What Age Should You Start Displining Your Child?

Let me first say that I think if there were a "right" way then someone would have bottled it up and became the richest person ever. What's right for one child isn't always right for the other. Have you tried time out? THat would be my first suggestion. Maybe have a pack n play or something that she doesn't sleep in all the time and put her in for 1 minute (They say 1 minute for each year that they are). Remember that she can't communicate with you, and that has a lot to do with the hitting and knocking things out of hands, etc. My son is 15 months and loves the trash. When I learned that he was interested, I started letting him "help" me. I would give him a tissue or something to throw away, and he was so proud. It did end up that he wanted to help and throw crayons and toys and no telling what else away, but that's just something I'm having to work with him on (what does go in the trash and what doesn't). She's curious and trying to do what she sees you do, and she knows there's something you do with the trash and the plugs. She's also probably testing boundaries, but if "no" is what she hears all the time, then "no" is what you're going to be hearing all the time pretty soon from her. I was just reading the other day that at this age they like the reactions they get even if it's a shout or a cry because they realize that they're the ones causing it. They don't realize it's bad. I myself have been working hard (but it's a tough one) to not react if my son slaps. That way he sees that it's not causing a reaction, so he doesn't feel compelled to do it. I actually have noticed a huge difference. If he walks over to the fireplace screen (that's our problem arean), I used to tell him no or nicely tell him that we don't play with that. Well neither worked. Now I don't even look at him or say anything, and after three times, he hasn't gone back over there. It's just a suggestion. I hope you find what works for you.

First of all, at 14 months old you will simply have to repeat and repeat and repeat instruction/disciplinary action, etc. It's their nature. She's wanting to see if you do the same thing every time. If you change things up, she'll definitely keep doing it.
Also, "discipline" isn't necessarily about "punishment." Discipline can be found in routines, natural consequences (if you drop your cookie, the dog will eat it...and I'm not getting you another cookie....).

I am a firm believer in Parenting with Love and Logic. One thing love & logic is good for is a generic response. Every time she hits/gets into the trash/whatever, tell her no then give her one chance to comply. If she doesn't, put her in the playpen. There are also some great tips in a book by the "super nanny." Her ways seem similar to things I've read about with Love & Logic.

start now. Read Love and Logic and the Happiest Toddler on the Block. Great books.

Dear S.,

It looks like you've had some good responses. But I want to add to it. Children are indeed looking for boundaries when they act out like this. They want to know where their limits are and want to make sure you're going to enforce them. Whether its a slight slap on the wrist or bottom or timeout or sit in a corner, the message you want to get across is that you love them too much to let them continue that behavior. Redirection works for non-strong-willed children but if you have a strong-willed one, you'll need more discipline than that!

And remember--discipline is an act of love, not an act of harshness. Consistent discipline makes a child feel loved.
Hope this helps!

A. S.

when my girls were 14 mo my oldest would throw her food off her tray so time out she went. i would take her tray away and take her chair(with her in it) to face another wall and walk away so she could sit there for one minute. i would tell her no throwing your food, put her in time out, come back after one minute and tell her again what not to do then get her out and hug her and kiss her. this took 3 times and she stopped all together. with my second daughter she started doing the pinching thing. so i told her no pinching,time out then tell her again and hug and kiss her. she's my sensitive one so time outs work great for her. my oldest is very strong willed so now that she's almost 4 she has had a couple spankings but never in anger. i alway tell her why she is getting a spanking (in a calm voice) and then let her know that the behavior is not acceptable and that she needs to obey mommy and daddy because we love her and want to keep her safe. we cuddle after and she has really started to listen to me better. we definately have to be consistent so our children know we are serious. children need to obey their parents because we have the job of keeping them safe and teaching them to make the best choices in life. i believe to make choices that God would want them to make. that is what we teach our girls.
also i think if you are going to do time outs then they have to be done right. i have a friend who is family councelor(she has her doctorate so a Dr.) she said there has to be isolation and if the child is throwing a tantrum then the time out starts after the tantrum is over. ie:tantrum takes 2 min she calms down then you run the timer for one more minute-or childs age. if you have a strong willed child then time out has to be longer. then when it is done you talk to your child and tell them what you don't want them doing then cuddle.
obviously you don't talk too much to the 14 mo old because it will go over their head. keep it short to the point. unlike this response!hahahah
i hope this helped!!!God bless!!!!

