When Will He Be Ready to Have Children?

Dear S.... I'm the Great Aunt of the cutest little 3 year old. Right now he's living with his Paternal Grandma because both Mom and Dad are in Iraq. After he was born his mom was to be deployed when he was 3 months old but due to a medical condition she was kept state side.
It kills me to know that my Niece who I adore can't have her son near by because she is doing her duty as an American Soldier. I worry about the 3 of them every day. My Niece her husband and the baby.
All I can say is think seriously.
Pen

My best friend is sitting in Iraq right now... so is her husband. Their baby is in Minnesota. They missed his first Christmas, and first birthday already, and it's looking like they will also miss it again next year. You may not be slated to deploy right now, but it could happen... I'd say wait until you are out of the military before having a child!

You should definitely not be on birth control pills as they are very unhealthy. I know two people who have gotten blood clots in their legs and are disabled from them. There are IUDs that are safe to use now. Not the ones that put out toxic heavy metals, but look on the internet and find a good safe one. Also research the internet and find out dangers of birth control pills. You will find them easily. Good luck, S.

Hi S.,
I am gonna take a wild guess and assume you are in your early 20's. Both of you are in the military which in itself is a huge commitment. I think your husband is right. Wouldn't it be nice to know Mommy and Daddy aren't going anywhere. Grandma's really close, too. Get Back On The Pill! You guys are newlyweds, take the time to enjoy THAT. In a couple years you will know and love each other so much more and that much stronger when you bring a new person into the mix. I think that is imperative because having a child is the hugest thing you will ever ever do. My husband and I got married when I was 27 and I got pregnant at 30 had her at 31. I really like that I am more mature and patient than I was in my 20's. Anyway, I'm sure you will get alot of this, but, You've got plenty of time sister...ENJOY!!!

Hello fellow navy wife! I'm a navy vet(2001-2004), and navy wife. I was in the navy for 3 and a half years, i got out six months early due to custody of minor child(my daughter) because i refused to put her in daycare at 1month old just to go back to a ship, i got an honorable discharge and all that good stuff, but i understand how you guys feel about the day care issue, and thank god i had a mom that kept her until i got discharged. My husband is currently on deployment right now, and i'm about to have our son in july, and he returns in may, but i know exactly what you're going through. I took BC's for the longest while i was in the navy and actually my daughter wasn't a planned pregnancy, but we just prayed and went along with the hardships of me being seperated from him, but in the end everything turned out great. Honestly girl i can't tell you when to take BC's and when to stop, but i can tell you this there is nothing wrong with you and your hubby sitting down and having a heart to heart with eachother, and girl i know me saying it may sound easy, but all you have to do is try girl, and trust me, once you guys start talking who knows what may happen! And i 2 was pregnant at 20 with my daughter, i'm 25 now and she's 4, but it's the best thing in the world when it does happen, just talk to him girl, and everything will fall into place. Goodluck!

I know you'd like to have a baby, but with this war going on, it seems to me that it would be better for you to wait until you've fulfilled your obligation to the military, especially if either or both of you could get called up to leave. You definitely don't want to leave the country and have someone else, even your husband, raising the baby. Right? This is a time to enjoy your time with your husband. Once the babies come, it's an adjustment. When the time's right for both of you, you'll know it.

J. P.
www.prepareandsucceed.com

Hi S.,

It sounds like you're thinking in a rather black and white way -- either you have a baby now, or else "drop the issue for a few years." My advice is that if you are having sex without birth control, make sure your husband knows that. I'm in my mid-forties and I have had lots of chances to see how it turns out in the long run when people parent children that one or both of them weren't planning on, and the results are almost never good. Parenting is so hard that it makes a huge difference when things get tough to be able to say "well, i chose this." If both people can't say that, or neither can, it gradually seems to poison the relationship -- one or both feel trapped and victimized. To be honest, I think the most messed up families I know, or at least the relationships with the most anger issues, are ones where a woman said "oops -- I got pregnant" and that is how the man became a father. I think even if the pregnancy really was a mistake on the woman's part, that both the woman and the man are haunted by the possibility that maybe it wasn't *quite* an accident. I know there is no ideal time to have a baby, but there ARE bad times and ways to have a baby -- if you are trying to get pregnant now, let your husband know that's what the two of you are doing. If he is firmly against it, saying you need more savings or whatever, then decide with him what level of savings seems reasonable, and when you get to that level, let him know you're there and the contraception is going in the drawer.

