Can Guys Just Be Friends with Girls? **Updated

I have guy friends.

One a guy I met when we worked together years ago - we have been friends for over 15 years now. I know his wife and often a group of us will meet after work for drinks and dinner. Sometimes his wife joins us, sometimes not. I consider him one of my best friends. We talk and text several times a week.

Another guy I have known since High School - so about 30 years. I have met his children, my son loves him - has known him his entire life. And while we thought about becoming involved about a decade ago, we have always lived in different cities and neither of us wanted to disappoint the other. So we stay friends. We still live in different cities - soon to be different countries, but we always stay in contact via phone and email. He knows me better than anyone else in my life.

So, yes, I think guys and gals can be friends. But, the expectations must be clear on both sides. And any spouses or significant others must be privy to the friendship also.

My best friend is a guy. I knew him before I knew my husband. I have known my husband since we were 13.. When my husband and I got married, I wanted him to be my "Mister of Honor".. But that was 30 years ago and blew too many minds. So my husband was thrilled to have his as a Groomsman.

I have been ill lately, so he came over one day to stay with me. It made my husband feel better to know he was hear with me. He is really like a brother. We look forward to being in the same retirement community, hee, hee.. They have no idea what yhey are in for.

Yes.

Throughout life, I have ALWAYS had many guy buddies. Gay or straight.
Nothing more.
Just platonic friends.
Some may have tried, to make moves and get involved.
But I knew.
I always.... put up the vibes and/or blatantly said, "just friends."
But I have always had guy pals and have not had any problems because of it.
Guys are great friends.
They are like Brothers.

I can always tell, if a guy pal, has ulterior motives or just wants more.
Then I either distance myself or put up the boundaries, however blatant it needs to be, depending on how DENSE the guy is.

Even now as a Wifey, I have guy friends.
No problems.
They know my Husband too.

But if a guy friend is married and the Wifey has a problem with that... you need to, respect that. And visa versa.
If the spouses have a problem with it, even if they are mature.

Your guy friend, well who know what his point was.
Men are just not clear sometimes.
Men, would have NO problem, being alone with a woman if they were interested in you.
Nor 'worried' as you said.
Guys... are usually just guys, and they know that other guys usually just have ulterior motives. So, thus your guy-pals comment. Most guys, CANNOT believe, that a man is just 'friends' platonic, with another woman, married or not.

Guy pals, are great.

Yes, guys can be friends with girls and visa versa. But there can be a very thin line between plutonic friends and romantic friends.

You both would have to be very careful and keep on the proper side of that very thin line. I would find it much easier to be friends with another couple than with another woman. Its easier, but its also do able to be friends with a woman. I would just be very careful. I love my wife dearly and would do nothing to jeopardize our relationship.

Good luck to you and yours.

Depends on the guy. I run into guys who eventually want to date me. But I have a couple best guy friends that are strictly that and have never acted like they want to date me so maybe they do and just don't tell me, but it hasn't happened with them.

I agree with another mom that I do always consider the wife or girlfriend, whatever "status" she is.

In college I became convinced straight men and women can not be just friends. One always wants more and is using the friendship to try and get an opportunity at romance. The men I stayed friends with all all later turned out to be gay.
I have had numerous friends try to kiss me or declare their feelings when younger. Prior to doing so they all said they understood I did not like them that way and never would.

My friends have always been guys, and yes, we were just friends. That does change some when we grow up and marry though. There is little reason for a married man to hang out with a woman other than his wife unless it is in a group, IMO.

My husband has a good female friend that he got to know through work prior to meeting and marrying me. In fact, she stood up at our wedding as his "best person" LOL. She is a very nice woman. She is not married, but in a very committed relationship. I trust both of them completely. Sometimes we all get together and they sometimes get together for lunch (usually their birthdays), but other than that not very often. So yes, I think it is possible. I guess it depends on how honest and mature the people are for a platonic friendship like that to occur.
A.

I've always had more guy friends than girl friends, just like you. I think it was partially b/c I grew up with two older brothers who always made friends quickly. I had a harder time (and we moved around a lot, military).

