Would You Be Offended If Your Husband Said This?

The comment from a 50 year old man about 19 year old boobs is pathetic and sort of child-molesterish. Yuck.

In the context of all the other things you have mentioned, I would be very upset. It sounds like this was just the last straw. It sounds like you are very unhappy, and getting sick of his behavior. I would be, too!! If you really are thinking you made poor judgement...perhaps...you should start thinking about how long you want to live in this relationship thinking that. Do you think you can remain happy with life continuing like this? If not, try counseling.

Yep, would have bothered me too. Have the 2 of you tried marriage counseling? I think you should go, even if he won't- sounds like the 2 of you have issues that go waaay back.

If you don't do something different, nothing will be different.

Very best wishes!!
Blessings =o)

No, I wouldn't be offended.

You have a number of problems, the most important is that you don't understand the sexual needs of most men or your husband. Your husband probably has some problems too, but you don't tell us enough.

Read and follow the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." It will help you understand the boob comment as other women have already pointed out. (No pun intended.)

I always have a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on for those in need. I NEVER let it go any farther than a listening ear and an empathetic comment or two. The card was a comment. My wife and I talk enough where I would have probably told her about the nurse. But maybe not because my forgetter works so much better than my rememberer now adays. My wife might question me, if she was the jealous type, but she is secure enough in our relationship that she isn't jealous. If you've read very many of my posts, you know I am totally devoted to her and love her very much. My wife also knows that.

Quit being a feminist and start being a partner and wife.

Good luck to you and yours.

Ugh. Seriously, some people on this site boggle my mind! If you had said that you didn't have much of a sex life and your husband RAPED someone, they would side with your husband! I swear! Regardless of how men think, they can behave appropriately.

If a 50 year old man was commenting on my 19 year old daughter's nips, I would crack him in the nuts. It's called being a dirty old man and he is not beyond having some self control.

Now, the girls were naked in the pool (strange by American standards only), but since we can't control other's behavior, we CAN control our own and that includes your husband!
I would be angry too.

Edit* Dawn, I just read your post and wanted to clarify, 50 isn't old!!! Haha! It is too old to be ogling girls that could be daughters. I had to deal with a woman in her 50s at our church who was making sexual comments about a 18 year old young man. She made him so uncomfortable that I told her off and informed her that she could be sued for harassment.
Seriously, I don't know why certain men and women have such low class as too make public comments about others anatomy. Icky.

My opinion is that anyone who shows themselves naked in public are exhibitionists. That he commented about their boobs is not surprising--since they were naked! If they were dressed, at the beach or community pool, and he commented on their bodies, that might make the comment inappropriate. But if you're running around in public and showing everyone your goods, don't be surprised if you're objectified.

So no, I would not be offended by his comment.

As for the greeting card--it strikes me as harmless. If you notice continued contact between them and it could be an emotional affair, that's a different matter. But sending a greeting card or paying a compliment to an old flame are not offensive to me.

No offense, but your reactions make me wonder if you're a bit insecure or jealous... Or perhaps you're inadvertently looking for a reason to leave him and making more out of his interactions and comments.

I would not be offended. I mean, if you don't have sex with him, then what do you expect? Guys NEED it. Also, why would you post a picture on facebook with naked girls on it? I didn't even think that was allowed. As for the nurse thing, a greeting card is nothing. Not a big deal at all.

Well if you don't have much of a sex life then I am not surprised that he was happy to encounter those "nipples" that you mention.
Honestly, why are you with him? It doesn't sound like it's working out for either of you :(

I would not knowingly take my man where young naked women are letting it ALL hang out. The comment he made was stupid, vulgar and disrespectful to all concerned, especially his wife.

I can not stand FACEBOOK, it causes so much hurt and trouble.

He should not be sending cards to other women unless you both sign the card.

You say your sex life is NOT SO MUCH....He's 50, far from old and would probably like to have a better physical relationship with you. If you want to do something about it, talk to him and see about counseling. If you don't, he will probably go elsewhere and a newly separated or divorced woman could be easy pickings.

Blessings...

If you aren't keeping up your end of the marriage, how can you expect him to? Men like sex, they think about it often, if you don't give it to them they will be more likely to go looking for it elsewhere. I find that the more I have sex with my husband, the more attractive he is to me.

Where to start...

If the two of you had a decent relationship I could see you being more offended. But you start out by telling us you are too good to sleep with him...or more so, he's not good enough for you.

Men are sexual guys. They are also visually stimulated. He may be a little crude in the way he says things. But he's just being honest. He got to see a young woman with nice looking jugs and you aren't showing him yours. Maybe you should worry less about what he thinks of those girls and more about giving your man what he needs.

