Good MIL Stories, Please

I have a great FIL. MIL? Not so much! LOL

I respect them though, as the parents of my husband.

Now, wanna talk about a GREAT MIL?
My husband has a GREAT MIL!

For the most part, I love my MIL. However........lol

No she's really not that bad. The main beef I have w/ her is she LOVES making you feel guilty. Although hubby thinks she doesn't realize it. to me, be upfront. I hate passive aggressive B.S.

My MIL is awesome...she is such a kind person and she is very careful not to step on my toes. I really enjoy her and she thinks of me as another daughter. She is always saying she is so happy that her son has me in his life. So sweet! She love to do crafty things and so do I, so we have fun making things together sometimes.

My mother in law is absolutely the sweetest person in the world, and she has this surprisingly liberal side that she lets out once in a while that I love. She has 3 sons and her husband and no daughters--so once her boys started getting married she was just so excited to finally have some females in the family! She is always trying to make sure everyone is happy and comfortable, and is such a good samaritan. The other night she called me around 7 and asked if she could stop by...her and my father in law brought me a beautiful pot of flowers for no other reason than "being the best mom our grandchildren could ever have". I cried and realized just how grateful I am for these people in my life. My husband comes from an amazing family :)

My son was their first grandchild and when I was in the hospital being induced, she brought me a care package that had a little gift to open every hour (i couldn't eat past midnight, so all the presents up until midnight were candy and my favorite treats!) and she even gave me a guardian angel wind chime that her deceased mother had made for her when she was a girl. She will help us out at the drop of a hat, she will listen to me complain about my husband and will give me a completely unbiased opinion if I ask for it, she took my family in like her own and makes my sisters baby clothes and gifts when they're pregnant. My son is gifted and I have a hard time trying to keep up with his little mind and just how much information he absorbs on a daily basis. MIL has her masters in Developmental Education and always thinks of the coolest games for him and she pretty much started doing "preschool" with him every friday since he was a few months old. I'm amazed at how much she teaches him and stretches his intelligence all while making it completely fun for him. And last but not least....My kids are IN LOVE with their Nana! She's just the best!

I love my in-laws! My MIL and I speak at least once a week, if not more, on the phone. When they are in town (they live 3 hrs away so we see them every couple of months), we shop together and eat together. MIL and FIL are the best grandparents in the world! They get down on my son's level and speak with him, play with him, and enjoy spoiling him a bit but they respect the rules I set. They also have embraced our foster children as their own grandchildren and spoil them as well, and they cry when the kids leave our care too. I have a closer relationship with my MIL than I have with my own mother. My mom isn't a bad person, we just have never had a close relationship and I so appreciate having my MIL to talk with and get advice from.

I'm pretty neutral with my MIL. We are very different people, but we get along well. She told me once many years ago... "If I'm stepping on your toes or meddling, tell me. If I don't know it bothers you, I can't know to stop.". There have been a couple of times that I have said something to her and it is generally well-received. My mom did the same thing with my husband and if you are upfront, it really helps!

My mom and grandmother have a really good relationship, but again that came from two things:
1. Having real conversations on a regular basis
2. My parents don't "need" my grandparents for anything... it's a very different dynamic when you don't need your in-laws for childcare, financial support, etc.

We all say that we would "never" do things... but we do. Just tell the Future Mrs. P that if you overstep, it's okay to say something.

Several weeks ago, my DH hurt my feelings and just couldn't see my point of view. I asked him to call his mother and ask her how she'd feel if she were on the recieving end of his behavior.

He came home with flowers for me, along with a sincere apology and a promise to never behave like that again. I think she tore him a new one.

My MIL is amazing. Kind, respectful, doesn't butt in and only offers advice when asked. I could go on and on. Yes sometimes we disagree and sometimes I don't like her advice but we always work it out.
Her most recent amazing feat. When I went into labor at 33 weeks she and FIL drove 5 hours to come and stay with my 3yo. The doctors were able to stop my labor but my in-laws stayed for a few days and thankfully they did because my labor started again and couldn't be stopped. My MIL then stayed for 3 weeks so hubby and I could be at the hospital with our new baby who was in the NICU. My MIL did laundry, cooked all meals, grocery shopped, took care of 3yo and decorated her new big girl room (with my approval of course). I will never be able to thank her enough for all that she did. She did it all without complaints and was just happy that we asked her to help. I'm very thankful for such a wonderful MIL.

