"Leave the Store"

Well, my son loves the store. He threw a tantrum ONE time, and we got the hell out of dodge. Never happened again. At some ages, a talking to is pointless. Little kids need direct, swift consequences. If you give a little one a talking to, you might as well be speaking a foreign language.

I agree with Jo, what is their motivation?

It really depends on the kid, cause you are right some kids do see it as a way to get out of shopping, and a mom needs to be in-tuned enough to recognize it.

For other kids, the mere thought of leaving is enough to make them straighten up and behave themselves.

I have been known to stand in one spot until the fit is over and I have been known to leave. I never see a child having a tantrum and think "Man, that parents needs to pick is booty up and leave". I don't know the dynamics well enough to make that call. For all I know it's one of those kids trying to get out of shopping.

I let parents, parent how they see fit. They know there child better then anyone.

Usually you only have to do it once or twice and lesson learned. Inconvenient yes, worth it absolutely.

I think that advice is dependent on the motivation for the tantrum. If they are having a tantrum because they want something in the store they tend to want to be in the store so removing them from the store is the best course.

If they are having a tantrum because they are bored and don't want to be in the store then leaving is giving them what they want.

The idea is to remove what they want until they can behave as you want.

I hope that parents look at the other side of this too. I removed my child the few times she was that far gone, from the grocery store or a restaurant. Mostly out of respect for the other patrons in those places. Especially at a restaurant.

You are out in public. If public behaviors, manners, etc can not be observed, then in my opinion, YES, you need to leave wherever you are at. When did it become acceptable to subject the rest of the world to such behaviors?

I see kids screeching, dropping breakable things (as parents are not paying attention), yelling, running around, crawling on the floor (older kids), opening packages and eating things. All manner of unacceptable behaviors that no one is keeping in check in a grocery store. I also see similar age children who are helpful, kind and respectful. If one set can do this, why can the other not?

I work with children and have for 25 years. I know full well what they are capable of, both good and bad. I know what is developmentally appropriate. My opinion is an educated one. If your child can not control them selves in the store, they need to be removed. No one else should have to be subjected to such behavior.

I have to chime in on this.

I first want to say that I hate going to the store (grocery or other) and having to listen to someone's screaming child throughout the store the entire time I shop. I've been known to cut my own shopping excursions short because a screaming child bothered me so much.

Anyway, the reason my SO and I leave the store is because we find it rude to other patrons to have to listen to our child throw a tantrum. My son could throw an all out tantrum because he wanted to look a little longer at the toy isle or because he wasn't getting a toy he said he wanted....we would leave the store. It only has to be done once or twice and the child learns that the behavior doesn't get them what they want and they tend to stop it.

If my child was tired and was acting out due to exhaustion, well then I would get the heck out of the store and take my child home for a nap. That's not my childs fault, it's mine for trying to make him/her do too much.

Mind you I'm not talking about an infant or baby in any of my comments. If it is a baby or infant I do not fault the parents for a child that young crying because sometimes there is just nothing you can do to make them happy. But, if we're talking toddlers and older, please either get your kid to behave or leave the store! I guess personally I view this "matter" as a simple common courtesy.

LOL! Yes, I said "Leave the store." L., I can't tell you how many times I had to do it.

I had a melt-down king. I was not going to put other people through that or give my son the power over me to do it. Believe it or not, it WORKS, taking your kid back home. They like going out. They don't like getting dumped into their carseat and strapped up while you stand outside the car and ignore them, pretending to read a book, and then going home and being stuck in their room for a while. They don't like having to leave the swimming pool or the park because of misbehavior.

Once my son REALLY understood that he would lose the privilege of lots of outings by us turning around and going home, his behavior really improved. Also what helped was learning to make sure he was rested and fed before we left. (He was my first and I had to learn that one...)

Sometimes we have to give up things that are important to us in order to teach our children. It's one thing to have a whiner or a fuss pot. It's another to have a child that falls apart and makes a huge scene. I never had great big grocery runs with my kids. I did those big runs without them.