I also know that both of you being in the military at this time, with stop-loss orders and things, must make planning the future very hard, confusing and stressful -- I just want to say that I am genuinely sorry about the position in which military families are being placed -- I'd give anything for our current situation to be different.

Best wishes!
M.

I don't know if you are ever financially ready to have a child...but there are times that are better than others. You guys are young and newly married. My suggestion from experience is to wait a while. My DH and I were married 8 years before we were blessed with our first child. We went through four years of college and four years (two of those trying for a baby) of both of us working. Waiting was the best thing ever, we finished school, paid off debts, bought a house, and had a nice savings account built up before the baby. Money is still tight, I am a SAHM and so our income dropped in half. But having that savings in the bank has made it work out okay. There is no rush...use some BC and look at finishing your military obligation. Two years isn't a long time to wait, it gives you guys time to build a solid marriage, save some money, and be more "ready". Sending you a big hug {{{{hug}}}}

S., I am a former AF enlisted girl married to an AF man. The biggest concern for you right now should be the future. You both are getting short on enlistment, what is your husband going to do in the "real world?" Is his career field one that can get him a good job?

Keep in mind that the military is a secure paycheck and the biggest thing for you to consider when having a baby is HEALTH INSURANCE. If your hubby's job doesn't pay him health benefits (which a lot don't until you have been with the company for a while), you are looking at $8,000-$10,000 for hospital bills just for the pregnancy and delivery...while either of you are in the military, it will cost you NOTHING!!!

Also keep in mind the pay raises for rank and dependent pay...you may be able to afford to stay home with the kids if he stays in the military. He may not like his job, but it is a very good way to take care of the family...most jobs don't come with benefits like these (commissary, BX/PX, life insurance)unless you have a college degree.

What is your career field? If you aren't on shift work, you and your hubby both should try to take advantage of the education office too, so you can be educating yourselves for almost no money. I went from enlisted to ROTC in college (after getting education in the AF) and that was a great move...something for either of you to consider while you don't have kids yet. Anyway, e-mail me directly at ____@____.com if you have any questions or want to respond/talk

You will never be ready for children if the reason is money. No family is every prepared financially. Many people just make it work. What I would take into consideration is the amount of time that you to have been together. 11 months isn't very long and you might want to give your marriage a little longer just to enjoy each other. Once you have children you don't get that time back. Keep the lines of communication open with your husband. The last thing you want to do is add more pressure to your marriage right now.

Just ask him! Who's to say you'll ever be financially ready. The more you make the more you will spend. It's a decision you both have to make though. If one doesn't agree, then it shouldn't happen or there may be some ill feelings. Ask him to be honest with you. You don't want him to go along with it just because you want it right now. It's great to have a plan, but just know that things don't always work out as planned. This is something that you have to communicate w/him and decide.

Just to add: My husband was in the military and we were married for 6 yrs before having our first. He decided to get out when she was 2 mo. old because they wanted to send him to Korea for a yr. and he would have missed the first year. of her life.

Best Wishes!

There is never a perfect time to start a family, BUT there are bad times. Having a child whne both partners are not ready is without a doubt a bad time to start. If it where me, I would start the birth control (if you can, you didn't specify why you weren't on bc). To answer your question on when you will know, ASK HIM. If that isn't a good option, then tell him that he will have to tell you when he is ready.If a couple of months pass and nothing is said talk about it again. You would be suprised. I didn't think my DH would tell me. The man rarely says anything. One day he just asked if I was ready.

Take advantage of your young love.....There is plenty of time for children. Trust me, you will want your mom around when you decide to have children. If I was you, I would wait two years until your contract is up! I agree with your husband on not putting your children in daycare. You will feel the same way once they get here! As far as being financially ready...you never are! If people waited for that reason we would never have babies! Thanks to both of you for serving our Country! GOD speed!

Everything changes when you have a baby. He is right to want to be financially secure. If you have to leave your baby in daycare because you can't afford to stay home it could be something you had wish you waited on. I did get pregnant when I was 21, had my son at 22, but we were married 4 yrs before he came along and I am able to devote all my time to my child which I feel is priceless. I am glad that we waited.

S.,
You are young and have plenty of time for children. I believe you should finish your time in the military first. Work to get everything you can out of your military experience. When you are done and your husband gets looking for a job, bring up the subject of children. Will he be able to support you so that you can stay home with the children? If yes, then he would not have the objection of day care. Your lives would be much more stable at that time and he'll probably be much more willing.
J.

