Why Does Nobody Get My Frustration with My Mom?

Good for her. She is living her life and clearly enjoying it. I hope I am like that at that age. Who knows how long she will be able to be this independent. Hopefully for many years but you never know.

My daughter's grandmother did the same thing (until mid to late 80's) and if all goes well I will be doing the same thing. Let her live out her "golden years", I think it's awesome. stay close ms support her, provide a cell phone and maybe she will keep in touch.

I know that you are scared that something might happen to her, but honestly, there are worse things that can happen to a person at that age right in their own home...like being depressed and never leaving the house.

I would be worried too, but I would also be proud of my mom for living life to the fullest. I hope I am able to be this way when I am 79. My mom never had the opportunity to travel and she has always wanted to go to Vienna. I offered to take her a couple of years ago (both to pay and to travel with her) and she declined, saying I am too old. It is too late. That broke my heart a bit.

I suggest that they don't get your frustration because they believe it's OK for your mom to travel alone. Your anxiety feels to be more about yourself than about your mom's ability to travel.

I'm 72. My daughter worries about me, too. She expresses her concerns and then respects my decison.

I suggest you need to find a way to be OK with her decison. The trip sounds fantastic! Does your mother expect you to do as she suggests? I doubt it. Just because we are older does not mean we're more at risk. In fact being older is to our advantage. Because we've experienced much more we are able to better manage a trip. Your mom has traveled. She knows what is needed for a trip like this. Healthy seniors do not need to lose their independence.

I do everything at 72 that I could do at 62 or even 32. I'm sometimes slower to catch on to I know the limits of my body. I know how to adjust for difficulties.

One of my friends who is now 79, took 3 trips with very much less able friends in the past few years. One was just a month ago to England and Ireland. She helps them do tourist things. She does have to slow down to their pace. She is the one making decisions about where to go and how to get there. Even tho sge's responsible for another handicapped person, she enjoys the trips.

There are advantages to traveling alone and advantages to traveling with a tour group. I suggest your mom has chosen the way to travel that meets her needs. You are grown. She no longer is responsible to meet your needs.

Perhaps you're anxious in part because you have not traveled much. My brother said he felt like I would die when I went to Europe. He doesn't travel outside the western states. I've read that traveling can feel like a little death.

You are anxious. Really, that is your problem and not your mom's. If others also worry to the extent you worry, that's their choice. If your feelings are as strong as your post seems they are, I urge you to get counseling or at least read abut bon dries aND responsibilities. I suggest that being this upset sounds like you want to control your mom so you are comfortable. Making you or anyone else comfortable is not your mom's job. She has raised you, been responsible for you. Now, she has the right to do what she wants for herself. She is responsible for her happiness. You are responsible for your happiness

I suggest you read about co-dependancy. This is a mind set in which we're so enmeshed with other (s) that we depend on them to make life better for us.

Learn some ways to deal with your fear and anxiety. Repeat over and over that Mom will be OK on this trip. What you say to yourself directly influences how you feel. Eat in a healthy way. Get physical exercise. If I can, when I'm anxious or down, walk the feeling away. I admire the house's and yards. I say hello to those I pass. I purposely do not think about the cause of my negative feelings.

You can reduce your fears and feel less anxious. You take care of you. Your mom will take care of herself.

My Mom spent her last years sleeping and staring out the window. Went on a decline because she became very weak sitting on her butt all the time instead of enjoying her life.

Let your mom live her life. If she dies while on a trip at least she was enjoying herself.

My husband's elderly aunt broke her hip getting out of a gondola in Venice and twisted get ankle running away from a Komodo dragon...on the island of Komodo. She spent the last 8 months of her life rapidly declining with Alzheimer's and I am so, so glad she had a chance to do those crazy things. Yup, we worried about her every trip, yup, that worry was justified. But that lady lived her life to the fullest. How could our worry be worth taking that away?

To be honest you sound incredibly selfish, wanting your mother to stop living an exciting life just because it makes you nervous. I would rather die having adventures then live a sick old woman in my bed. Let her live the last few years she has on her terms, and stop making her feel guilty about sucking the marrow out of life!

Your mom sounds awesome!

My mom died this past July at 79.

