AFFAIRS, Lost.

I don't think you'd be asking this question if part of you doesn't already know/feel that IT IS WRONG!

That is wrong but only because you are not giving your husband a fair shake. I can never understand how some people will speak to perfect strangers, old friends, mail man, in the way they should be communicating with their spouse and then claim the dysfunction lies with their partner.

Talk to your husband in the same way you talk to your old friend. If he doesn't respond in turn then come back here because you will have a legitimate complaint, right now you are being unfair.

Are you talking to your husband the way you are talking to this old friend? I bet not. Because you don't have the "baggage" you have with your husband. The grass is NOT greener...

You are six months postpartum....is it possible you are suffering from a mild form of PPD? If not - then I would start treating my husband like you are treating this old friend...start COMMUNICATING with him...it's not about the baby weight - that's a poor excuse...you need to get why you are "feeling" it for this old friend but can't get it from your husband.

If you have an affair - this could be an affair of the heart - you are risking EVERYTHING...men feel just as isolated as women do, feel just as hurt as women do when their spouse turns to someone else..you owe it to yourself, your husband and your kids to put your efforts towards your marriage and not this "old friend that makes you feel great"...but I can tell you- once you cross the line, there is no going back...and the newness wears off and the day-to-day monotony, well, you'll get that with "old friend" too...

Uh, yes.

I'm going to add that if you didn't feel guilty about what you were doing you wouldn't have asked this question.

Anytime you start getting what you need from someone else, it's a bad idea. I don't like the "Wrong" part because it doesn't really address the why of anything.

The problem with emotional affairs is the same problem with physical ones. It goes outside the commitment and promises you made to each other to get your needs met. Once you do that, it is so much easier to keep on doing it. Before long you don't even look to your partner anymore to meet them, and he doesn't try because he doesn't see the need anymore. Then, and this is really the wonky part, you are more and more mad that HE isn't meeting the need anymore. If you really wanted this other person to meet your needs, then you wouldn't be so hurt and frustrated at your husband for not meeting them. This isn't fair to you, the other guy (who is really just being used to fill in a gap), or your husband.

You need to cut off communication with this dude if you want to save your marriage. He will serve as nothing but a distraction. It's easy for him to be the hero right now because you expect so little of him, but if things got more serious you would have all the issues in a different relationship that you have in your current one. It's easy for things to be good when you have no responsibility to each other. And what kind of guy inserts himself into another person's marriage. If he doesn't have any respect for someone elses relationship, he won't have any respect for his own.

You need to put this guy away from you and totally focus on your husband. You need to seriously communicate with him about your needs and fears and listen to him about his needs and fears as well. If it doesn't work out you have choices to make at that point. But, it is always better to close one door before you open the other.

Yes.
To fix what's going on with your marriage you don't turn to someone outside of your marriage (unless it's a marriage counselor).
Knock it off with the old friend.
If your marriage fails after trying everything to make it work, then make sure it is ended (divorce final for 6 months to a year) before you find your old friends number again.

Emotional affairs are the WORST kind. Find out how to fix your marriage or move on.

I think you need to talk to your husband. Communication is the key to a successful marriage. All marriages go through ups and downs. There is no such thing as a fairy tale marriage where all is good and happy all of the time. I have found that the relationship with my husband is one of the hardest relationship in the world to maintain. Not that we fight or argue all the time, but I cannot just walk away from him when something does goes wrong. I can't hide. I can't just not worry about it. I can't cut him out of my life. I have to deal with him and the issue that might be going on and try to resolve it. Marriage is a work in progress. It takes a lot of effort and it's not always fun or easy. I want him in my life. I love him, and I need him for me and my kids.

Get to the root of your problems with your husband before you do cross the line with your old friend. Find out why he is distant. I think all affairs negatively affect marriages on any level. Emotional, sexual - they all take something away from your marriage whether it's trust or respect.

You feel good after you talk to this friend because he is showing you the attention you are not receiving at home. This will cause you to resent your husband more if you let it continue. If you want to fix things, you have to get to the bottom of your problems with your spouse. It may be something that may take a while to fix, which will be frustrating and hard. If you love him, it's worth it for you and your kids. Think of them first before your visits with your friend become anything more. Think of how your actions will affect them. Good luck!

We all need people to talk to, to share with, who listen to us. If our partner is not doing that, it is normal to look for it somewhere else. Sex with another person will not fix what is wrong in our partnership, though. It will add more complications. Many times, the immediate better feelings can lead to much heartache.

Can you find a counselor to talk with instead of taking your troubles to an "old friend" who I'm guessing is an old lover? It is obvious you need to reach out to someone who listens.

Yes, if it makes you feel giddy talking to someone else, if you begin confiding in them instead of your husband, or looking forward to spending time with them, having to hide that you are speaking to them, if what you say to them would make you feel uncomfortable if your husband heard... it's an emotional affair and can and likely will turn physical. Instead of investing that time in someone else... invest that time in working on your marriage. Obviously, it's a two way street here, so you need to communicate to your husband and seek ways to improve your marriage together.

