Screaming 18Th Month Old! He's Driving Me Insane!

I have to disagree with some of the mother's on here. They are telling you to put the child in thier bed but if you think about it putting a child in thier bed when they are in trouble is going to make them think that they are in trouble everytime you put them down for a nap or for bedtime. In my opinion the Mom that said just walk away and don't pay any mind to the child get kudos from my. This is what I do with my 18 month old and it works very well. Good luck and remember consistency is the key!!!

Have you read "The Happiest Toddler on the Block"? Some of the stuff in their really works! When my 2 1/2 yr old gets upset and starts yelling, I yell as loud as him. Example.......If I tell him he can't have a toy and he gets mad. I yell "I'm mad I'm Mad I'm mad I'm mad I can't have my toy" I just repeat some of the things that he says. As he starts to quiet down then I do the same. Adventually he will stop and then I talk to him about it. Granted it's hard to this everytime especially when we are in public (which I'm still working on handling this in public) If you haven't read the book then I would suggest that you do! It's awesome!
I wish you luck and lots of patience.

What he is doing IS completely normal... he cannot verbalize his feelings so he is communicating the only way he knows how. It's important to stay calm and I've noticed that coming down to the child's level and talking to them helps. If the tantrum continues, simply set him in a "time-out" spot and walk away. Be sure to return him there without talking to him if he gets up. He'll get the idea. This just gives them a chance to calm down. Also teaches them to deal with their emotions on their own. If you give in, it will only get worse. Stay consistent and it WILL pass. Good luck!

It seems like when he screams he gets a reaction from you. Any 2 year old wants constant attention whether it be negative or positive. My Daughter, now 3, still holds her breath till she passes out when she is mad or upset. She also does the screaming, and only at me. I am the diciplinarian. But when i do ignore her screaming, it seems like forever that she does it, but then eventually she realizes i wont react to it. But a suggestions to keep the sanity during the screaming...deep breaths and remember "this to shall pass".

I totally agree with the mom who said to punish the screaming. The child will continue to do what you allow them to do. If there is one thing I have learned about parenting it is CONSISTANCY!!! I would slap his mouth (not beating) and say a firm no. If that doesn't work immediately-take him to his crib and put him in it and leave the room and shut the door. Do not return until he has stopped his tantrum. Do not talk to him or give him any kind of attention until he has calmed down. Again the key is consistancy. If you let it go even one time, he will learn that he can get away with it.

My children are 14 and 10 and my oldest is a very strong willed girl. I really wish I had been more consistant from the very beginning and I think life would have been much easier for everyone involved. Also, do not take the tantrums personally. Remember, you are the mom, you are in control, and he is the child. It doesn't matter if he doesn't have the words to express his feelings. He cannot scream and get his way. When my kids would beg or scream or have a fit I would tell them in a very disappointed voice -"Oh, I really wish you hadn't done that. Now, I can't change my mind even if I wanted to, because you had a fit." Do this every time and they will learn what is acceptable behavior and what is not. Also, remember what you want is improvement not perfection. Just keep on and be consistant.

I also have done a variety of things, but my conclusion is as everything-Its a phase-. Screaming back at the child is crazy, putting them alone in their room is CRUEL, time out is useless until they can speak. The butt pat has yet to work for me-so what's left is ignoring unless they are doing something that might hurt themselves. What I may try next (for my sanity) is before I begin to ignore I will say something like (depends on word understanding)- Mama doesn't like screaming then walk away. They may throw themselves down or follow-in public my son has tried using his head while in the shopping cart. one thing for sure 99% of children go through this and only a few adults still have a problem.LOL cheer up-There are other insane mother's standing in the same place. haha

It's difficult for babies because they want to communicate but can't. One thing that we have done is to learn some simple sign language. Signs for milk, juice food, hurt, and out of curiousity we've expanded some of our vocabulary. But this has helped with some of the commuication. It has eased the tempertantrums becasue my current youngest can express what she wants. Neither of us are as frustrated! :) We borrow a lot of signing dvds from the library and frequent the ASL website. http://commtechlab.msu.edu/sites/aslweb/browser.htm
Good luck and I hope this helps!