Can I borrow your mom? I would love to sit and chat with her about all her adventures in Venice. So cool.

(Sorry about the guilt trip, but ya know, you're gonna lose her sooner than later, you wanna spend the last minutes you have with her fretting about her safety and/or health?)

So I guess I don't get it either.

:(

To a large degree we have to live life on our own terms.
What's the point of living to 120 if you're not having any fun?
I know you worry but your Mom is enjoying herself while she is still able.
She might get to a point where she can't anymore and then what does she have to look forward to?
Sitting around waiting to die is a pretty pathetic existence.
She's paid her dues, raised her family, and doesn't need anyone telling her what to, where to go and how to do it.
When/if you get to be 79 years old what will you do if your kids try to boss you around?

Relax a bit and cut her some slack.
Take a long bath, sip some wine, put on some Sinatra "My Way" and hope you can someday follow in your mothers footsteps and live the life you want to live the way you want to live it.

my dad is 83. while i'm glad that he himself never travels alone (my father would be unable to deal with getting up in the morning if he didn't have a woman in his life), it would never occur to me to forbid him from doing what he wants with his life.

your mother sounds amazing. it must be very galling to her to be of an age and income that allows her to have amazing adventures, and to be strong and independent enough to be sufficient unto her own company, and yet have a screaming angry bossy daughter try to bully and micromanage her.

there are very, very few people with whom i could travel. i like to keep to my own schedule, enjoy the sights and amenities that IIIII want to see, and to interact with others or not as my mood dictates. a tour group or a 'travel companion' would ruin a trip for me.

happily i thoroughly enjoy my ol' man and we have great adventures together. i also enjoy vacationing with my boys, although that happens rarely now that they're grown and busy. on the very rare occasions that we vacation with either my family or my in-laws we make sure we structure it so that we're not in lockstep, that we can do things together or not as whim takes us. having to adhere to someone else's schedule, especially the regimented ones of tour groups, would have me gouging my eyeballs out.

it sounds like the only 'respect' you will acknowledge from her is for her to cave and do things your way.

stop infantilizing your mother.
khairete
S.

My thoughts aren't practical and they may not be helpful, but they're certainly not dismissive and they're intended to give you peace.
So I think....things are going to happen to you and to her whether you worry or not. You clearly can't change her mind. So I say just embrace it. No expectations, just gratitude. Change your thinking bc what else can you do honey. No expectations she'll stay, but be grateful she's not bedbound...grateful she still has a clear mind, be thankful she has that spirit of adventure still in her and more than likely you do too.
I would be nervous too but that doesn't do anything but take away your present. So while she's away you can't control what happens to her, but honestly you really can't control what happens to her here. So enjoy before she leaves, do all the practical preparation and give her hugs and kisses and well wishes. Everything is going to happen when and how it's supposed to anyway, whether we like it or not. And whether we stress or not. Pray for peace and for her safety. That's just all you can do. Take care. Seriously. :). With mama love.

I understand your frustration and I'm really sorry you are going through this. Is your mother healthy? Does she lead an active, independent lifestyle at home? My grandmother was still an active traveler at that age and, while she did have her husband with her, she was definitely the planner and the one always on the go. She's 98 now and, though she travels rarely, she still leads a very active life.

Aside from the fact that she is alone, is there something specific that worries you? Something she has done or something about her health that increases the likelihood of a problem? Try to get to the root of what's upsetting you, and explain that to her. If it's truly just her age, I think you need to let it go and just help her prepare for safe travels instead.

Make sure you help your mother get a cell phone that will work in all of the different countries she is visiting, along with an adaptable charger for the European outlets. Research in advance the equivalent of 911 in each city she is visiting, as well as a local police number, and program them into her phone for emergencies. Have her make two copies of her passport - one to keep with her, but separate from her actual passport, and another to leave at home with you. Help her get some Euros in advance so she has at least some cash available upon arrival.

It sounds like your mom has confidence in her ability to travel alone. Try to let that confidence rub off on you, and think of the things she CAN do instead of the things you think she can't or shouldn't. I really think if you help her prepare before the trip, you will feel better about her going. You can also ask her to check in with you daily, even if it's just a simple text at night saying that she's safely back in her hotel room for the night.