Go to babycenter.com. They say 18months. Before then redirection is best because before then, they really don't understand. You sound like you have your handsful!

I am just under the age of 30, but very much believe in the "old school method" I was spanked, disciplined , etc by my parents & I grew up to be a good person who knows to respect others.

I do the same with my 14 month old & will continue to do so. At this point she doesn't exactly get a spanking... it's more like a VERY little pat on the back of her hand (when she is touch or getting into something that she should not be). OR a pat on the back of her leg (like when she is climbing up on top of the kitchen table).

My husband is a little different with her. He does the time out with her. He will put her in the corner for 1 minute (1 minute per the childs age). I think he feels that he doesn't want to be rough with her (because he is a man and is stronger then he may perceive himself being).

Either way common sense will tell you what is "right" in your home. Some people don't have common sense, but I am sure that you do... having gone through 4 other children thusfar.

Keep in mind - how have they turned out!

NOW...& I agree w/ the Love & Logic recommendations- get the toddler book & check out their website, too.
http://www.loveandlogic.com/
D.

I started letting my son know his boundaries when he was 9 months old. He was getting around the house, and getting into things he shouldn't. I had to spat his hand a few times until he learned what "no" meant. But they learn early to test their boundaries. They will get away with what they can. Having the boundaries makes them feel safe and loved. At 14 months he could do time-out. We do sometimes use spankings, but that's left for when he is outright testing our authority (his new thing is saying "no" when we tell him to do something.)

I am sure to NEVER hit my son out of anger, or yell. Time outs work really well, most of the time.

Good luck!

I started diciplining my son as soon as he started pulling himself up on things. He would mess with the electronics on our entertainment center, try to knock over our dining room chairs, etc... First it started with light taps on his hand with a verbal "no", & as he got older it was spanks right under his diaper on his lower bottom. Now he's 3 & he's going thru his "I don't want to", or "NO!", stage & he still gets his spanks, as well as placed on his naughty chair or I'll take away his favorite toy until he's calmed down & apologized for whatever it was he did. It works pretty well too. I can think of only a few true temper tantrums he's had, so I think starting dicipline from the get go is the way to go. Good luck!!

I actually just had my son's 15 month check up this week and they told me now is a great time to introduce discipline. They suggested time-outs using 1 minute for each year of age. If you have a pack and play or some kind of playpen, set it up in a corner without toys or entertainment and start using it for a time out area. When the child misbehaves calmly but firmly tell them no and give them 1 chance, after that tell them again what they did wrong and put them in time out. I'm sure you know this, but it is all about having patience. They absolutely will misbehave again and again, but at least you'll have a plan.

Well I think that spanking is great depending on the action but my daughter would rather be spanked than be in time out. So trying other methods besides spanking like time out, taking away a fav toy, not seaseme street... things like that

good luck

hey S.. this is the first request/question i have responded to. i am new to mamasource, but think it is very interesting. anyway, when you get the answer to this, will you forward it to me. i have a 2 year old and a 15 month old. we just finalized our adoption last week. they were 8 months and 19 months when we brought them home. my 2 year old will mind me. time out works, etc. but my 15 month old..........NOTHING WORKS. i have even spanked (probably not classified as a true spanking, pat on the bottom or leg). mine are both boys! :o)

Disciplining is just training. I started "disciplining" my 15 month old when she was old enough to listen to me. I explain to her why I do not want her to throw fits or hit myself or anyone else. When she hits or "acts ugly" as I put it, I tell her she needs to apologize or say sorry. She understands this as giving a kiss. Sometimes she looks at me and says, "no". So, I tell her that if she is not ready to apologize she can sit down on the floor. Sometimes she "apologizes" right away, other times I sit her on the floor on her bottom. Then a few seconds later I ask her if she is ready to apologize. If she says no, I tell her she has to sit there until she is ready. I then repeat my asking of her every few 20 seconds or so and she always comes around.
I personally think that spanking her would teach her that if she is upset with someone, the appropriate method is to hit them.
I hope that my suggestions are of some help. Best wishes to you!

Redirection is probably the best discipline strategy for this age. "You want to throw something? Balls are for throwing. Here's a ball." And remember that it takes a million reminders for a toddler to learn something. Definitely not spanking, swatting, or time out.

Check out the materials from Love and Logic. They are fabulous!