Question for Moms Who Have More than 1 Child

I have two boys, 6 and 3 1/2- there are pros and cons to having them close. I think 2 1/2 yrs is perfect. My oldest was out of diapers when the baby came along and he was old enough to have "chores" for the baby and wanted to the be one in charge of the baby. They are closer and have the same likes.

Then on the other hand, it does take two parents to get ready in the morning and for bed and bathtime...

Good luck! C.

I have two teens 20 month apart. I have many friends with kids about this span apart planned or not. Every stage diapers, walking, etc., is like one big long stage, then you move to the next. When they were little it was not ideal, hard sometimes. Now as teens, they are friends and close and ask each other advice. That is nice. Seems that this is the way with this close age span. I think for the parent it would be better to have a little more time between, 3 years maybe.

I have 2 boys that are exactly 3 years apart. I think it was a wonderful age gap. My 3 year old wasn't as dependent on me to do everything which gave me some time to care for my newborn more. I think it just depends on how much patience you have. I have a friend who has a 6 yr old, 2 yr old and a newborn. She handles it very well, and she's great doing it! I myself, would go nuts! It all has to do with what is best for you.

My boys are 19 mths apart. Personally I LOVED having them that close. I was pregnant before my oldest turned one.. we were aiming for 24 mths, ish.. and got 'lucky'. =)

They are SO close. They are 5 and 3.5 now.. and they can function alone, or they play well together. They are close enough in age where they can do things together and it's not too much of an issue of the 'baby touching things' and there was no real sibling rivalry because my oldest didn't remember much about his 'time as an only'. We did have two in diapers, but that wasn't too bad. By them time my oldest was all out of that stuff, I don't think I would have wanted to go back.. which is the case now. I feel like too much time has passed to have another.. it was such a great idea to do close. I have talked with other mothers who have done the almost 2 yrs apart... and they have all said that while the time till the youngest is three is difficult it's so well worth it in the end. And I will have to agree!!!

And I think at that close of an age, it doesn't matter if you have a boy/boy, boy/girl or girl/girl mix because they are just good at playing together...

For the record I work full time.. =)

Has anyone mentioned the big shocker that happens from going from 1 child to 2?

I'm a working mom with 2 girls, ages 5 and 18 mos.. When the baby was only 1 month old, I was on maternity leave and had the job of picking up the then 3 year old from pre-k. Seems simple, huh? Not so. I had to bring the baby in the school with me while guarding her from the other children because she was still too young to be around other kids due to not having her first set of shots yet. All the while chasing the 3 year old around to put her coat on. When I finally got them fastened in the car, I decided I had been stressed out too much to go home and cook dinner, so I stopped by Wendy's to get food for the family. Then I parked in front of the house and reality set in. How in the world was I supposed to get my 3 year old, my 1 month old, 2 bags of food and 3 sodas in the house?? I sat and cried.

On the other hand, it has gotten much better. The 5 year old changes the 18 month old's diapers now and the daycare expense has significantly decreased.

I think the best way to determine how far or close to space your children is to ask other mothers about their relationships with their siblings and not necessarily how the children relate as children. The childhood timespan only last 18 years, but the kids will be siblings forever.

My kids are 3 1/2 years apart. I thought it was great when my second was a baby because my oldest was potty trained and could play on her own for small periods of time. But now that they are 9 and 5 I wish they were closer in age. I think they would enjoy each others company a little more and have more common interests.

That is my 2 cents, I hope it helps.
N.

Our first two are two and a half years apart and they play well together they are both boys. The third is a girl three years later and she gets pushed around a lot by the boys. I want to say the gender is a huge factor. My sister has girl boy girl and the first two are not that close, they all fight and the are fifteen months apart and then two and a half for the last girl. It is a hard call. My first was a big help when he was two and a half with getting diapers and he sat on the chair while I nursed and I read to him and he did not feel excluded. It is all in the aproach and make sure they do not feel left out or behind. That is all I have

L.

