Your Hubby

My dream mother in law is my boyfriends mom. She is amazing. Understanding, Smart, willing to teach me what I don't know, open to my idea's on things, and has open arms. Love her to death!

My former mother-in-law comes as close to being all I could want in a MIL:

She never played favorites with her grandkids. She saw each one as an amazing individual and treated them all the same, like they were her favorite! She is patient and really spends time with each one.

She never told me how to raise my kids. She asked me how I wanted to do things when I was at her house. She supported me in my decisions and treated me with respect.

She was appalled when I asked for her apple crisp recipe because my ex informed me that his mother version was better than mine. She said she was going to have a talk with her son about that.

She sent me a small gift right after her son and I separated, and has kept in touch since we divorced. We don't talk about it, but I think she understands, since her son is so much like her husband, and her life with him is not easy.

I adore my MIL and FIL both. In fact I would much rather spend time with her than my own mother. She's pleasant to speak with and be with.

I wish we lived in the state state as his parents, so we could see them more often.

She really just is a very kind, welcoming woman.

I had a dream mother in law and unfortunately, I lost her right after my son was born. She never even got a chance to see him.
She was very old fashioned in many ways, to be sure, but I liked her the minute I met her and we were very close. She wasn't just my mother in law, she was my friend.
She was very thoughtful and very creative. She was always making things for everyone like beautiful quilts. She had a sense of humor and we were able to laugh and rib one another with no feelings hurt on either side. She loved her son, obviously, but always stuck up for ME.
I wasn't my husband's first wife and they didn't have the best relationship, so when I came along, she got the "daughter" she had always wanted.
We mutually adored each other and I respected her age and wisdom and the way she did things. She respected me as a wife and mother.

My divorce came well after she had passed away, but I don't know if I could ever get so lucky a second time. She and my mother loved each other, she was close with my whole family.
The whole Mother In Law thing just worked and clicked and I miss her so very much to this day.

I was very blessed to have her.

One who did not make her DIL feel relieved when she died.

The one I have, but without alzheimers. Her, with her old wit. A great laugh, appreciative, kind, a wicked sense of humor, a lot of straight forward common sense, an old-time feminist (she's 85), one who expects her son to do right, recognize that he's got a fantastic woman as a help mate (moi!), and that taught her son to clean, iron, and not take a woman for granted. No such thing as "woman's work"; it's a team effort.
I love her as a mil, but really do like her as a person too! I just wish she could get her mind back and follow conversations without getting stuck on ''the loop'' where she repeats the same question every 5 minutes.
My favorite thing: we call her every morning, and inevitably she'll ask what I'm doing and he'll say "Oh she's packing my lunch for me" and she'll promptly say "You're a big boy, why aren't you packing your own lunch?" He just laughs and says "Because I'm ironing my shirt, mom!" I know I'm lucky.

She has told me a few times in the past that she has seen such drastic change in him (happy, at peace, he's found "his place") and she believes that is because of our relationship, and our children. She's thanked me for what I've done for him when I thank her for raising him the way she did.

Wow, after reading some of the responses I no longer feel like I have anything to complain about and my new answer is that I am greatful for the mother in law that I have. But,I guess my PERFECT mil would never say anything negative about my husband in front of our kids.

what prompts the question? Is your MIL lacking or is she what you wanted? I didn't have kids before I had a MIL so I had no such notions about wanting one who babysat or otherwise because I didn't know how truly valuable that would be to me as a mother. When I was young the only image i had was one that liked me and wasn't neurotic. Thats all.
Now that I have one I will have to say i hit the jack pot of Mil's. I didn't know it at the time, but this is what most of us would be so lucky to have in a MIL, and I am blessed to have it (or rather her):

secure enough in herself she does not cause drama
has the love and adoration of number of people in her family so she doesn't need to cling to just one child (my spouse)
chooses not to interfere
loves to spend time with her grand kids
offers to help anytime we need them, wether its a new baby, a move, or just really hectic times (G. and grandpa come as a team, so he needs honorable mention)
would rather serve than be served
loves me
great to be around
energetic and youthful for her age
loves to laugh

She lacks only one thing- time (she is grandmother to 14, and has 4 children)

in the end, your wish list is what I had....& rejoiced in until her death.

the early years were something else!

I hope to be the MIL of my dreams.....& my sons swear I will. :)

My dream MIL would be dead or living on another planet.

My ideal MIL would be a good listener who never offers advice unless I ask for it.

She would build us up by offering unconditional love and support.

She would have a life of her own and not spend her hours trying to control other people. Her gifts would come with no strings attached.

She'd be sober.
She'd respect her son enough to respect his choice of wife - and not see me as "the competition".
She'd understand that, if I did not parent exactly as she would, it was not a commentary on her parenting.
She would NOT do outrageous things to me, then angrily claim I did them to her.
She would not call herself "Mommy" to my children.
She would hear and respond emotionally what I said - not to what the voice in her head (that twists everything) has said.
If she was mentally ill, she'd seek treatment and not attempt to self-medicate.
She would not rely on others for financial support simply because she felt work was beneath her. But she COULD rely on us for financial support if needed.