S., definetly wait, no doubt about it. Finish your two years in the service and then talk about it again after the two years. Enjoy your life as husband and wife because after you have a baby the husband and wife time is cut to like 25%. I had kids when I was in my 20's and I do regret it, not the kids but the timing. Your husband is correct and thinking responsibly, he wants to wait till he is ready for a child emotionally adn finacially, that is good thinking. Be patient or it could put a strain on your relationship. Good luck with your next two years in the service and your wait, if that is what you decide. God is faithful and will give you what you deserve.

I dont have the answer of when to have a child but, I can say that if you were to "accidently" get pregnant after your husband specifically stated that he wants to wait, well, that would be a mistake of mammoth proportions!!! It is not as if youre about to turn 40 and he's asking you to wait ten years. Youre young and he would just like a couple of years. Big difference!!!! I would have to quote Dr. Phil, marriage is about negotiation. I would sit with your husband and really discuss all the pros and cons. Write them down. Make this about what BOTH of you want, not just what YOU want. You could jeopordize your marriage by trying to decide this on your own. Yes, you might end up with a beautiful baby... and no husband.
Margaret

S., you sound like a smart woman and you've already answered the questions yourself and just need confirmation. you're young, only been married a short time, your husband said he's not ready, you're not financially ready, you want to have kids with your mom living closer to you, and you're already thinking about going back on birth control.

follow your instincts. and although your husband may never feel financially ready (that's something husbands will always worry about which is a good thing), you'll know when it's time to get pregnant. you're just 20 years old and have so much time to have children (you're probably sick of hearing that, but it's so true). don't stress over it; relax and enjoy these first years with your husband and focus on your marriage and having a good time.

I will give you the best advice anyone could. Wait. Have fun with your husband. Build a married relationship with him. Learn new things together, make memories. You will need these times to fall back on when you add kids and chaos to the equation. Kids and chaos always go hand and hand. Especially if you do not live near any family. Your lives will be forever changed once you have children. You never fully understand the scope of what you give up when a baby comes along. It is usually the husband who gets forgotten. Be young for a year or more...theres no hurry. When you and your husband do have a baby, you will both be ready to meet the challenge together with a strong base on which to build your family. A home is only as strong as it's foundation. You and your husband are the foundation. Good luck to you! Thank you for serving the United States! P.S. If you wait to be financially ready to have kids, you will never have one. CB

S.,

My husband and I got married at 22 and 23 and we waited until I was 27 to have our first child. He was ready from day one and I wasn't. I wanted some time for us to enjoy married life and our new life in the military. I don't know if anyone is ever financially ready to have a child. I was blessed to be able to stay at home with the kids. Maybe you could find a home based business so you could stay at home but still help out financially. Are there any part time jobs for active duty military? Or part time civil service jobs? That would be a good compromise because then you would be at home with the baby most of the time. And maybe you could find another military wife that keeps just a couple of kids in her home. I have a good Air Force wife friend that keeps children in her home and she is a great caregiver. Unfortunately they are stationed at Nellis AFB and moving to Virginia soon. Maybe you could find someone highly recommended that lives near you. Maybe you should sit down with your husband and discuss different options, let him know that you are ready to have children and tell him you are willing to wait a year or two if he can come up with a financial plan and give you a definite time frame and not change his mind when that time comes. Hope this helps!

L. S

HI S.,

I would wait for as long as possible. Please go back on birth control if your husband has not agreed to have children. IF you do end up getting pregnant and the relationship between the two of you is stressed it will be very,very difficult. I understand your wanting to have kids, but you are young and have only 2 more years to accomplish a wonderful goal. At least wait it out for that long and establish your marriage so that when you do have children they are blessings on top of a wonderful marriage instead of more stress and resentment from your husband because his plans were different than yours.

Hi.S. my name is J. well if it was me i would not go back on birth control,if it happens then you know it was the right time for it to happen not to many men i know will go up to there wifes and say im ready to make a family.it takes the woman doing that job the man gets happy after they see there child being born thats when it hits a man and when the joy kicks in thats when they know there ready for a family life.it sounds like he is trying to make sure yall will have the money for a baby it takes alot of money for kids trust me i have two that are 12&13 and that want everything at this age.so make sure yall save lots of money haha everything is so high i cant belive gas is almost $4.00agallon god luck girl yall be safe.