What a great question! I loved reading all the responses. My oldest is 17mos. from the middle who is 2 and 1/2 years older than the 3rd... they are 2, 4 1/2 and 6. I loved having the first two so close together. There were no jealousy issues, I think because the 1st was still a baby too so their programs weren't that different. Yes, you are changing diapers for both but so what. They both napped often and I coordinated the times to get a break. They are very close now and play together well. The third is great too though being 2 1/2 years apart. I liked having a little bit more of a break between pregnancies. I actually got to have a beer and socialize a little before the pregnant and then nursing cycle - that's a long time especially when it's two in a row!

I have to say though the 2 year old and the 4 1/2 year old fight all day everyday. Over toys, who sits where, who turns the TV off, who get in the car first - they are in constant competition for my attention and anything else. I never had that with the 17 mo. apart spread.

You never know though, it could be personalities and not just how many years apart they are.

Good Luck with whatever happens. I agree with the Mom who said a child is a blessing from God. Also with all the Mom's who said anytime is the right time. It will be great no matter what the spread!

Hi,
I would say two is ideal, I have three children. I waited 9 years between child 1 and child 2, then I waited one year between child 2 and 3. There is some benefit haveing two close, they can be both in diapers at the same time, but that just means they will be out almost at the same time. My sister in law had all 4 of her kids 2 years apart and that seemed to work out good with diapers, potty training and now school.

Hi Neena D.

I have a 12 yr old son, 10 yr old and 3 yr old daughters. I had always heard 2 years apart was ideal. I had my 1st and 2nd child 2 years and 4 months apart. Looking back, I would definately suggest to anyone to have at least a 3 yr gap. My son still needed that undivided attention at 2 and there is still jelously between the two today. More so my son than my daughter. I don't think he ever got over the loss of attention. I should also mention that my daughter was colicy until about 9 months old. It was very difficult dealing with two small children and even though I always wanted three it took us a long time before we were ready to handle another infant. Good Luck with you planning!!! S..

Well, lets see. My daughter was almost 2 when I found out that I was pregnant with Lauren. Lexie was 2 years 8 mths when I had her and it was great. She was potty trained by 18 mths so that was not an issue at all, and she was so mature all her life and still is, she was a help even then. When I got pregnant with Erik, she was in first grade and Lauren was in preschool and they both were big helps. I think 3 years apart is a really good amount of time.

S.

My sister and I are 18 months apart and my mom always says that was too close. My girls are 2 years apart and I think it is great. My older one became independent as my little one was born. I thought it was great.
I think 2 years is good
M.

I wonder the same thing. I have two girls 18 months apart and I am pregnant with my third, number two and three will be 2 years apart. My oldest daughter at the tender age of 18 months was helping me change her baby sister. Last summer was pretty hard on my first daughter wanting to go out and play, but you work through it. This summer has been great with the two of them. I have to say they are great playmates. Very little fighting and lots of hugs and kisses. We'll see how a third one adds to the relationship. You have to take everything in stride, it's only crazy for a while and then it will get crazy all over again, but with something new.

Hello Neena,

I think it really is what you and your husband feel comfortable with. I have two children of my own. They are 21 months apart. My son is 3 and my daughter is almost two. I was with their father and now I am a single mom that just started daycare out of my home. My kids have a 11 year old sister and a 6 1/2 year old brother. So as for the age difference I don't think it really matters. I think all kids fight and get a long equally. I guess it is up to you with the diapers. I don't think it was all that hard. My kids love to play together. I asked one of my friends who has kids 4 years a part and she said she has a hard time getting her kids to play together. Good Luck on what you choose. And just remember whenever you have the child, the most important thing is to love all the children equally.
B.

Johanna,

I love this topic since I have been in a similar situation. I have a four year old son that right after he was born my husband and I tried very hard to start on our second. However problems with concieving arose and I was un successful. Knowing that I would never go through fertility we had just hoped that one day it would magically happen. Well, not as soon as we wanted but it did happen and In August of this year I gave birth to our second son. See I always thought that having the close in age would be best, but however I have changed my opinion. Being four almost five years apart I have seen how wonderful it is to have someone that can help out and include in the baby. My oldest helps with feedings, diapers, keeping the baby happy etc. Where as if he were younger he wouldn't be able to do all that.

