So we are in the process of building our new house. My husband is doing a lot of the work himself and he is known to yell out an explitive or two or three or ten in one weekend of building. Well last night in our rental home, our 2.5 yr old gets his screwdriver and says he's going to fix his toy car. All of a sudden, he yells out the f-bomb and b-word. I glared at him and said sternly "What did you say?" to which he replied "I dunno." My husband was there. I said "Did you hear that?" to which he laughed and said yes. I told him that it is NOT something worth laughing about. "Do you think that's funny he said that?" "no." My son said "Only Dada say that?" to which I replied "YES."
But now that I think about it, I don't like that answer. I don't want my son to 'do as I say not as I do.' This morning he said it again "f" and "b" when he was helping me pull the sheets off the bed. They were stuck and he couldn't get them off. So he tugged harder and said those two words. I said "WHAT DID YOU SAY?" and he said "F--- B----" and so I said "YOU MAY NOT SAY THOSE WORDS."
What else should I say? I don't want him to think it's OKAY for dad to say that. But I think maybe he's too young to understand "Dad doesn't want to say those words. He only says them when he gets hurt or when his tools don't work right." And is ignoring it the right way to deal with it? I ignore it when my husband says it b/c it's just a big arguement when I tell him to 'watch your lanugage.' I don't want to punish it - dad doesn't get a punishment. My son doesn't hear those words except from my husband when we are at the house building. And NO I can't not go help my husband. I am his assistant to hand him tools, measure things for him, etc. We have noone to babysit our son either, so please don't suggest that we not go help dad build our house. That's just not an option.
Thanks for your advice.
j
Well it's been about a week and so far, no more cussing. :-) We helped dad building the house today and there were a few choice words out of dad's mouth, but he tried to say them quietly I think. Then luckily the air compressor came on and that drowned out any words he may have said. I appreciate all of you ladies' suggestions. I love them! I can clean up my own language, but not quite as easy for me to make husband change. I will check out the Fantastic Mr. Fox for even more ideas. We don't want to cuss in front of our son, it just happens sometimes. I like the 'adult word' way to phrase it. But hopefully we won't have that conversation anytime soon. (fingers crossed!)
Have Dad explain that he (DAD) was wrong to use those words, apologize for allowing him (son) to hear them and have Dad tell son that he will not use them any more.
My three year old cusses every once in a while too. I tell him those are yucky words that only big people can say. Seems to help somewhat
My 2 year old dropped the f bomb recently. We completely ignored it and after two days he stopped. It's been 5 months and he hasn't said it since. Fingers crossed!
Dad is the adult... His brain is fully formed, complete with matured control impulses... Dad needs to stop talking that way. He needs new phrases to shout out: "Mother of all spaghetti!" "Tarnation!" "Son of a magpie!"
Because your son is learning how to temper emotions fromyou and Dad. Do as I say, not as I do doesn't work for someone who doesn't have any other example to follow.
Your husband needs to stop using these words when your son is around. That's the only solution I can see..and I agree with ignoring it for now when your son says it. If he never hears dad say them again, he'll forget. otherwise, it will keep up. is that what your husband wants?
I'm going to be honest, I've cussed like a sailor for years. I also have an African Grey parrot that can not only swear with the best of them, he can also mimic my voice perfectly, proving without a doubt where he learned some of those choice words. My son is 15 years old and as a little boy, he never said a bad word and never even seemed to notice that I did. And then came along my sweet, but incredibly bossy and demanding daughter whose goal, it seems, is to teach her mommy some manners. LOL So, I am in a constant battle with myself and have tried all the tricks...Making myself pay a dollar, snapping my wrist with a rubber band, finding "alternative" swear words, but I J. couldn't ever make anything stick. That is, until I watched the movie, "Fantastic Mr. Fox" and laughed myself silly at the way they "cuss" in that movie. If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend it and maybe your husband can implement their "cussing" into his vocabulary. I'm a long way from "cured", I'm sure, but "Fantastic Mr. Fox" at least gives M. a much needed chuckle when I need to let loose a zinger.
