Screaming 22 Mo. Old!!!

I am going throught the same thing right now. The scream is so loud that anyone around has to cover their ears. It's driving all of us crazy. My first was nothing like this. I've been ignoring her which is starting to help. I've heard that if you give in to them everytime they will continue to keep doing it. Best of luck.

Buy a pair of earplugs and ignore it. She will eventually quit doing it when she sees that she isnt going to get the attention or reaction she is aiming for by doing it. And if you have never watched the Suppernanny I would suggest making that a new ritual. She has a lot of good techniques to use for children of all ages. Ive tried several of them and they actually do work. Good luck!

C.,

A girlfriend had this same issue and one of the things that worked for her was the moment her son started to scream very firmly say his name and the word NO. She wouldn't scream or shout, but she would raise her voice a little and be very firm. It usually shocked him for a moment into stopping. Then, as soon as he starts again, say it again. When he stops, explain we do not scream to get what we want. And then try to find what it is he needs - the problem is that words are still limited and they get frustrated. As soon as the child realizes he is getting help without having to scream, it will stop.

It takes patience and consistancy, but it works. She even had us doing it in the nursery at church to keep the consistancy.

Good luck!
C.

I wrote in about this but at an older age. but mine was doing that at 22 months. Now it is worse as his older sister found it makes mommy react. So not so great on advise other then stick it out, it wil pass, and start putting her in her room. As soon as she screams, pick her up and say: "I can't understand you, you will be in your room until you are calm." then you might have to keep putting her in there for a couple of weeks to "train" her. Eventualy, we put ours on the couch in the living room so we didn't have to go upstairs. Alas, when two kids start soing it...I don't know...just feel like I am putting kids in their rooms all day lately. It least I can go release that awful feeling you get in your tummy with a quick scream in the garage or something. I have also started playing more movies this summer...I just need some peace to clean and sign.

Just ignore her. Once she realizes she won't get a reaction out of you she may stop. I say "may" because every child is different. When my 2 year old throws a tantrum I have always done this and the tantrums are always short lived.

This is common behavior for this age. I have a 20 month old. I can relate. This behavior is because of frustration with the inability to communicate effectively. Ignore the screams. Encourage your child to use her words. Ask her yes/no questions or either/or questions. When she communicates w/o screaming, reward her, commend her, etc. When we're in a public place and my son starts screaming I put my hand over his mouth and move it back and forth to make him sound like an indian. Or I put my finger on his lips and move my finger up and down really fast to make a funny sound with his lips. That makes him laugh and he stops screaming so loud. He's still noisy because he wants me to help him make the funny noises. The important thing is not to give her what she wants when she screams. No matter how loud she screams. All that teaches her is that tactic works. So, she'll repeat it. Tell her that screaming is not ok. Also, you go to a different room when she's screaming. Or put her in a different room (timeout) when she is screaming. Tell her you'll come get her when she has stopped screaming. It gives her time to settle down. A lot of this is that she hasn't learned how to control her emotions, yet. We're in the middle of this, too. Arrg!

I had a child that would do the screaming thing too. What I would recommend is at a time she is not screaming to talk about voices. Go outside and talk about outside voices. Outside we can whisper, talk normal, talk loud, and use our really loud screaming voice. Call the screaming voice your outside voice that we only use outside. Then go inside and say these are the voices we use inside, then whisper and talk normal. Call those our inside voices. So when she does start her screaming calmly remind her that is an outside voice and them maybe go outside with her and let her scream. Then go inside and practice your inside voices. It might seem silly to go outside to scream, but she is a toddler and will love it. It takes patience on your part but soon it will be a game for her. She may even go outside when she feels like screaming just to scream. If it helps you can explain to your neighbors what is going on so they do not worry. Eventually you can talk to her about toning down the screaming outside because we do not want the neighbors to think she is hurt.

It will definately take patience on your part and you also have to have a fun loving attitude. Most children at this age love to do anything if it is in disguise of a game!

