Is It Ok for Married Woman to Have a Guy Friend?

I have many men friends that I go out with , to lunch, movies, trivia, dinner.. My husband is perfectly fine with it.. We have all been friends for 20 to 30 years..

A strong marriage has to be based on total trust. My husband knows these men, but does not want to always go out and do these things so he says "go on."

I totally trust my husband and he totally trusts me. We can look across a room with just a look and know what we are each thinking. If I have a problem with something about him, I speak with him about it.. He does the same with me.. No secrets.. We do not need them..

I have a bunch of guy friends, my husband has friends who are girls. We have trust, it's not an issue. I mean, we dont frequently go out without each other, but sometimes I go to poker night with the guys without my husband. I guess it depends on how much you trust each other.

I have both male and female friends.

I haven't slept with (nor in any other way made out with) any of them.

If the only option for friends are people with whom sex is impossible, I'd only have kids for friends.

I think they are a lot of variables. For instance...how long have you been friends? If it is a friend from childhood, I think that is drastically different than someone you met in adult hood. I have a very good single guy friend from childhood that neither myself nor my husband would have an issue with me doing things with. On the other hand, while I have single male friends that I have met since being married, I wouldn't do anything with them by myself. I just don't think it's a good idea.

As a side note, this past fall my husband, son, and I were supposed to go away for a weekend with his single brother to Myrtle Beach. My husband was unable to take off of work, but my BIL still wanted to go with us, so my son and I went and hung out with him for the weekend. We had all planned on sharing a room and everything! It was a little awkward, but because he is family it wasn't uncomfortable (nor did it make me feel like I was "cheating"), the strangest part were the looks we would get going places and my son calling him "Uncle Andy" instead of Daddy!

EDIT: I also think trust plays a huge role in all of this. I trust my husband, he trusts me. We have a God-centered marriage that has withstood a lot of MAJOR issues (things that are inappropriate to go in to here). If you and your spouse already have a rocky relationship or there are trust problems though, it's only going to go downhill...

I don't think it's ok. If you play with fire, you will get burned. Plus, part of the marriage committment is avoiding the APPEARANCE of evil. Sure, it might be innocent, but you can't guarantee it will stay that way. I would never in a million years go hang out with another man besides my husband. It won't be long before this friend's good qualities start looking appealing, especially when you remember your husband's annoying qualities.

I think it has nothing to do with trust. Don't play with fire. I also don't think you should put your husband (or vice versa) ever in a position that even could possibly make them doubt your intentions.

Depends on where "the issue" resides – in one of the spouses, or in friends, family, or society looking on and approving or disapproving?

I'm confident about my husband's dedication and loyalty to our marriage, and he's confident about mine. We have both had many other-gendered friends over our nearly 30 years together, with whom we've enjoyed a variety of extra-curricular activities.

Not all marriages are built this way. Each couple has to find what works for them. But it's not up to outsiders to tell me what's okay for me and my spouse.

In my opinion, no that's not okay. I don't want my hubby having a gal friend that he goes and does stuff with like that. How is that different than a date? What causes people to fall in love? Spending time together, doing fun stuff together, etc... I wouldn't go do that with a guy and wouldn't be happy if my hubby did.

That being said, my bro & sis in law felt opposite. They regularly went out on "innocent' dates with other people. Then, BIL ended up being suspected to fall in love with someone else and they are no longer married. I don't know the real details. To me, it's just not worth the risk.

I don't go do stuff with people if it makes my hubby uncomfortable. And he doesn't go do stuff with people if it makes me uncomfortable. When it comes to outer friends, we put each others feelings first and base decisions off of that. We mostly stick to me hanging out with girls and he hangs out with guys. We like it that way.

EDIT: I just wanted to add that we always try to make sure we avoid the appearance of anything else. As in, if I went out with another guy, that would appear that we are together. we feel this way even with family. I heard once that many an affair come from within family relationships (inlaws and such). I think it's important to always be very careful.

My husband and I don't have single friends of the opposite sex. It's just our choice. (We have ZERO trust issues. It's NOT about a lack of trust in our relationship. It's about respecting our partner.) I really don't feel like it's appropriate to go with a guy (a husband meeting him, means nothing.) somewhere without a husband. Honestly, I have never once seen a relationship like that work. It always has become a problem. There are stories of people working it out, and some people might even comment here about it. However, I think the vast majority of cases...it simply doesn't work. I've never seen it truly work in my lifetime. If my husband doesn't care for something, he goes with me to support my hobbies. I do the same for him.