Of course you are worried but wow, good for her.
Try to see your mom as a person, an independent woman. She has raised her family, and now wants to do what SHE wants to do.
Let her go, let her be free. Don't keep her chained up because it makes YOU feel better. I'm sorry but as women and mothers we spend our whole lives putting everyone else's feelings and needs before our own and as an old woman your mother DESERVES to do whatever she wants!

Wow, you do know that 79 isn't that old and Europe isn't any more dangerous than places in the US.

Ya know she felt the same way when you set out in the world and I would hope she didn't harp on you like you are too stupid to protect yourself. Have some respect and do the same for her.

My dad is nearly 86 and I keep trying to get him to travel again. I remember my grandpa at 92 traveling and talking about getting his pilots license back.

"I am so frustrated because I can't just let it go but I also have no agency at all in this area and no one around me seems to see this from my perspective. " I just noticed this, are you actually going around to different agencies trying to stop your mother from vacationing? My god, stop! I would be so upset if my kids treat me like this when I am 79. To not just be worried but trying to find someone to stop her from vacationing?

You have not mentioned the health issue that is causing you to feel this way. My mom is 75 and is absolutely 100% healthy enough for international travel. But maybe your mom has a dangerous condition?

If your mom is healthy for her age, then the worst that can happen is that she suffers an accident or sudden shift in health. In which case, if she collapses in the street somewhere in Europe, she'll be picked up by an ambulance and cared for. If someone mugs her or hurts her that would be tragic, but it could happen here too.

Sounds like she wants to see all she can while she can which is amazing. I'd like to do the same thing one day. Sometimes I think of traveling when you're older and need to go to bed earlier. If you have money for restaurants and hotels...it would be such a great experience and different than being younger and traveling. It could be very relaxing to just get around, see sights, eat, and retire each evening. A wonderful thing to do.

If you have no control over it, then there's your answer! Figure out the best way to help her manage it successfully if there is any way to do that.

So it's the worry that she is traveling alone in case something were to happen.

I get that. My mom is around same age and up until she developed her disease, was very independent. She traveled around Africa all on her own - going on safaris, etc. And she did have some unexpected adventures, but she lives for that stuff. Stories to tell!

Remember, they are still women - able and capable, they're just older. Unless she has dementia, etc. they just take things at a bit of a slower pace. They can still deal with things that crop up, travel, and plans. It's pretty straightforward - they know how to navigate airports, get taxis, stay in hotels and go see sights. Once they are there, it's not much different than here. These are modern cities with modern conveniences and amenities.

I get that something could happen. But it could at home too. She's just farther away. So long as she is prepared (sounds like she is a seasoned traveler) she'll be ok.

I have a disease which will gradually progress - for me it's important to get out and do what I still can. So maybe that's your mom's mindset. I would respect that. Very few people would take on something that they are not capable of - trust her to know what she can handle.

Good luck :)

Is there any reason, other than she's 79, that you and other family consider this dangerous?

If she's healthy, let her go. She is living her life to the fullest. The more she does that, the more alive she'll stay. You need to stop making it about you. It's not any more dangerous than traveling in the USA. Heck, you can slip and fall in the bathtub and die. I'd rather be traveling.

When I was 21, my grandmother didn't want me to travel to Chicago to a convention because "the plane wings might ice up and the plane might crash." This was not rational. But she was not a traveler, either. I had already been on a plan in my tweens, and had been an exchange student in England. You can't let irrational fears get in her way. If there is an actual issue of health, that's different. But you don't mention anything like that, so it sounds like it's love twisted into fear/worry. That's your thing, and you have to deal with it and stop pushing it on her.

Instead of trying to stop her and make her feel old, tell her that you're freaking out because you love her, and that you know you're freaking out. Ask her to brainstorm with you so that you can find your calm in this situation.

Make sure she has travel insurance, medical insurance, whatever other stuff is recommended for traveling that might be useful for more mature travelers, but please stop making her feel like a feeble child.

here's my 2 cents...

my parents are in their 70s. They still travel. They travel together.

I understand your concern. Does she have a major medical issue that you haven't disclosed to us? If she doesn't? I'm with others, she needs to live her life. Don't treat her like a child. If she is of sound mind and body? Let her live her life.