Anyways - I am still good friends with a few of my college friends. They all live in other cities and have significant other's. I think it's completely fine to be friends with them. My husband doesn't seem concerned or jealous or anything either.

When, in the past, I was married to "C" he didn't mind me even going out of town to visit my guy friend and stay the night at guy friend's apartment! I guess that should've been my first clue that C was cheating on me. :(

But now that I am married to "G" I try to put my guy friends a little farther arm's length away. G and I have a strong marriage and I don't want him to even think I'd cheat on him. I still talk to my guy friends on the phone or via email, but haven't seen them in a few years.

So to answer your initial question subject line - yes I think it's okay for them to be friends. BUT I would be uncomfortable if they said "you should've married me." If I have to hide something from my husband that my guy friend said to me, then it's NOT OKAY (imo).

In Elementary and Middle school i didn't have a lot of guy friends, and then i switch schools a few times (we moved) and gained a lot of guy friends. It is very possible to be just friends with guys. sometimes they have crushes on you, and vice versa, but for me it always stayed just friends, and they were my closest ones. Less drama from guys! And even though I'm married now, I still have guy friends, and my husband knows most of them too. My husband also has female friends, and most of them are married, and most he went to school with or works with, and i know most of them too.

i think as long as there aren't any trust or jealousy issues in the marriage, i don't think there is any problems with having friends of the opposite gender.

In that specific situation, I wouldn't go do anything one on one with that guy. It doesn't sound like a good idea.

As for in the past, prior to marriage, I had a ton of guy friends and a ton of girl friends. I found the guys to be less stressful and more fun to be around. As vain as it may sound, i enjoyed the attention from all of them. We were "just friends", but almost all of them were obviously interested. I did have girl friends, but I preferred the guys.

When I got married, I backed way off on the guy friend thing. It just didn't seem right to me...especially since there was attraction involved (not on my end). I was married, and that was my focus now. I also moved to a new place, so there were no old guy friends that I had to cut ties with. I just didn't make new relationships with new guys.

That being said, I'll talk with guys and interact with them, I just won't do anything one on one with them. I always stay public when I'm around them. I keep it very appropriately and will not do things that could be similar to dating or to allow any sort of relationship to slowly evolve (which happens at the start of many affairs! they don't mean for it to happen...but it does).

I know spouses say they can trust 100% and feel fine with their spouse doing things one on one with someone of the other gender, but when you learn about what leads to affairs or even just affection for someone - a big thing is to spend time doing something enjoyable with someone else. In marriages that have hit a dry spot, they suggest you do those things with your spouse to fall back in love. Go do fun stuff you both enjoy. It's all about time and focus on one another. So, if you're doing those things and it's NOT with your spouse, I see it setting oneself up for a risky situation. You are putting yourself in a position to potentially develop feelings for someone else. As I mentioned above, this happens in innocent situations where people find themselves "accidentally" in love with someone else.

I don't personally believe in putting 100% trust in someone else like that. The trust I put 100% is that my hubby will NOT put himself in those situations to allow anything to grow and develop, and he trusts me 100% too in that area. Just a thought!

But I wouldn't go do anything with that guy. I don't know what he means about it, but it does sound like he thinks it's not a good idea for some reasons. And maybe it's for the same reason my hubby and I won't go do stuff with someone of the opposite sex. We don't want to give any chance/opportunity for anything to grow with someone else...or maybe he is attracted to you and feels like it's not a good idea. Reading those books helped it make more sense than I've probably explained here;-)

In my opinion, I think it depends. I too have had many male friends and two very close ones that were ushers in my previous wedding. I am still friends with both. However I do believe it adds an element of risk that may or may not be worth it in different relationships, and how and what is communicated between the parties within that primary relationship about that opposite sex friend is critical.

Many (not every one) of my guy friends have said at one point in time that while they are friends with girls (me or others), that they enjoy the time with the girl but would seriously consider accepting an invitation to expand the relationship. Basically they are attracted but know/believe the girl will decline, however should she ever open that door, many would seriously consider it and/or act on it.