It's really a matter of how much of a problem your child is in public, to be honest, and if whatever you are doing to handle the problem is working. What this lady was doing wasn't working and she asked for advice. I gave the advice that worked for me and many other moms, btw, and my son finally realized that we'd be going back to the car and he'd be strapped up instead of getting to look at interesting stuff in the store, or getting to continue being at the pool or miniature golf or whatever else it was where he was having a meltdown. It took perserverence and consistency on my part. Sometimes when a mom has a difficult personality child, one has to do things that are hard for her, like leave the store.

Thank God I only had one kid like that. My other was so much easier!

So that's the explanation for what I said...

Going to the car IS leaving. L., I actually had to walk away from this question to cool down. The leaving the situation approach worked beautifully for me, and I don't take kindly to criticism for it. So, after a few minutes, I remembered that you are a kind hearted gal and probably didn't mean any malice about it. The fact is that it does work, or people would recommend it. If it's not an option that you want to use, that's great! We are all different and that's a good thing.

I'm not a "fierce talk in the bathroom" kinda gal. I don't think you are bad because you do it, you just use a different method to get the same result that I do. We're all in the same business, let's not knock each other's style. :)

If your child's behavior is ruining the shopping experience (or dining experience or whatever) of other people, LEAVE.

If your child is just annoying you, no one else cares what you do.

I'm of the mind that unless you're a single mother, there's just no need to take a kid shopping at all. I have four of them and we both work FT and I rarely ever took them shopping. I don't know why people can't schedule their errands in such a way that the kids don't have to be dragged around. Problem solved.

I think that is for parents that pick the worst time of day for their kids to go
grocery shopping, like right BEFORE their nap etc.
Also, I get my grocery shopping done quickly. I know what I need, have
a list and get it done. I don't put my kids through an hour tortuous
shopping ordeal.
Get in, get out.
I make sure my kids have eaten something before we go & have gone to
the bathroom.
Some parents don't think of these things. Not the kids' fault. It's the clueless parents' fault. I never fault the child. I have eyes & I can see when a parent is being clueless.
It's our job to teach & guide our kids, not be militant or uncaring just to
get our things done.
All in all, being a parent is a hard job, a lot rests on our shoulders & we
have a lot to get done (teach, guide, do, work, clean, make, cook etc).
It's all about striking a balance with heart & loving comfort!!!

Hi L.-

I have 7 kiddos...when they were young I had a spouse gone on business (army...and then private sector) a LOT.

I left a grocery store (full of groceries) once when my eldest was 2.5 (with two younger sibs watching). He was having a tantrum...I was having NONE OF IT.

Two years later...the next one (was about the same age...with younger ones watching)...I did the SAME. Left...Went home...tried again the next day.

I recollect another kiddo pulled the same...same remedy...we left the store.

PERIOD.

So...in MY experience...seven kiddos...leaving stores 3 times in 23 years...and MOST shopping trips reasonably easy...

well...all I can say...it worked for me!

And...some of the 'olders' remember the leaving of the stores...full shopping cart and all.

Momma did not (and does not) play!

Best luck!

Michele/cat

I have done it myself maybe three or four times over the course of three kids.
They were all extreme cases, someone was melting down, getting loud, fighting with each other, etc.
Twice I left full carts of stuff and I WAS PISSED!!!
And my kids KNEW I was pissed.
I think that's the point, to make your kids see that THEY HAVE CROSSED A LINE.
My kids were usually pretty good in public, and the last thing they wanted to see was an angry mom, so NO, this is not a tactic they wanted to see repeated, it was pretty traumatic for them, trust me :-)

i think you answered your own question L. - there's a difference between backtalking and being a brat (which they all are occasionally) - and causing holy havoc and disrupting the whole store. sure, i have dealt with surly, grouchy kids at the store. suck it up big guy, we're getting groceries. if you don't have something nice to say, zip it. but i drug my son's butt home twice, for those kinds of fits, when he was around 3 years old. and i ONLY had to do it twice. it wasn't a nice "oh dear you're just not being good, i guess we'll go home." NO. it was "OMGSONYOUAREEMBARRASSINGMEINPUBLICANDIAM**DONE**!!!!!!!!!!!" and he was VERY clear that his behavior was unacceptable. and...he quit doing it. so im not sure who removes their kids for being whiny brats, but when they are having an all-out tantrum - ABSOFREAKINLUTELY.

