I'll keep it direct: a nice daycare, good rep. goes very part time preschool.
1. when we started apparently my son had to pee during nap time (he's 4 at the time) and they said no. He peed on himself.
this happened 4 x. 2 x were because he told them "i know you're going to say no". It was ridiculious. I don't care if other kids make a game of it, its a clear indicator that he has to go. he's home during the am. maybe he drinks more. really don't care reason why, let the kid pee.
he hasn't had an accident recently.
I spoke with both teachers, one of the owners and another directing staff.
2. just found out the other day that he was told to play w/a visitor from another class while the rest of the class makes a craft. He was told he could "help someone" make theirs. He was left out and didn't know why.
I called and asked. the teacher said she "knows" my son is friends with this boy (which he is not) and idn't want the visitor to feel left out. I asked, why didn't they both make the craft? she says: its for our class.
she then said not to worry that he'll make it and there's other s making it through the week. I told her it was the point of not including him in the class. and she can't expect that he's going to object if she's looking for him to, she needs to ask. But I said that though he needs to work on sharing his feelings, she needs to make sure it doesn't happen again (and really. if a child doesn't object to a teachers directives, isn't that a good thing?"
i guess i'm venting but wondered if i'm over reacting
thaks for your feedback. State requires nap time in IL for 2 hrs until kindergarten. Also. my son was the one that brought up the craft because his feelings were hurt and he told me he only played w/that boy because he was told to. So it wasn't my thinking he may feel bad, he did. I still don't know what to do. It is actually the best care around if you believe that one. academically its supposed to be very good. I think it may have to do w/one lead teacher, which for whatever reason many parents like. I think mine is afraid of her.
I'd be pulling my kid out of there faster than they knew what to do with themselves. He is TOO young to be dealing with those things. You are not overrecting AT ALL!
That would totally piss me off. You don't tell my kid he can't go pee.
I would pull my kid from this school in a heart beat it that happened.
My mother owns daycares...i run one for her. i have my cda (childhood development associate). find a new daycare!!!!!! that is humiliating to a child! think of yourself being at work and told you could not use the restroom because it is not break time and you have two hrs to go. how would you feel if you wet yourself? the child feels the same way. he was told he could not go and nature took its course. that is very inhumane! the person watching your child cares about nothing but herself...she is there to take care of the childrens needs..not of hers... a lot of daycare providers think they need nap time as their break time and take it out on the children if they cut into it (i know this because of the profession im in..PS. it makes me sick to my stomach) find a new childcare... your child will thank you for it!!!!!!
I'm still a little shocked that they would not allow your child to pee when he clearly asked them if he could go. My heart just breaks when I think about how he must have felt when he could no longer control it. I would not only change providers but I would report that to someone. That is just not right.
I would be really upset about the peeing thing. It doesn't matter what "other kids" do. Each child should be treated respectfully and as an individual. If a child has to pee they should be able to pee regardless. If they are playing around and just wanting to get up during nap, then you handle that issue. I think it's humiliating that he had an "accident" because he wasn't allowed to go when he had to. That alone would make me seriously consider switching care providers.
The craft thing just sounds odd. Maybe they ran out of supplies and had to come up with a reason that someone couldn't participate? And if they were having a visitor, why wouldn't they include ALL the children in making the craft? It's not up to your son to entertain a visitor. Seems like they would schedule that and should have enough staff to make the visitor feel at home and not left out.
It sounds like there may be other issues that bother you that you haven't mentioned here. But to answer your question, yes, I'd be angry. Doesn't sound like a great place to me to warrant a good reputation.
Good luck~
Honestly, if someone was this rude to my child, I would take him out of the preschool and enroll him in a new one, mid-year or not.....no child deserves to be treated so disrespectfully. Shame on that teacher!!! I would also make a formal complaint about whomever would not allow your child to use the bathroom, and the teacher that left him out, for NO reason! And if your complaint isn't taken seriously maybe you should write a letter to your local paper......parents should know about bad daycares/schools, and I don't think that the actions show anything good from this school! Also, explain to your child that none of this is his fault....even at 4 kids can feel very hurt and embarassed by such treatment. Hopefully they havn';t done anything else to bring your son's self esteem down! Good luck with everything!
Yes, I'd be ticked too--let the kid pee. He's four years old for pete's sake, not a high schooler. Isn't it more work to change a wet kid than to let him use the bathroom? Really, children that young cannot hold it for so long either, shame on the school. He should have been allowed to participate in the activity, not entertain the visitor. Maybe you should start looking for a new preschool.
M.
I don't think you're over reacting. I'm not one of those parents who gets all up in arms over every little thing either! The peeing situation would REALLY piss me off! Kids at age 4 (especially boys) are usually just coming into being 100% fully trained to the point where they're not having accidents, they're listening to their body's cues, etc. Any preschool teacher worth their salt would let a child go -especially during naptime when they aren't doing anything any way. If a kid is making a game of it, it just takes a warning or two and then time outs or other punishments if the kid is lying about needing to go. I used to teach high school English, and I always let my kids go, because, even though I knew some of them just wanted to get out of class or go sneak a smoke or something -some of them REALLY needed to go! How awful would it be to be the person who made someone humiliate themselves by peeing or pooping or having a period accident in their pants?
The craft/visitor in class thing is just weird. I would find a new preschool I think. The peeing thing alone would send me packing.
