When Having More than One Child, What Is Harder 1 to 2 or 2 to 3?

Dear N H: Your question made me laugh! They way you asked how to run in all different directions was just hilarious. I'm NOT laughing at you - I'm expecting my 6th soon and I can totally relate! My first two children are exactly 2 years apart and that was very difficult. After a couple of miscarriages I finally had my 3rd baby 4 years after my 2nd baby. Then I had another baby 2 years later, ending up with 4 children in 6 years. THAT was hard, but not as hard as the going from one to two. So, I waited about 3 years and we had another baby, and now 2 years later I'm expecting my 6th and last. I would say that having kids in diapers, car seats, needing naps, shoes tied, etc. is very difficult when you add a newborn. The pay off is that as they get older they're great friends (most of the time!).The key to adding new little precious people to your family is your philosophy on parenting and your personal habits. What I mean is that even if you're an easygoing person, structure, routine and order are critical to adding more children to your family in a sane way. I don't mean you have to be neurotic, but just willing to work hard at a basic routine. Furthermore, believing that even little children can obey your directions the first time, lay on their beds quietly even if they're not tired, and that they can be helpful to you in chores, etc. is also really important to enjoying a larger family. It is very hard work and not always fun - but the payoff is absolutely worth it. I rarely recommend women wait to have more children, especially if they're approaching their late 30's - but sometimes it's a good idea to wait till your two little ones are a little older to have another one. God bless you!

I have a 2 1/2 year old and a six month old, and am contemplating a 3rd. All I can say is I'm learing to be nice to my mother-in-law...I have a feeling I'm going to need her to move in and help me if I have another. :)

No, seriously, I think what you and I are both going through is normal given our circumstances. My best friend has 4, she swears going from 0 to 1 was the hardest, then 1 to 2 next. She says going from 2 to 3 was easy, and going from 3 to 4 was mind-bendingly difficult. So...I think maybe 3 is the magic number. :)

Give yourself a break - you are dealing with a newborn and the terrible twos - yikes!!! It is a miracle we survive it I think.

Hi there,
Yes you are very right........going from 1 to 2 is extremely difficult. I felt like the lady on the exorcist whose head spun all the way around. You are not alone. My eldest was 3 when I had my second. What made it somewhat easy was to be very organized (not easy). I also taught my eldest how to have alone time in her room. This way while the baby was asleep I could sleep or have a cup of tea and watch a little tv or read a magazine, what ever I could do to get litle piece of mine. We eventually worked up to 1 hour of alone time in her room. She also had a tv in her room so that helped to have her watch her favorite DVD. I just made sure she had went to the bathroom had a snack and all the doors were locked in the house.

I found that the more tired I was the crankier I was and the girls seemed to be more dificult.

I also tried to find activites my eldest could do next to me while I held the baby, reading, puzzles, play dough or letting her wash tupper wear in the sink with bubbles everywhere.

It does get better, even though it may not seem like or take awhile. I acutally had a 3rd and it is easier going from 2-3 than 1-2. So I have a soon to be 7, 3 1/2 and 10 month old. Some days are easier than the others. If you can afford a little help now and then go for it. I had a house cleaner once a week and that was magic! Have ou thought of pre school one or twice a week. I had friends who also on rare occassions would come over and help. The most help though was my husband. Hope this helps.

They really are a blessing, before you know it, your 2 year old will be in kindergarten.
Geneva

Well I don't have 3 yet (Due in August so I will have to let you know how that goes then lol) but I do have two, who are 14 months apart. My two are now 3 and 4 and I consider my life pretty easy as far as kiddos go. Of course there have been rough "stages" but obviously not so much that it stopped us from having one more :) My husband and I work opposites so it is pretty much just one of us with them most of the time. I did feel like I did a lot of yelling and disciplining when my youngest had just turned 2 and oldest had just turned 3 when they were pushing boundaries and throwing tantrums. And of course, we still have occasional melt downs and time outs for whining and crying instead of "using our words." However, I think that being kind of hard on them early has paid off because I feel that for the most part my kids are pretty easy and well behaved now that both are able to fully communicate their feelings. Even though yours are a little farther apart than mine, when your baby gets a little older they will be the best of friends. Mine don't even like to be separated to do fun little one-on-one time with mommy or daddy, they want to be together always. I know this will change someday but I am enjoying it for now :) I have taken care of a friend's infant from morning til night on more than one occasion and I am confident that the transition from 2 to 3 will not be as hard as from 1 to 2. After having our second I remember my husband and I wondering how anyone could ever think it was hard to have just one kid - after you have 2 having one is practically like having none, if that makes sense :) Just have faith that soon you will be looking back on this stage and wishing your kiddos were still little :) Oh, and like another M. said, if your kids both rest or nap it really restores your sanity - I am fortunate enough to have mine take a 2-3 hour nap every day from about 12-3 so I have a little mommy time.