(i have the feeling some of these moms' kids must just not be as stubborn as mine. i'm not stupid - of course if he was hungry/tired/etc i expected him to be unhappy and i didn't go until those problems were resolved. and of COURSE i didn't give in to tantrums, i tried to be patient and loving and kind, or firm and stern and make sure he knew i meant business, depending on the situation. sorry. my 3 year old did have two tantrums in public, despite my being "prepared". those unavoidable, ear blistering tantrums- occasionally, they do happen. not all kids, but they do happen. through no lack of planning or intelligence on the part of the parent.)

ETA - i also have to add (forgive me if i sound a little defensive) i have NEVER - NEVER bought treats for my child when grocery shopping. this means that A. i never "bribed" him to be good during shopping trips, and B. he NEVER threw a tantrum because he wanted some piece of junk toy or candy. his tantrums were about (at age 3) wanting to go left instead of right, or maybe wanting to look at the toy cars for 15 minutes instead of 10. it is NOT always the permissive, lazy parent that has to remove a child because of a tantrum. usually it's the opposite, in my experience.

L., i should apologize because my frustration isn't with you. i think your question is legitimate, and as i said, i think you kind of answered your own question - being sassy, having an attitude, no, i wouldn't go home. i'm really only talking about these full out tantrums. i am really shocked that so many people defend bribery and/or staying and subjecting strangers to their child acting like a monster....but i do realize i need to apparently go read that question you're referencing, too.

Much of the methods of discipline are inconvenient to parents. Heck being a parent and raising a child is inconvenient. It's a lot easier/faster to do their chores than to teach them how to do it themselves - at first. But the purpose is not always what's easiest for us - it's about what's best for your child, society and for you in the long run. Keep your eye on the long run.

Misbehavior at the grocery store come in different varieties. My son at age 3 would drop on the floor in a tantrum and scream for about 90 seconds then it was over. He realized I wasn't going to buy him the thing he wanted. That happened twice I think. While it was difficult for us at the time, over the long run it was wonderful becuase he learned that when I say no it means no. My daughter has always been a different kid and she would get cranky and ornery. if she wasn't inflicting it on the people around us I'd continue shopping. But if she got loud and difficult and rude then we'd leave the store (I'b bring my cart to the customer service counter) and she's lose priviledges once we got home. The discipline wasn't limited to leaving the store - that wa smore to avoid inflicting my child's miserable mood on the people in the store.

You know you kids and you know if it's likely to be a long drawn out misery for everyone around herm, or if it's going to be a brief and productive storm. Then take action accordingly.

I used to think this way....until I had kids. =)

I honestly think it completely depends on the child, the parent and the reason for the meltdown. If my child is tired because he didn't get a nap and is acting out, I am likely to leave the store. It is my job as the parent to keep the child on a routine and it isn't that child's fault that he or she is cranky due to lack of a nap. Being a good parent and making the child happy is far more important to me than staying on schedule.

While I do see your point about setting aside time, in the event we had to leave, looks like mom or dad are heading back later alone at 9pm or on a weekend!

As parents, we have to realize these are only children. They simply (depending on age of course) cannot rationalize like adults nor can we expect them to behave like adults. So, sometimes we have no choice but to be on their schedule.

So - my answer - it depends!! But I am far more likely to leave, as my child is a child and cannot be excpected to act like an adult. =)

The foggy details of parenting nightmares! I only actually walked out of the store once, and it was my usual grocery store where I knew most of the employees. I asked one of the bag boys to take the cart to the refrigerator until my daughter could calm down enough to return to the store. I took her out to the car, we sat in the parking lot until she realized I wasn't budging and she wasn't getting what she wanted. We went back into the store, I purchased the groceries and that was that.

I honestly can't even remember which child this happened with! Both of my girls were usually pretty happy to be out and about, but we all have our days. I felt like we spared the other shoppers her tantrum and I accomplished my shopping, and it never happened again.

I have three young boys and have never left the store because of behavior. Like many other moms have already said, I plan ahead--especially at the grocery store. I go on a day that my older two are in school, so I just have my 2 year old. I go after breakfast, but well before lunch. I also let him bring a small toy (match box car) and I have a list.