Just my personal opinion on it.

I don't have a problem with it...I have male friends that I go to concerts with because it's a group/band/person my husband doesn't like or care for...

My husband trusts me and I trust him.

I don't think it is appropriate and it can lead to temptation later. You should never put yourself in a situation where you are hanging around another male when you are married, or visa versa. Would you let your husband do the same with another female? That is how you decide.

Personally, I wouldn't do it just because I wouldn't like it if my husband had a gal pal and wanted to go places with her. Forget that!!! I do trust him, but he had a co worker years ago who told a mutual friend that she didn't care if a guy was married. If she wanted him, she would go after him. And she DID date married men. Since then, I don't think it is a good idea for a married person to hang out with a single person of the opposite sex. Not that there is anything romantic between you, but you never know what HE is thinking. JMO

I have had a male friend for 28 years and have been married for about 21 years. If there was going to be something between us, it would have happened a long time ago. My husband used to go to lunch with a female coworker. So?

When two people get married, they have a commitment, which is love and trust and respect. If that doesn't exist, then what exactly do they have?

I know I'm late to the conversation, but here's my two cents worth...

For me and my husband, the answer is a resounding yes. Two of my best friends are men that I work(ed) with. We go out to lunch, attend classes and socialize in general, the way I would with my girlfriends. We've even traveled to classes together. One training, the three of us went together and I must say...it was a real treat to be squired about by two good looking men!

But, at the end of the day, it's my husband that I want to share my heart, my soul and my bed with. I love my friends, but they're just that...friends. My husband is fully supportive.

Bottom line, it's all about trust. My husband trusts me to make smart decisions when I'm hanging out with my "boy friends." I trust my husband to make smart decisions when he's hanging out with his "girl friends" (he has one or two). I think it works so well because my husband makes sure I'm a VERY happy wife and mother and i make sure he's a VERY happy husband and father. Since all our needs are met at home, our friendships just enrich our lives.

Not everyone agrees with how we handle this. But, it works for us and I guess that's what counts.

Good luck!

AFTER READING MORE POSTS:

Pretty as a picture or handsome as a prince, ugly as a mud fence, smart as a whip, dumb as a door knob....Still not a good idea to go out alone with the opposite sex if you are married...it's just inviting trouble. History has proven this to be factual. You may think "Oh not me, never".....I have learned to "never say never"!

D.,

It's not a good idea. As innocent as it may be or seem a married man or woman should not go out alone with someone of the opposite sex unless it's your brother, sister, father mother. This may seem "old fashioned", but when you consider the divorce rate is 50% or more, it is really just good sense. If you really like your male friend I would ask my husband to please come with or a girlfriend so there will be three.

Blessings.....

Don't think there's anything wrong with having a guy friend. BUT- it is weird to go somewhere with JUST him. I mean, I have guy friends, my husband has girl friends, but we all hang out as a group. I even hang out with my girl friends in a group (unless it is just us hanging out at one of our house's).

My husband and I also have common interests (and we are very best friends), so we always do the same things anyways- never put in a situation like this, so never had to think about it.

My husband is also very attractive and likable, so I don't think I'd feel comfortable with him going out with just a girl friend. anyone could want him- he's quite a catch:)

I've been married since 1997 - I've been to dinner, movies and concerts with two men other than my husband that were not blood related...

My husband TRUSTS me..he KNOWS my fidelity and will not feel disrespected or anything for my going somewhere in public with another man. I've helped one of my guy friends pick out the engagement ring for his now wife...

If the guy ever started acting like we were more than friends - I would have to end the friendship - fortunately - that hasn't happened...we know our boundaries!!!

I think it depends on how the husband feels. If the husband is fine with it, then there is no problem. If he has a problem with it, then it is not fine. Because of respect for my husband I would not have a male friend if he was opposed. Of course it goes the other way too. My husband would not have a female friend if I was opposed.

Personally I do not see anything wrong with a married woman having male friends and doing things with him, like going to events, that would be done with a female friend.

Ditto Laurie A!

I don't do it often, because my husband and I do so much together. But there has been times where he'll say, "why don't you see if ______ can go?"
As Laurie said, these are friends we've known for many years and bottom line my husband and I trust each other.

It's all dependent on how your husband feels about it. If he is not threatened it's fine, if he doesnt like it, for the sake of and the respect of the marriage-- one shouldnt do it.

