Update to My Sad Life

All right, here's the thing, I've just spent the last 45 minutes reading over your previous posts, and more importantly reading all of your response to OUR posts for the past few months or so.

I can tell by your responses that you are a warm generous practical person who is not quick to place blame and is willing to recognize when she has erred.

I also see that you lost your mother at a fairly young age, I'm assuming before you had your own kids? I wonder what SHE would think of all this?

If I were her (and I probably AM old enough to be your mother), I would say, look Lady, it's time to get off the self pity train and get busy. I would say, Mom you are a very beautiful person who does not deserve a miserable life. I would say you need to treat YOURSELF better, stand up straight and tall and proud, roll up your sleeves and dig in. I would say you are embarking on the next phase of your life, a brand new adventure, and it will be as GRAND AS YOU MAKE IT.

I would also say Don't You Dare miss that baby's 1st Communion (unless of course you're having ANOTHER baby at the time!). She's YOUR daughter, you can go and show all the in laws and the church community your strength and endurance.

I would say, don't give up on God just yet. Faith is a journey, in a few years you may see all this in an entirely different light.

Lastly, she (and I) want to say, don't you EVER let yourself be a VICTIM of some MAN, not EVEN your childrens' father. You are a person of substance within YOURSELF, you do NOT NEED HIM in order to justify your existence.

We are ALL routing for you and WE have faith in you, even if you don't!!!

:)

You need to change the way you are thinking. this should be called "update to my NEW life". Keep the negative thoughts out of your head. You just rid yourself of a cheating man, good for you.
Do try to renew your faith in God, pray for yourself and your kids and your soon to be ex.
Don't rush into anything, dont settle for things you dont really want to settle for, you always have options.
Slap a smile on your face, it's a new day and something better is waiting for you, it's all in the Plan.
Quit sulking, it will get you nowhere and it will make your kids think you are weak. You dont want them growing up feeling sorry for you, they need to see you be an overcomer. As adults they will look back on all of this and the way it was handled by you and their dad. You need them to know that you both did the best you could for them during your rough patch.

I had to go back and read your other posts (this response is a combination of all)

DO NOT LOSE FAITH IN YOURSELF!!! You did not cause all of this-DO NOT LET HIS STUPID ACTIONS GET YOU DOWN. BLEEP HIM…You are better off without him. Yes, this is a sad time, yes it hurts, but get up and face the new day, get out to face the world, support yourself and your children, you all need each other. This will be a long and bumpy road, but YOU CAN AND WILL PREVAIL! All this drama is not good for you or your children and baby to be. I know what you are saying, better said than done (see below.)

I would go to your daughter’s communion. Face his parents/family and outside of church let them know what a shithead your soon to be ex is, JK…HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH, Smile, and carry on with your life. You do not need them either. Believe me he will be left without a pot to piss in, and you will be laughing and sticking your middle finger up at him.

My ex left me for his new sidekick, and I was 6 months preggers. I had a 2 year old, no money, no job, nowhere to go, and 74 cents in my pocket. That was 19 years ago...I made it, so can you!!! Now ex has 7 children (with different women) no car, no money, no job, and no one cares about him, he’s a nasty old dog looking for someone to hurl him a bone-he dug his hole, now he has to lie in it. HaHa-he is such an IDIOT!

This {HUG} is for you...as I am lending you my Detroit armor...wear it well!

I know you are wounded and hormonal right now, but you need to have two focus points right now. First, you must take care of yourself. You are carrying a new life inside you and are responsible for other little lives as well. By taking good care of yourself, you will have the energy to be a good mom. If you are struggling at all with your home, I would suggest looking at www.flylady.net. It is a very supportive and solution oriented website for moms and has a chat room you can get on any time of day.

Second, although it may be difficult, please do your best to not say anything bad about your husband in front of the children. My mom did that and as a teenager, I agreed with her and had a terrible relationship with my dad. We were like allies and it was great, but the damage that it did to me for future relationships took many years to fix. I heard something as an adult that stopped me in my tracks and made realize why that situation was so toxic. It said that when you criticize your child's other parent, you are criticizing half their DNA and they can't help but be affected. It made me understand how damaging that criticism can be and helped me decide that I would never do that to my children. You sound like you are getting back on your feet and have a great support. It can get better if you look for ways to make it so. Good luck!!