I'm one of the people that recommend leaving the store. For me, going back to the car is considered "leaving the store." It's just about getting your child out of that environment. Sometimes the stimulation is just too much, and they can't focus on what you are telling them. Sometimes, they think that because people are around, you're not going to punish them, so they continue to act up. Sometimes they just want attention. It really depends on your child and your situation, but it's an easy way to isolate the child to help both parent and child to calm down.

I, too, have limited time to go shopping (grocery or otherwise) so it's not something I do lightly. I don't recommend it as a "first line of defense." If your child is screaming and not responding to other forms of discipline, you need to get them out of that environment. This may also work for me because my daughter loves to go shopping with me. I make sure she's rested and fed (or bring along a snack) and she knows that I'll usually pick up a small treat for her.

When we do leave the store, I just take her out to the car. She sits in her carseat and when she's quiet and listening, I explain why we had to leave and talk to her about why she was misbehaving. Once we "resolve" the issue (I tell her why her behavior was unacceptable, she tells me why she acted that way), I let her know that I have to finish shopping and let her know she is expected to behave. I also let her know that I understand her frustration, but it's an important chore that needs to be done (ex. If we don't do the shopping, we won't have the stuff to have spaghetti for dinner tonight). As I mentioned, the reason isn't b/c she's tired or hungry (since I've already anticipated those needs), so it's usually something "simple." We go back in to finish the shopping, and she loses her "treat."

I've only done this once or twice, although I've threatened her with leaving the store. She doesn't like to lose her treat, and she knows we still have to get the shopping done regardless of her behavior. It does make the trip longer, but it works as a teaching moment.....for both of us. :)

If my DD thinks that leaving the store is a good thing, she'll learn that it isn't. It means we have to go back later or that she doesn't get her treats that I was shopping for. She'd be very unhappy to see her Lucky Charms be left behind. And sometimes it's not just about teaching the kid. It's sparing everyone else. If I was near the front of a long line, I stayed, but DD knew she was in trouble. I've done time out in a store - find a row nobody else is in and tell her if she doesn't stop yelling she gets to sit there longer. So if the leave the store doesn't work for your kid, then that's fine. But it does work for other parents, which is why it's suggested.

It's not always about leaving the store it's about the kids going without. If you are grocery shopping and your child acts out and tell him behave or we are leaving and you have to leave then he goes without for a day or two. A couple days of dry cereal, no milk because he wouldn't behave teaches a strong lesson (for example). Simply tell him as he crunches a bowl of dry cereal with a glass of water, if you had behaved at the store you would have milk for your cereal, he gets the fact that he needs to behave like it or not.
It won't hurt him to go a couple of days without milk or dinners he doesn't like. But the lesson of behave or go without will last a long time.

I always was under the impression "leave the store" was for major tantrums; crying uncontrollably, throwing things,thrashing body etc. Sassing or being mouthy doesn't constitute leaving a store in my book. And even with major tantrums, you always try talking to them first.

By the time they're old enough and their thinking has matured enough for them to consciously plot a tantrum as "a way to get out of shopping" -- they should be old enough that mom knows the "tantrum" isn't a real one but a form of manipulation. And the child should have had strong enough consequences in the past that he or she would rather stay and shop than face those consequences again.

Smaller kids don't think with that level of sophistication ("I don't want to be here, I'll throw a fit and she'll remove me!"). They just melt down in the moment, as emotion takes over. That's when instant removal provides what the British call a "short, sharp shock." It has to be done with zero delay -- mom picks up the kid, walks off rapidly and out the door, does not fuss over whether to put back the cart first, etc. -- just walks, leaves the cart where its stands, so the kid is out the door and being strapped in the car so fast that his head reels at the speed of it: It should be a "How'd I get here?!" moment. Not anger from mom, or even discussion, but "I told you what would happen; now it's happening" and out the door without another word.

That gets the child's attention big-time, usually, or at a minimum removes the noise and the attention the kid will be getting as other shoppers stare or even (yes, it happens) try to calm or distract the child. Then mom should have another consequence beyond removal. That means taking things away or otherwise denying something the child wants or likes. The removal should not be the only consequence -- if it is, then yes, the child might learn to think that a tantrum will get her or him what is wanted.