My now ex-husband had may female friends as well. He said he was always the "friend" and never the "boyfriend". He explained to me that he would have welcomed an invitation from anyone of them to make it more had the girls opened the door. A couple did including one that was engaged to her now/still husband, that does not know about their little "what would it be like" weekend fling. My ex-husband was single, and he and the girl had been friends for years, and still are today. I had sat at dinners with them knowing her husband was the only one that didn't know. I do believe she loved her husband and does today, but whatever happened that weekend and she opened the door and my ex-husband rushed in.

This is how my ex-husband explained it to me: That women can just be friends with men, but men can't just be friends with women. That for most men, there is always this portion or romantic/sexualize fantasy (little or big) that floats around because (as he put it) guys are wired that way. This (as he told me) was especially true if the girl was attractive.

My new partner has female friends but makes it a point to be very open and inclusive with me about anything involving them. And whenever something comes up that involves them, he attempts to include me whenever possible. Occasionally he has declined attending something because I could not go along. Other times he has gone and I was fine with it. His behaviors and communication help foster my trust in him and his responsiveness and flexibility when I might be less than comfortable with something helps cement the trust between us.

So I don't know what the answer is in general, but I am sure for each of us, we know in our gut if the relationship is healthy for us while we are in another primary relationship, and whether we are losing out on something (conversation, recreational activities, intimacy, etc.) with our significant other because we happen to easily get it from another male relationship.

Good question. Was interesting to think on it again myself and to read responses. :)

D.

I would not be offended by your guy friend who immediately thought that you should ask your husband. Any time an adult man and adult woman go off alone together (sometimes particularly if it is to do something physical) it sets the stage for something to happen. Doesn't mean it will or that either party would intentionally plan it, but it SETS THE STAGE and can lead somewhere no one intended. It is just one of those things that I would ask: why would you do something knowingly potentially jeopardizing your relationship? Why can't hubby and/or his wife come along?
I think THAT is where this man is coming from--not that he has the hots for you or anything. He is just pro-actively protecting HIS marriage, and as a friend, probably looking out for yours as well.

I think it is not impossible to have opposite sex friendships, but things often(not always) eventually lead to forays into romantic issues. Your best bet, would be to include your husband in these relationship/friendships you have. It helps keep EVERYONE on the up and up. And that works the other way too... if guys want to have female friends... they should at least TRY to include their wives in the relationship.
just my opinion...

Your co-workers intentions aren't very good. He has a crush on you. That's why he didn't understand why you husband said yes. You have good intentions and everything is on the table. Be careful with that one.

Point blank men are hornly little pigs. From my experience the answer is no. I talked with my husband about it and he says he can't be friends with a woman he finds attractive. I don't believe he will cheat on me. He'll just oggle her is all and probably be a little flirty and try to look all macho. He's a guy that's what they do. You can't help who you are attacted it. Men flirt and say stupid little things like "I should've married you". Your co-workers poor wife. I am sure she'd be ticked off if she knew he said that. It's a guy thing. Men are wired differently. They are visual and act stupid around women they find attractive. So my husband keeps it light and keeps it moving is what he says.

The answer on the radio was that guys and girls can only be friends if the guy doesn't think the girl is hot.

Any straight guy who is friends with a girl wants to f*ck her. Even if he doesn't think she's hot at some point he wants to.... just cuz on a base level guys are p*gs and they tend to think with the "wrong" head. hahahaha. Nothing against guys - I'm not a manhater, really.

HOWEVER some guys actually use their brain and they know NOT to make a move (for whatever reason... he knows she's out of his league... he knows her b'friend/hubs could kick his *ss... whatever). But the point is they can only be friends if he NEVER makes a move. Once he makes a move...... no more friends.

Girls say all the time they have all these guys friends and it never goes beyond friendship. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Ask the guys when you aren't around..... he wants to f*ck you. He just knows you don't want to f*ck him. And for whatever reason that particular guy is smart enough to never have tried. That's the only way you can be friends.

Once you are married - sure you can be friends with another married guy/girl. As long as there are NO problems of any sort in your marriage. Once you have a little teeny tiny fire.... well that opposite sex friend of yours - their called GAS and you're about to have an explosion. Because as soon as you start having problems in your marriage either party will latch right onto that 'friend' just the same way they are now critical about the money you spend and the way you do the dishes and how many times a week you have sex and how many nights you stay late at the office. But you can have all the friends you want of the opposite sex as long as you aren't having any of those problems with your partner.