Hi S.,

I was 40 when I had my first child. I had a fabulous life - enjoyed every moment (more or less). Now I have a wonderful husband of ten years and a nearly three year old, whom I adore. Please, go out and find your passion and enjoy your life. Mine was/is art and travel. Go to school. Learn as much as possible. You'll love it - it's different from highschool and you will grow and change as a person.

Have a baby when you know that your marraige is solid and you can provide a good, interesting life for your child. You don't have to wait until you are 40 as I did, but late 20s will make a world of difference in your life.

My 20 year old niece had a baby at the same time I did. Her husband (21 years old) was also in the military. He was deployed, had an affair and left the marraige. Now, she is stuck without an education or means to get one. She has a nearly three year old and if it weren't for her mother, she would be working for minimum wage, living in a very scary part of town to afford rent with no way to provide for a full life for herself or her daughter. I'm not saying that your husband will do the same thing. I'm just saying you are both so young, which is probably so annoying to hear. Your husband sounds as though he has his head together though. Listen to him. Good man.

Now go out and have some fun. Plan a trip, redecorate you house, go to University - start at a junior college taking a class you think you would be interested in.

I hope that helps.

It has been my experience that if you wait until you have enough money, you will wait forever. Something will always come up and you'll "need a little more". Does your husband know you are not on birth control anymore? Then he knows there is always a possibility and you can pull off an "oops" moment. :) I'm just kidding, but not using birth control is pretty much raising the stakes that you can conceive anytime. Sometimes you can't plan things. You just have to say,"we'll deal with it when we come to it."

Good luck,

K.

I don't know if a couple is ever financially ready. You never stated your age or your husbands age. That may make a difference in waiting or not waiting. Also, you said you are not using any birth control. You didn't give the amount of time you have been off birth control. If you have not used BC for the 11 months that you have been married, then I would definetely not go back on it because there may be a fertitlity issue that needs to be addressed. Also, I'm not sure about the comment you want your mother around. Is she ill or elderly? Anyway, you need to do what is best for the 2 of you. If you are all young and healthy, then waiting is not so bad. It is nice being a couple for a while. You can travel and enjoy each other. If age is an issue, then I would start trying soon.

Hi S.,
you are still very young and I think you guys should just wait. If your husband is not ready do not push the issue and please don't get pregnant "by chance". I was 27 when we had our first son, we had been married for seven years already. If I would be you, I would enjoy life together, party, have fun, travel if you can and save a little more money on the side. You should really enjoy life as a couple while you can because once you have a child everything will change and not everything is golden with a baby, it takes both of you to be ready and comitted to each other to the fullest and eventually to your child. I do not agree that people should have children as soon as they are married. You can still have fun together, sleep in when you feel like, have great times together and live it up. There will be a time when you both will be ready for the next step in your marriage and that will be the child you both want. If you are dual military that is another situation to make it not too easy with a baby. Are you willing to have a baby and put it in day care six weeks later, are you willing to maybe deploy and leave your child behind? I can not even imagine the pain. My husband is military and we both feel once a child is planned one of the spouses in a dual military career should get out. Why don't you enjoy your military careers right now and try to maybe go to school on the side to prepare for a civilian life, at least one of you. I do support women in the military but then the husband should be there for the child and not be in the military. Please give it a little time and eventually when you are all partied out and have had a great time together you and your husband will be ready to add on to your family with that baby. You need to build a good base in your marriage before you committ to a child.
I was 20 when we got married, husband in the military, we had our first son when I was 27 and another 4 years later and we have been married now for almost 17 years. I was at home most of the baby years with my boys or only worked a little bit on the side.
Good luck with your future.
D.

Use birth control until you can both agree that it's a good time. You're still young and have plenty of time to have kids. I would let the subject drop until your contracts are up. Then re-open the discussion. Agree on a definition what "financially ready" means. I would also raise the subject of a second child if you want one - would he agree to have the second one 2 or 3 years after the first?

Yes, yes, yes, you should absolutely go back on birth control for a few years. You both are still young, and have plenty of time to start a family. Please don't get pregnant until you are out of the military. I've heard countless stories about servicewomen who've been unexpectedly deployed, and had to leave their children with others. Don't risk this happening to your child.

My son-in-law served in Kuwait before the war, then Iraq during some of the most intense fighting thus far. He finished his tour and came home in January of 2005. He is now the proud faher of two beautiful daughters, ages two years, and two months. They are the joy of his life, and we are all so grateful that he is here to be actively involved in every day of their lives. Please wait to start your family until you both can be involved parents to them.

B.