Hi, I have 5 children. The oldest was 8 when I gave birth to our most recent.

I wish I could sum it all up in a paragraph... Something wonderful happens as your family gets bigger. You find that the stretch marks on your mind and heart are bigger than any of the others on the outside of you. Think of them as rainbows. Rainbows are beautiful. You will be filled with rainbows.

If you know of any successful mothers in your community, no, not successful in their careers, but specifically as wives and mothers, try to get to know them. They will giggle with you about how full your sink can get with dishes, the amazing way toys can spread out across a house, and how weeds in your yard can be merciless. They will also be able to share battle stories and will value and coach you as you master the skills that harmonize standards with unconditional, empowering love.

For many moms going from one to two kids is the hardest. It sure was for me.

It will get easier, becasue when your baby gets a little older they will play together, and youwon't have to always be the entertaininer they will entertain one another. I had 3 kids, we tried to keep them no more than 2 years apart, well our 2 sons are 3 years and 5 months apart, and they were the best of friends now the are 24 and 21 still very close, they have played n the same basketball teams together andnot they are training for cage fighting together. Then we had our daughter, and her and our second son are only 2 years and 4 months apart, who also are very close, right your baby is a lot of work but that will change, i love have the 3, with the entertaing each othre it freeded me to get more done aroud the house. J.

from my own experience and other friends, i've found that it depends on the age spacing. families that have the 1st 2 closer together said that adding the 3rd was no big deal. and families that had a larger space between 1 & 2, but less between 2 & 3 said that the 3rd was a killer.

I have 3 kids. the 1st to 2yrs, 9mo apart, the next 2 14 MONTHS!!! yikes, what were we thinking. while it was definitely challenging. we've come to a point where it's so much easier. the 3&4 y/o play so well with each other and entertain each other so much it's as if they are their own babysitters. so keep looking forward, it does get better.

i understand how you feel when you say "I'm finding that the ideal 2-3 years is a joke." My sister is about to have her 1st, and while i'm not completely sure how she'll handle motherhood, i would agree with her decision to wait a minimum of 3 years before having the next one.

I personally feel that 2 years is ideal. i don't think that it is easy by far, but definitely doable for me (even though that is not the age spacing of any of my kids).

advice on how to handle them? i found that using a sling to carry the baby around met the baby's needs and allowed me to still tend to my toddler's needs.

effective discipline is key for your toddler and now baby for when you have the 3rd. realize that if that isn't established now, it needs to start NOW.

we try to use only verbal warnings and appropriate consequences. the key is to give consequences that you are willing to follow through with, otherwise they are just empty threats and your child will know.

is there are moms group you can join in your area or church? getting together with other moms sometimes helps too. it gives the older kids someone to play with and you an adult to talk to. most other moms are understanding and will help you out with your toddler if you're arms are full with your newborn.

good luck!

You've gotten such great responses, I'm not sure I have much more to add. I can agree with the previous comment, that 0 to 1 was the biggest shock, but that 1 to 2 was the most challenging. I have 3 kids, aged almost 4, just turned 2, and 7 months. I know the early months are incredibly difficult, particularly since I'm sure you are exhausted. Sleep deprivation taps you patience, and you need that more than anything to manage your life right now. What I love about the 23 month and 18 month age differences between my children is how quickly they started playing with each other. The first months are painful, but the rewards started coming very quickly as I was able to leave the baby in his seat and his sisters would endlessly play peek-a-boo or sing songs to him. My favorite thing about having 3 kids is how the interact together, and how they don't even remember life without each other. (My 4 year old daughter remembers when her baby brother was born, but doesn't remember being an only child). Hope this helps! Hang in there, and I hope the benefits come to you soon.

I have 4 kids. The first two are 20mo. apart, yes it was very hard so I waited 4 1/2 years for my 3rd and it was very easy going from 2 to 3. Your experience with your younger ones will really help you in times of need. I can remember holding my baby ,cooking dinner, breaking up a fight and then of course the phone (LOL, oh, what memories!) Then after 10 years we were blessed with another girl and let me tell you, that was an adjustment. Just have fun, they grow up way too fast, laugh at yourself as much as possible.

Take care.

I'm only going from 1 to 2 in Sept, so I can only tell you what I've heard- my mom said the hardest was going from two to three, but come to think if it she was saying 2 to 3 was harder than 3 to 4.