Also you say 'again'... have you cheated before? yikes. Yes... ALL affairs are wrong as they can escalate and cause a wedge in marriages, as well as in your personal integrity.

Yes. I think sometimes emotional affairs are even worse than sexual ones.

Of course they are, and you know it. What do you want, permission to do something reckless, and stupid?

Lose the number and talk to your husband like that! The new/different guy will be more exciting than the hubby that doesn't clean the kitchen and snores. Just like the little chickie at hubby's work is more exciting than you right now. Yes, it is also about the kids as well. Give this family an honest, fighting chance. It sounds like you have done this affair thing before, couldn't have been all that successful. You are a married again carrying on with another man. Do something (many things) to fight for your marriage and be healthy.

It sounds like you might be having an emotional affair - and i personally think they are just as bad if not worse than a sexual affair. My husband had an emotional affair with a co-worker and it was devastating - almost cost us our 20 year relationship.

The problem - as I see it - is your "friend" is giving you the attention, interest, etc that should be coming from your husband. It's a very slippery slope - he is making you feel good - instead of your hubby.

Good luck - just keep in mind that an affair - no matter how you phrase it - has the energy to ruin a marriage - sexual or not.

Yes, all affairs are wrong, especially when you are married. By talking with this so called old friend, you are giving your emotional time to someone who is not your spouse. ALL relationships have troubles from time to time. Marriage is a sacred commitment, though I realize that not everyone believes as I do, marriage is supposed to be for life and when something in the marriage is missing and you are looking elsewhere to find it, I would have to say that the communication is probably the first thing in the relationship that has broken down. You say that all you do is talk to the old friend but you say that afterward you feel great. You are not "just talking." You are investing time to a stranger, thus, depriving your marriage of your emotional time. Marriage takes a lot of work, and yes, it does take both partners to work at it. You really need to start with basic communication with your spouse. You need to express your needs and likewise, so does he. Sex is not everything and should not be the reason to throw away your marriage because if sex is the only glue holding the marriage together, what kind of relationship is it? ALL new relationships (like the one you are creating with your "old friend") are exciting but once the barriers come down and you are comfortable with each other, how exciting is it in 5 years? I say that communication is key and you need to discover what is going on in your husband's life right now that is preventing him from giving you the intimacy you are needing. Think about how you would feel right now if you knew that your husband was talking to an old friend? Does your husband know that you are talking to this old friend? And if not, why? If you are doing it in secret, without his knowledge, then that should be proof all you need to know that it is wrong.

If the shoe was on the other foot and your husband was just "talking" to an old friend, how would you feel?

Your marriage should be precious to you even if it isn't perfect. Marriage is work but both parties have to work at it. Have you had an honest sit down talk with your husband about sex? Perhaps he is feeling somekind of way about you because you just had a baby six months ago. You must talk with your husband and stop talking to this other guy.

You can't take fire into your lap without getting burned. The warmth of the fire may feel good at first the but burning and destruction isn't any fun and leaves scars for a life. Unfortunately you aren't just talking about your life but the life of your kids and your husband. Set a good example for your daughter and your son and work things out with your husband. Hindsight is 20/20 but you have too much to loose in this. Besides any guy that would entertain you knowing you are married may not be all so wonderful just playing a role to get what he wants without the commitment or concern about you, your kids, your marriage, or your husband. Men can be homewreckers too so don't fall for the hype and water your own garden.

You're having an emotional affair, and yes, it's wrong. You need to be putting that time and energy into repairing your marriage. The first year with a baby is the hardest... I highly recommend couples counseling, and you HAVE to stop talking to this other guy! How would you feel if your husband was talking to other women behind your back!?

Yes. All affairs are wrong.

"but what if it goes past that line AGAIN". Thats what you just said. So did you cheat before? Once a cheater, always a cheater. And yes, there are many "types" of affairs. They are ALL wrong and makes you unfaithful to your partner. If in any way you are focused on someone else more than your spouse, it is wrong. If you want to stay married, you need to stop talking to your "friend" and get help for your marriage. Your baby deserves that and so does your husband. I hope you get the help you need.

anything you have to lie about or takes your motivation to love your family or fix problems your having imo is an affair. Are they all of equal value...NO some emotional affairs can be worse, it depends on the length and the amt of effort put int it, talk to your husband let him know and work on things

Their is such a thing as having an emotional affair with someone else. It is wrong , especially if you communicate more openly towards them, as well as share private and intimate information with them about your own marriage. Their is a line, and any time you reconnect, their is feelings, and you find yourself wanting to talk more or spend time with that other person more, you have crossed it. If you are already thinking or worrying that you may have or might cross a line, you have started having that emotional affair with someone else. If it were just a friend thing, you wouldn't feel guilty or ask this question.