Until he knows you mean business, he will continue screaming.
We have an acquaintance whose 3 year-old does this and we have an almost 1 year-old granddaughter with whom we are addressing this already.
You must address it immediately every time.
At his age he knows it drives you nuts.
It is essential that he learns he cannot get his way and that you are the boss.
You might read Dr. James Dobson's THE STRONG-WILLED CHILD.
If you use timeout for 90 seconds, he cannot get out if he is still in a state of agitation.
An additional scream means 15 more seconds in boring timeout.
He must learn to calm down.
He is old enough to learn that "first" he must.....and "then" he can....
It will just take consistency on your part and perseverance.
I wish you strength.
I know it is particularly hard when your previous child did nothing like this.
But don't give up...you can have sanity again.

I have a two year old going through the same thing. Let me know if you find anything that works. Good luck!

You said he does this when he doesn't get his way... Can you give him choices as often as possible to help him think he has control and is getting his way? It might be a control issue that could be diffused if you, though still in control via the choices you choose for him, make him think he's in control of things (like giving him two things to pick from for breakfast, what to wear, which cup to use, etc). Just a thought.

If he's anything like mine, he enjoys the negative attention he gets from screaming. Mine will even smile when I swat her on the bottom. I know this sounds impossible, but try ignoring it for a week- don't even make eye contact when he screams. It might take away his motivation. Good luck.

My second marriage was to a man with 3 children. His only son
(spoiled rotten and ruler of the house) learned early all he had to do to get his way was to hold his breath until he turned blue or scream to make his Dad and elderly Aunt (babysitter) to jump through hoops.
I tried to tell them that holding his breath would do no harm because if he held it long enough he would pass out and start breathing normally. They always pushed the panic button, caved in and let him have his way. Kids are a lot smarter than they get credit for.
They were at my house one day (before we married) and something came up between him and the girls (don't recall what). He started his screaming and holding his breath. I told his Dad I would handle the problem.
I put him in my bed - told him to scream as loud and as long as he wanted too - closed the door and walked away. The little stinker would stop screaming to listen to see if anyone was coming.
This went on for a little while. Then I went into the bathroom and got a little water (just a small amount in a glass) and when he started screaming again I went into the bedroom and told him I had a surprise for him - I stood there and when nothing came - he started screaming again. I let him have the water in the face.
Sounds cruel - maybe - but it stopped him from screaming and holding his breath. His Aunt asked me what I done and I told her. She said I was being too cruel to him. But it did break his screaming and holding his breath tantrums to get his way.
Just an idea for you to try. The element of surprise works most of the time.
D. Y.

Hey, V.! Hang in there! He won't be a toddler forever and hopefully that strong personality your boy has will drive him on to great things one day. (But, don't forget to talk to your pediatrician to rule out any sort of health issue that could be making him unhappy.)

I don't know if it helps, but I can tell you our story. My second is almost 5, but I was in your situation a few years ago when he was 18 months old. He screamed all the time at me and I had a hard time helping him to be content (my first was go-with-the-flow). I wish I could tell you we found a "magical" answer, but we didn't. Eventually, we figured out that my second is a "controller". He has to have things a certain way or he gets upset. He is very happy at preschool, plays well with the other kids, and rarely causes trouble, so apparently he mostly vents that side at home (lovely, eh?). The good side is that he also has a wicked sense of humor. What it all boils down to are a lot of Dr. Jeckyl/Mr. Hyde days. A lot of times when he is frustrated, we can accommodate him (e.g., he can have the sports jersey instead of the character shirt; he can have carrots instead of peas, etc.) Other times, he cannot have his way so I tell him he has to "choose" to be happy; that he has to "decide" that things are ok; or I tell him "Mommy's driving" so he understands that I am in charge. Overall, it has been a rough road because of his temper tantrums, but we also have had great fun and many laughs along the way, so now we just roll our eyes and my husband jokes, "I just hope he uses his powers for good and not evil."