Good luck!

My son tried that once or twice. Right or wrong, I screamed back at him and mimicked his actions, and he never did it after the second time. Kids may not realize what they look like, and when they see (and HEAR) they may see how silly they are being. My friend had a squirt bottle, and when her child started up, he got a short squirt in the face. It didn't harm him, and the screaming stopped instantly with a surprised look. He then asked her to squirt him again, and they laughed, and got down to what was wrong. He could only talk in one word sentences, but it worked for her!
I think ignoring them is pointless, as they could continue long past the time your ears and patience can handle. It's your choice, however.

I remember being a young kid (ok, so a bit older than 22 months, but young nonetheless), and doing the same thing. I felt like It was the only way I could get people to notice me and get the attention I needed. I remember feeling that my siblings and my parents didn't listen to anything I said, so when I needed to say something, I would scream until someone paid attention to me.

In my case, what would have worked is someone sitting down with me and talking with me on a regular basis. I needed to feel valued and like a part of the family. Ignoring me only made me feel alienated, and sometimes those feelings still surface from time to time (though the screaming has stopped).

Good luck. Don't forget to take into account the way she perceives things that are said and done around her. She may just feel that she can't get your attention any other way, and she will pick up on your frustration. Depending on the child, she may interpret the frustration as anger toward her.

get some ear plugs, and when she screams, walk away until you've decided that she's had enough of throwing a fit. if she still screams, go away for a little longer. either that or spanking, which probably should be used for last resort.

C.,

I have a 22 month old boy who went through something similar lately. I was at my wits end. I started putting him in his room and told him when he was ready to be quiet he could come out. (Mostly for me while I calmed down) It took a lot of tries and me setting him back in there while he was screaming calmly telling him when he is quiet he can come out. After about a week, the screaming fits shortened. Now when he starts I just say go to your room if you want to scream and fuss. This usually quiets him. I am no expert; this is what worked for us. Good luck, I feel your pain.

M.

Most likely, this sounds like a phase. But, any "phase" can be difficult on the entire family. I have 4 children. I have noticed that if I am as calm as possible with them when they are having a hard time, they seem to calm down much quicker. I am a big believer of time outs. If this was my child, I would try placing her on a time out immediately when it happens, tell her she needs to talk (or show you) about what is making her upset because scraming is a no-no, leave the time out area, return 2 minutes later and talk calmly with her about what is accaptable to do. Model the acceptable behavior for her AND with her in a role play or with the child she was screaming at, give her a hug and let her know that you know she can use words instead of screaming. If she isn't speaking much, try coming up with a signal like a thumbs down that she can come up to you when she is upset and you can help her to calmly work out the frustration. Even if it is frustrating to help her with the reason as to why she is upset, reward her with a big hug and kiss for not screaming. Positive reinforcement throughout the day when she isn't screaming goes a long way too. "You are playing so nicely and not screaming! I knew you were a good girl!" Try telling Daddy (in front of her) something good she did about her screaming situation that day, even if it is that she merely calmed down quickly after screaming-any compliment will get her attention in a wonderful way and hopefully she'll be searching for ways to get more compiments. Good luck!!!

YES!! Like THREE TIMES OVER! I have three who have all loved screaming so far. The youngest (my fourth) is only 11 months, so her screaming career has yet to be determined. My oldest grew out of the phase rather quickly, thank goodness. She only lasted a few months and then decided it wasn't getting her what she wanted. She didn't always scream when she was upset or needed something. Sometimes I swear it was just to hear herself or see what we would do. We went to NYC and Washington DC when she was a little over a year old. She sat in her stroller in one of the Smithsonian museums, and when we wouldn't let her get out and run around, she screamed at the top of her lungs. She was hungry and tired at the same time, so that didn't help. But these two young women (late teens, early twenties, maybe) gave me this look that I'll never forget. It was as if they were thinking to themselves "I can't believe what a brat that kid is!" HA! I knew right then that they didn't have any kids, nor did they probably babysit or care for young children. It still hurt though. It's not like I could control her screaming. She was only 1!