Just my $0.02

I would have to say no. Most of my friends friends growing up were guys so I can relate but it wasn't until years later that I learned they had been interested the whole time. Since I always had a boyfriend (I ended up marrying my 1st and only bf), they never had a chance. In this day and age, its unfortunate but you have to consider what it looks like to someone else. What if someone saw you alone with your guy friend and rumors began that there was more to the friendship? Sure its not of their business but personally my husband means more to me than any friendship and I wouldn't want to do anything that could potentially damage our relationship. Its just not worth it to me, so a general rule of thumb in our marriage are no friends of the opposite sex.

Unless the guy or gal friend is gay - no.

That is playing with fire imho (with regard to married people).

I think you answered your own question. Men and women can be friends... but unfortunately men at some point seem to want to make the friendship into more.

My husbands mom has a guy best friend. They talk on the phone and stuff, but when they go out it always includes the spouses too. I think the you can be friends with a guy and not have anything else going on.

That being said, I have one guy friend that I talk to on the phone occasionally. That's it. Why? Because every time I have had a guy friend they always ended up wanting it to be something more. Even though they knew I was seeing someone, I never flirted, made sure to let them know I thought cheaters were losers etc.. Even had a few married ones that did that to me. :/ End of friendship right there. Back when I was working I had one guy that I ate lunch with pretty regularly, I would call him a friend but we never contacted each other outside work or anything like that.

Also from most of the women I talk to that has guy friends, there is usually some drama down the line from the guys wife deciding that something more is going on. Even when there isn't a chance in hell that it is.

I am not saying that it can't happen because it can, I just know from my own personal experience that it doesn't seem to work well for a lot of people.

before I met my husband, my best friend was a guy. We still talk, but we're not as close as we were (we live far away now) but we never even hinted at anything more than that. I do have friendships with other guys, in fact, ever since high school I'm usually the only girl in a group of guys. One of my guy friends got a girlfriend last year and it's still weird to me to hang out with her. She wants to go shopping and stuff. Weird. :-)

Hi,
I had a friend who was a guy. We never thought of each other as anything but friends.We went to bars and nightclubs, and even shopping together. He married a girl we both knew from school. He had a son from another relationship.We remained friends for 18 years. His son and my son went to school together and played sports together. We would go on sponteanous trips together, his family and mine. Great fun and great times together.Unfortunately my best guy friend passed away at 38 yo from a heart condition passed down from his dad. So answer to question yes you can be BFF with a guy and still be married and have families.
H.

I think that it depends on the where and how and when the two meet. Also, it depends on how honest you are with both the guy friends and the husband. I have two really good guy friends, in fact I and my whole family refer to them as my brothers. We have been friends since we were little (they are both two years older than I, one was my neighbor growing up and the other his best friend who lived down the block) and remain close to this day. Actually, our whole families remain close. 'Q' often came to visit me in college and hit on my suitemates and 'J' even dated a good girlfriend on mine for a long time. 'Q' calls my parents on all holidays to wish them well (he lives across country now) and 'J' stops by there house to visit when he's back home. 'J' recently purchased a house about five minutes away from me and he often stops by just to visit me and the girls. I always make sure to let my husband know first thing that 'J' was here today and he's never had a problem with it. He knows that yes, I do love these two wonderful men, but I love them like brothers and they think of me as their little sister. 'Q' is all set to get married in a couple months and his fiance has asked me to be a bridesmaid. 'J' is the best man and we are thrilled for 'Q' and ready to have a great time at the reception. As you can see, we are very close and always have been. One thing that is essential to our relationship is that they know that I will always think of them like family, but that my husband and our relationship comes first. My Dh knows this as well. Although he doesn't consider them his friends, (my DH is 13yrs older than I am so there is a generation gap there lol) he's fine with my being friends with them.

So I guess what I'm getting at is that yes, men and women can be just friends--when the circumstances are right and honesty is the policy!

