22 Month Old Son Will Not Listen to Me, However Listens to My Husband.

Hi A.,
First of all, you shouldn't feel badly about the way your son is responding to you. It is very normal behavior for a child his age who is bonded well with his mother. His behavior is actually a wonderful sign of how comfortable he is in knowing that you love him unconditionally. Not that he doesn't think his daddy doesn't love him because he "listens" to him better. He's just not too sure what daddy has up his sleeve when it comes to discipline. He's seen all your cards and welcomes them, comfortably--too comfortably, and that's the problem. You need a new hand. (If you don't mind me continuing the analogy!) First of all, make sure you are following through with your discipline throughout the day. He knows if you mean what you say, then. If you are and the discipline is less than impressive to him, you may need to make it less "fun" for him; ie. isolate his time out more or put it where he really doesn't want to be. Just an example. You just want to make it effective, not "painful." This way, he can still go to time-out, or whatever your result is for his not listening to you, even when it's bedtime. Sure, there's no reason he can't have discipline from you just because it's bedtime. It's important he listens to you in all situations. He may be in a dangerous situation some time when daddy isn't around, and he needs to know to listen to you to avoid being seriously hurt. I'm just saying that because letting daddy put him to bed is only a temporary solution to the issue at hand--I can ignore mommy in this situation--which should never be the case. Don't ever think you are "being mean" when you insist on his behaving you. It's because you love him so much that you care that he listens to you in the first place. Good luck! It is an ongoing, forever changing thing.

There is something about a man's voice that is more authorative and commanding. Your situation is common. AF

As a kid were you more afraid of your dad telling you off or your mom? I know that if my mom said 'You wait til your father get's home' then I was in BIG trouble!!!. Always the same , they respond to dad's more because the tone of voice is deeper so seems more serious and because they are with you all day every day and you do all the the dicipline then they are no longer bothered by it. Let your husband do bedtime if he has more success and you get to sit and relax.

I have two boys and I feel they both listen to Dad better. I get so tired of constantly telling one or both of them to do something and not being listened to. I am sorry to say I do not have any answers for you since I am dealing with this right now. My 18 month has recently joined the no listening club too. It can be rather aggravating. He will stand on the table or pull my hair and I will tell him very seriously no and he laughs and does it again. It makes me feel very ineffective. I hope you find an answer.

i joke with my parents and others who spend time with my kid that she is much better behaved for everyone but me. it is not always the case now but we had to work at it. it was much easier to know that she felt ok making me angry because she knew i'd be there for her no matter what kind of punk she was being. once i saw her misbehaviour as me being a stable and loving parent i could spend more time on helping understand why she needs to listen to me. btw, we have a word 'freeze!' that i pull out infrequently and she stops in her tracks. this is for dangerous activities such as running into streets, etc. i was once hit by a moped when storming off from my mom across the street. this word would not work if i overuse it. good luck!

hi A., first of all you have to understand that nothing will work well the first time and forever after. the 'quiet' method is a long-term fix, and just because it doesn't work one night doesn't mean it's not worth pursuing. but you need to understand WHY it works so you can keep applying it. for any method to be effective you have to give it a chance, and that means not mixing it up with lots of other methods. if you tried the silent method AND kept asking him to go to bed you didn't really try the silent method.
there is something about a man's voice that seems to act this way on kids. i have spent 20 years informing my sons that i'm WAY scarier than their dad (and it's TRUE!!) but the fact is, nothing has ever been quite as effective as 'wait until your dad hears about this!' it's not fair but there it is.
on the 'naughty nights' when your child isn't listening it's extremely difficult to stay calm and consistent, quietly and firmly repeating the action over and over without resorting to yelling, begging or threatening. but in the long term (and isn't that what parenting is about?) it's still the best way. and if in the meantime your son will go to sleep for your husband, i say make that man work!
good luck.
:) khairete
S.