I have a 5 yr old boy that will be starting school next week and he will only listen to his daddy. Whenever I try to tell him anything he fights me on it and tells me he only has to listen to daddy. Daddy has fully supported me in telling him that he need to listen to Mommy as well as his grandparents, babysitter or whom ever in taking care of him but he says that he is daddy's buddy and he just ignores me. I am at a loss because I am afraid that he won't listen to his female teacher and my boy has always been the well behaved of my children and now he is the worst behaved. I can't enjoy a day with him when I find myself yelling at him all day long. Any ideas?????
Daddy needs to put his foot down. Daddy needs to tell him, that if he doesn't listen to Mommy, that Daddy will not give him attention. If he sees that all is ok with daddy, after ignoring mommy, he will just keep up that way. He needs to know that there will be consequences if he doesn't listen.
Maybe daddy can give him some time to spend with him, if he listens to mommy all day.
I would suggest that you have your husband talk to him about it. Daddy can explain that he needs to listen to mommy, and since he is telling him that, listening to mommy is doing what daddy says. Also another way to get his attention would be for daddy to take away any daddy and "little buddy" special time. Like if there is anything that they do just the two of them or he participates in with daddy that he likes. He won't be able to do it if he doesn't listen to you, per instructions from dad. I wouldn't worry about him not listening to the teacher, sometimes when kids finds themselves in unfamiliar situations they can't help but follow along with what the other kids are doing. Good Luck, but have your hubby talk to him and phrase it so that listening to you means that he is listening to daddy!
I haven't reached this stage with my son (he's 27 mos), but I hope this might help anyway. I would try this: Do not let him be rewarded when he listens to his father, or at all for that matter for a couple of days. No dessert, no playground visits, etc. When your other children listen to you and do as you ask, make sure you tell them or show them that you appreciate that they listen to you. Make sure you do this in front of your 5 year old as well. Good luck and God Bless!
Only a suggestion, but I find I get more from my 5 1/2 year old daughter, who is a daddy's girl, when I do less yelling. As soon as I start yelling, she tunes me out. If I talk and explain but also remain firm so she knows I am in charge, we get a lot more done and in a nicer way. good Luck!
Simple, if he only does what Daddy tells him to do, and Daddy told him to do what you say, then remind him of that. Remind him that he is doing what Daddy says, by doing what you say. It might help if you have your husband go over that. And have him let your son know how disappointed he will be in him if he doesn't also listen to you because that will make daddy happy by listening to Mommy. Eventually you won't have to remind him, he'll just do as you ask. In a perfect world anyway. Hope that helps.
If you can, be patient and see how it goes with school before starting to worry. I've found that my daughter is an entirely different person when she's not with me...apparently she knows how to listen and follow directions when they are given by another person...:-). It's likely just a phase and another test of his independence as he prepares to head off to school. Maybe he's scared and it's his way of exerting control over his situation. He sees it upsets you, so he keeps doing it because it shows him that with this big change coming up (which he didn't plan) there are things that he can make happen the way he wants them too. It's like that expression "you always hurt the ones you love" because you know you can and they'll still love you.
Good luck!
Hi S.,
Without knowing more, it sounds like your son is very attached to your husband and really values what your husband thinks and says, and is most interested in being with Dad and pleasing him. You could try to use a reward system (happy faces) that focuses on listening and following simple directions fom you. At first it would be easy. Each time he follows a simple and easy direction he would get a happy face. Your son would need to earn a small number at first (1-3)and then more happy faces as time goes on or it would get more difficult to earn as time goes on (every 3rd direction followed earns a happy face). Once he earns the alotted number each day, the prize could be some special activity or prize with your husband, or preferrably both of you. Another effective prize might be something really special and fun that happens with just you to help make being with you and pleasing you more rewarding. To start it off though, the prize may need to involve your husband as well since that seems to be what your son finds the most valuable right now. The prize doesn't have to cost a lot of money like trips to the toy store, but it should be something he would really enjoy. Both you and your husband should explain the rule and what he can get and review it with him each day. You may even want him to earn a few times a day (1x in the a.m. and 1x in the p.m.) to make it really effective and then fade the number of earning times as his behavior improves. Make sure he doesn't have to wait too long to earn his prize or this will not be effective. He should get his prize as soon as he gets the last happy face to start, and then as he learns what is expected he can wait a little while longer. Also, if there is a delay between the last happy face and the reward it gives him time to make an error, like not follow a direction and then you will have to take one away and this could be difficult in the beginning. This can be used at school too.
I hope this helps and wasn't too long!
Take care,
J.
Oh my gosh I am going through the same thing!!! I am curious to see what people have to say on this one. However I think its a phase. I am just trying to stay calm voiced and I give him consequences. Don't be afraid to take toys away, time out that sort of thing. That seems to be working a little for me. I wouldn't be afraid of school because its a complete different enviornment and I am sure they are use to this sort of thing. Rest at ease if you can THIS TO SHALL PASS!!
I have the same situation with my stepsons, or at least I had. I solved the problem by implimenting punishment and sticking to it. Since we don't belive in hitting, I make them take time out sitting on my bed with the door closed. I do it every time. Now, it isn't necessary anymore, since they listen up, knowing I mean business.