Good luck, V.! Don't forget to check with the Dr. to make sure he's otherwise healthy and I hope you are able to find a common meeting ground with your little guy so you can begin enjoying him more!

Hi V.,

Wish I had the magic solution, but I don't. I CAN however give you encouragement that you're not the only one with this problem! My 18 month old son is doing the same thing - I never dealt with this with my daughter. My son does not have a very large vocabulary so I think this is the only way he knows how to express himself when he's angry or frustrated. I tell him "no", try to calm him down and then find out what's wrong - he'll answer questions - and then firmly remind him that screaming is not an appropriate form of communication. As everyone else has said: just hang in there, it will pass! I think everything you're doing is great! Know you're not alone!!!

Have you tried ignoring him when he is screaming? I realize that it would seem impossible, but it may help if he is screaming because he knows that you will react (no matter if it is a negative or positive reaction)
It may sound dumb or even maybe mean, but I use to just scream too... when she started screaming, I started screaming and LOUD, as to out scream her... she eventually quit screaming. This may not work for you, but maybe worth a try.

My niece does this and I just make another loud noise when she screams and she stops and looks at me like I am crazy. I then tell her that we can't scream and we have to be nice. I understand that it makes you crazy.
good luck

Hi V. Years ago my mother in law told me to throw (gentley)or toss a little water in their face. By golly it worked. It didn't take a lot of water and didn't take very many times doing it. You could even use a spray bottle. Hope I don't sound cruel but it is better than driving you crazy. Good Luck and God Bless

I recommend doing a Google search for Kevin Leman. He's a wonderful man who teaches parenting classes. He has a few books and videos as well as a radio show.

What your son is going through is normal. I am going through the same thing with my daughter who is now 2. It will eventually get better, but is extremely frustrating.

It sounds like he is throwing tantrums trying to get some kind of reaction out of you. Negative attention is still attention, so he is trying to get you to pay attention any way he can. The one thing that sometimes works with my daughter is to ignore it or tell her to let us know when she is done with her tantrum and go about our business. We also let her know that we cannot understand her when she is screaming or whining and that if she doesn't stop, not only will she not get what she wants, but we will take something else away too. Usually means she goes into her bed for a while.

Each child is so different. Our son (5 months) is so different from our daughter. He is much more laid back and content. Best wishes to you as you enter into the wonderful world of toddlerhood with a strong-willed child.

God bless,
A.

Hi V.! I know this sounds heartless, but totally ignore the screaming. It's a tantrum. Wear earplugs if you have to, as long as you can still hear somewhat. He will continue as long as you give in or react. It might take a few days, but it will be totally worth it. My daughter would scream and cry to be picked up and she was hurting my shoulder. She was just too big. I would have to walk my other daughter to her class with the other tripping me, hanging on my legs, and boy can she scream! In three days she gave up. I can even pick her up on occasion, but she knows I cannot carry her everywhere we go. Good Luck! God Bless! and Hang in there. N. L.

My friends daughter did the screaming thing, nothing seemed to help until she screamed back at her.Then once you have the childs attention tell your child to tell you or show you what they want or don't want.Many children scream because they don't have the vocabulary to speak what they want or need.
My niece did this years ago to get her brother in trouble.They would be playing peaceably and as soon as my sister left the room to do dishes or whatever Krystina would let out a blood curdleing scream.My sister would run to her aid to find her brother trying to console her but thought he had hurt her and spanked him.Then one day while baby sitting I caught her biting herself so he would get into trouble and told my sister what she was doing. After that her screams went un noticed to a point that she stopped.

I put my 19 month old in his room and tell him he can come out when he's done crying. Then walk away. After just a few days of that, I put him in there and he instantly turns off the tears. He looks at me and says "cryin'" (which means done crying). It works, it works fast, and best thing of all - the screaming is in a different room from me!!! Good luck.