Now like I said before I did want that closeness in age, however it didn't work for me, but it did work for my sister-in-law. She has a 18 month old at home and is now pregnant again and due in December. I watch my 18 month old neice from time to time and let me tell you she doesn't stop. She is very rough wit hmy youngest and is so interested in him, that she doesn't understand why she can't hold him or play with him. She doesn't talk and is not out of diapers yet so it is hard
to know what she wants. So in conclusion, I think that every parent is different but waiting is more for the impatient moms, the mom that would like to have bonding times with all of her children. Sometimes the everyday activites are so demanding that we forget to bond with them. Howver if you have them further apart, each on has had the attention all to them selves for a bit where as if you have them close in age, the attention is shared. Now don't you think that every child or baby needs thier OWN attention?? Hope this helps

B.

Hi. I am 29 years old, married to a great man and am a SAHM to 2 wonderful children. My daughter and son are approximately 24 months and a few days apart. I would say (for me) that it was just right as far as timing goes. The 2 diaper thing is not even an issue. At first I was worried about the jealousy thing but my son is such a trooper. He hasn't done anything in a violent or hurtful way to his baby sister. I encourage him to help me do things for her (i.e. making bottles, changing diapers, feeding, turning on play mat animals..). A few things had to be ironed out in the beginning such as nap time, feeding times, playing outdoors time (my son loves being outside), etc.. My sister and I were 2 years apart and she was my best friend when we were growing up. My husband has a sister 2 years apart in age from him as well. He also has a brother 6 years apart - they were not as close when he was growing up. I hope this helps you...I'm sure I babbled on enough!!
Take care,
A.

Only my opinion... I have 3 and 1 year old. I love the the age difference which exactly 2 years.

Hi Neena,

I agree with the moms who say it depends on the personality and nothing will ever be perfect. My two girls are 23 months apart and they are now 4.5 and 2.5 and they are just starting to get a bit easier. The older one is the little mommy and my big helper. She listens and knows right from wrong. Her little sister is a big-time rebel and would try my patience if she had a sibling or not. I already see a very strong bond between these two totally different girls. I started to think about having #2 just after #1's 1st birthday and it happened sooner than we thought it would. We are truly blessed by God with these wonderful children.

I saw on the news that kids should be at least 18 mos. apart, and the reason is for the health of the Mom! The body has not apparently fully recovered the first year...I am due next month-My kids will be 21 mos. apart, which I've been told is a good age range from other Moms--They will be 2 years apart in school, etc...Depends on your age, income, and what you want. Good luck!

I have a son who will be 6 in September and a 4 year old son as well. They are 18 months a part. It was very difficult for me the when they were both in diapers. But now they are BEST BUDS! Socially, they are great. My almost 6 year old teaches my 4 year old the things that he did at school(during the school year) and the 4 year old shows my 6 year old how to use the computer.lol Anyway, good luck with your decision.

Every child that comes, comes at the "right" time. There is no such thing as a "wrong" time to welcome a little one, so fresh from God into our arms. I think you truly cannot "plan" your children. They are a gift from God, who is the Creator of life and who opens and closed the womb. My eldest is almost 9 years older than the next. The middle is only 22 months older than the youngest. We'd love to have more (the youngest is 2 1/2), but after 2 miscarriages, perhaps we are done. I know of someone who never used birth control...after 3 years tried for a child and 2 more years and medical intervention later, had a child. Another couple of years and more medical intervention, no baby. They stopped medical intervention and in a couple more years got pregnant on their own. 5 years between 1 and 2. When #2 was only 8 months old...boom, pregnant with #3(without medical intervention). Man may make their plans, but God directs their steps...

I'm stepping off my soapbox now... :-) I hope for you that you are blessed with another child if that's what you want, and whenever that is, it will be the right time.

Thats a tough question. My 2 oldest boys are 14 months apart and they fight none stop but they are inseperable, Then we have a 5 year age gap from my youngest son to my middle son and its still HARD!!

i haveread through some of the other responses and the one thing is diapers. everyone had an issue with two in diapers. well thats a baby's underpants for now. anyway, my daughter and son are 15 1/2 months apart. they are great together and apart. children will, as they get older grow apart no matter what their age difference is. my sister and i are 22 months apart and we hardly ever spent time together as we got older. my brother and i are 17 months apart and the same thing. the only thing that really helped us get along and remain "friends" was a stable family. children close together or further aprt are great joys for any family while it still may be hard you ultimately need to think about you. how was you health before 1st baby, and now, and then before 2nd baby? some people think money wise, there is never enough money when it comes to baby. don't even put that into your equation. noone is ever going to agree about when the best time is. the best time is when you are ready for another addition to your family and that is when it should be done.
i am a 24 year old mother of two, keera 4.5, nicholas 3.25. i hope any and all the advise you get helps you. enjoy you little girl.