I live with a man that hates sex and he's always hated sex. He sees it as a way to keep a relationship together if the other person insists on it and as a way to pro-create. I stopped trying to get from him what he's unwilling to give because of love. It's not worth it to me. I am a Christian and I would never do the things you describe of him. But let me tell you this... If it were not for my relationship with the Lord, I'd cheat on him in a heartbeat and rub his nose in it. He's made a mockery of marriage and been entirely selfish because he has sexual hangups. He doesn't deserve my faithfulness. He gets it anyway because I love GOD.

.

My husband would make the boob comment too. I would not make me mad.
Your husband is 50, not dead.
Whatever is lacking at home is showing up with his friendliness to others, we all like to be and say happy things to people because happy makes you feel good. If you arent happy at home you will figure out ways to offset it for survival purposes.
Life is too short to make each other miserable every day.
The morning thought when you wake up is "what can I do to make my marriage better this morning?". If both people do that, things get "happier".

Honestly, from what you are telling us--it isn't so much the breast issue or the nurse on FB. You seem to have much deeper issues at the root and that is causing you two to get in a tizzy about all of this. I suggest reevaluating your relationship to see if you both want it to work or call it quits and find someone who shares similar values and ideas as you do. Either way, get to a counselor or third party to work some of this out. GL!

M

First, posting a picture of strangers you met naked is completely wrong, and actually against facebook's rules.... Just b/c a person is naked on a nature hike in a pool does not mean they want to be showing up online that way. So first, I think that's poor judgment on your part and I would remove the photo stat.

Yes, the boobs comment would piss me off. No, I don't think the card being sent to a nurse would offend me, unless there were other flirtatious issues he had with her.

However, clearly there are some deep issues in your marriage that you need to work out together.

***got your note where you said you didn't post the naked ladies on your facebook. Okay, in that case I would also be pissed that he mentioned it :)

Why are you married to a man that you think so little of in general? The only place you say anything nice about him is the first part of the first sentence of your post. But you have an entire page essentially asking if you're justified in feeling offended, betrayed, distrust in, and disgusted by the man you're married to.

If you don't want to be married to him and feel you made a mistake, you don't need anyone justifying your feelings. You feel what you feel. If you want out then you're entitled to get out of the relationship. If you want to save it then you need to consider marriage counseling.

Yes, I'd be offended on both counts - on #1 because he verbalized what he should have kept to himself, and #2 because it's a trust issue. That said, however, he's probably just as unhappy as you are, so why would you choose to take a man with whom you don't have much of a sex life and who obviously still has a libido to a place where there are potentially naked women? I agree with the previous ladies - get yourselves into counseling and work on the real issues that are making you both so unhappy!

It wouldn't bother me because it's natural for people to be attracted to people. I get it. He gets it. You don't seem to get it. However, knowing you as he does, knowing you don't appreciate things the same way he does, his vocal appreciation of her seems intended to push your buttons. Probably because you've managed to push a few of his and you're both now passive-aggressively "tit-for-tat"ing each other sexually. You say you don't have much of a sex life... his comment about boobs is his way of saying, "I'd like to have a sex life."

In terms of my own relationship, as long as he doesn't act on his impulses, dipping his dip stick around town, I'm perfectly happy if my husband wants to look and appreciate, and he often does. Sometimes my guy will come across a picture of a particularly attractive woman and say to me, "Now that's hot. I wouldn't mind if you dressed up in something like that."

To which I'd respond, "You've got her picture. You know what I look like. You can see me in it in your dreams honey."

You claim to be a feminist, but can you truly be "for the female" if you accept everything about her but her sexuality? Women are sexy. Lighten up. Deal with it and try to find a way to bond with your man. I'm sorry if I'm coming across as rude, but if you know anything about hippies, they are the children of free love. Sex, drugs and rock and roll man! Ring a bell? Jeeze, I didn't even grow up when hippies were everywhere but seriously. Even I knew what they were all about. Hippies were all about spontaneous sex. It cracks me up that in one sentence you said, and I quote, "The trip was a hippy nature experience, my favorite place on earth and i feel like he sexualized and ruined it for me." That right there makes it terribly hard to take you seriously. Sex is natural. If you want to commune with nature, have sex.

And honestly, who on earth doesn't look at a boob and think of reproduction? Also known as sex? Condemning him for this seems pretty ludicrous.

I don't know that any one item you've mentioned would tick me off that badly. My husband may comment on how chesty or beautiful some girl on TV or waitress is, but he does so in an objective way that conveys he's expressing an appreciation for aesthetic. He makes a concerted effort to make sure I always feel appreciated by him. I think that is what you are lacking. I can't imagine anyone opening up to my husband about the failure of their marriage and him not coming to me to at least say, "I'm so glad that's not us," kind-of-way.

