This has been a problem forever it seems. I am happy, the kids are happy, but yes, sometimes when we are out, one of my kids get hurt, or the baby cries, and they are a little loud. I do my best to leave immediately, and calm them down. And I don't go out to fancy restaurants, or movies, where it should be quiet, with kids. But my husbands face always turns red and he gets so embarressed. My husband is great, and I don't actually blame him, he gets it from his dad. His dad gets very ansy, when kids cry in public. Anyways I love my father-in-law, but as a mother, where should I stand. Who cares? It's a baby, they cry, or do I keep apologizing. Believe me I am just struggling to know who's right. I can care less about babies and kids throwing tantrums as long as the mom is handling it, and we've all been there, sometimes you have to ignore the tantrums, even if it's out in a grocery store,(I always give the mom a big smile, not the annoyed look!) What do you think?
I am so happy, we have a place like this to vent. We are mom's and know exactly how the other one feels. I just wanted to hear, I am a normal mom who loves her kids tantrums and all. We were all kids once, we just have to remember that. And for those who stare, and give bad looks, shame on you!!! Thanks Ladies, I feel much better now =)
D.,
Don't worry about it. If I cared about every strange look I got from people at the store while Declan was throwing everything I put in the cart back out on the floor... I'd go crazy. My boys have their moments, but whose kids don't? Anyone with kids will understand and if they don't understand... it's not your problem. Your girls are very well behaved and the little guy...he's just a baby. Don't sweat it.
You are not the first nor last to bring out your children to a reasturant. There are other parents there and they know what it is like to try and sit down to woof down a meal while dealing with a toddle getting up every 2min and a crying baby. At least you try and control your children. I say who cares and enjoy your meal crying baby and all the stares all of us moms and dads get.
I agree with Marisa, kids will be kids, and yes we have ALL been there. I give you credit for controlling them. You are the parent, don't let your father-in-law control how you handle your kids. Nothing is worse than unsolicted parenting advice, especially when it is an issue that you are aware of and on top of. You will drive yourself crazy racing for the door with every peep. It sounds like they are like every normal child and not a really bad bunch of kids(you know the kind) most parents are like you, smile kindly and understand. I go through the same thing, we take our kids out enough that they shouldn't act like monkeys, but it is the kid factor, and if they know that it is going to get reaction it gets 10xs worse. Hang in there and keep parenting they way you are, your father-in-law will never change, so try to not let it bother you (easier said than done). You are in control not your kids or your father-in-law.
I agree who cares, I think you have the right attitude, you are right! Do not apologize for your kids tantrums, unless it is so ridiculously loud or long. Kids will cry and get upset and we, as moms, can not control when and where they happen. We can tell if they will not stop and then we leave or if in a fancy restaurant we quietly step into bathroom or something. There is no need to apologize at all, or maybe just once out of courtesy, but stand your ground girl!! They are only children and it's natural for them to cry because they do not yet have the ability to say "hey mom I'm feeling a bit cranky cause Joey pinched me" Hang in there!
HI,
My husband is the same exact way. He hates to go out with my 6 year old and 3 year old for fear the 3 year old with be noisy, throw a tantrum, or get wild. I take them out all the time to the malls, McDonalds, Friendlys, the park and while my 3 year old at times does become wild or shriek or cry, he's certainly manageable. I have gotten dirty looks from people in the grocery store when he has thrown a tantrum and honestly could care less. I take the attitude that as long as I am disciplining my children and they are acting in age appropriate ways, anyone else who has a problem with how they are acting can look the other way!
Dear D.,
Does your husband want to transform his automatic reaction to the kids acting out [being naturally authentic] in public?
It sounds like you are responding beautifully to the children.
He would have to want to change this.
What is possible for his is peace and calmness aound this presenting reaction. It is an unconscious knee jerk reaction for him and it is probably in other areas of his life. This is a boundary issue and this is his edge.
I commend you for asking for help on this piece of your life. It is important as everything matters.
You probably do not want to be his therapist so this is a
perfect place for him to get some advise/help.
N.
My husband is EXACTLY the same way, and like your hubby, mine gets it from his parents. They are old fashioned and believe that children should be seen and not heard. I completely agree with you about not caring as long as the Mom is handling it, and about you not bringing them fancy/quiet places. You are doing everything I do, and I think it is enough. Do people really expect us not to bring our kids ANYWHERE? Doubtful. Keep on keepin' on, D., and good luck. Hubby will get over it...
Talk with your husband about why his face turns red. Tell him how it is making you feel. Maybe there is more to it than you realize. It could be a problem that is deeply rooted in him. He may not be able to help feeling that way. He may also get over it after a while. Sometimes people handle stress differently. Don't feel so sorry all the time, yes kids cry, and throw tantrums, that's life. No one is right or wrong. As long as no one gets mean to you because of it, that would be wrong then.