She could be overbearing, she could be over-the-top dramatic, she could be a glamour-girl (I am not). She could be the opposite of those things too. We could have everything or nothing but family in common. And as long as she *respected* me as her son's wife and the mother of her grandchildren, we could probably become close...or at least friends.

I don't have this and I used to try SO hard to get it. I tried to talk (doesn't work when the other person "translates" what you say into something ugly). I tried to please (LOL). I finally accepted that I can *only* control me, so I decided to be a good daughter-in-law to the extent I am able and to treat her with respect. I try to focus on how much she loves her grandchildren, not that they can't be left alone with her. I try to focus on that she raised two self-sufficient adults, not that she groomed the one I married to be her lifelong companion (I know, I know - I'm still working on it:).

I try not to do anything to her that I wouldn't want done to me, and I sleep in peace. What she chooses to do is up to her. I hope one day she realizes that I did not "screw her over" by marrying her oldest son and giving her her only grandchildren. But if it doesn't happen, it won't be beacuse I didn't make room for it.

So...yeh...at this point, my dream MIL = kind-hearted, sober, and sane. She need never want to baby-sit and she could ask to borrow my clothes and I'd be good with that.

Funny how the difficult people in my life mellow me more!

Did you get your dream MIL? Do you think you can be a dream MIL (I'll try!)?

I'd settle for one who is alive. From what I hear, my kids and I would have loved my MIL and she would have loved us.

My FILs wife is pretty great, but of course she doesn't have the same relationship with my husband so a lot of that mother/son/daughter-in-law tension that causes problems in many families isn't there. It's nice that my ILs love, trust and respect me and let me know that they consider me a welcome addition to the family and they value what I add. They are nothing but welcoming and generous (sometimes too generous, which "enables" my husband but I digress). They live for their grandchildren and spend as much time as they can with them when they're here. The extended family can be a bit intrusive and they have a habit of crossing a lot of boundaries and getting in people's business, but they are a loving bunch who mean well. I'm very lucky in the IL department, but I would have loved the chance to meet and know my husband's mother.

I never really thought about a dream MIL. If you had asked me 8-10 years ago I would have said "she does not write me six page letters identifying I am evil and no good for her son"...that's it, all the requirement I would have asked for. (Yes my MIL did write me this letter)

Fast forward to the present..I would say I would love for her to be around her grandkids and son more. But she's just not the "lovey G.".

She and I only speak in person, rarely talk on the phone (and when we do it is in re: to my husband, her son).

We get "along"...we tolerate and respect eachother now...but do we really like each other? I think each of us doesn't want to be the first to admit we were wrong about the other so we "fake it".

My first MIL was about as close to perfect as a MIL can get. She was accepting, kind, respectful and helpful. She did know her son was not perfect and was so pleased I was in the family. I still get Christmas cards from her (10 yrs later), and I send them to her too. Unfortunately, the husband was not so great.

My current hubbie is great, but the MIL is judgemental and mean spirited. Oh well, can't have it all I guess.

Both of my MILs were good.

My first MIL - knew her son was NOT a saint. Would put him in his place on many occasions. Loved us both fiercely. She supported us both. Saw us both for who we were and told us BOTH how she felt without sugar coating it.

My second MIL died on Mother's Day. Our relationship was not always rosy. However, I could call her about ANY questions I had about kids and she was my own personally Mamapedia!! All her tricks worked!! She told Bob when he was wrong too. It was rare, but she would tell him.

She would believe that I was a good parent and let me be one. She would remember that she had already raised her kids and stop trying to redo it with mine.

She would stop sabotaging her own life and then expecting us to clean it up....

Someone who gives me space. Also, someone who understands that we have limited family time, so we aren't always up for sharing our evenings/weekends.

I have the perfect MIL! She lives out of state, I've only met her in person once, and we only speak to her 2-3 times per year. =)

To not talk about me behind my back, to keep her opinions on her faith to herself, to communicate first with me directly about plans for my children instead of going to them first and then making me look like the bad guy when I say NO. The list could go on and on, but those are the top three things.

I find it amusing that most times, when my MIL talks about me - it gets back to me via another source. Is she really that stupid? And the communication issue with my kids. Just found out that she has "planned" and informed my kids that she is taking us on a Disney Cruise during their spring break. I have not heard a word about it from her - only from the kids. Little does she know, I already have plans for our spring break to visit my sister in another city. This is what she gets when she doesn't communicate directly with me and my husband. It's absurd! I think she does it that way to play on the kids emotions and then thinks it will be too hard for me and her son to tell them (and her) no. I don't appreciate manipulation.

I think someone who understands that I am not her child, and respects our marriage. Like the other posters says: gives advice when she is asked, but does not give her opinion on every little thing. I would also like her to be open to my opinions and respect the way we raise our children. I would like her to stay out of our personal buisness and not split me and my husband (ex: telling him what she thinks we are doing wrong)

I have a very nice MIL, however, I would love for her to WANT to hang out with my kids, not just on the times when she HAS to, like birthdays and Christmas.

to mind her own business for starters!! haha :))

One that doesnt smoke or wear so much perfume she smells like a Lousiana w**** house. She watches my kids 2 days a week and they smell awlful when they come home. She doesnt smoke in the house but the kids still have that stale smell on them. Ugggggg. Otherwise is great!