Unhappy 3 Year Old.

I totally agree with all of what Diane S. has stated. And also, it sounds like he is a child who just really needs to spend more time with mom.

There are so many things that could have happened that frightened him. An overbearing child, maybe the teacher raised her voice, the sitter reprimanded him. It really could be anything. Or it could simply be just a phase he is going through and just needs some extra time to work it out. It is possible he was so frightened and didn't know how to handle it? I own a preschool and I would also be upset if the teacher noticed the changes in my child and did not bring it up to you. I think it is crucial for a teacher and a parent to communicate any changes in a child be it negative or positive. Have you tried asking him why he doesn't want to stay at school, or why he doesn't want to play? It could also just be a phase where he needs some reassurance. I would just keep reassuring him, and maybe just try some mommy and me activities for a short time so you are present and he can get his confidence back. Trying to force him can only make it worse. His actions are saying he is feeling insecure. This does not mean you are doing anything wrong he is simply reacting to a situation. I have seen some very aggressive children in my years as a preschool teacher and they can really shake up a child who is sensitive. I would talk to the preschool teacher again and ask for specifics. Such as when did it start, did something in particular happen to scare him, is there a new child in the class. There is nothing wrong with looking into it he is your child and if something has happened to create such a change you have a right to know. I am sure he will be fine you sound like a wonderful mom, who truly wants what is best for their child. Good luck!! Keep us posted

Dear S.,

I would think that since the only thing that has changed in your childs life is this NEW BABYSITTER.

You need to find a new sitter.

Do not bring your child to this sitter anymore.

I think the best thing you can do is find some one whom is similar to you,

Young, energetic, and responsible.
And also sensitive to his needs.

For whatever the reason, the change is because of his new sitter.

NOT school, because he loved this place beforehand.

If it were me, I would do this immediately.

M

Have you asked the caregiver what happened/changed when you started to notice your son change?

Kids and parents go through separation anxiety at different stages and ages. It could be that...but I'd be asking what happened in the caregivers household if I were you.

Nanc

I am suspicious of this person watching your son while you are working. How well do you know this person? I would ask your son what does he do when he is with this person. Obviously something has happened to change his behavior.

Into every life a little rain must fall. We aren't happy always and neither will your little one be either.

I would try to investigate what changed. You seem to be a mother very in touch with your son which is very good. Since he is only 3 there is a limit in his ability to effectively communicate. Is someone hurting him in any way? Are there any new people at the day care which may have interaction with your boy?

You may need to change where he is involved. You may also need to spend more one on one time with him. Reassuring him to help him regain confidence.

When you find out the why, you will be able to figure out what you need to do next. Hope this helps. Please let me know. Thanks.

I sense from you note that English is your second language. Does your son have an accent? Does he dress differently? Kids at his age become more aware of others and he might be self conscious. Or maybe some kid made fun of him. Ask him and then explain that people are all different.

did he recently have any vaccinations. somethimes that may happen. check out all options, including...i hate to say it...autism. it happens sometimes.

Hi S.:
First of all, let me tell you, you have NOT failed your son. You are doing the best you can, as a single working mother this is not easy and never has been for mother or child. The fact that you are writing this board for input means you care tremendously. As mothers, we can only do the best we can do. So you are doing GREAT!! Keep up the amazing loving work.

You are also doing a great job by pinpointing through questioning what is going on- you've caught this behavior change within a month, and that's great because you are so attentive. The tough part, as you point out, is figuring out what is going on.

You can question ALL his caregivers since the behavior change- you mentioned you questioned the daycare but did you question "this person"? Not sure if that person is male or female, but you should question that person as well for sure. You need to thoroughly question anyone who has had individual contact with your son since the behavior change.

The other path is to question your son, however kids at that age are tough to communicate with. I ask my daughter point-blank questions and she responds with almost-gibberish sometimes. You might want to take him to a child psychologist, stat. reason being is that they are professionals in the field, and part of their training is knowing how to get information on the child's experience. Although you are his mother and know him better than anyone ever could, there's something to be said for that objectivity and training.

I would certainly like to know how you and your son are doing, please write back again.

S.,

You may need to find out if something happened. It sounds like something is going on over the person's house either all of the time or just one time. At this age they don't have a concept of time like we do.

Good luck, A.

Sounds like your son has lost his trust in the outside world maybe talk with him with his pediatrician about the time period when you noticed the change...