We lost my father in law over a year ago...totally unexpectedly. Before he died, they didn't travel as much as they wanted to. Now my mother in law is spending money and traveling because she refuses to live a life of regret. Don't let your mom live in regret. Unless she has some major health issue? Love her. Support her. Tell her your concerns but tell her you support her.

Definitely don't want to down your concerns and frustrations. We might not be seeing the whole picture here regarding her health issues, mental status, etc. However, I'm going to give you a flip side scenario that might give you a slightly different perspective on this issue. My mother, who is the same age as your mother, is TERRIFIED to travel virtually anywhere alone. If she has to travel to some area nearby where she has never driven before, it produces hours of scouring a map and extreme anxiety leading up to the day that she actually has to drive it. This is nothing new. It has been going on for years, since I was a young child. For a long time it never even occurred to me that it was not normal and a pretty small percentage of the population has this problem.

Soooo, I live a 9-hour drive from my mom. My brother lives 4 hours away. My sister is a 4 hour flight away. She has not seen my sister in 6 years because my sister refuses to pay for a flight back East and my mom has not flown on a plane since 1954. The only reason my mom sees me and my brother is because we travel to her on holidays. Last year I proposed we all meet somewhere central for Thanksgiving because I'm sick of the long trip for such a short holiday and she squashed it because she "can't" travel that far - not even by bus or train,which I proposed. She's too afraid. She has not been to my house since the '90s because the only way she'll go there is if I drive 9+ hours to pick her up, drive 9+ hours with her to my house, and then 9+ hours again to take her back home. Sorry. I did it once and it's not happening again with my work/family schedule.

So sorry for my long vent, but I just wanted to present a viewpoint from the other side. I wish my mom was much more adventurous and less dependent like yours, but I suppose the grass is always greener on the other side. Best of luck and I hope she remains in good health and safety.

I get the frustration. It is so hard when you worry about someone you love and they do things that increase that concern.

You're not wrong for having these feelings, but your mother's choices are not about you or your feelings. Even if you're 100% right about the advice you're giving her, you don't have any power over what she does or does not do.

You can only control yourself, including how you choose to act/react. You can choose to worry less. It takes effort and practice, but that is under your own control.

It is okay for your mother to make here choices regardless of your feelings. If I always took my own mother's feelings into consideration, I wouldn't have accomplished many of the things I have. Sometimes the proper reply is, "I know you are worried, but this is what I'm doing. End of story."

Somehow, you have to make peace with that and let her go without trying to boss her around. If you're not able to speak to her without offering your unsolicited opinions and advice, it is better to not speak on the topic at all. The reason is that eventually she will stop telling you what she is up to and you'll only know she is in Europe after you get a postcard. That would be worse, I think.

Added: I felt I should mention that my grandmother is 93 and just came back from a two week cruise with 'the girls'. All of 'the girls' are 84+ years old. :-) They are already planning their next adventure.

is your mom and "old" 79 or is a a spry 79? For me? that makes the difference.

If she's not gullible and easily taken? she understands the risks involved - hell - driving through town can be a risk!!

My dad is 79. He drives a 40' motor home. He is blind in his right eye. Talk about being scared?!?!? He was in an accident in his car on Valentine's day. He had my kids in the motor home with him this summer and scraped up the right side on a bridge. We have asked him NOT to drive alone anymore. He hasn't.

Please understand your mom's desire to independent. I get she's not a "spring chicken" but LIFE is a risk. Let her live the way she wants to. If she has health problems or something like that?? Have her be prepared...

what do you mean "...by the daughter she never had"?? You are discounting yourself. I realize you are upset - but really?!?! Let your mom live her life with no regrets. If she is able to get around on her own, don't try and act like she's on the verge of death. She needs to LIVE!!! That's what life was meant for - TO LIVE!!!