Oh, my MIL is a truly awesome grandma and a great woman in general. When the baby was born, she stayed for two weeks cleaning and cooking. She supports our family being into politics and art and my thrifty efforts to keep all of us going on one income. Most importantly, she has worked really hard to "get" my kid (7 yo with autistic spectrum disorder) by flying out to visit, going to therapy appointments with us, and visiting her school, and setting up little projects they can do together when we visit. More than I can say about my own mother, frankly.

To be clear: We do get very irritated with each other over certain issues, and she used to do things when my daughter was a baby that defied comprehension (HOW ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU DO NOT PUT SCENTED LOTION ON A BABY'S RASH). So, nobody's perfect, but whatevs. Hope this helps

Updated

Oh, my MIL is a truly awesome grandma and a great woman in general. When the baby was born, she stayed for two weeks cleaning and cooking. She supports our family being into politics and art and my thrifty efforts to keep all of us going on one income. Most importantly, she has worked really hard to "get" my kid (7 yo with autistic spectrum disorder) by flying out to visit, going to therapy appointments with us, and visiting her school, and setting up little projects they can do together when we visit. More than I can say about my own mother, frankly.

To be clear: We do get very irritated with each other over certain issues, and she used to do things when my daughter was a baby that defied comprehension (HOW ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU DO NOT PUT SCENTED LOTION ON A BABY'S RASH). So, nobody's perfect, but whatevs. Hope this helps

loved reading your posts. I have nothing to add because I am on the other receiving end from MIL but I have to say I have made a silent promise to myself and my daughters that I will be the greatest mother in law, with God's help. I know what I and my children have endured and I would wish nothing like that to anyone. thanks for the stories.

My MIL aren't super close, but I like her a lot. She always has some interesting story to tell and she keeps me posted on what's going on in the world and all the latest news. She's quirky and competely oblivious to social convention which charms me. As far as being a MIL, she genuinely wants her son and his family to be happy so whatever we do is fine by her. She never gives advice. She never gets upset if we can't come to her house for th holidays. She'll listen to one of your stories and then tell one of her own w/o implying that you're doing it (ie raising the kids) all wrong.

Sigh . . . my FIL is another story.

My MIL used to drive me nuts. I prayed about it; talked bluntly to her; tried to be assertive. She backed off on some stuff. I have tried to treat her with respect.

Our relationship has improved greatly. She & FIL came over to China while we were there & we had the best vacation together!!

Now that we are back in the states & when we had hit a really rough spot, they gave us 3 loans! So, I have gotten an attitude adjustment. They never asked anything personal, just offered the loan.

And, she is careful not to bring up my brother/his girlfriend. She knows that would set me off.

So, there is hope! My own mom has dementia now, so we discuss her needs as well.

My MIL is my "real" mother. Though she was nervous at first to see if I was "good" for her son, she took me in as part of the family and it's been that way ever since. I talk to her every week (she's in FL, we're in TX). You can't guarantee that your future DIL will like you, but if you respect her, it'll go a long way in building the relationship. I never had preconceived notions about MIL's so that never came into play. It's also a part of the mom/son relationship. If that's an unhealthy one, then the MIL/DIL relationship will reflect that.

every time I read stories about difficult MIL's, I want to give mine a big hug. Here are some things I love, appreciate, and respect about her:

- she has a constant desire to learn - even in her 80's, she's taking a Spanish language class and a writing class, has gone on countless Elderhostel and birding trips, and loves going to museums and regional and national parks, where she's bound to strike up a conversation with a docent or ranger.

- she values character and work ethic more than social/economic status and the way she can seem at ease talking with an immigrant painter, mechanic, or contractor shows that she respects their hard work and initiative even if they don't have college degrees.

- she says what she means - no passive/aggressive mind game stuff like the "oh, go ahead, do what you want" that really means "if you don't do it my way, you're on my bleep list".

