I konw other people who live closer and split the time 50/50 all year - in those families the kids go between houses on wednesday every week.
My best advise is a mediator if you think that there's any way to work this out outside of the courts - they can help you draft a good custody agreement. Avoid courts at all cost if you can, but if there is no way a mediator will work (it wouldn't have worked for my husband) find a good lawyer! Your ex may not be able to get full custody, but if he's anything like my husband's ex, he will play games with the amount of custody you both have.
A solid written legal custody agreement is the best thing you can have! The custody agreement should be really specific and say what the schedule is (who has your son when) and who your son spends holidays and birthday's with. Then everything is set in stone and he won't be able to manipulate the situation very easily. The most important thing is stability for your son... he's young like my step-daughter was when their breakup happened, which is a blessing in disguise because this lifestyle is all she remembers. But they still pick up on the tension and fighting between their parents at any age. The most important thing is to NEVER talk bad about his father in front of him, no matter how angry you are.
Good luck! I know how frustrating it can be dealing with custody! if you need any more information or to talk please feel free to message me :)
To many people focus on trying to get sole custody, it just sounds better to get sole custody& is more of a jab than anything. Where I live a paternity test was not needed if both parents agreed that the child is theirs. If you both will live near each other then maybe it's best if you split custody 50/50 otherwise be reasonable & give him every other weekend & a day or two during the week. Otherwise typically Mother's get primary custody as long as they are not putting their child in danger. I just encourage you to go in with a level head & show you want to work with your soon to be ex all for the sake of your son. Best wishes.