You aren't overreacting. I was working at a preschool years ago and would let the children go to the bathroom. I was yelled at, told not to let them and lo and behold one little girl did go in her pants. I was mortified and her parents were upset. Apparently people don't have to go to the bathroom so they don't understand. Well, I do! And so I have always let children go to the bathroom, I will escort them if necessary. You tell them that under no uncertain terms your child should be allowed to go to the bathroom. So many adults must be tired or something and think that the child might just want a little walk. So what I say. Let them go. So tell them that your child should be permitted to go. It will be easier on he adults who have hearts.
And the other thing, the child is in a particular class, he should be doing what the class is doing so he doesn't feel left out. I am really not sure why you keep your child there. Is there somewhere else he can go?
The pee thing would totally irritate me. The boy is 4 for crying out loud let him pee! I'm not so sure about the craft thing. I think it's a strange situation with the visitor thing. I dunno I would have to be there to understand that situation. I quit my job to be at home with my baby and partly because I don't trust strangers with my kid. I think anywhere you take him theres going to be negative situations arise since we leave in a sinful and hurtful world but the pee thing is ridiculous. If it happens again I would start looking for another place> Good luck!
I'd be looking for a new place right about now. IMHO
The first time he had an accident at nap time I would let it go but the with it continuing to happen I would pull my child out of that daycare. Since he only goes half a day why not just put him in a regular preschool. I don't think it is ever okay to tell someone that they cannot go to the bathroom regardless of their age. My oldest is almost 9 and when he goes to bed I don't care if he gets up 10x to pee (I know its mostly to delay going to bed) but I would prefer he get up and pee then wet the bed during the night. I don't know what they were thinking its less disruptive to let a child pee then to clean up an accident.
I would want to know why they aren't taken to the bathroom before naps? This seems like a strange thing to have happened 4 times now. I would be very upset after the 2nd time.
For the visitor, I also would not be happy with that explanation. There should be inclusion, not exclusion, and her excuses were weird.
I would make sure that the director knows your issues and that if this happens again, either one, that you will need to start looking for another center. This teacher seems to have strange practices that you aren't comfortable with.
Yes I would be pissed.
Now that I've picked my jaw up off the floor....WOW! they wouldn't let him go to the bathroom?? I'm sorry but that is cruel and humiliating for your son. My heart goes out to him.
You've already had to talk to teachers, owner, directing staff??? If it were me and I was having to go through all these channels to try to resolve an issue for my chlid, and it wasn't getting resolved, I would be outta there so fast.
You're working too hard to try to make it work. Time to find a place.
I would definitely be upset and probably thinking of finding a new daycare. Especially with the not letting him use the bathroom! We have a great daycare in Libertyville... let me know if you're interested!
Can you imagine how frightened your little boy was lying there thinking that he had to pee but was afraid to ask-and then he wet himself??? And why the heck is he even napping at 4 anyhow? Pull him from this daycare if you can and find another. I would be worried about what else is going on at that place if I were you. Do some unannounced drop-bys also.
I would be looking for a new school if this keeps up.
and why is he still going to this pre school??? you are his mother and need to protect him, not just physically but emotionally and mentally ..this can be humiliating and stressful for your son! PULL HIM OUT ASAP!!
Are you overreacting? The pee issue, I say absolutely. 4 year olds are still learning to be fully potty trained. It is not like they are trained, and that's it, they are good as a grown up now. They will get a lot of false alarms (I need to pee, no actually, I don't). Not their fault! They don't mean it, or mean to make a game of it either. Your provider should know better than to deny a 4 year old access to the potty. Maybe they should learn the art of timed potty breaks - we moms know all about this already.
Now the second issue, you may be overreacting, but it is hard to tell. I am not sure you can ever say who your kid's friends really are at school, especially at 4 years old. They change all the time! Or, it is quite possible your son and this visitor were friends for only a day. So, they really could be friends and, in actuality, your son may not have actually felt excluded. I do agree, though, that at 4, excluding some kids out of activity, promising them they will participate a whole week later, sounds like a invitation to major drama and tantrums. I am not a fan of that idea -- but, the more important part is did your son feel excluded, and the answer may very well be no. Maybe with the visitor issue, you may want to sit in your child's class a few times and re-acquaint yourself with his current friends -- and, if a second time such a split activity arises, watch it for yourself to see your son's reaction.
The bathroom issue would be a deal breaker for me. It is not acceptable that he is not allowed to go to the restroom. (period) Even if kids are making a game of pretending to go potty during nap time, they should be trained to handle those instances. Four year old kids are still learning to recognize their bodily signs that they need to go potty and should never be told "no you can't go". It is not clear if accidents stopped because he is "holding it" or if they now let him go when he needs to go. If the bathroom issue is resolved I would stick around, the issue about the craft and the friend is not so much a big deal for me. If your son didn't have an issue about not making his own craft, don't sweat it... I am amazed everyday to learn of some new friend my son has at school, so who knows. Lastly, children should object even to teachers about things they don't like or to express their feelings. I am sure your son does so with you as most kids do with parents. Objecting and not respecting the teachers authority are seperate issues to me.
Ultimately, I would say take into account your son's feelings about the day care. If he is happy (and can go potty) then leave him be unless his health or safety are at risk. He will be making an even bigger transition into Kindergarten soon and I would want some stability before he heads to kindergarten. Good luck and trust your heart about the situation...
I'd be furious, what did the director say? If the response is as flaky as this teacher I would take him out right after the 2nd accident, find temp but immediate child care and start interviewing a new center. Good luck!