My mom is 72. I'm trying to picture whether or not, 7 years from now, I would be upset if she were to embark on extensive travel by herself. I think that unless she declines mentally or physically over that time period, it wouldn't bother me. Do you have reason, other than her age, to be concerned about her ability to travel? Does she have mental or physical issues that make her prone to illness, injury, getting lost, etc.? If she doesn't, then what are your concerns? If you can get specific, maybe you can reach a compromise with her that will help put your mind and heart at ease? I would imagine that someone as independent and active as your mom is somewhat tech-savvy...would a daily phone call, text or e-mail make you worry less? Do you have her itinerary and a way to call her at her hotel?

You write that you feel that she isn't respecting "the fact that her decisions have consequences that affect the people that love her." What consequences, other than angst and worry? Has she ever needed family to come to her aid while traveling? Has she ever has a medical emergency, gotten lost, been mugged, or had anything else negative happen that she couldn't take care of? If yes, then you have some legitimate concerns. If not, and you're just worried, that's more your issue than hers.

I think that rather than just be worried, which isn't going to dissuade her or help you, figure out what your specific concerns are and then come up with concrete steps you can take to minimize them. For example, if you're concerned about a health issue, can she bring a medical alert type of device with her and ensure that she has international coverage on her health plan and money to fly one of you to where she is if she ended up hospitalized? Thing along those lines and maybe that will help you to feel better about her choices?

I understand why you feel concerned. I would be too. However, she sounds like a wonderful woman who doesn't want to waste the rest of her life but wants to instead see the world. I am not one of those people. I will be sitting on the front porch with my dog reading a book and eating cookies watching the people go by. So try to just let it go. Make sure you tell her you love her and her affairs are in order in case something does happen and let her be free. JMO. Good luck.

I understand why you feel the way you do. I have the same frustration. My parents have significant health problems and they ask me to help coordinate their healthcare. Yet in many cases they make lifestyle choices without considering that their health is not what it was 10 years ago.

Though I sometimes worry, I have to respect that they want to LIVE while they are alive. They should be able to spend their adult empty nest years in a way that brings them happiness.

My parents allowed me to go on an exchange to a foreign country when I was 18. It was an amazing experience for me but I can't even imagine how terrifying it was for them. I think this is a similar situation in that these travels are amazing for your mom. Much more of an adventure because she isn't going with a group. Sure, of course you are scared for her, but the alternative is her not being able to complete her bucket list. Life is scary and dangerous and its hard not to worry about the people we love. Try to focus on how fulfilling these trips are for her. My guess is that she is a little more of the live life dangerously, go for it type of person and you need to come to terms with that.

If my mom had the mental and physical and financial ability to travel at 79, I'd be happy for her. Does she live alone? Are you worried about her in an overprotective way because you yourself have never been abroad? Italy isn't some third world country. Sounds like she's having a great adventure, and good for her. I'm not being dismissive, but rather I suggest you appreciate that your mom has a rich life in her advanced years. My ILs are practically shut ins and I wish so much they would get out and do more. I think it would be good for their mental health. Jetting off to Italy? I want to be your mom when I am 79. Maybe she just likes her own company. I'd travel alone, but my DH (a huge extrovert) doesn't like that. He likes people around.

My father in law was born around 1930. He is traveling next week and will be gone about 3 weeks. He's been traveling his whole life and he even spent months living on Antarctica.

He's a seasoned traveler and he doesn't stand out. Since he's alone he looks just like any other person that is native to that place.

The ONLY thing I worry about is his health and if he were to have some crisis abroad or perhaps die. Then we'd have to send someone there to travel back with his body or have it cremated there and then mailed back or something like that. We'd still send someone over I guess to find out what happened and make sure it really was him.

But overall, he's experienced at this and knows what he's doing. He's not senile or feeble or anything like that. He's active and hops in his Vibe and drives all over the USA too.

I can only hope I can do a portion of what he can do when I'm in my 80's.

People travel to Europe all the time. The whole of Europe is on the move at some point daily. I witnessed this first hand for eight years.

Has your mom made contact with some of the elder agencies in Europe that she could contact should she have a problem? I would be more concerned over that than her traveling by herself. She could possibly hook up on a tour here and there with other people her age and go in a group.

Stop thinking about the what ifs and let her be. She is not going to change her mind and you are talking to a wall. Her mind is made up and you should honor that and respect. This might have been something on her bucket list that she wants to accomplish by herself.

