I'm looking for recommendations for a book/resource for general discipline for a strong-willed 2 year old boy!! He is a great kid most of the time, good disposition, behaved in restaurants, but boy when he gets in a mood he's a real stinker.
Today he figured out how to undo the buckle in the stroller and proceeded to climb out while we were out shopping. We had to leave because he kept throwing fits and climbing out. When told not to touch something (dishwasher, oven, etc) he will look at you and reach right out again. I would like to read up on some different methods of behavior management.
I'm not opposed to spanking, but he doesn't seem to care about getting his hand spanked. Getting him to sit in time-out is almost impossible, he thrashes and goes stiff as a board when I try to hold him in the chair.
I looked at amazon.com a little bit, but there are so many choices. I thought I'd ask you moms what book you liked or what worked for your family.
Thanks for your help!
~ t
Thanks for your recommendations. I will look into the books at the store and online. I want to clarify, he is not a bad kid! Just your average 2 year old boy who is discovering the world around him. :o) My mother-in-law said my husband was just like this, LOL. She said it would get better... I was like "in 3 or 4 years?" and she said "No, I'm talking like 25" HAHAHA!! It was good to laugh. :o)
Also, my friend who has a couple of kids a little older said it doesn't get "easier" it's a different kind of hard. Homework, friends, sports, teachers, etc. So she helped me see that a cure is not what I should be seeking. Just coping mechanisms to get through and friends to listen. So thanks again to all of you. I truly appreciate it.
~ t
my strong willed 2 year old responded great to "You can't make me but I can be persuaded". Sorry, don't remember the author name, but it was a really good read. Also, Dr. Dobson's "Strong-Willed Child" is a classic at dealing with kids with their own ideas. Good Luck!
Love and Logic! It is great and you can use it throughout their lives. Just google Love and Logic and you can see the choices of books. There is an early childhood book that you will probably want to start with. We are already through the second book. They also offer classes in the area from time to time - call LISD for more information.
I have a 2 yr old daughter that is the same way. I have found that instead of sitting in the corner I make her stand in it. I also have found that sending her to her room when she starts throwing a fit works too, I have tried spanking and she gets mad but it doesnt seem to do much else. I have heard about a program called Total Transformation, its supposed to be awsome. I havent had the money to order it yet but plan on it soon, I have heard nothing but rave reviews about it. If you want to look into it more the # is 1-800-217-8760. Hope that helps. Good luck and God bless
Katey
I am currently reading "20 secrets to success with your child" and have found it incredible realistic and helpful thus far.
"How to Make Your Kids Mind Without Losing Yours"
It's based on logical consequences. For example, when my kids jump on the couch they lose the privelege of sitting on the couch for the rest of the day. If they break their friend's toy they have to pay to replace it or give the friend one of their toys. I started it with my kids when they were 3 & 4, wish I had started younger. When I adhere to it, consistently, it works well. Actually, consistency is the key to most things with 2 year olds - they are learning to spread their wings, test their boundaries, and push Mom's buttons to make sure the response is the same every time.
Kids, Parents and Power Struggles by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
ETA: Removed bad link -- SORRY!!
http://www.amazon.com/Kids-Parents-Power-Struggles-Lifeti...
Two great resources - www.parentmagic.com and www.loveandlogic.com. I've used both resources for my own girls and found my sanity.
I like nogreaterjoy.org
hi there. I have a 2 1/2 little boy and I do time outs in his room. I don't have loads of toys in his room so he can't really go up and play. The key is following through. I am now a SAHM but I was a teacher before I had kids. I give my child 1 warning and then if he does it again...up to the room we go. I put him in there, pull the door closed (but not latched shut) and go stand out of sight. I keep him in there a couple of minutes (general rule is 1 minute per year) and then I go get him. Now, most of the time, when I give him the warning and tell him he will get a time out if he does it again, he stops. But, again, the most important is the follow through. It won't work a lick if you don't do what you say. And when we are out I tell him he will have a time out in the stroller which he hates because he wants to walk.
I am also a huge fan of Super Nanny. She has a book out called "Ask Super Nanny". It's great!
I also have a 1 1/2 year old son who is just about ready for the time out discipline technique.
Good luck!
K.
My 14 year old daughter was like that. It does get better for awhile it is hard on you. Staying constant was the most important thing. I used time outs with a timer It was a corner it was not important to me if she stood or sat on the floor while in the corner that was her decision but she had to do time out.If she got out another min would be added to the timer. I had to be make sure that I followed through with everything. She is now an wonderful child still a little stubborn (strong willed) but that is fine she is a A student and never gets in trouble at school and other parents love her.
Dr. Dobson has a great book that I used with my Children Called Dare to Disciplin- for the strong willed child. I don't agree with all of his methods, but on the whole, most of them
seem to work. I think also, you are finding out why they call it "the terrible twos!!!" They are beginning to try to balance their thirst for independance with their need for motherly attention. Good luck with your search.