Anyway... on to my other two. They're twins. They're boys. And they don't talk exactly yet. They just turned 2 at the end of june and are starting to talk more, but one of them in particular is the big screamer. Both have done their fair share of screaming in the last year, but one of them just won't seem to "grow out of it." It's the most frustrating thing, because, like you, I swear the neighbors can hear them sometimes! Just last night, my one screamer twin would not eat his dinner, and was crying about one thing after another (his passie was on the floor, his blankets were on the couch, he dropped his spoon, his sister spilled her rice... whatever), and just would not be quiet. We took his chair and pushed it into the laundry room (attached to the kitchen) and shut the door. We could still hear him screaming, but not as loudly. We told him that when he stopped screaming he could come out. He was still crying when we let him out (about 2 minutes later- the time they usually spend in time out when they get in trouble) but he wasn't screaming. My husband asked him if he was ready to come out and he grunted his usual sound for "yes." We pushed him back to the table, and he started to eat. The screaming was over. At least for the time being.

So. Time outs have worked sometimes. Putting them in another room has worked. Ignoring my daughter's screaming in the car when we were on our trip to NYC worked after an irritating and headache inducing while, but it worked. I've also said that they can come talk to me when they're done screaming and kept about my business until they stopped. That one usually takes a lot longer, but always whoever the screamer is has relented and begun to "ask" in whatever way they can for whatever it is they want. The screams for no purpose go away more quickly with ignoring. It's the ones where they are upset about something or want something that take a little more care and attention and time to "train" them away from it. Anyway. I'm sure I have a lot more I could say about screaming, but this response is long enough. Feel free to email if you want to talk more or whatever. Good luck! Hopefully she'll give it up soon!

Screaming is the way some kids try to get attention. I have an almost 3 yr old that tried the screaming thing a couple of times, but we just didn't let it continue. It may sound over simplified but its up to you. Trust me, you don't have to put up with it. Its all about the way you handle the screaming. If she does start screaming, immediately tell her that we don't scream for what she wants, she is big enough to start using big girl words. If she still continues, follow through with a time out or whatever you do for discipline. When she calms down THEN pay attention to her and encourage the talking and good behavior by helping her get what she wants. If she can't have it, then she is old enough to start learning that you can't have everything you want and it isn't "good to scream, it doesn't help". The worst thing you can do is give in to the screaming fits. She will just learn to scream for everything no matter what. If you are in public, give her a warning and then either take her out to the car and have her sit there (with you of course) until she calms down and then go back in, or take her as much away from the situation as possible and just hold her with arms to her side, until again she calms down. This may sound strict, but I promise it will work. You just have to be stronger (mentally) than she is. I know this may sound harsh, but YOU are the adult and she is YOUR child. She will learn from you and your life will be much better because of it. I hope this helps! GOOD LUCK!!!

Ouch! It sounds to me like she is seeing if she can get what she wants and kids have amazing stamina to do this, because if screaming worked once, it just might work again. Rule #1 Screaming gets you NOTHING, ignore, ignore, ignore. My son (2 1/2 yrs old) goes into his room immediately when he screams or whines for something and he knows he can yell as long and as hard as he wants in there and when he's done, he is welcome to come out join us again. That works wonders! The other strategy I've used is to mimic back to my child his own feelings (do not scream back to her). "Oh I see you are so upset that you can't get what you want, oh boy." Do not say this meanly or insincerely. I understand this doesn't work for every kid, but it works great on my son. I've also read that you can record the kid screaming and play it back to them to show them the difference between yelling and asking for something. Try offering her choices (obviously ones you can live with) all day long so that she feels like she has control. Even the smallest choice such as, "do you want the blue spoon or red spoon?", will empower her. I would also be asking myself, is my child overtired or overstimulated? The Love & Logic books have helped me deal with tough spots like when my child won't budge to get in the car for daycare or the store. I ask him very calmly , "would you like to go to the car with your feet on the ground or off the ground?" That way it's his choice and either way he's getting in the car. Encourage her to use her words to get what she wants. You must be stronger than she is at every turn and not react to her screaming - easier said than done. Kids love to see which buttons produce the most reaction. Good Luck!

