Need Suggestions on Books Please!

My husband and I are huge fans of the Ezzo and Bucknam duo who wrote On Becoming Babywise. That was the first book we read, but we have since read all of their books. My favorites: On Becoming Toddlerwise, On Becoming Childwise, and On Becoming Preschoolwise. Hope they help you as much as they've helped us!

H.,

One of my favorite books is the Gymboree Toddler Activity Book. I found a lot of great things in there to keep my little guy busy. Best wishes!

1, 2,3, Magic is a good one for discipline ages 2-12 (though can be adapted slightly for younger than 2) as is Happiest Toddler on the Block.

Hi there! When my daughter was about 18 months old, I too was looking for alternative ways to discipline her. I was determined that we would not ever raise a hand to our daughter as I believe that is demeaning and sends the wrong message to your child.

I actually went to the library and checked out all of the books by Jo Frost (the Supernanny). Her techniques worked right away! Now that our daughter is 3, we still use the "naughty chair" technique. The times that she actually gets put on the chair have decreased dramatically. If her behavior doesn't change after me talking to her, I'll tell her that she'll have to sit on the "naughty chair". Most times, she alters her behavior before it comes to that. And even when she does get a time out, when she's finished and back down playing, she's back to being the sweet little lovebug that she is.

Her books also talk about good activities you can do with your child at different ages. Another thing we did with our daughter was teach her basic sign language. It helped more than I thought it would. I noticed that our daughter would get frustrated sometimes when she was trying to tell us something but I couldn't understand her. Once she learned some basic sign language "words" she was able to communicate more easily what she wanted. The fussiness dropped incredibly. Good luck and congrats on baby #2!

The book that challenged Dr. Spock (his permissive parenting lead to disaster) was "Dare to Discipline" by Dr. James Dobson. ISBN 0-8423-0635-8 c.1970 Dr. Spock has apologized for the terrible advice and instructions he wrote volumes on, and Spock said Dr. Dobson has it right. This is the best book for raising children ever! I recommend all of Dr. Dobson's books. He also has video series, CD's, magazine and website: www.focusonthefamily.org Dobson's books are available in libraries, used/new book stores, and online. You'll truly enjoy his book "What Wives Wish Their Husband Knew About Women" !
Ross Cambell, MD has written "How to Really Love Your Child" ISBN: 0-88207-751-1 c. 1977. He also has other books.
Dr. Kevin Leman wrote "Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours" ISBN 0-8007-1373-7 c. 1984 and numerous other humoursly helpful books.
Newer parenting books I have read just quote these books or say the same things, but not as well or as fun.
Happy reading!

We used 1-2-3 Magic (and still do), which is basically a time out method, and it works really well if you stick to it. There is both a book and video.

Read book by Dr William Sears. He also sometimes write with his wife Martha (a nurse) and his sons (both of whom are doctors). Their are all fantastic and have great advice!

Something you might want to look into are a series of Cautionary Tales from Usborne Books (www.usborne.com/n2285 - my website). Anyway, there are 5 books in the series, and each one has a character doing something wrong like not sharing, not saying please, being a bully, telling lies, and being greedy. They are a lot of fun to read, but they explain the message in a way that he will understand in a positive way without physical harm. Besides that, there are lots of other wonderful books that he might like to read.

Hope this helps.

Julie's suggestions are right-on and I'd add Dr. Sears's Discipline Book or Elizabeth Pantley's No-Cry Discipline Solution (she consults heavily with Dr. Sears).

My 3-year-old was recently displaying strong-willed-child tendencies (read: extreme brattiness LOL) because, we suspect, of the new babies (twins!) so I went to Amazon.com, typed in "strong willed child" and got a few hits. We started with Parenting the Strong-Willed Child by Rex Forehand and Nicholas Long. It's a 5-week program, but we stopped with week two as that solved our problem. It's a fairly gentle program with plenty of room for parent improv, plus they don't advocate spanking.

For activities, we like John Lithgow's Lithgow Palooza - fun stuff with the bonus that most of the activities use stuff you'd have lying around the house.

(Julie, I'm looking forward to your Bringing Up Boys suggestion!)

Bringing up Boys - I think that was by Dobson

You're a Better Parent Than You Think - by Dr. Ray Guarendi

Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours - by Dr. Kevin Leman

Love and Respect - by Emmerson Eggerich (if you get your marriage in great shape the whole famliy will do better) - I need this, too! :)

check this site out, its by a couple that has a "ministry" helping families.

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=1

E.

Try 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. It has some great ideas that don't involve spanking. Good luck.

Hi H.,
I am a grandma and a teacher, so I think my advice will be valuable. Berenstain Bears books are a wonderful place to start. Curious George books are also a real starting point for thinking about, talking about and planning behavior. Both of these book series show problems and solutions. If your child responds as if these are too preachy (some children rebel against obvious good behavior messages) then look for books that display ordinary events. Pat Hutchins has a great book called -AND THE DOORBELL RANG- that does not actually dwell on the problem of not wanting to share, but lets the action just play out. Laura Numeroff has a series of books that includes -IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A COOKIE- that shows the problem of never cleaning up your mess. It does not state the problem directly, but it shows the incredible mess the mouse makes and the overwhelmed child's facial expressions are going to convey the problem. Both of these books are going to easily lead to a conversation. If your child resents all conversation about messes, or behavior, you might ask someone else - whom the child is not agitated with - to read the book with your child. Lastly, I have to recommend the book -I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER- because it is endearing to a child to see a mother-son relationship that gets through the years, with a loving habit. When my children were young, I had not yet learned about the value of using children's books to enhance our relationships. Luckily, though, I found a book called -EVEN IF I DID SOMETHING AWFUL- by (don't remember the first name) Hoban. It was a book that we borrowed from the library many times as my children grew. Good luck to you!