Once a child is old enough to plan a tantrum for purposes he or she has thought out, like getting out of the store, the child should also be old enough that he or she has learned that the parent will follow through instantly with additional consequences that are unpleasant. The unpleasant consequences of being hauled out (and losing a treat or losing TV time that day or whatever) should be strong enough that the child will tolerate the shopping rather than risk those consequences.

The best option : If one's kids are a problem shopping, do not do any essential shopping with them along. Plan it for when they are with others or in preschool etc. Then work with them on shopping trips that are not essential trips; keep those trips shorter; work on engaging the child by letting him or her hold the list, or pointing out colors or letters, or letting a slightly older child put items into the cart. But keep unruly kids away from essential trips if at all possible.

The key is to leave the BIRTHDAY PARTY (or park, or beach, or playdate) just once then you will never have to leave the grocery store!

Stores in general-from a gramma:
I see (HEAR) kids having freak-outs at stores almost everytime I go into one. Sometimes it's a hungry child, an overtired one, or one who needs their bottom changed. Often it's one who is bored wants out of a cart or stroller. All of this more often than a little one having a tantrum to get something. You can usually tell what the problem is by looking or by the timber of their cries. Sometimes it's annoying. You think to yourself, arrrggghhh that is driving me nuts. Other times when I walk by I make an encouraging comment to the parent with a smile. We all get enough disapproval, tasks have to be gotten done, and lightening the moment can help the parent maintain their patience. Having said that, please don't stay out shopping for hours, feed your child when he/she needs food, get them their nap or to bed when it's time, discipline as needed....be kind to them and yourself. The rest of us can grin and bear it or WE can leave the store.

I totally agree with you!
When my kids were younger, their time-out was spent with their nose to the wall. So, if they needed one while in the gro store, we would find the nearest pole, wall type area we could and they would have a time-out! Super embarassing for them, so it only happened about 1 time each!
Also, they would get to pick out a small treat when we went shopping, a pack of cookies for the family or something like that and they would get a quarter to spend at the candy machines on the way out. If they acted up, then these privileges were lost. We never had big melt down issues at the store......

I have never left the store b/c of bad behavior from my kids. If they had a tantrum, we would deal with it then and there and move on. I don't believe in kids dictating where I go or what I do. I have a limited window of time to go to the store and I won't let even the best tantrum win.

I think it depends. Sometimes you should leave (especially if you're doing something for him) but sometimes you should take a breather (calm down, talk to him, bust his behind, whatever) and then return to the task. Depends.

Ya, I hate it when people do that or expect me to do that.

Plus, what some people don't realize is that the store has to throw a lot of that merchandise away after you leave the store. Assuming that you literally just pick up your child and leave, leaving your cart and all it's contents in the middle of the grocery store... All of the refrigerated or frozen items have to be thrown away even if they are still cold to the touch because the store doesn't know how long they have been off of the shelf. All of the fresh fruits/vegetables, bakery items, and deli items... All of those also have to be thrown away. All them.

My son is special needs so sometimes we would get in there and in one swoop would take a bunch of cans off the shelf and his behavior would just get worse like screaming and he would latch on to anything and not let go. I got the nastiest looks from people. Even snacks didn't work. IN these cases, I had maybe 1 or 2 items and paid for them and I left. IF I had a cart full of groceries, I would pay for them and then leave.

When he would come, I made sure to only get a few items and then slowly increase my items over time until he could stand it for an hour. I did buy snacks to keep him tame sometimes too. Now when he comes, he gets excited and likes to help scan and bag. He absolutely loves putting the bags in the car and helping bring them in.

No. My son threw a huge fit in Walmart once. I grabbed him out of the cart, got down to this level, and had a firm talking to with him. I made him sit in a chair by the restrooms until he calmed down. After a minute or two, I put him back in the cart, and headed to the line. A man actually came up to me and commended me on handling the situation. I thought he was joking but he was serious and told me I must be an amazing mom.
Anyway ,I had to just throw that in there. While there are disapproving looks, sometimes you get the opposite reaction. Not only are people watching the child, they are watching your reaction and how you handle the situation too. :)

I have heard of moms who deliberately go shopping when they really don't have to just to put this into practice.