And I do agree with the other moms, as he gets older it will be easier to explain why you'd rather he didn't say those words. In the meantime, try not to let him see you laugh (you have to admit, sometimes it is a little funny!) and try to get Dad on the same page with you.
Good Luck!
I told my hubby if our little one ever got in trouble in kindergarten or nursery school for using bad words I would make hubby go conference with the teacher without me. After age 6 you can make them understand some words are for adults only.
This is the first of many hypocrisies in life. He is not allowed to say cuss words because he is a child. Cuss words happen in adult life, so kids need to learn that until you pay your own bills - No cussing. I am glad to say that I am a hypocrit. I get to drive, they do not because they just aren't old enough. I get to cook with the stove, they do not. Life is full of hypocrisy. That is just the way it is.
I really think you need to lighten up about this. He's 2.5 and he just repeats what he hears everywhere. If it doens't come from your husband, he's bound to hear it somewhere else, too.
My 2.5 yr old drops F bombs on occasion, and I personally think it's quite funny. He doens't know what he's saying or what it means. Trying to correct it right now won't do very much. And if you can't get your husband to watch his launguage then you're pretty much stuck.
Address this when he's a little bit older, and can understand why you don't want him to say it.
Obviously, if he's learning it from Dada, it's kind of hypocritical to get angry at him for saying it.
This is where you TEACH your 2 year old, not get mad at him. Say calmly, "Honey, Dada's not supposed to say that word. I don't want you saying that." And if Dada's going to be dropping the f-bomb a lot, you'll probably have to correct your son numerous times.
And I had a similar experience to Kozmoma -- I've been known to drop a few myself, and my kids had pretty virginal tongues for a long time. I also tried paying my daughter every time I slipped up.
Over all, he will end up doing what you DO, not what you say, so maybe you can get Dada to mellow out a bit on the colorful language.
I always used the term "adult word" with my kids. This way they know when they see dad saying this it is because he is an adult.
HAHAHA OH I am not laughing at you. 20 years ago another little boy said GA DA DA from the back seat when I slammed the brakes really hard. He said it before I could. He wasn't calling daddy either he was saying God Da__ it. OOPS!! He said at three "You know Mommy, You can say bulldozer but you can't say bullsh#$."
That little boy is now a 21 year old sailor and I cringe sometimes when he calls. So I guess I didn't do such a hot job, I just got him into the right profession.
When my oldest was about that age, she was playing with a toy, trying to open it (not what the toy was supposed to do) and she repeated, SH*T, SH*T,SH*T! quietly to herself.
I had to try hard not to laugh when I figured out what she was saying b/c she got that one from me...I had no one else to blame it on.
I checked and made sure of what she was saying, explained that sometimes mommy said it, but that it was an "ugly" word and gave examples of places (church, school) and people (grandparents) where we shouldn't say it. I left it at that. I think I gave an alternative like shoot! and just reminded her if I heard it again for a few days. She accepted it and I haven't had any trouble with language since and she is almost 4.5. Now that she is older, we explain that words aren't good or bad, but the intent behind them can be, and some words are very upsetting to some people and some words just aren't acceptable in certian places and situations, and we need to be sensitive to that.
I would suggest redirecting his language and pointing out when dad says it too. Like your husband cusses after hitting his finger with the hammer, and you look at your son and say, "Dad just said something not very nice/acceptable/good/ugly (however you want to frame it) and that isn't what we do is it? What word could dad say instead?" I (and my husband) always apoligize when we cuss in front of the kids, so if you think your husband would, he could say sorry after...
Hope this helps :)
Do not make a big deal out of it. If he gets a big reaction he is more likely to use the words again.
I know a lot of people will probably disagree with this, but we have taught our 4 yo daughter that she can say those words when she is a grownup and knows 'how to use them'. We have explained that some people think they are bad words and she will understand when it is ok to use those words and when it is not, when she is a grownup. I've also explained that my parents do not like those words, so we don't talk like that around them. My husband and I do not try not to swear around our kids. We just explained it that way and don't make a big deal out of it so they won't get a big reaction when they swear. So many kids do it because they get such a reaction, and so many parents stress out about it. I don't think it's such a big deal, it's just words, but the power they have depends on the power we give them. Hope that helps a little bit, good luck!