I think it depends.

My brother, my best friend, and I grew up together. She lived across the street, and our families are very close. We even spent every Christmas Eve together. They feel more like each other's sibling than friends.

In cases like that, I think it would be ok. The husband would obviously know the "brother" because there would be some history there.
Otherwise, I think it's better not to. Just my opinion :)

as long as your husband says "I don't mind honey, go and have fun with 'Bill'"

i have been friends with a guy for 20 years & i stood up in his wedding on his side, i was considered a grooms-woman.....he is a friend & that's it

on the other hand my husbands ex cow-worker was flying in town & wanted to see him for dinner......problem was that, although she was 15 years older than my DH, she told him (before we were married) that she was in love with him.......she didn't want me at the dinner either.......i told him it's up to him if he was going but if the tables were turned would he want me to go......he didn't go

depends on who your husband is :).

I have guy friends & while I prefer my hubby to be present if we did anything, like movies, together b/c I just don't feel comfortable w/o him there (that's just me) although I know how to control myself & can make sure my guy friends know that we're just friends. I'd say ask your hubby & if he's okay w/it then there's your answer. I think that opposite sexes can be just friends if they mind their boundaries & there's no confusion in knowing it's just a friendship. Good luck.

I do not think it's appropraite (sp?). I would NEVER go out with a guy unless it was a family member with out my husband. I respect him enough not to do that

Every couple is different so the answer is, if your SO feels at all threatened by it, it is not appropriate regardless of how you feel about it. I think it's a respect issue. Treat others as you would want to be treated. While you might not think this is a big deal, there are probably other things that mean a lot to you that you would appreciate his support and respect with. Just because we might not understand or agree with someone else's feelings doesn't make them any less valid or worthy of our respect.

Mature, emotionally stable people ought to be able to maintain platonic relationships with members of the opposite sex. I don't get the argument that they are to be avoided out of fear of temptation. If you're going to cheat, you will find a way to cheat. If you're committed to your marriage then go have fun with your friend. If you feel at all like there is something missing from your relationship with your spouse then that is a different story.

According to my husband (I just asked him) it is fine that I have male friends and he would not care if I went out with one of them. I've always had more males friends than female friends for some reason.
He's the one I always come home to and I'm the one he always comes home to and that's what matters.
It's a non-issue as far as we are concerned to have friends of the opposite sex and do things with them.

I have met very few men who can carry on this kind of platonic relationship. It is possible but unfortunately society wants something to gossip about and this is what usually sets them off. I would say that is something for you to consider. I don't really care what people say about me so that is the least of my worries. I would say that the place that you plan to go to needs to be taken into consideration also. I would think that you would be the one to answer that.

My husband wouldnt mind if he was gay. :)

I have guy friends that I hang out with without my husband being there, and he has woman friends that he hangs out with without me being there. It's not a problem.

I would not be married to a man who expected me to end friendships or to not spend unchaperoned time with a friend just because that friend had dangly bits.

I think it completely depends on couple, the friend and most importantly, the energy you invest in marriage and friendship. I've had guy friends when married but only a bit of energy went in that direction, husband knew/felt he was it, number one.

I think if you don't know if its a good idea, then its not.

I have guy friends. I see nothing wrong with it although I am sure many people would have issues with it.

As long as you and hubby are secure with your relationship and friend knows that why not?

I would be more upset with hubby if he demanded me not have a friend of the opposite sex... he does not own me.. I am his wife/partner and will always be loyal to him but if ever acted like he owned me, we'd have some major issues. We will be married 23 yrs this year.

I agree with Katrina and Stephanie. I have always had more guy friends than girl friends and know that it is possible to have platonic friends of the opposite sex. I believe it is ok to attend an event with each other if the spouse is ok with it, especially if the spouse does not want to attend the event.

My husband was out of town one evening and I wanted to go to my favorite pizza place and didn't want to dr over an hour alone. He suggested that I take a mutual friend...actually was a friend I met through him. So, our guy friend went to dinner with me. It was not a date, we didn't act like it was a date and my hubby did not have a problem with it. Now, I wouldn't do that all the time but once in a while should be no problem.

I am 54 and have had a married male friend since I was in my early 20's. He & his wife have been very close with me as a single woman, a married woman & now a divorced mother. I have lunch with him about once a month. When I was married, my spouse and his wife always knew when we lunched. It was never a big deal. I think as long as you're open and honest, there's no issue. I guess he and I know who we are and what we are. I have always treasured his (and his wife's) friendship...they have been there for me through the good & bad.