YES! get back on birth control! I can't believe that you are having unprotected sex when you don't know if you are both ready to have children! how immature! I'm sorry, but I am speaking the truth and this immaturity shows that you are not ready to have a baby! Why are you in such a hurry? you are both so young! married only 11 months! You said you want your mom to be around, is she sick? you know she will probably be around for another 20 or 30 years and we never know when someone is going to leave this world, so we can't base our life on any assumptions!my mom passed before I got pregnant with my son, we all made it ! Take the pressure off of both of you or you may end up raising a baby by yourself! I think if you are honest with yourself you will realize that you are basing your want of a baby on FEAR! you should never have a baby for all the wrong reasons, and you should definitely wait until you are both ready and agree, and for all the right reasons! A baby isn't going to solve any problems , a baby is going to ADD to them! Get back on birth control for a couple more years and be very careful in the mean time!

S., I want to be honest with you and tell you that having children is a blessing but it's also alot of work and can put a strain on a marriage, even in the best of times. To bring a child in a relationship when one spouse/partner isn't ready is not fair to you or to the child and definately not fair to the one who's not ready. You do not know how he will respond.

Two years may seem like a long time for you. I remember having to wait to conceive for a few years ourselves due to health reasons. But I promise you, it IS worth the wait when you BOTH are ready for parenthood. If this doesn't seem like something you can do then you may need to talk to your husband with the help of someone outside of the marraige, someone who can help you both to talk about this issue. Also, remember that a pregnancy takes 9 months! So, you're not really two years away from your dreams. You're more like 15 months away from possibly realizing it. Use this time to sock away some extra funds, pay off any outstanding bills, and prepare yourselves for the joys and work of motherhood. Having a baby is EXPENSIVE!!! You don't want to struggle financially and stress out over the daily things of parenthood when you could have been more prepared.

Finally, and I hate to bring this up but feel it should be addressed, you both are in the services. The military can pull one or both of you out for service somewhere. If you have a child you may be forced to decide Who will care for your child while you are deployed. And worse, God forbid, what if something should happen to you two? What then?

I understand the desire to have children. To want a child so much that your arms ache to hold one. To cry because you feel like you'll never have a child. I understand all of that and more. But I also understand, as I am sure you do too, that life changes drastically once you have a child. And you have to think about your future child above yourself right now and have to consider the feelings of your husband. He also needs to listen to you and consider your feelings and talk this whole issue out. But since he's not on this board the responsibility basically lands on you.

I appologize if I came across harshly and my intention is not to hurt you. But I'm not sure you're looking at the whole picture and wanted to address some very important issues. I hope that everything works out for you and that you both find a balance on this situation, and that a baby is not far in your future. Good luck!

Hello S.....You are young still and really do have some more time. But I want to encourage you to wait for your husband and learn his language of communication to know when he is ready. Men are not the best communicators and many times we get discouraged because we think they don't care about our feelings. They do, however, we are not reading or able to identify their communication techniques. If he has really stressed that he is not ready go back on the pill because should become pregnant before time - he may resent you and that will be pressure on the marriage and cause hardships in parenting. Hang on in there you will have a beautiful bundle in time. Mrs. Cassandra Moore

S.,

My best advice for you would be to slow down a little. You are so very, very young and have plenty of time to have children. I had my daughter when I was 37 years old. I'm not saying you should wait that long :) but having kids is a life-altering event. It's also really hard, much harder than anyone ever tells you about. At the very least, I would counsel you to wait until you are both out of the military. You owe it to a little one to be around all the time and in this day and age, you never know where you might be sent as long as you're in the service. To answer your question about when your husband will be ready - you're never ready! No one can truly be ready for the first baby. Everything changes so drastically. So, try not to focus on when he'll be ready exactly. I think the fact that you're both in the service is a clear sign that you should wait a while.
I wish you the best of luck!
D. :)

Absolutely go back on birth control! You and your husband are not on the same page for starting a family. What if you both get deployed- get hurt- disabled - who is going to take care of your child. You may feel it is the natural thing to do to have a child now but in reality it is selfish. CHildren need a stable home enviroment and they need a mature family. You and your husband are so young, you haven't had many life experiences, do you have any money saved, do you own a home, are you constantly moving where you have no support system if you need help with your child. All of these are important considerations. The main thing is that if he is not ready I would not just get pregnant anyway it could drive him away from you. What you think you want at 20 is different than what you want at 28. Believe me your views change alot in that time span and you still can have a child later in your marriage and be settled down. Pray for guidance for your marriage and put God first and your desires second and you will know when the time is right. There is no magic formula for everyone. Good Luck

I say wait! You are so young and newly married. Complete your commitment to the army before you have babies. I don't know about finances ever being right, but starting a family and raising babies takes much more time and attention than you think. My opinion comes based on seeing military families close to us:

I have a navy cousin who married an air force man and surprise they had one baby, then a second, and it is so hard for them being moved all over the country with no family to help. They both say they would do it differently if they could.