- she's been through a LOT of tough circumstances yet hasn't become bitter over them - 2nd of 11 children born to immigrant parents, spent WW2 in one of the Japanese internment camps, didn't marry until her mid/late 30's - later than most of her younger sisters - had DH when she was 40 and then had to raise him and his younger adopted sis when DH's dad died of cancer when he was 6. In the midst of all that, she managed to earn her college degree while raising DH and his sis, and manage a couple rental properties for income

yes, she has her quirks that will prompt the occasional eye roll from DH. But from the day I met DH, I could tell he has a profound respect and admiration of his mom - her character and all she's accomplished - and I can understand why. And I know that a lot of what I love about DH - his integrity, respect for people regardless of socioeconomic status, honesty, hard work, and continuous desire to learn - are things he's learned from MIL.

I don't have a MIL, but I can tell you that my mother and my dad's mother got along great. Even after my parents divorced, my grandmother was always a huge part of our lives. She was around more than my father was and did more for my mom and us kids that he ever did. That continued after we grew up and moved out and had our own kids. When she was dying, it was my mother there with us not our father, and although my mother refuses to go to funerals she was at hers. I can only hope that if I ever marry I win the MIL lottery like my mom did.

I get along great with my MIL now. We definately had a rocky start, she was/is friends with my hubby's ex wife, and thought he couldn't do any better than her. He explained to her (without prompting from me!) that his ex couldn't make him happy, and that if she couldn't at least be polite to me during family get togethers, then she would be seeing him a lot less. Things went ok for a couple years, poilte, but distant, until she found out her cancer returned last March. Of course my family and I stepped up to help her out. I took my turn driving her to chemo over an hour and a half away, we started having dinner at her house more often than our own, I told her college age daughter to calm down and let me do some of the house work because she didn't need to stress on getting it all done in one day, etc, etc, etc. Now that she's done with chemo, she made the comment the other day that if it weren't for her cancer, she never would have realized what great daughters-in-law she has. My BIL was in the same boat with her liking his ex better than his current, and they stepped up to the plate to help out too. Now, we may still have our differing opinions occasionally, but we can at least talk about them like adults, and we have much love and respect for each other.

I get along fine with my MIL—*********we aren't all that close*********

as she lives in another state and has physical disabilities which limit her ability to participate. I do love her and respect her

Lucky you!

I have a great MIL. I don't even read the bad MIL posts because I can't relate AT ALL. Lucky me.
Here's my deal. She lives in a different country! HA! Of course she's great! If she lived nearby I am sure it would be different since she is kind of in everyone's business, but really, I talk to them on the phone all the time, we send them money to buy gifts, we Skype, we send school projects to them that they can help with (My son read the book Flat Stanly so we sent a Flat Elijah to them to take all around Mexico City). There are things that drive me a little batty...she cries all the time. Every single time we talk to them. But, like I said...another country!
My husband gets on GREAT with my parents. We are always getting together for family functions and he really loves and respects my parents. And they really love and respect him.
L.

Well, I can relate. I have a son as well and I worry about this all the time.
My own mom always loved her MIL. She has told me many times...."My mother in law, NEVER ONCE said or did anything upsetting to me."
And, she was quite a talker too. LOL so it's not like she just kept her mouth shut at all times. My parents spent lots of time with her. My dad certainly did NOT lose his relationship with his mom, after he got married.
Also I have a couple coworkers with kids and I am always pleasantly surprised at how involved their MIL's get to be with their families. (Even though one of them, quite frankly, sounds kind of overbearing.)
Just stay focused on the positive. That is what I try to do.

I like your post. All the things you say are words of wisdom to us all in building relationships with our own future daughter in laws or son in laws. I wished for a great relationship with mine, but it is civil at best. Can't wait to read all of your answers. I will live vicariously through all of them. :)

I LOVE my MIL! She can be opinionated, and would sometimes drive me crazy when the kids were little (she loved to give them LOTS of treats) but I always let her be the kind of grandma she wanted to be.
I think a lot of problems between MILs and DILs come out of one, unrealistic expectations and two, controlling personalities. Like you, I hope to be the kind of MIL I have, she has been awesome!