I would urge you to spend some time with your husband trying to find the root of the problem, and not mess with the symptoms.

Why are you with him? You aren't attracted to him. It also sounds like you don't think highly of him at all.
Granted, I'm no marriage expert being a single mom and never married, but all that you have said in this post and past, does NOT seem like a healthy relationship at all.
Men need sex. Not want, but need. It's programed into them. It's not something they can change or ignore. The fact that he only commented on them and not immediately stripped down and joined with them is astonishing. So no, I don't think it's offensive. He needs it and that was his "thrill" for the day.

I would not be offended if my husband made comments about boobs. Men like boobs...it's a fact and you need to get over that.

On the other hand, if I was your husband, I would be offended that he doesn't have much of a sex life because it's hard for you to be attracted to him, yet still chose to marry him!! That's offensive, not a man liking boobs, especially young (legal aged) perky boobs!

Quote from you "i just feel i'm made poor judgement marrying a guy that ends up sounding like a red neck trashy perverted old man who lies.

I think you BOTH are guilty of poor judgement...this is why birds of feather flock together...

The boob comment in and of itself between couples wouldn't really offend me, it sounds rather honest...I'd probably respond with, yes, do you remember the day when mine were like that? But publicly? Poor taste.

"so question 1. would the comment on the boobs offend you?
2. would your husband giving a nurse from a hospital a caring card, and NOT telling you and not telling you she contacted him on facebook, bother you?"

To number 1 -- I would be a little offended, but not that much. He is a man, and like many men (and women!) he likes the appearance of a perky young breast. Nothing earth-shattering here. I think to a man, this really is like saying "cute," like your husband states. "Oh, yeah, she's hot, she's got a nice a**, her boobs are hot" -- said in Neanderthal fashion while chugging a beer and scratching an inappropriate body part -- this is what so many guys do! Why do you feel like this comment must "sexualize" the experience for you, thereby ruining it? You are the one choosing to internalize the comment in such a way. Don't YOU get to CHOOSE how you want to experience your hike with your husband. You can choose to internalize or you can choose to ignore the comment. You really CAN choose! If I were you, I would leave that comment alone as a "he's a guy" thing.

To question 2 -- yes, this is offensive to me. Your husband is essentially starting a so-called emotional affair, especially in saying that he was not done with talking to the other woman. He wants to to revisit his past because he is wondering if the grass is greener outside of his marriage. This is stepping out of the marriage to me, and it is a sign of a much larger problem on the horizon.

Overall, it sounds like you are not happy with your husband anyway. In one fairly short post, you called him "perverted," a liar, "red neck," and you stated that you are not sexually attracted to him. It hardly surprises me that you seem pretty short-fused about what, IMO, really should have been a fairly benign (albeit not that smart!) comment about other women's breasts.

I think you should get a counselor to really look more deeply into the problems of your marriage -- I would say this is much more effective than perseverating over a "he's a guy" comment.

Oh, and one more thing....umm, Skidsdad? Yet another "he's a guy" comment. There is nothing wrong with being a feminist. We could use more! S. X., from one feminist to another, I support you.

The boob comment itself wouldn't bother me, my hubby is a boob man, and I have always known it - postin git on Facebook might bug me some, but he should be the one embarrassed by that, not you.

Now, the nurse thing would definitely bother me....that is a bit much emotional ivestment, in my opinion for a married man to be consoling some woman on her divorce, and keeping in touch with her on Facebook, when she is no friend or relation of his prior to this chance meeting in the hospital.

Sounds like you guys have some thing to iron out - might look into marriage counselling, or if he won't go, into counselling for you, so you can decide if you want ot try to make this work, or if you want ot get out.

maybe you should let him see your boobies once in a while :) then you wouldn't have all these other problems with him

if you really were a *feminist* you would have left him long ago

You don't need to have sex with your husband for him to not be a creepy old man. I mean you don't comment on someother ladies nipples or other body parts to your wife or on her FB page. He shouldn't even be thinking it (but I am sure there arent' many who don't lust after someone else once in a while) The nurse is wrong. I mean why didn't he tell you about her in the beginning if it was so innocent? I don't know how he ended up comforting a crying women who is about to get a divorce..how does a married man put himself into that type of situation? Then to send a card??? I mean come on! While I dont' think every man whose wife(or vice versa) doesn't want to have sex with him will eventually cheat it sounds like your husband may be leading up to it..this is just my opinion and may not ever come true and I truely hope that it doesn't,I hate a cheater and feel heartbroken for the one cheated on. Why is he being so stupid?! I hope you deleted either the comment or the whole picture from your fb wall.