Yes you had your vent. Now, think about all the new sights and sounds that she is going to witness and bring back to you when she returns. If she is going in the next few weeks, it will be cool but not cold and possibly she will miss the snowfall.

the other S.

Some 79 year olds can do this. Some 50 year olds can't/shouldn't. It totally depends on the person. There may be health issues (physical, mental) you haven't mentioned, or there may be a history of bad decisions and bad judgment calls that call your mother's coping skills into question. On the other hand, it may be that you have decided 79 is too old and that you have your own fears or past poor decisions on your mind.

We all go through stages of being adventurous and being cautious. When you were a teen or went off to college, did your mother scream about how dangerous the roads were or how kids in college experiment with drugs and sex? Did you listen? Have you had any bad relationships or experiences in trusting the "wrong people"? Has your mother? Unless your mother can be proven irrational and a danger to herself or others, you don't have a leg to stand on legally.

My feeling is that there are parents who stay safely in the US and never do anything risky, except get on their computers and meet someone in a Nigerian internet cafe to whom they give $300,000 hoping for eternal romance.

My mother was more like yours. She has a feeling of confidence and freedom, a desire to see the world, and enough of a financial cushion to afford it. My mother traveled more with groups like Elder Hostel, but in her 70s and 80s she was in the jungles of Belize helping with a howler monkey research project and snorkeling with the dolphins in the Caribbean, climbing to the sulphur springs in Iceland, and teaching English to kids in Java. She got knocked to the ground during an airport "stampede" in Uzbekistan, and she rode an elephant in Thailand. She also did tame stuff like go to Europe many times. I'd rather have a mom like that than one who is moaning about her arthritis and how her kids never call her.

What I can tell you is that screaming is accomplishing nothing except getting your mother to ignore you 100%. Now, if you could settle yourself down and get ahold of your own anxieties and figure out where those come from, and if you could muster some enthusiasm for her adventures, you MIGHT be able to engage her in some worthwhile discussions. For example, Elder Hostel trips are very affordable (and therefore she could do more of them) and they include many lectures by various authorities, professors, etc. Tour members stay more often at places like universities and research stations, and they get to do things that "regular tourists" wouldn't have the opportunity to do. These trips gain access to areas that your mother wouldn't be able to find on her own. Global Volunteers is another one that offers unique experiences for adventurous people. Both groups rate their trips by strenuousness so she could easily go with like-minded and able-bodied people. Everyone on these tours is intellectually curious. They are not the arrogant, "why-doesn't-everyone-in-this-country-speak-English?" obnoxious tourists that make people hate Americans, even other Americans.

If you could first show support and admiration for your mother's abilities and wishes, and then if you casually told her you've talked to other people whose single parents went off into the wilds and had great experiences doing even more than they can do on their own, you might benefit BOTH of you - you could relax knowing she is with a group, and she could gain more opportunities at a reasonable cost. But you have to convince yourself first that she is rational and competent, and slow down.

When I was a teen and my mother yelled about all the things I shouldn't do, I defiantly went and did more of them. I suggest your mother is doing the same thing to you. You may be so hard on her that you are driving her into more and more actions just so she can prove you wrong. If you attack her abilities, she's going to be even more determined to show you that she has them in spades.

Kaseyirv below has excellent points. Maybe you can clarify for us by updating your post: Are there any specific physical or mental health issues for your mom? Or are there other issues, such as a history of making poor or unsafe or unwise choices? It would help us here to know if the basis of your concern and whether it's specific or general. Are the "multiple cities and countries" she'll travel through on this trip ones with violent unrest?

You mention hat she has traveled abroad before but don't mention if there have been any incidents such as health scares, or other things like her ending up at the wrong hotel by accident after a day out, or ending up in a less than safe part of a city and having trouble of some sort, or even getting horribly expensive exchange rates because she didn't really understand about how to exchange currencies....You get my drift: Is there some specific history here that gives you cause for concern? Or is this more of an issue of her age and the fact that at 79, yes, it is perhaps likelier that something could happen, but there aren't specific health or other concerns to which you can point?

