Unosey Mother in Law!!!

I grew up in Japan... so I understand what you are saying.... although you may be from another country (Russia, Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia, etc.) the idea that "A man may always remarry or have more children but only has one mother" is very strong in Japan.

((For those unfamiliar with Asia... here in the US if your family is in a boat, your wife and mother, and the boat capsizes... the husband is expected to save the wife, as the mother is old and has lived her life already. In the US...If you are in a boat with your mother, wife, and children... you are expected to save your children, as they are least able to save themselves. In ASIA... you are expected to save your mother, as you can always remarry or have more children... but only have one mother. SIMILARLY, households are often 3 generation. Grandparents, parents, children. The elders rule, and the adult children have the same sort of "status" as children do, here. It's a tiered system. The oldest generation is the only one with complete say / full vote. Everyone else must do as they say, follow their wishes. The same way children must heed their parents here. No one is fully "adult" until their parents have passed. ))

I would suggest that you find a cultural center, or the Asian Studies dept at your husband's school. There are often people who can help with the assimilation process and have many good tips/ tricks/ ideas in dealing with family and culture at home... while living here and wanting to be different. (The military also has classes and support for spouses marrying into an american family and similar help in dealing with family back home, and sometimes community outreach for nonmilitary folk in similar positions, but I don't know if there is any military presence in Tempe Az?) Another avenue to explore, since you English is superb, would be translating communities. If you can get a work permit, you may find a lot of support there.

ONE IDEA... would be 2 facebook accounts. One that is for family only, and one that is for your new american friends.

If this is for real, then you really need to put your foot down. i am however seriously wondering. Your spelling is beautiful and it seems you are capable of playing with words, almost for fun. ??? At any rate, I will give this the benefit of the doubt. Quit playing victim and tell them to butt out. Pretty simple. Don't open your door. Tell your husband if he does that with the bank account you will go and ask the bank to change it to your name, or start your own account (remember $3 a day)...and the religion here is rather confusing between the 5 am wake up call, tempeh and the bible I am not sure what on earth you are representing. Anyway, good luck.

Is your husband sick of it just as much as you are? Does your husband know how unhappy you are? If the answer is yes to both questions, then the two of you need to set boundaries with his parents. That won't be easy to break this cycle because this is how your husband was raised and his parents don't know how to be any different. People like your in-laws will suck the livelihood out of you if you allow this to continue. But, both you are your husband need to be on the same page here with his parents. Your husband needs to put his marriage first before his parents. The big question is: Does your husband have the balls to stand up to them and set boundaries to save this marriage? If your husband is having a hard time standing up to his parents, I would find a counselor that both of you can go to who can help you with this. If this situation doesn't change, more than likely, you will leave this marriage at some point. It's scary from reading your post, to think how his parents would react if you left. Maybe his parents are trying to run you out??? I don't know. But, if your husband doesn't back you on this, then it may be time for you to move on from this marriage and cut your losses. Life is too short to be this miserable. You deserve better:)

Wishing you the best.

You have many problems with a bothersome mother in law. The one thing you can fix is the bank account problem. They have no right to your income or bank records if you open a new account at a different bank and dont tell them. You can take money out of the other bank and put it in a new account and leave the old account with $10 so that is all they will see in the old bank book. Dont tell them the new bank, or account number and start living on your own supported by you and your husband. If you still owe them money, you can get a money order and have it sent to them and never let them see your new checks on your new account. good luck. They certainly dont sound like nice people.

What? Are you now living where your husband's parents don't visit?

Who makes the money? No one but you and your husband need to have any say about you income. If your inlaws are giving you money with strings, don't take it.

Move again and don't give anyone your address.

WOW....that is crazy!!!!!! They sound like they are in a cult. Your husband needs to speak up and say no more staying at your house. They need to give you some respect and privacy. I would try to move as far away as possible from them. Seriously. What do your parents think about it? I would not put up with any of it.

It sounds like your husband is a student and you/he are dependent upon his parents to pay for school.
While you are dependent upon them, it's hard but they want to know what's happening with the money.
Once he and you have jobs and the debts are paid off, you'll be able to stand on your own and you won't have to tell the inlaws everything.
I'm not sure talking with them will ever change how they are.
Once you can live independently from them, just go your own way and don't report to them.
It might be good to get off Facebook for awhile and socialize locally with people to build your own social circle.
You will get a feel for how other familys work with parental involvement and will be better able to establish some boundaries.

Unless you as a couple owe them alot Of money or the pay your Living expenses you should read the bible where it explains you should cleave to your spouse once married. I do not know if you are a young married person or no but suggest strongly you as an adult remove their access from any and all Of your accounts and open New ones. If their name is not on the lease or mortgage have them remove any personal property or ship it to them, it is space you are paying for which you do not have access. Talk to your husband and straighten out how you wish to live your life before his families style becomes your reality.

Ultimately this is your husband's battle to fight. I would find a couples counselor to talk about what to do to make sure this does not divide the marriage. Also, try and not let them rob you of your happiness. If you find yourself thinking about their outlandish behavior, try to refocus on something else. Blessings!

Turn everything around on them. Ask for their bank book, in case something happens to them and you are so far away. Ask them where she went with friends, etc. Feed them only tofu when they come to visit. Don't answer her questions on FB. Don't post anything on FB you don't want the entire world to know.

Change bank accounts. Get a mailbox at a UPS store or something and get all mail there, not at your house. You can tell the post office that you receive no mail at your home and to stop service. They will.

Slowly withdraw from their lives. Have your husband wait on responding to their e-mails. Don't answer the minute he gets the e-mails. "Get busy" and put them off until the next day.

My MIL is similar to this, but is a more sneaky way. She'll just look through papers at my house if she doesn't get an answer she likes. Needless to say, our filing cabinet has a lock on it and the key is hidden. She gives unsolicited business and financial advice....which we are doing just fine and I'm not the one whose business went bankrupt.

change the locks. the best thing you can do with a noisy mil is change the locks. and be thankful your husband has a spine
K. h.
you are under no obligation to let your mil read your posts, and dont be bashful about telling her this