My boys hated shopping. They made it a chore for me. Saved me tons of money because now I hate shopping. I am as efficient as a guy at shopping.

What ever works.

I agree with you, L.. Since grocery shopping is not that fun, I don't think kids care if you leave mid-trip. Like you, I've only done that one time when he was absolutely out of his mind, freaking out and screaming and I had people staring at us and asking if I needed help.

I have left fun places if they're not behaving and that has had an impact.

Grocery shopping with my 3 yr old has gotten so awful that I just don't take him with me anymore. I shop on weekends when my husband is home or if I need to go during the week, I'll have my mom come over and stay with him.

I know exactly what you mean! Why would I leave the store in the middle of my grocery shopping with a full cart? Or waiting in a long line to buy something that might not be there when i get back? That just punishes ME, not my kid.

But, it has its time and place. I actually did do it once, but I bought my items first, I just had gotten only halfway through the grocery shopping and couldn't take my daughters whiny/crying behavior anymore. I wouldn't leave an overflowing cart, heck no, it takes 30-45 minutes to gather up all those things. I had to go back though to get the rest of the things I needed.

I think leaving the store is more to spare the other customers and show your kids that you don't spaz out like that in public places. To enforce that public venues require comportment and patience at all times. So, yeah, when a kid is totally out of hand I do think its good to cut it short. they need to know that loudness and negativity in public places where others will be bothered by it is not cool.

In love and logic parenting class having a plan beforehand is the thing to do. You have someone "on call" that you can call and say "Hey, XX is acting up and I need you to come get him. If they are already in the parking lot this can be done very easily. The hope is that they "will" act up so that this can be a learning experience. If they act up "they" leave with someone who is going to make them stay in the car in the parking lot, not doing anything fun, allowing them to scream, throw a fit, etc....it's supposed to be a not so great time for them so they won't want to repeat it.

You want him to want to go to the store with you and to get to do that he has to conform a certain way. So you make him go away with someone they don't want to be with that is "that" person who doesn't talk to them, play with them, etc....then they'll conform just to not have to go with that person.

I have one of those friends, she's a great person and she was a mom until her kids died in a car accident along with her husband. She can do the Mom thing and be the strict mom. SO I make sure she's in the parking lot if we're having issues and the kiddos get to go to the car and "leave" with her. They will scream and beg all the way out of the store. I just smile and feel good about the whole thing.

I know they have learned a lot and they will be better next time we go to the store.

BUT I am also going to tell you what most of my friends do. They plan ahead and take the kids to a babysitter or they take the kids to Mother's Day Out so they can have a few hours to go run errands, deep clean, go to the OB/GYN, you know, have some quiet time that can be used efficiently without the kiddo's.

I taught a class on stress management a while back around Christmas time and one of the main points I made is that you bring on your own stress if you don't plan ahead. If you KNOW it's going to be stressful don't do it, if you KNOW it's possible the kiddo is going to act up then don't do it....do not take them to the store, do not take them with you when you're on a schedule or when you need to concentrate and get stuff done. Otherwise you are passing on your stressful "vibes" to the kiddo's and they respond by acting out.

One time and only one time...my daughter was throwing a fit because she wanted to go home...and by God we were doing the shopping because the cupboards were bare.

I shopped my entire list with her crying at the top of her lungs (she was three)...there was no punishment that would have stopped the crying there was no giving in and going home. It was what it was...

But it was just that one time I had to do it...but I did it...most people gave me sympathetic looks rather than nasty ones...

I agree with you. Just leave and take care of the situation. Then go back in with a child who will obey you.

I'm with Ann C and Dawn...I have a child with sensory issues and what can just plain be a difficult personality. And, I have so totally picked her butt up and hauled her out of stores when needed. There is no reason to subject other shoppers (and myself) to a full blown meltdown or tantrum. I have the kid who thinks that if she has a captive audience of shoppers, she'll put on a performance. Yeah, what worked was hauling her butt out of there, taking her home and letting her do without the needed items and the fun activities planned for after shopping. It only took a few times before she realized that it really would happen and would not be fun. Now all I have to do is threaten, but she also is old enough now to like it a lot more.