I do know adults of all ages, including some your mom's age, who greatly dislike the idea of traveling with any tour group or on anything "packaged" because it means they must follow someone else's schedule, eat meals that someone else has arranged, can't stop and make a detour just because something looks interesting at that particular moment, and so on. And not least of their dislikes is the idea of traveling with a bunch of strangers and having to be social when maybe they don't feel like it that day. Is it possible that your mom feels that way? It's hard to sell a packaged group tour to someone who sees them that way (and I'd be among them). Same can go for a companion - maybe she knows that no one she knows would really be willing or able to spend three whole weeks in Europe; she'd have to curtail her trip, or cut back on the destinations etc. if she went with a companion....

Are those the kinds of things you hear from her when you suggest group tours or companions? If so, and if there are no health issues or other issues of judgment etc. as above -- Then consider questioning yourself about why you feel so worried, rather than questioning her about why she won't travel with someone else. I too would be worried in your shoes but barring any other reasons would have to think about why I was worried if there had never been any incidents or accidents. I know--some of it is purely an adult child seeing how dicey travel can be for anyone, let alone an elderly parent, and I think your worries are understandable, but if your mom is together enough mentally to make all these travel arrangements herself, book flights and hotels and trains etc., that alone is a good sign she is still "with it" enough to make those connections, get to the right places at the right times, and know when an area is one that's no-go.

I think of my husband's uncle, who was quite the traveler into his 70s (hiking in South America, cruising on the Danube, walking everywhere you can imagine) and who truly lived his life to the fullest. He kept traveling as much as he could until health absolutely forced him to stop. Losing that travel ability was very difficult for him, as a veteran traveler, since it was just a core part of his personality to see new places and experience new things. In fact, going to Vienna just to see one opera singer in one performance sounds exactly like something he would have done in a second. When he had to stop traveling, it did diminish him--he wasn't himself as much, when he was home. He had the means and the time and just loved seeing the world. If your mom has the means and the time plus the health, while I too would worry, I would let it go for now -- and meanwhile, see if you can go with her next time.

I do understand about how her decisions affect those who love her, but unless the worries have a real basis in past experiences, or you have a specific reason for fear (for instance, if she were insisting on traveling to a clearly dangerous region right now where there's political or violent upheaval)--I'd find ways to ensure she is as safe as possible, such as a European cell phone that will call the U.S. and regular check-ins from you while she's abroad.

I'd be worried about her too but you have to let her live her life. I'm proud of her actually!!

Ask her to get emergency assistance and repatriation insurance and then accept that she is an adult. You can always purchase it for her if she won't do it herself. My parents are 70 and they are currently driving a stick shift car through the mountains of Switzerland. Yes, they are together but even if one passed, there is no way that I could "stop" either of them from continuing to do these things. Quite frankly, I do not want to. It is awesome that your mom travels. My grandma travelled alone until she was 89 - she is now 92 and no longer comfortable travelling at all.

Register her trip with the State Department and than realize that anything that might happen in Austria might happen in Michigan.

Cheers!

I don't think you're selfish at all, I think your mom is lucky to have a sweet daughter looking out for her. And if she saw your side and agreed, it would be awesome. But it sounds like she is stubborn and you won't be able to change this! I love the common sense travel advice that others gave about precautions to take, you may feel better if you tell your mom that you will consider supporting her travel if she goes through those things with you.

But my big advice is this. Start looking at it in a different way. "my mom travels, I don't like it, AND she is going anyway," instead of "my mom travels, I don't like it." I don't think you'll ever be comfortable with her going, so I wouldn't suggest to just switch gears and be thrilled for her- I just don't see that happening. But if you can't stop her (which it doesn't sound like you can), you do need a way to make it better for YOU. This is so hard on you! I guess what I'm saying is give yourself permission to hate it, but don't fight it so hard, doesn't sound winnable.

If you can't get her to stay home, at least make sure she has travel insurance and a travel health insurance policy. An elderly friend traveled abroad 2 years ago and fell in his hotel room and fractured his pelvis in 3 places. The hospital bill was $30,000. If you can't get her to do it, you do it for her.

You are just concerned for her. All you can do is ask her to check in every two days with you and have a copy of her itinerary if you need to "follow" her where abouts. I have to say that I would be concerned too, but she sounds determined, excited and capable. I totally understand.