It really just amazes me that some women will NOT LET their husbands have female friends and the same for Men NOT LETTING their wives have male friends. Are they suppose to stay on the farm and tend to the sheep? No? Most people have a much larger social circle than the past and we are able to find people with like minds. I just spent three weeks in PA and NJ with people who I worked with from 7 am to 11 pm for training. We are going to become friends and learn about spouses and kids, we just happen to be working in the same serious industry. The bonding was incredible even with personlities from all over the states. Did I want to have sex with any of them? No! There were visits to the hotel bars (with laptops and training materials for the test the next day).

If a person is going to be loyal, they will be loyal and probably share the experiences with their spouse. I would worry about the ones that don't tell and end up in a sneeky position anyway. I would prefer the straight forward honesty and not control my man...times have changed.

1) Yes, why not?

2) Yes, why not?

3) It depends on your Husband's self-esteem or insecurities and if he trusts you. Imagined or not.

4) Yes, sure they should meet. Why not?

Then, what is your Husband saying about it?
Some Men, are 'threatened' and insecure about their Wife's friendships... with men OR women.

Having male friends shouldn't be an issue as long as there are no secrets. However, attending an event sans spouses is a big no!

We have friends of opposite sex growing up to get to know different kinds of people and maybe see what qualities we might like in a potential mate, ideally. Once we are married, I don't think we need that anymore. I feel that my husband should be my best friend and is first and foremost in my life. That being said, I wouldn't go out with another man, no matter how long I have known him. If we had a mutual friend and all went out together, that would be one thing, but I think going alone would be inappropriate. I actually do not do any "evening events" without my husband. But that is just my opinion.

Its okay to have guy friends but it gets more complicated when it becomes a close friendship. Even if you two aren't close, going to an event together is like a date unless you have other people going with you. If it's just the two of you, that could be asking for trouble. I wouldn't do it. My husband wouldn't do it. Just don't. Find a girlfriend to go with instead.

As long as the guy friend is also your husbands friend or becomes his friend. Really you just have to put yourself in his shoes, figure out the limits you would set, the boundaries you would honestly expect for your husband and a female friend of his...........then adhere to that like it were a religion.

its a goose and gander type of thing.

I've been with my husband for almost 25 years. I highly doubt he thought it was POSSIBLE for either one of us to sit in the house for the rest of our lives just staring at each other.

We do things when we want to as long as our son is taken care of. So if I want to go to a concert I KNOW he'll hate, I don't drag him along and make BOTH of us miserable. I go with my like-minded friends and IF that's a MALE FRIEND it's just a male friend.

Besides, he knows my friends and I tend to not put up with silly female drama. I never come come saying "Jenni got into a fight with Aly again and we left early" when I go out with a male friends. I rather hang with guys because I have more in common with them.

All our male friends I was friends with before they got married. The girls were brought into our group and we all became good friends over time. In fact, when I call anyone's house they are kinda surprised if I'm calling for the 'lady of the house.' So many times I've called and the wife justs hands the phone off to their husband assuming I was calling for them!

We've all been happily married for nearly 20 years and only one divorce in the entire group. (Cops shouldn't marry other cops.) We must be doing something right.

When my husband and I first met he was really good friends with a guy who just happened to turn into his best friend. He is now like a brother to me and a super guy that is welcomed into the whole family. Granted he was my husbands friend first but he became one of my best friends too and there is no doubt in anyones mind that its just a friendship. I guess it all depends on the circumstances. If the guy friend is someone that you had/have a history with or if there is even the slightest possibility that sexual attraction could spark I say no but if its a true friendship then of course its okay

I'm if-fy on this one. I don't know that it's really possible to have a friendship with a member of the opposite sex (and both people are straight) and both people to think of the other as "just a friend." I think there would be romantic feelings on one of the sides. Just from my past experiences. I've always thought of guys as just friends and then it would come out that they had feelings. Also, I don't know that it is right to go on an outting with that person without your husband. It could be viewed by others that you're on a date and that wouldn't be right. I know I have a silly way of thinking, but that is JMO. ;)

My hubby cant stand that two of my closest friends are male.

And that I am friends with a few guys on facebook. Who I talk to pretty regularly.

I dont allow him to get angry at me. If he does I get mad back. He has an office FULL of some pretty good lookin women...Who he goes out with for lunch, coff....to just get outta of the office almost EVERY day....So, I dont take him getting upset with me over the friends I keep.