I have very good things about books from Cline & Fay. Parenting with love & logic. Teaching Children Responsibility. I'm not finished reading it yet, but it does have good ideas. I believe there are a couple books geared to various ages from them. Good Luck

H., wish I could remember the author! But the title is
The Happiest Toddler on the Block. It's wonderful, full of
common sense. Remember at 19 mo. they're still self-centered
and pretty oblivious to others desires or feelings. Now is
the time that he'll have to begin learning that the world
does not revolve around him, and that you are the one who
makes the big deciions. Try giving him simple choices during
the day. But don't confuse him with too many. The choices
do not include whether or not to obey you!

I've seen books at Barnes and Noble by SuperNanny; if you've seen her show then you know she has lots of creative ideas without the spanking. I just had a baby boy six weeks ago and plan to start on her methods right away. She is truly a miracle worker!

Games:
365 Games Smart Toddlers Play. One of the best ever. By Ellison.

Anything by Dr. William Sears

Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline

How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk

I did read a lot of books on toddler disciplining but I found the best advice my girlfriend gave me. She told me you cannot reason w/ toddlers. The more you get angry and short w/ them, the worse it gets. The more you yell or show anger, the more they test you. She said, if it is not hurting themselves or anyone, sometimes its good to walk away and not give them any attention. It can get worse. If you ignore them, they do not like this. You can bargain a little. My 3 year threw a fit in the middle of target store - laid on the floor and screamed his head off one time. I just ignored it and stood there and let him get it out of his system. He wanted a toy and I said no. He cried and cried. I did not respond. He finally stopped. When he did - I told him- that if he was going to act this way- cry and scream- I would not give him any love or toys, or anything for that matter. My girlfriend told me that giving consequences they can understand- like deprivation, or even a time out goes far. You have to find out what seems to work for your kid. I had a naught potty chair in the corner of the room. If he was bad he had to face the wall and sit in the chair quietly for 1 minute. He hated this... it worked a while and then quit working. Then I changed it to go sit in the stairs and isolation from play area. He hated that and it still works. I also use a formula called: 1, 2 ,3 Magic (from a video tape called 1, 2, 3, magic). You count 1, 2, and by three if they do not cooperate - they get the stairs/ chair or whatever you decide for punishment. He is much older now and it still works. If you do not cooperate by the time I say three, there are consequences to your actions. At first they are confused, but they get the drift. I started this at age 3 and still works for me. The magic - you have to do is not say anything else.... just count... or you loose the effectiveness based on the tape. You just have to use bad action=consequences - more like a pavlovian stimulus response concept. I found I read lots of books and saw video tapes. The best advice is find a good discipline method that works for your little one. I hope it helps.. good luck... let me know what you think...

H.,
I really liked 'The Happiest Toddler on the Block", it is written by Dr. Harvey Karp. It helps you identify your toddler's personality and gives you ideas for dealing with them based on that.
After reading all of these responses, I'm also going to have to get myself some of Jo Frost's books - I love her show and didn't realize that she has books out as well!

My husband and I have great success with both of our children (1 girl-8 and boy-4) using any of the "Touch Point" books by T. Barry Brazelton. "The Essential Reference" has everything you can imagine about raising children! I think it is a parent MUST HAVE!
Happy reading and good luck,
S. C

bringing up boys by james dobson is a fabulous book for parenting boys. as for entertaining toddlers, do you have play dates with other moms? take him to the library? there are lots of free, or cheap things you can do with little ones to occupy his time. i'm sure getting out of the house will be a relief for you as well!

My favorite has always been T. Barry Brazelton's books on development and dicipline because he really tells you why they act the way they do at each age, but read everything you can get your hands on!

The best advice I ever got was from a pre-school teacher. She caught me telling my daughter "don't..." and said to try telling her what I wanted instead of what I did not want her to do. So instead of "don't yell" I would say "speak quietly" and this worked incredebly well! She said that if they have to interpret what we say by having to do the reverse of what they are doing, they have to think too much to get done what you want. But with a clear command of what to do, they can comply and it makes them proud of themselves. You could give it a try while you are looking for good books!

Good for you! M.

Do you have cable or satelite. There are some really good programs that address just thouse issues on Nick. One is Wonderpets and Yo Gabba Gabba is another. They talk about team work. Not hiting friends. Playing together.Also blues is good for teaching to help with clean up of toys.

I am not sure of books but if you have a local library like we do in Cincinnati they can help you find some and they would be free.

I know the above programs work because I watch a 2 year old and he has learned so much in my care. He suprised his mother recently by picking up his toys with out her asking. He does it here all the time.

I really like Love and Logic (teaching children responsibility) by Charles Fay. I am reading it for a second time because I feel like I needed to refresh some of the ideas in my mind.
A.

I have three children. 17, 9 & 7. We've had our ups and downs, but 99% of the time they are well behaved, polite and a joy to be around. I never have a problem getting a babysitter for the younger ones. The absolute best book I have ever read (its also available in an audio series) is by Zig Ziglar called "Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World". All you have to do is look at Ziglar's life and the lives of his children and know that he did well. Dr. Sears also writes good books based on his experience. You can get Zigs on www.ziglar.com. Get a book written by someone that has children.

Parenting with Love and Logic
Dare to Discipline
Bringing up Boys

These are all GREAT books!