I have a wonderful mother in law. She has always made me feel that I am a part of the family. So did my father in law, but he has passed away. She moved in with us after my FIL passed and we have always gotten along. I always welcome any advice that my MIL can give me. I think it helps that we are alike in some ways and can agree on most things. And there are times that we agree to disagree.
If your child can love this person (hubby or wife) then why wouldn't you too. (I do know there are sometimes exceptions to this)

My MIL and I get along great! Sure she does things different from me, but that is part of being different people. She spoils my kids a little too much, but they are her only grandkids. She is getting better as I have said something. (she would buy things for them everytime we visited, it was alright when we lived cross country and only were able to see them once or twice a year, but now that we are 2 hours away, it is a bit much)

My MIL just gave me the BEST Christmas gift. She gave our whole family a trip cross country to see my parents! (she has lots of flyer miles) She won't get to see my kids on Christmas, but I haven't been home for over a year.

When I had my daughter, we lived across the country, I flew to my inlaws for a week by myself so they could spend time with her.

My MIL is good about not overstepping bounds. I really do love her.

My MIL and I get along great! Hell we get along better than her and her youngest son. She doesn't get involved in our marriage and that is key, I think. We both have pretty outgoing personalities, not surprisingly she is the black sheep to the rest of my husbands family, and they don't like me either. But I can handle the rest because my MIL and FIL are awesome!

Honestly? I love my MIL! :)
She never fails to express how lucky she is to have me as a DIL. And I try to express just as much that I adore her, too. She loves her grandson and even though they eat some questionable things together - what happens at Gram's house stays at Gram's house! lol To be honest, there aren't any great big stories, just a lot of little conversations & moments that make her precious to me.
It *does* happen! And I think being worried about it will make it that much easier for you when it happens to your kids.

I love my MIL. We have a great relationship. Of course, she lives in another state, but I think even if we lived in the same area, we would still get along. She did an excellent job raising her son, my husband, and I am so grateful for that. She loves her grandchildren dearly, and for that reason I wish we did live closer to each other. When my daughter was born, she came to stay with us to help. She is always hospitable when we visit, and helpful when she visits. I value her advice, and she knows when it's appropriate to give it. I am blessed to have my MIL in my life.

Love love love my MIL. Shs is an excellant cook. Sometimes she comes down and we do a girls day out with her and my hubby's two sisters. She is a nurse and I call her to ask her what is wrong, she is right everytime! I love having her visit, love her as much as my own mom. I have a hard time getting to know people sometimes and it was so easy with her. She makes everyone feel at ease.

I get along great with my MIL, just as well as with my own mother. When I first met her, that was the first thing I noticed, she's a lot like my mom, laid back, friendly, funny, welcoming. We live 20 minutes away from my in-laws, and 15 minutes away from my parents. My MIL was very upfront about how she would never take offense over how we split holidays (we usually end up have 2 Thanksgivings back to back, Christmas eve with his family, Christmas Day with mine). She always calls before she stops by, and I always call before I go over there, but half the time my husband doesn't call when we go over, but even when we show up unexpected, she welcomes us and invites us to eat dinner with them if we haven't already eaten. My MIL is a great seamstress and was kind enough to let me come over last Saturday and use her sewing machine all day long to finish some Halloween costumes (my machine was having issues) and she and my FIL watched my 2 boys. I am very much a beginner at sewing, but I was glad she just made sure I remembered how to use her machine and told me to let her know if I needed help, then she backed off. I struggled on my own for a few hours, then asked her for advice and she was very helpful and not condescending at all. They help us with projects around the house and we help them, but they don't keep score, they're always willing to help out when they can. I wanted to try canning some of my garden vegetables this year and she let me come over to her house and walked me through it. She even said I was welcome to come over while they were out of town the next week if I needed to can more. I was going to buy more quart size jars, but she told me not to bother since she has so many. I really don't have anything to complain about her, my MIL is a great woman, she has her quirks, but she has been nothing but kind to me and my family.