When it comes to the "ideal" age, I don't think there is one. I think it's more important to adjust your children's behavior to better adapt to having a new sibling- I have known from the birth of my first child that I would have a second someday. Now, I can't tell you exactly how she will act because the baby isn't here yet, but she's in a good place to have a sibling. She's as self reliant as a 21 month can possibly be- she helps me unload the dishwasher, wash dishes, put laundry away, gets her own jammies, gets her own shoes (and usually puts them on, depending on the shoe), cleans up her own toys and most other messes she makes (with encouragement, of course). She wasn't just BORN doing these things, I have gently encouraged them to do them from the age she was first able (the putting on shoes thing, actually, was her idea, because she is really too young to do that). And If I am doing something I only drop it for her if she is injured, so she is a little adjusted to not having 24/7 access to me. And I seldom have to "chase" her- she doesn't always follow them, but she knows the rules and the consequences of breaking them. I know this can be a lot more difficult to establish now that your 2nd is still here, but if you do the most you can to make your older child more self sufficient and more structured it will make your life easier.

My daughter was 2.5 when I had my son. He is now 3, looking back it didn't seem that bad but I do remember tough times at the very beginning. It does get easier, so hang in there!

We are trying for #3 and I have no fears at all. My guess is going from 1-2 is harder than 2-3.

I just noticed you are in Lake Elsinore, once you are about 6-8 weeks post partum, you can come to Stroller Strides! Your 2.5 year old will love it and it WILL keep you sain. You get one week free to try it out. www.strollerstrides.com All you need is a stroller, sunscreen and water. It's a great cardio/resistance bands workout and when we are done, the kids run around at the park. Come check it out!

Congratulations on your new baby!
M.

Hi,
First, congrants on your new family! I have a boy who will be 3 this month and a 4.5 month old little girl.
I think back now on the first few days/weeks/months after my daughter was born and although we are blessed with 2 healthy children...I am so glad that it is over!!
It is NOT fun to entertain, chase, play with, cook for, bathe etc a 2.5 year old while hodling and nursing a newborn. I felt overwhelmed as well. My son adjusted very well, but it was hard for me. I felt guilty that I had to feed her and hold her and I could not just play with him all day.
You are not alone, it's very hard in the beginning. My husband works a lot too, so I have had to do a lot of things on my own, which is even more stressful!
One thing I did was really tend to my son's needs. If the baby had to wait a minute or cry for a minute she would be okay. Her feelings won't get hurt like his would. I also never said "I can't because I am feeding/holding the baby."
I didn't want him to resent his sister for mommy not being able to help him and I didn't want him to think I was choosing her over him. I would just say "okay honey, in 1 minute" or something like that.
My son also watches more TV now than before and I don't feel bad about it. He is very active and plays outside a lot, so watching tv while I feed the baby makes us ALL happy:) Of course I sit right there with him:)
I have heard people talk about special toys and things like that, but they just really want mommies attention. I have really tried not to change much...even if it's a lot more effort. Like sitting next to him on the floor while he plays and I feed the baby, or putting her in the baby bjorn and going around the block while he is riding his bike. It's a lot easier to just sit on the sofa with a baby all day, but I have found that it makes all the difference in the world to have a happy toddler!! So, I just really try to put his needs first and it makes for a happier house.
Now that she is older and he is used to her, I am teaching him about patience and waiting. I tell him "remember when the baby was crying while I put your shoes on, well she was sad, but she had to wait while I helped you." "So now you have to wait a minute while I help her."

This may sound silly, but I always have made the baby "talk" to him so he is always really excited to talk to her and show her everything and he always wants her around. I just do a little baby voice and and make her talk:) He loves it.
It does get easier too, now that she is 4.5 months she is on more of a schedule and we can actually do stuff and plan our days around naps. That really helps.
I don't think that there is any perfect age difference. It will get easier though! I was frusterated in the beginning too and I always thought "how in the world do other people do this!"
Hope some of this helped you:) Good luck!!!
We are planning on having 3, and I can't even imagine how crazy that will be!

I only have one myself and my original plan was to try for another once he was out of diapers and able to reason with. He's now 4 and has been out of diapers for over a year and I can reason with him from time to time but there is no way I could add in one more and maintain my own sanity. That of course is my own personal preference and everyone is telling me that I most likely would end up with a totally different kid if I went for it but I know that I can't take that chance. So I think it all depends on what you are capable of handling and what type of children you have. My son is considered special needs so I may have felt totally differently if that wasn't the case. Some people can have them back to back and never have a problem and some people do; and then some people can space them out and have no problem and some people do. I don't think there is a magic number. In my case I may have to wait until my son is 7 or just be done with having children. In my mind having two young children would definitely be difficult and having a third would be out of the question. To answer your last question, if there were three I think that would require a nanny or a parent who didn't mind chaos.