I wish you the best in this. You'll need your rest and be sure to take care of you!! You're grieving and you have a lot on your plate. There are a lot of changes for you and your kiddos too. Go ahead and feed your kids what's easiest for you at this time and be sure to give them lots of fresh fruits and veggies too. Make sure they take vitamins too. They're under stress too and need to keep their strength and health up. But you don't need to stress yourself out about it. If it's hotdogs and corn, just add the fruits and veggies to that and for snacks. =) Hang in there and give yourself the time you need to heal and get your feet on the ground. You're doing a great job! God loves you very much and he's proud of you and there for you. He doesn't expect our lives to be perfect. He just wants us to feel safe in His arms through thick and thin. When I was grieving over the loss of my sister, all I could do is say "Help!" to God. HUGS!!

You should definitely attend her 1st communion in May. That is an important special day for her. You should be part of that memory. If the family starts stuff ignore them. The focus should be on your daughter, not them.

I think you are doing fantastic!! You are so strong. Maybe your OB can offer some help for the depression, although I think its normal for what your going through. Lots of prayers for your family.

I haven't had a chance to catch up on your other posts, although I'm a little familiar with your situation. Just remember something - someone cheating on you isn't about YOU, it's about THEM. They obviously have something going on in their head that either makes them think it's OK or maybe they feel inadequate and cheating is a way of validating to themselves that they're attractive, etc. Hold your head up and congratulate yourself on drawing the line and refusing to be treated like a doormat. Your kids may not understand this now, but when they're older, they will respect you so much more for getting out of this horrible situation than staying with someone who didn't treat you with the love and respect that you DESERVE. Your children will know that THEY deserve to be treated with love and respect when they eventually look for a spouse.
Good luck.

See there!! You can do it..with alot less stress involved...don't back down on your decision...he may try to wiggle his way back in once the "other woman" kicks him to the curb. Be strong. We're all still counting on you.

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Good morning, mama.

Thanks for the update. This must be difficult but there will be a time when you will not be sad any longer. I am praying for your strength and faith.

Well, your doing the right thing for getting a divorce and not putting up with it anymore! You should go to your daughters commmunion because it's not about your soon to be ex or his family, it's about your daughter and her acomplishment. You may not have faith in God but your daughter does and it's not fair to take that feeling away from her. You being there shows her you care about her. Just avoid that side of the family and maybe bring a friend with you to the church so your not completely alone. It's gonna be tough and I wish you nothing but the best! Your more than welcome to pm me with anything!

I'm so happy for you that you have found some positive light in this terrible situation you have found yourself in. Ups and downs to come I'm sure, but keep moving in the right direction!

My experience has been that we are always stronger than we think we are - we just don't know it until we are tested. This is your trial, but you can and will get through it - look how much you've already accomplished! Just take it one step at a time, and keep focused on your goals - happy mama, healthy baby, well-adjusted children...and a better life for all of you. Peace.

I agree with Megan. Attend the communion for your daughters sake.

I'm so sorry you are having such a struggle. Somehow we get a life's "plan" in our heads, and when it doesn't work out the transition is tough, but GOOD FOR YOU, you are taking steps towards a happier life.

I have a book for you. It may just help you get back on track. And if "church" is not your thing, that is okay. Organized religion can be daunting. However, perhaps you can find some solace in your own personal spirituality. Here is the book:
Soul Coaching by Denise Linn

Hang in there and Best of Luck towards a happy future. Visualize it all day everyday. Often we get what we see.

You are entitled to feel angry right now, but try not to become bitter as it will only hurt you and your children. And here is one of my favorite quotes. Try thinking of it when you see those in-laws at the communion.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I wish you the best of luck ... this situation can not be easy but you are woman and that means in your heart you are a fighter. We always step up to the plate when we need to. Just remember not to let pride get in the way and use any help that you can get.

You should go to the First Communion, to be supportive of your daughter. Is there any chance your dad or brother could go with you? It's a big day for your daughter and I am sure she will appreciate the fact that you went. Is there a party planned for her, did you or her dad's family order a cake for her? If not, I would plan a party even if you have to make it a potluck and have it at your home. Be the bigger person and invite her dad and his family. This gesture will mean so much to your daughter. I've been divorced many years and if you can stand to have him and his family in your home for family get togethers it will mean a lot to the kids. If not don't feel guilty.
Your life is going through a lot of changes right now. Accept the changes as a good thing, you are moving forward away from an unhappy marriage. I promise things will get better.
Look forward to the nights the kids spend with their dad. See if you can go back to school or get involved in an activity that you would enjoy. I know you have a baby on the way and the first few months will be difficult. But having something to look forward to helps alot.
Make a list of all the good things in your life, you have healthy kids, a supportive brother and dad, a decent home to live in, and had the strength to get out of an unhappy marriage. You are a strong woman and that will benefit your children in the years to come.
Don't look at your life as sad but in transition and transitions are difficult.