I love my mother in law! My husband and I have been married for 10 1/2 years and I have had a great relationship with my mother in law the whole time. At first it was awkward, we are both kind of shy people and although we liked each other it took time to warm up and really talk. But she was very generous and kind from the beginning. She did far more to help with my wedding than my parents because my parents lived very far away at the time and had little money, so my in laws paid for some things and loaned us money for other things for our wedding. My mother in law took me shopping for my wedding dress and had good advice, though she was not at all critical. Once our first baby was born we did have some boundary issues, my in laws would drop by unannounced to see the baby, but that was short lived. Both my in laws were wonderful about babysitting when we needed them to and our children adore them! My mother in law invited me to attend a church women's convention with her every spring and we had a great time, it was a good way to catch up with each other without husbands and kids along. My in laws just left last month to spend a year and a half in England and I really miss them! I never expected to have a great relationship with my mother in law because of all the horror stories I had heard, and my mom and her mother in law hated one another! But I feel so fortunate to have a mother in law who loves me and I love her too!

My first MIL was awesome! Too bad that marriage only lasted three years. She would buy me perfume, clothes, toys for the baby... you name it, she was there! She even gave me some old jewelry that had been passed down in her family, which i did give back out of respect. I kinda miss her.
Now my second MIL who passed away in 2010 from cancer, was something else! She had this wall up and never let anyone in except her daughters and was very hard to get along with. She was very opinionated and didnt care if she hurt your feelings or not. She was a very hard woman to love. I think like most mothers who have sons, she felt i wasnt good enough for her son until she realized how much he loved me. She never really had much of a relationship with my hubs or our children. She would favor all the other kids and grandkids except my husband and our kids...
We got along in the beginning and then a few years passed by and i am not sure what happened?? We didnt ever really get close to each other and when my hubs and i had our first baby, she was mad at us because we told her she couldnt be in the delivery room with us, then when she came to see the baby after she was born, she got mad because my hubs told her to wash her hands before she held the baby (she was a smoker) and she said "why, you think i have germs" and my hubs said "no mom, b/c the nurse said everyone has to wash their hands before holding a newborn, plus there is a sign on the door that says that" Then when i asked her who the baby looked like she said "well she sure doesnt look like my son"... our first daughter was born special needs, plus i am hispanic and my hubs is blonde hair/blue eyed, so our daughter had dark hair/skin/eyes... the list goes on and on. I just always felt like we were two high school girls fighting over a boy, except he is her son and he is my husband. My hubs was always caught in the middle. It was not a very good situation. Now that she has passed on, i just feel like there is no more tension and i can finally relax. It is sad to say that the family is slowly drifting apart and my hubs has not seen his family since Easter of this year... and they only live about 40 miles from us. But... his choice, not mine. I just have never been close to any of them, so i feel there is nothing to lose out on, you know. I always told my hubs, he can go there whenever he wants, i would never make him chose. I just know what i need to do to be a good MIL to my future DIL and SIL (many years down the road)... and I will be a good one at that!

I love my mother in law...seriously! I know that I am very lucky to be able to say it, but its true! I think it is because she respects my marriage to her son. She does not try to interfere, but is always willing to listen and give advice when asked. I think when its time for our kids to get married, the best thing you can do is respect their choice, even if it might not be ours!

My MIL is wonderful. From the time my husband and I started dating in college to today, she has always been supportive of us and welcoming of me into the family. She always respects our choices and listens. After 8 years of marriage and 2 kids later, I feel very blessed to be a part of my husband's family.

J. - I am in the same boat as you with two sons, and the thought has crossed my mind too.

My MIL (2nd marriage so 2nd MIL) lives in our town. We get along really well - one major reason is because she respects our boundaries. I don't think I've ever heard her criticize me, which is nice. With my first MIL, we had a good relationship at first, but then got into a big blow-out after my son was born. That didn't help my marriage at all, and my first husband and I later split. When I look back I realize I could have handled it much better. She could have too. I think we both know that now. Better boundaries, and more grace, would have prevented the whole thing. She's a wonderful grandma and that's all I could ask.

With my current MIL, our only difficulty is that she is severely anxious, and she tends to worry out loud. That gets cumbersome, especially when you've got your own kids and issues to worry about. Sometimes I wish she would just lay down her worries and talk about something positive.