S.
T.,
try Dr Karps Happiest Toddler on the Block. It really explains the frustrations and acting out of a toddler and gives some unique guidelines to different ways of working with them. The book is available and the dvd is really a great way to see the techniques in action.
Basically a toddler that is bored will do whatever it takes to get your attention. If redirection is not the key then removing them from the situation may be. Lots of stimulation helps until they get tired or hungry then the way they have gotten your attention in the past is what they will do today. If it is negative regard so be it.
Time outs work best with a 2 year old for no more than 2 minutes and standing works as well as in a chair. Spanking really only says, this is what you do to others when you are frustrated or scared, and it is okay to hit or hurt someone else if they aren't doing what you want. That may not be the message you want to convey.
I hope this helps, I have the book and dvd in my shop in grapevine.
K. @ the nestingplace
HI,
I am going through the same thing with my little guy. I have recently heard of "Making the Terrible Two's Terrific", apparently it is a wonderful book. I have not gone out to get it yet, but I am thinking of doing so. Amazon has it as well. Good Luck.
We used Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp...find the DVD!!! Now for our 2 1/2 year old, we are going through Love and Logic and I am seeing great results. I have a list of instructors for Texas; let me know if you want it...
K.
I also have a 3 year old strong willed boy. I am currently taking "Love and Logic Parenting Classes" and would strongly recommend taking them. Go to loveandlogic.com to find out more information.
Be consistent :) I have a strong willed boy too so I had to respond, if anything just to say you have my support and understanding! Mark, my son, is VERY strong willed - but we've managed to get him to understand what time out means. And he gets his share of spankings as well - we make the punishment fit the crime, but most of the time, it's a time out that upsets him the most. Also, here is an idea. Try taking away something that is important to me, if it relates to what he has done wrong...like a favorite toy, telling him he can't play with it for a few days, or some special time, removing that. Also, imo, although he goes stiff when you try to hold him in the chair for time out, you just have to be consistent with it. You have to win the battle - that's important. And choose your battles wisely :) I learned that early on. So, if you want him to learn to sit still in that chair, you'll have to make him sit there until he learns you aren't backing down. If you back down just once, he'll know that you'll eventually give in if he fights long and hard enough.
Just my thoughts - I've learned alot and struggled with this, still struggling and still learning - it's a rocky road but oh so worth it...such is being a parent :)
Oh - far as books. My favorite discipline authors are James Dobson and Kevin Leman. I also liked a book I just recently read called Be the Parent, by Kendra Smiley.
R.
1,2,3 Magic by Phelan
Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles is a good read and uses gentle discipline. Also How to Talk so your Kids Will Listen, How to Listen so Your Kids Will Talk is good too.
Dare to Discipline by James Dobson. It's really incredible and based on Christian principles. It talkes about consistency and how to use spankings effectively (not at all as a punishment for everything!) I think the way it teaches to discipline helps raise a very secure child that knows their limitations. That doesn't mean they won't test those limitations, but they know that there will be consequenses when they do.
Then when you administer discipline it is not out of anger... and loving on the child afterward (whether it's a spanking or time out). I REALLY loved that. It helps the child to realize that you are rejecting the action, and not them.
Anyway... it really works great for Titus.
-A.
I also like Dr. James Dobson's books; The New Strong-Willed Child, Dare to Discipline, Bringing up Boys--he has a lot of books on the subject. For quick answers, check his website
family.org
And yes, 99.9% kids act just like yours! Don't let it get to you, or at least don't let him see it get to you. :) And best wishes to you. As frustrating as those early years are, you will still look back on them and be sad when your "baby" is gone and replaced with a big kid. Seems like it happens overnight!
I don't know how you feel about Dr. James Dobson from Focus on the Family, but he has two books that you might try and see where it takes you. One is called "The Strong Willed Child" if you really think your little man is seriously determined and lovable. I read it and liked it. It was sensible and straight forward, but my fav with my son was Dobson's book "Bringing up Boys". It deals with understanding guys and discipline that is practical and not lethal! :) There's another just FYI book I like to understand boys and men better and kind of see through their eyes called Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. His wife Stasi does the counterpart Captivating. I liked them also. Just FYI.
I've heard tons of great things about Happiest Toddler on the Block. It should be a great resource for now. Once you get to preschool years (3-5), you can easily implement Parenting with Love and Logic by Jim Fay and Charles Kline. Check out www.loveandlogic.com They have a weekly email list that sends parenting tips and info about seminars and discounts on some of their books.
Rest easy -- ALL 2 yr olds are "strong willed." It's simply their nature to battle for control. Try not to jump too early into labeling him :-). With the advice in these books, you can start practicing how to say things in a way that toddlers will listen to, take action that is appropriate and effective, and how to handle your child without breaking a sweat. Of course, you will never parent or discipline perfectly, but simply because you are seeking this sort of advice means you've got a good chance of surviving these early years with most of your hair...