Hi I have two boys ages 3 and 7 and my suggestion is at least
3 years apart 4 is nice. I see moms all the time with kids close in age and it looks very differcult. When they are 4 years apart your oldest takes on a older sibling role therefore you really don't have the chaos that can come with having kids too close in age. Good luck!! D.

I F/T as a Practice Manager for a Cardiology Group, I had 2 grown, self-sufficient children then came the baby I'm REALLY enjoying!

I have a 15 y/o and a 13 y/o; they are approximately 21 mos. apart. I am worried about having to buy a car for each of them within a 2 year period and pay for high-cost teen-ager insurance, having to pay for college/university expenses within a 2 year period; both of them intend on a university education. Other non-financial worries include helping them develop through h.s. and getting their first job, etc.

My baby is 9 mos. old and I'm so glad that I waited 13 years. To think about all the costs of children I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Neena- there isn't an easy answer to this question - I think it depends upon parents AND the children themselves. However I have 2 boys - that are 35 months apart. Do I think it would have been easier if they were closer -maybe in some aspects. However both my best friend and I have boys - 3 years apart and we agree that this was the ideal spread for both of us. I too am a professional mom-working 50+ hours per week - and now that they are older - 4 and 7 - I have a wonderful mix - of "preschooler and independent child" - so I get my fix of both! They are similar yet very different. I get to see how my oldest son is seeing the world differently now that he's in school and learning more and more. While - I still get my "need mommy" fix on a regular basis. They get along well - and can argue with the best of them - but I'm happy that they are 3 years apart. Good luck with your decision! P.

Hi Neena~

Boy this could be a touchy subject for many. I have to say that the age difference really depends on the parents. I come from a family where we are all between 1 1/2 - 2 years apart and the youngest 8 years. It is very nice and we are very close. My mother said she wouldn't have it any other way.
My husband comes from a family that are all exactly 3 years apart. They are pretty close as well. My mother-in-law thinks that's the best.

My personal opinion you have to do what you think you can handle.
I am a very lucky person and have 3 beautiful healthy children after 3 misses-2 bedrests and a month hospital stay my daughter taken 1 month early and was a preemie. I a 6 year old boy, 3 year old girl and 1 year old girl. I have had no problems either way. I believe it doesn't matter how close or far apart they are. I think it all boils down to their personalities and how you teach them to react to things in life and with each other.

Remember all children are gods gifts to us and we have them when HE plans them.

Good luck and I hope everything works out for you...
God Bless
K.

I just had my second child and my first daughter is two years old so my kids are two years and three months apart. I am glad they are at that age difference but I must admit that I was not ready to get pregnant again as soon as I did. By the seventh month, I really regretted getting pregnant as soon as I did but now that it's over, I am happy to have another one. It's hard because my two year old wants to be out and about and play and I have to spend every waking moment with the newborn. They are totally different and the newborn stays up all night and of course the two year old stays up all day so sleep is non existent.

I wish I would have waited before having the second one but now that she's here, I love her to death. My husband wants a boy so I will try again but I will wait three years before getting pregnant, there are some things I want to do and I don't want to have so many children that I absolutely have to wait until they are all in school.

So my suggestion to you is if you feel ready, go for it but if you aren't ready for two kids close together, then wait a year, my two year old is in the process of being potty trained, she was actually learning earlier but the closer I got to delivering, the harder it was to potty train her. So she will be potty trained within the next week or so to help eliminate diapers and pull ups. But it's nice to have them close because they can play together and it's also nice to wait to give your body and your mind time to prepare for two. It's is harder than I expected. I hope this helps.