I dont tend to go hangout with any of the guys...unless it is my two best friends....Then I will.

If it's on the up and up, sure. My DH also has female friends and sometimes he and one of the women go to the range together, something I am completely uninterested in. My DH knows my male friends and vice versa. If you ever felt like you had to explain, rationalize or hide a friendship, then there's something wrong.

It's a problem if the husband feels it's a problem. Even if the wife and friend would never hook up, have never hooked up in the past, have never had feelings for each other, and the entire relationship has been innocent. As long as one of the spouses in the marriage feels it's a problem then it's a problem and that ought to be respected. The marriage is far more important than the friendship in the list of priorities.

It just totally depends on the people involved I think. I can't think of any male friend I have that I would go somewhere in the evening with, but when I worked I would grab lunch with a male co-worker and that was no biggie at all and if my hubby goes out to lunch with a woman it is never a big deal. I know my husband has never gone out with a woman in the evening except on a work trip once where they were the only ones who knew each other, but he said it was weird bc they weren't really people who even got a long well. Anyway, I personally don't think I would spend much time with a man in the evening other than my husband and I know I wouldn't want him going out with some chic!! :D But that's us, I wouldn't say it is wrong but I do think it could become an issue in a marriage if the spouse started to feel weird, which could happen very easily. I know in the reverse with my man out on the town with some broad on a regular basis that wasn't his biological sister I wouldn't like it.

DEPENDS. Is the guy gay? IS the guy so heinous that the wife would never in a million years "like him" for more than a friend and vice versa? IS the friend equally close to the husband and invested in a friendship with him too (not fool proof safety guard, but it helps)? Is the guy friend someone the wife has been friends with for SOOOOOO LOOOOONG, loooooooong before the husband came along, and NOTHING HAS EVER HAPPENED and NO ONE has EVER had a romantic interest in the other, so it's very unlikely something would spark now that you're married? Is the husband TOTALLY FINE with the date and supportive of the wife and friend going together? Since one event with this friend could lead to others, is the husband FINE with that? Would the wife feel EQUALLY fine with the husband attending similar events with a similar style female friend alone?

These are some circumstances under which it might be OK. The biggest one is how the husband feels. That trumps all. Starting to piss off the husband or put a slight air of insecurity in the air for him in favor of silly events and "light friendships" is a slippery slope that can shake a perfect relationship.
But if having the freedom to do these things is a deal breaker for the wife, than she must stand her ground.

How funny...I was just having this discussion with my husband and a guy friend. I've always had more guy friends (less drama and they just give it to me straight). My husband is not always happy when I talk about doing things with these guy friends or that I text/instant msg them. But I tell him about it becuz thereis nothing to hide.

One of these close guy friends is a former coworker. Just a few weeks ago his family was on town and we all hung out (spouses & kids). It was the first time meeting the other spouses...all went well. I think for alot it does depends on the looks if the other but I think that's ridiculous!! I should be able to surround myself with people I enjoy hanging out with whether its male or female....

If they know each other, yea. Depends on the husband, friendship, there are a lot of parts. I have 2 best guy friends and my ex husband knew one of my best friends, Jarrett (the other lived in my hometown across the country). When my ex husband had 24 hour duty (Marine Corps) I went camping with a couple, Jarret, and another guy. Nothing happened because it was a best friendship, not a "cut" friend or anything. It depends on how comfortable the husband is with the friendship, it is going to be tricky (depending on your husband) if you want him to just meet the guy and leave after not knowing him very long. What does your husband say about it? Our opinions are not going to weigh as much as his. If he isn't down with it, don't push it since it isn't worth resentment in the marriage :) The situation could switch around so think about if you'd be okay with it. Personally, I wouldn't with any guy I was dating unless I knew the woman very very very well and how she carried herself.

I agree with Mommyjane to the extent that you have to know how you feel about this guy. I wouldn't date my best friends if I was single so when I'm with someone I don't feel temptation with either guy friend, even with my annoying exs habits (one best friend I've known for 18 yrs). It also depends on the situation. Anything that seems couples only is probably walking into fire.

I also agree with Bug. I personally would make him suck it up and go. I know how I am with my guy friends (no hanky panky or flirting) but if I was dating someone they don't know what I know about my friends and vice versa, so it's safer to just take the husband with you. Make him go lol make a compromise he goes with you and your friend and you go with him to something you don't really care for.