***edited: did Brenna's answer get pulled, or did she delete?
I think Brenna's answer is really sad. Perhaps the guys SHE knew are like that, but there are some great, quality men out there who actually know how to think, and there are some great, classy, quality women out there who can be friends and not flaunt themselves and make everything about sex. Please. YES there are guys who are dweebs and want to have a relationship of some sort that isn't exactly what the woman has in mind (be it physical, or dating, or whatever), but YES men and women can be friends.
One of my very good friends from high school....we were....substitute or interim bf/gf, in that we were best friends and went to the dances together, there were a few make out instances but that was our age. He was an exchange student, I'd just broken up with a long time bf, neither of us wanted to be alone our senior year and we TRUSTED each other. We've been friends all these years later (16 years) but we just chat on the phone a couple times a year (birthdays) and send out public comments on each others' walls (facebook). We're good buddies and I'll chat to him online while he's preparing to go on TV, and watch him live via internet (he's a news guy in Moscow now). We're really friends only, and would never be anything else, even if I was not married. Our lives are opposite, but interesting to each other (but not enough for either of us to change!!!) My husband did mention that he's a little jealous of him, and I was seriously dumbfounded by that. Jeremy says the guy is very good looking, has the whole Spanish accent going on, is a public figure on TV, very worldly and speaks a few languages, owns 2 winning racehorses, etc BUT that's seriously not the guy I see at all. I think he'd be a catch for someone if he ever wanted to settle down, but he's not "that guy" to me and wasn't a decade ago either! (I had to remind my guy he's hot, has the English accent going, is worldly, is learning Spanish with the family, has 2 beautiful kids with me, is a FAMILY MAN, and my true love). But out of respect for my husband, I don't chat live to my friend unless husband is up and about with me, and neither of us are much for writing more than a quick comment on the FB wall anyway.
I have another very very dear friend (since 1989) who is my basically my brother. He even LOOKS like my brother! We used to hug and hang on each other a lot, but that might have been intoxication more than anything. Even though we think each other is cute, we'd never in a million years consider anything. That'd be incest, lol. My mom really wanted me to date him when we were in school and I had to gently explain that he is the best friend a girl could ever have, but the worst boyfriend a girl could ever have. A heart of gold, but I haven't got a clue why girls were stupid enough to date him. My husband is not concerned with that one at all, I think he actually considers him a bil also. We both went through very hard times as kids together, things noone should ever have to deal with, and we did it together. That, and a few incidents as teens...gosh we're blessed to still be alive and kicking! I think that forged a bond, and sheer loyalty that can't be broken and goes way way deeper than stupid sex. A true friend! He also took very good care of my grandma (who lived 10 hours away, but 1 mile away from HIS grandma who he stayed with after school). Now that we're both married, we do the one armed hug and double pat that you do in sports, we don't squeeze tight and bear hug like we used to, out of respect for spouses. He does still hug my mom like that though, lol. (Who by the way thinks my husband is God's gift to me, her, and the world).
I've seen that my relationships with guys have changed since marriage. But Jeremy takes the place that the other guys used to fill, as it should be. I don't seek out guy friends. We DO try to go for married couples. Sometimes you may like one or the other better, but you take the couple as a couple. I do not go out alone with my guy friends, we have group stuff. One of my friends is from "back in the day" and we all went to school together, and he's the only single person left. He joins us, but if I'm spending time with my guy friends, it's a bbq, sporting event, or tubing down the river all of us (my husband, their wife or gf, all the kids, etc). It's just easier on all involved to avoid all appearance of evil, as the Bible verse says. Same thing of my husband and my brother, both men I have the UTMOST respect for. They have female friends, but keep it family oriented and with everyone around. I don't think they're very close to the girls (my brother isn't really "close" with anyone but me, his wife, and one guy friend.....my husband is the same......he's close with me, my brother, and 2 guys.....but they both have casual female friends and are also friends with the husbands....all groups have been to the house for crawfish boils, UFC fightnights, potlucks, and game nights).
ALLLLLLL that said, if a guy said your husband should say no, then he is saying he's attracted to you and thinks something could happen if in the wrong situation. Respect the fact that he's honest with you and don't mention it again......but also don't do anything one on one with him. He's let you know.