This is normal and she knows how to voice her frustration, the best thing you can do is ignore it. She is doing it because it is a new thing to do and because she has no other way of expressing her frustration. If she gets upset over something that she cannot figure out, move her away from it and whisper to her to not be so loud and wait until she calms down. There is something to be said to teach children about inside voices. It is a phase, I have a almost seven year old that still when she pitches a fit has a scream that is ear piercing and out of control, so I cannot say it completely goes away! :)

I have 16month old that does the same thing, she screams to get things she wants. Lately we have started to teach her simple sign langugae (plaease, more, drink eat) and it seems to help some of the time. I'm sure you could find sites on line that you could get signs from. Maybe it will help with her frustration. Good Luck!

Hi C.,
First of all... I am by far no expert. Though my 3 and a half yr old is the same way. I have tried a ton of different ways to help it, but I have learned that it is just the way she is. She is by far my strongest willed child. I have four girls, and she the most openionated, and the most stubborn of all. I have gotten to where when she starts to scream, I just tell her that is something I dont want to listen to anymore, and she can do it all she wants in her own room. I quite often have to actually take her there myself, but I just stand her right inside the door, and tell her to scream all she wants and she can open the door when she is done. She still does it several times a day, but I have noticed a drastic drop in the length of the fits when I am ignoring them. I think it helps when I dont get mad or frustrated, I just make her go to her room like its no big deal.
Good luck, I see that you have already gotten alot of advice.
~H.~

Right now I am a teacher at my sons daycare. I work with the kids that are 1-2years old. Some times we have this problem. So here is what my co-teacher and I have come up with. At first we ignore it, especially if its just to get attention. And I mean truly ignore it. We walk away, turn our backs, start talking to the other kids and tell them what a good job they are doing, ect. Then when they stop the scream we turn around and say "(childs name) we do not scream inside. That hurts my ears". Also if she seems to be having trouble finding the words that she needs and uses her screams to convey frustration, after she stops the scream say something like "you seem very frustrated that you cant get the toy to go the way you wanted. Why dont we try this" then proceed to help. Right now we have a crier. One that will cry whenever another child glances her way. We tell her to "shhhh!" kinda forcefully (we sound like a sprinkler some days) and thats usually enough to get her out of her crying jag. Hope some of this helps.
R.

I know exactly what you are going through. My son is 20 months old, and has the same piercing, head turning, face scrunching, ear covering scream. At the store, or at the park I hear the "Oh my gosh", or "What is wrong with him?" To which I usually reply by saying something sarcastic, like "I'm sorry, I can't hear you from all the ringing in my ear!"

Anyway, I'm sorry to say, but not alot helps him. The most I can tell you, is occasionally he will respond well if I look him straight in the eye, inches away from his face, and quietly say "sssshhhhh. You need to use words, because I can't help you when you scream." Other than that, I am as open to some suggestions as you are!!!

Good luck!

from my experience, it's a phase. my oldest threw horrible, violent, screaming fits. i buckled him into his booster seat/high chair because it was the only thing he couldn't get out of and i left the room to protect my ears and keep my sanity. he stayed there until he was calm. sometimes when he calmed down we were able to discuss what it was he was so upset about, but sometimes he just wanted to go play again. sometimes it took half an hour for him to stop screaming. he's 4 now and only does this on rare occasions, usually when very frustrated and hungry at the same time. don't let your worry about what the neighbors think upset you even more during these times. do what you need to keep your cool.