Sorry your having this issue. Yes, all affairs are wrong. I try and use the how would I feel method when dealing with things I am not sure of. I think when we are going through in a marriage we use other things, activities or people as a buffer. You are having an affair, delete the buffer and deal with the issue.

In my mind, you made a promise and you need to keep that promise. You need to be talking more to your husband and less to your old friend. To me, confiding more in someone of the opposite sex who is not your husband is a red flag and a sign that you need to be working on your marriage more. Based on your short post, it doesn't sound like you guys are communicating with each other. I'm sure sleep deprivation plays a role too. So you need to be talking with each other, and consider marriage counseling if the communication lines have completely broken down.

Look at it this way - how would you feel if he cheated on you? Or was talking with an "old friend" and behaving the same way you are now? Would that be okay?

Loneliness is such a sad thing, and I'm sorry to see you facing it. Like some of the others have already said, it sounds as if you should possibly seek counselling. If you can't get to a counselor, there are some good books on marriage available, and I would recommend those as well.

I hate seeing newly married couples having troubles, and so many do. But there is so much more involved in the couple than just the man and the wife. The children need a stable home.

It's odd, but I've read where men feel so totally different after their wives have babies, and that it sometimes needs counselling to get past.

You didn't mention if you and your husband talk about this. If you don't, maybe you can write him a letter to express how you feel. Don't express how he feels, but how you feel. (As in, You make me feel unwanted. Instead, I feel unwanted...)

Also, I think especially because of our society, and Hollywood (how men/women relationships are expected to be all fireworks with no problems, or else there's an easy fix--just break up) has caused many relationships to struggle because we see the fairytale without any work involved. When marriage hits a rut, we wonder if we should just throw in the towel, and move on to something better.

Maybe doing some spontaneous things will help bring you out of the rut. Do some things you've never done before-even if it's by yourself. Pick up a hobby, join a fun club, redecorate a room in your home. Preferrably, you feel like you can include hubby in the spontaneity-get a sitter for a night, and fix your kitchen like a fancy restaurant with your best dinnerware and glasses, cloth napkins, and a favorite meal of his. Or kidnap him for an evening and take him to a local play or event.

With you asking about this sensitive subject (on here), it seems you are already reaching out for a helping hand in this matter, and that's good. You don't sound like you want to want to just walk into trouble, but more that you are craving something that you are missing in your marriage.

I do hope you will reach out, one way or another, beyond this place, since we can only encourage you with limitations. To say "I do" was a step you felt would last a lifetime, and I'd hate to see that destroyed so soon, when there is so much hope and help for your situation.

Sounds like you need to either talk to your husband or get some counseling.

And stop talking to the old friend until you get this issue resolved with your husband.

That's called an emotional affair. Whether it's wrong or not is your decision - none of us can tell you. But if you're spending time and emotional energy on someone outside your marriage, how do you have time for the two people that are IN your marriage? If you love your husband so much, please work with him to get the magic back that you guys had. Don't let yourself develop that magic with someone else if you do really want to be with your husband.

If you're not getting what you need from the relationship, and it can't be fixed, the only time it's okay to seek it somewhere else is if your spouse knows and is okay with it. If your husband is amenable to an open marriage, great. Otherwise, either keep your knickers on or leave him before you start knocking boots with someone else.

Yes. If it is taking time away from your marriage and family, it's wrong. If you are starting to have romantic feelings for this person, it's wrong. If you are hiding anything about this relationship from your husband, it's wrong.

Affairs happen because people are lacking something, emotionally, physically, mentally whatever the case. It may be him, it may be you, but figure out what it is. And share this with him as well. It sounds as if he has pulled away as well. Both of you look in the mirror and ask some hard questions. You say you've tried to get him to look at you but nothing, it's not always sex. Make sure you are there for him on EVERY level and hopefully the two of you can meet in the middle.
PLEASE stop talking to the other guy, emotional affairs are wrong. What if you found out he was talking to 'an old friend'...........

I haven't read your responses thus far so forgive me if I repeat. Ask yourself this one question: If it were him doing this how would I feel? That pretty much sums it up for all of marriage's little ups and downs. Always put your spouse in your shoes and you in theirs. Would you be hurt to find your husband chatting up an "old friend?" If the answer is yes well then you have your answer. Peace and Blessings.

yes, they are ALL wrong. You need to talk to your husband about this and find out why he doesn't even "look at you". You need to stop talking to this old friend and talk to your husband instead

Affairs, yes. Friendships, no.

i'm going to send you a pm- i'm in a very similar situation. now separated but i feel i know how you feel.

Yeah, its wrong. Get help for your marriage. Any way you sugarcoat it, you are going outside of your marriage. Not good.

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If you feel like you have to hid what you are doing, then it is wrong.

When you get married, you make a commitment to your spouse to love and honor him, so yes affairs are always wrong in my opinion. By having an affair, you are dishonoring your spouse.