I'm a single mother, so I don't have a husband at home who could watch her while I shop. Since I know that my major shopping and errand running can be a bit much, I generally take her to playcare while I do my errands or run them at lunch or before daycare pick-up. We're both happier that way, but sometimes a quick grocery trip cannot be helped. If you have a husband at home, why not just let him watch the kids while you do your errands at about twice the speed? Even single moms can do some of the errands while a child is at daycare or with a babysitter. I only take my daughter on short shopping trips, not the huge full week shopping expedition. I totally understand removing a screaming child from a store; I don't understand taking a tired, hungry or cranky child to a store to get through a week's worth of shopping when you have other options. There's not one thing that I need badly enough to stay in a store when my daughter is having a meltdown.

I'm with you - it depends on where we are, and why the meltdown.

If the tantrum is because she doesn't want to be there, then I am not pulling her out of the store. We can excuse ourselves to the ladies' room for a time out, if necessary, or do our jumping jack/push-up punishment in an empty aisle. If the tantrum is because she wants to stay, then we are leaving QUICKLY.

But I also know the rules about overtired/hungry children. This is just for when the kids are trying to make a power play.

I worked at a children's bookstore with a play area. Once when leaving for my lunch break, I overheard one dad arguing with his little one that it was time to leave. I came back a half hour later, and they were still arguing, but it had escalated to a shouting match. That's one little one who had been given an enormous amount of power.

I'm with Mickey, I planned ahead and had few problems. I made sure not to take them when tired, cranky etc. I brought a small toy, a small snack, whatever I thought they might whine for.... I never bribed them with buying something at the store, was afraid it would backfire if I didnt buy them something. My biggest problem was toddlers climbing out of the cart and there were times with my active daughter that I had to leave her with a babysitter or father because she houdineed out of any device meant to keep her in a cart, so i did. Occasionally there were tears but never full out tantrums, they saved them for at when they were overtired.

To each her own. If your kid is screaming, tantruming and/or running around like an out of control banshee, then the decent, common sense, considerate thing to do IS to leave the store.

Nope. I was I'm trader joes when my son had his first terrible two tantrum. Two workers asked if they could help me. I just let him cry. Leaving is what he wanted.

He did it one other time, and never again.

It makes sense to leave the playground, or the pool, or the playgroup or any other place the child wants to be, but to leave the store doesn't make sense. The only lesson it teaches is if you don't like going to the store then have a fit and you will get to leave. It might just make your life less stressful to get the kid out of the store and to come back and shop when you don't have a screaming kid, providing you are able to arrange that.

I agree with you. I just don't have the time to stop something that I have to do because my child is acting up. I will, however, leave if she is misbehaving during something she wants to do. I often tell her that there are lots of things we don't want to do but HAVE to do (like groceries, church, etc.). I think it's important to teach this.

I have had to leave the store 2 or 3 times. It takes ALOT of bad behavior for me to leave the store.

Once, as we were leaving, my kid said they were thirsty and wanted a drink. well, too bad. that was part of what we were in there to buy, but now we don't have it. guess you'll have to wait until we get home and drink water.

Does it show kids that they have power. Yes, however, it also does control behavior. My kids don't like shopping. When I have to go shopping and they want to go somewhere else, I tell them, okay, I will take you to the park, but we also have to go to the store, no complaining. If that is a problem, let me know now.

People act like it is their right to never have to listen to a kid cry or something. I agree with you, when I am at the store I will get what I need and if someone has to listen to my kid cry for 2 minutes then so be it.

nope your right on...although i just asked if i was wright in my thinking question...and i have a feeling my process is way out dated!

We don't leave the store. In fact, I don't bail on anything due to tantrums. I don't want my daughter to learn she can get out of shopping, homework, chores et cetera simply by whining and crying.

That being said, I try to set up the situations for success - for example, not overdoing it when she's tired, or decreasing the level of participation if she's overwhelmed or maxed out on a challenge.

i have left the store once with my child. and thats all it took for her to understand that we do not behave that way. yes she has thrown tantrums after that but not as severe as that day. i usually take her by the arm or chin get to her level and tell point blank she listens and stops or we can go into the restroom.