My sis-in-law got pregnant when her husband was on leave during his first deployment to Iraq. Their baby is now 10-months old and after just one year home, he left last weekend for his second deployment. He is going to miss their baby's first and second birthdays.

Good luck with your decision!

I agree with your hb. Sound like he's being mature and looking out for the future of your entire family. You need to focus on getting your financial aspects in order b4 you bring a child into this world. What's the rush, other than your mother being with you when your pregnant. But if you think about it, that period of time is only 9 months at the most. What's going to happen after you have the child and you are unable to care for the child the way that you and your husband invision it. And I also agree with him on the child care aspect. He's trying to give you the ability to stay home and nurture your child that way that you may want to. If you decide that you do not want to stay bome with your child then that's fine, but you need to come to thaat decision as a family. And putting yourself in a position where you can make that decision without worries that you can't afford to is a way better than if you had to go back to work and can't afford to just stay home with your child. Your husband should be admired for his forethought. And I would get yourself on birthcontrol now, especially if you are not financially ready to have a child in your family. When I say financially ready, it is a place that you and your husband agrees is the comfort level where you need to be. I'm not saying that you have to compare that with someone elses bench mark, just your own.

No need to rush the baby issue. You have a good 20 years in your life to still have a safe pregnancy. Enjoy being young and free. This experience without child, your experiences that you learn from while you do not have a child will only make you a better mother.

There is no way of telling when he will be ready but he is young still. Women mature much faster and you need time with each other before you bring someone else in. My husband and I were married 7 years before we had our first and I would not change that for the world. I was 20 when I got married as well. Also financial struggles can make everything more stressful and if he is not ready then it is easy for him to blame the baby for things like that. My husband was 31 when we had our son, he is only 3 months old and he had been ready for a while. It will make things so nice and calm if both are ready when you decide and you have things planned out. You can never plan everything for a baby, believe me I tried but your husband has a point. Besides he may want to wait until you are financially able to stay home. You have your whole life ahead of you. Many people want a baby early and then wish they would of waited a little longer. I would go back on birth control and at least finish your military contract.

Drop the issue, get back on birth control and enjoy your husband. The first years of marriage are often times tough. Take some time to enjoy being a wife before becoming a mother. Do all the things you think you want to do, travel, further your education, pursue a hobby, etc. Although being a mother is a wonderful thing there is no hurry. It is better to have been married for some years (2-3) at least before considering having a child. Life changes considerably when you become parents. You are both young and have time. Just relax and enjoy your husband. He will let you know when he is ready.

Hi S. -

He's still young and men, typically, do not feel the urge to have children as early as women. He has a very valet point of being financially ready for a child. If he is not ready and you are you could start saving your $ now so that when the time does come the financial burden won't seem as extreme.

Until you are both in agreement about having children staying on the pill for a bit longer seems very smart. Having children when both parents want them can be a big enough strain on a relationship, and if one isn't ready it can be devastating.

Good luck and just start saving now for all those pretty pink or blue items! :-)

S. - you are 20 years old --- so young -- go back on birth control and finish your contracts -- when the timing is right you both will know. do not force the situation - he will feel manipulated. Take this time to be a couple - for at least a couple of more years because once the children come - you won't be just the two of you until you are both about 60!!! Enjoy a few more years of freedom personally and as a couple - start a savings account - children need both parents to be excited and ready for them to come to their family - just make sure he indeed wants children and agree to put a child on the back burner for a few years --- you two are just getting to know one another - couples need time to become "as one" before adding 3, 4, and #5 into the mix. but I will add that having children is challenging and wonderful - and they deserve the best from both parents - there is no law that says you must have children by the time you are 20 or even 25 just because you are married --my first was born when I was 27 - we were more established and had travelled a bit and were ready - and yes, get through with the military first - kids need stability and the assurances that mom and dad are going to be there. My husband was born while his dad was away during WWII and he didn't see his father until he was going on 5 years old!!! It affected their relationship a great deal as far as closeness goes. good luck - and thanks for serving!