I really love her alot, though, and would miss her if she were gone. Her health has gone downhill rapidly (she's 80) and it's finally hit me that she won't be here forever. :(

I am in the same boat as you. I love my MIL and wish we could be closer, but she lives in another state. We do get to see them once or twice a year and we talk on the phone. One day we hope to move closer to them.

I love my In Laws greatly and feel very blessed to be part of their family.

I love my MIL she is like a 2nd Mom to me. My husband is one of her 2 boys, she has always treated me like the daughter she never had. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful MIL.

I have a great mil and so does my husband. We are both blessed to have moms that love us unconditionally yet know we have our own life together. It is such a blessing to know that we have two wonderful women in our lives that love, support and cherish us and our children. Thanks for reminding me how very fortunate I am.

My mother-in-law died about a year before I met my husband so sadly I have no frame of reference. But my husband loves my own mother dearly. That makes me very happy because we share a house with my parents and it could be a very difficult situation. Instead, my parents respect our boundaries and help us way more than we could ever expect them too.

I have a great mother in law. It may be because I was determined from the start to have a good relationship with her, and that I admired the relationship my DH had with his mom before we got married. But it is also because she was excited to welcome me to her family too. I think the biggest contributor is that once we got married I was part of the family. Even though my SIL has been divorced twice, she still respects the men that are that daughter's kids' fathers. My BIL's son's mother (never married) is also treated with respect and kindness. To make clear, she doesn't put those guys and gal above her own kids, and does side with her kids on the issues (she is thier mom after all!) but she tries hard not to speak of them with unkindness. That makes me know that when I am not around she does the same with me.

And if you are worried about it, that's the first step in becoming a great MIL, because you will be sensitive to the issues.

All these stories are so heartwarming and I will strive to be that kind of MIL. My own MIL has despised me since the day her son and I got engaged and has done nothing but criticize and give unasked for opinions and advice that I try to ignore or politely acknowledge and then dismiss. But my experiences with her have only made me vow not to be like that to my future DIL!

I have an awesome MIL--loving, generous, capable and smart! She lives in another state so she is not around on a daily basis but we visit and stay with my in laws for a few weeks every summer (with very little friction). Everyone enjoys the visits and my kids look forward to them all year. She helps where she can but doesn't interfere and as the oldest of 7 kids she is great with the kids. (Since she works at a college so she often finds students that appreciate a little extra mothering, a home cooked meal, etc) I will say both me and my MIL can be pushy and sarcastic at times--but we both make an effort to get along well. My MIL is a lot like my maternal grandmother who has always been one of my role models so that helped me understand her more easily and respect her accomplishments. I think my biggest concern is her not wanting any help as she gets older and eventually needs some. (She had early stage breast cancer and didn't even tell us until she was 6 weeks into treatment!).

Ok. My husband and I are separated (we are divorced but it sounds old for us.), and when I told her I was pregnant again, she was telling me I couldn't ever have another child being single. She says that every time we see her, and we only visit twice a year. Every time I hear her say that, it makes me less confident just by 1%. I have confidence in myself, but it always shrinks.
She's always underestimating me because her son separated from me. I just wish she'd act nicer toward me. But whenever she sees my daughter, her whole attitude changes toward her. Sometimes when we were coming home from there, Delilah would ask me, "Why was grandma yelling at you and making you sad?" it would bring me to tears when she said it, and I would let her know that she and I don't have a good relationship, and its an "adult thing" that kids don't understand.

Oh, my MIL is a truly awesome grandma and a great woman in general. When the baby was born, she stayed for two weeks cleaning and cooking. She supports our family being into politics and art and my thrifty efforts to keep all of us going on one income. Most importantly, she has worked really hard to "get" my kid (7 yo with autistic spectrum disorder) by flying out to visit, going to therapy appointments with us, and visiting her school, and setting up little projects they can do together when we visit. More than I can say about my own mother, frankly.

To be clear: We do get very irritated with each other over certain issues, and she used to do things when my daughter was a baby that defied comprehension (HOW ARE YOU NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU DO NOT PUT SCENTED LOTION ON A BABY'S RASH). So, nobody's perfect, but whatevs. Hope this helps