I'd like to answer the question from my perspective of the child. I was 3 1/2 years younger than my brother. Looking back, I thought that this was the perfect separation. I didn't feel competitive with my brother because I just assumed he was always ahead of me justifiably. I noticed that siblings that are 2 years apart, or less are a little more competitive, but they're also similar in age socially & can hang out together with some of the same friends. Also, just a tidbit of psychology (not that you asked for this)... in regards to the characteristics of a 1st born, 2nd born, etc., children that are at least 5 years apart, start that trend over again.....meaning that a 2nd born that is 5 years younger, will have the traits of a 1st born.

I know I am late in responding here... I have 2 boys close in age (17 months apart) and I love how close they are. They are like twins! They are best friends and do everything together, which is wonderful for me. I also have a younger son that is 3 years apart from my middle child, and 4 years from the older one. They all get along so nicely so far, so I am not sure about spacing- it's worked both ways for us. We have been trying to conceive our 4th child now so that he/she will be close to the youngest like our first two. I love having them close together.

Hi Neena
I'm and mom with three sons. We had our children 3 years apart. I think is was truely wonderful on how they have all turned out (all boys, 21, 18 and 15) They are almost exactly three years apart. By the time Steven, our second was born, David our fist one just had finished potty training. and the same for James (#3), Steven has just been potty trained and James arrived. My sister and I were four years apart, althought our family was rather close, her and I did not do much together beause of the distance in birth. Our three sons are each others best friends. That is they way we hoped and dreamed it would be. I've been married for 25 years, and were are both glad we kept the kids coming every three years..lol
Hope this helps
Mrs. P.

My 2 are 12 mos apart, ideal for me/us. Here are the pros:
-similar nap and nighttime schedules
-similar feeding/eating schedules
-similar games/toys (saves $, saves on worries about objects being too small for one, easier to have toys for 2 that can be shared,etc)
-watch the same tv shows, movies
- enjoy the same books/storytime levels
-already carrying a diaper bag, so adding a few in another size is no big deal (also, no guarantees of when a child is potty-trained - inspire and teach each other)
- they can become such close friends and will easily share friends of the same age
-easier when they are in school levels one year apart - same schools/schedules
- no worries when they are older of one being much older and teaching the other older behaviors/or younger wanting to model those behaviors, clothes
- little jealousy - esp at a young age as it is easier for a 12 month old to share new sibling
- financially could be easier since you are sharing so many items (not storing big ticket items that can get ruined, not throwing away many things since it is coninuous use, not needing to upgrade since little changes in one year)

There are so many more reasons, and of course there are cons as well. Hopefully the many responses give food for thought - just have to find what's important and realistic for you.

Hi there, I'm an only child so I can give an opinion that it kinda sucked being an only. I got so jealous of others having siblings. I have two children who are 10 MONTHS apart and while totally fun, I think it would have been better to wait a bit. But I love the fact that they're so close in age because they are so THERE for eachother. Little brother mimics big sister quite a bit and they are really really attached. My opinion based on my personal exp. is to have them less than 3 years apart so they can relate well and get along well. 4-6 years apart and it seems to be as they get older they don't get along quite as well (only from what I've seen, not experienced so I could be quite wrong) and 6 years apart or more studies have shown it's like having a new family. So I'd say 2-3 years apart is best, but again, based on personal observations not on any facts. Hope it helps and whatever decision you make, it has to be right for you and your family. Good luck to you!

Tra

My children are 2 years apart and it is wonderful. I potty trained my daughter right after my son was born. I did not have 2 children in diapers for too long. Now they are 3 & 5 and they play well together.

I have 3 boys ages 10,7,4. The first two are almost exactly 3 yrs apart(1 week off). The youngest is 3 yrs 8 months younger than number 2. With the first two I felt 3 yrs was perfect as the oldest was potty trained 2 months before his brother was born. The last I felt overwhelmed because I felt I was starting all over again. THe extra months inbetween made it tougher. If you have them closer be prepared for chaos since you will have multiples in diapers. On the other hand if you wait they will have such different agendas shall we say, that you will feel pulled in too many directions and will have chaos. Whatever you decide you will make it work. There will be days you will say I should have waited or I wish I hadn't waited but you will figure it out. Moms have a way of coping with whatever gets thrown at us by just adapting because we know and understand you can't change it. Good Luck!!