These are just small issues that are cropping up around a much BIGGER problem in your marriage.
You don't feel like he listens, he doesn't feel like you appreciate him. Talk to someone, read a book about marriage, take a seminar, talk to your pastor. Start working on your marriage.

You are feeling hurt because of your insecurities.
Grandma T makes some good points too.

And I too am a feminist, but frankly would have made a similar comment about the naked girl. Plus, naked people in cold water is just funny.

Yes and yes! Pissed.

There is a lot more to marriage then sex and the fact that your husband wants to make comments about young girls nipples has nothing to do with you!! I want to think that men would probably make this comment to another man but the fact that he would put it on facebook would irritate me. It sounds to me that he makes poor judgment on a lot of his actions. I have to say that an eighty year old man constantly makes sexual comments to me and he has one of the biggest hearts of any man I know. He just has the runs of the mouth.

Seems like some of these women are not being so nice and judgmental. sadly, that's how most women are....I don't think I'd be mad about the boob comment myself but I'd be upset about the card and nurse. I see why you don't sleep with him and that shouldn't in any way lead up to him having a affair no matter what any of these women say. Sad that they think they have to have sex with their husbands/ so's all the time or they will lose them. Whatever happened to the emotional being of the relationship besides sex? Sex is important in a relationship but not the most important part!

Would I be offended by the boob comment? No. What I would be is embarrassed mostly for him! Facebook is an inappropriate place to make such a comment IMO. So many people are on FB, you might as well be making that comment at work or a family gathering!
That kind of talk should stay in the locker room, garage, or at a bachelor party!
Yeah, I'd be mad about the nurse....

I dated a guy that acted very much in the same way. I couldn't watch a show on tv w/o him commenting..."oh her boobs are fake...her's are fake...now her's are definitly not fake...". My ex b-friend was very immature & very jealous, controlling ect & even if your husband is not the controlling type, he still undermines you & thinks it's okay. Talk to him first, let him know that things that he says & does are inappropriate & makes you feel unappreciated & unwanted; take him to counseling if you think it might help but if he doesn't change or think that he should change, then maybe he isn't the right guy for you. Good luck!

i would be offended, but i would also thought the same thing about the boobs - i'd been jealous of nice young perky 19 yr old boobs - lol! :)
anyway, i probably also would've been pissy about the card, BUT...i probably also would've sent a male friend a card if he was hurt & may or may not have told my husband more than likely b/c i forgot, not b/c i was hiding something.
idk girl, i'm not married, but i know when i was i had very similar feelings that you do about girl comments, cards, etc. i'm kinda sensitive, paranoid, scared like that so marriage doesn't necessarily work for me. but although i'd be pissy about it w/my husband, i don't think i'd let it get to me TOO bad.
i think probably some counseling for YOU would be good. i stay in counseling, with or w/o a husband/mate. also...i didn't have much sex w/my husband when i was married & he left me (stupid excuse) saying it was b/c i wasn't doing it at home. yeah, whatev. but that was 6 yrs ago & i think i would handle a marriage differently now. i THINK, but i don't really know. idk girl...good luck. i'm sorry you're so pissy. :(

Ya in a way it would offend me if he was looking but my guy usually only comments on a woman who have had a whack job (plastic surgery) usually on TV.
Sending a card hmm unsure becauseI was going to send Thank You's to a few car salesmen dealerships who are men that have helped me into looking for a vehicle for me they don't seem to mind that I havn't bought from them they will call & tell me what new vehicles they have in to come see.I have spent hrs with these poor fellas with all my kids in tow.

I think you both would be a lot happier if you had more of a sex life, honestly. It sounds like you are festering a lot of negative feelings about your husband. He is a man, he has as many needs as you do. If you don't change your attitude and work on your own issues, I don't think your marriage will work. You already have a poor image of him, it sounds like the only way he is getting your attention is using poor judgement.

Well, if you posted the picture on your FB, then I'd say it is fair to expect there to be comments made about it.
As for the other, with the nurse, that is out of line. There is no reason for him to have kept that from you, and really no reason for him to be having such "intimate" discussions with a stranger and then following up with MORE contact. (I think we've all had some "private" conversations with strangers on occasion-- you know, just being an ear. I mean, isn't that what we are all doing on this site? But for her to have looked him up on FB strikes me as very forward-- And then he didn't mention her contact afterwards? are you sure he didn't SUGGEST she look him up on FB?
That whole thing is not right. I know it takes all kinds and everyone has different ideas of acceptable in relationships, but my own husband would never do that without talking to me first. In fact, he'd ask ME if I wanted to send a card (if the idea of a card was in his head)--- not him do it.