Dad needs to find more eloquent ways of expressing himself.
He won't be laughing a few years from now when his then teenage son talks to him like that.
It might relieve some frustration, but it's a poor workman who swears at his tools. As for hurting himself - construction sites can be hazardous. Safety precautions need to be taken to prevent them as much as possible.
Truth of the matter is, it's time for Daddy to grow up and be accountable! Honestly if other adults were to hear your little one say things like that they will not want their kids to be around your son. Whether you agree or disagree with the foul language others will assume that if you are speaking freely in front of your little one with these words they must be acceptable in your household.
I think its awesome that you guys are building a house and I think it is a great experience but your husband is just going to have to be conscience of his words.
Good luck,
DH
Children imitate what they see and hear. He wants to be like his dad and he WILL be like his dad. You husband is immature and shows a lack of control and a limited vocabulary. I think it is great that ya'll are all working together but your husband has to find a better way to express or not express himself when he is angry.
You always have choices. If your husband wants and needs an assistant I would tell him he has to not do that anymore or I will take the baby and go back to the apartment and then do it. He may get angry (he already is) but he will learn. Men only learn from real consequences. Men who behave badly do so because no one stands up to them and means it.
I would not have my two year old who is just learning to talk hearing that and no they would not understand the hypocrisy of being punished for something that dad is doing.
Okay I'm guilty of saying "potty words" myself. When my daughter was about that same age she was putting a puzzle together and got frustrated. She said "damnit". Everyone in the room looked at me! Also, when our son was about that same age and everyone kept forgetting to close the door my son piped up and said "close the damn door". Again, all eyes rolled to me! This is not something I'm proud of and every year I promise to curb my tongue. I'm getting better but it is still a struggle. My kids are now 22 and 18. They don't appear to be traumatized from their mother's "potty mouth". I wouldn't get all over your son but again like most moms have said explain that those are adult words. Good luck! We can't wait for them to talk and walk and then when they do we want them to sit down and be quiet! I will say this, enjoy your little boy because before you know it he will be grown up and leaving the nest!
I didn't read all of your responses but I just have 2 things. First, the bigger reaction he gets, the more your son is going to want to do something. I know it's hard not to react but if he doesn't get the reaction he's looking for he probably will stop. If he dosen't I don't see any reason not to give him a punishement. I do not cuss and I do ask my husband to watch his mouth and he does a pretty good job but I am a firm believer that parents have a few more rights than children. I would think there are quite a few things that you are allowed to do that you don't allow your son to do- that's because you are the parents. I wouldn't worry too much about it- this too will pass.
Time for Daddy to clean up his language if he wants help building the house! Tell him you'll be happy to assist him building with the condition that there is no potty mouth. Continue this way and it'll get your son in a ton of trouble at school. I would never let my kids play with a kid that speaks that way. It's crass and unnecessary. I have friends that have a swearing jar, 25 bucks a word. Put your foot down for the sake of junior. Good luck!
First you AND HUbby should sit your son down and explain that he shouldn't say those words and daddy shouldn't say them either and that they are not nice words. Come up with a fair punishment for daddy when he says those words like quarter in a jar and that your son can help monitor. When he hears daddy say those words then he should say "You said a bad word. You have to put a quarter in the jar." and then he goes with daddy right then and watches him put a quarter in the jar. If your son says the words then he has a punishment he has to do and each has to apologize to you and the other (hubby or son) for saying those words. Not only will he realize he'll get punished for saying them but he'll also see daddy gets in trouble as well. We did this as well and it worked.
You're not going to get anywhere until your husband reigns in his swearing or at least makes visible attempts to try to. Kids do what you DO. I also agree with not making such a big deal out of it. It's the reaction that eggs them on - same as your husband. Getting angry when my husband swears only encourages him. Good luck!
Hard as it may be, the less of a big deal you make, the less likely it is to continue. Hubby needs to refrain from such language when kids are around because they are little sponges.
For now, just reinforce that those words are nice and he is not allowed to say them. Just be matter-of-fact about it so it doesn't seem like an attention getter to your son.
