Seeking Help with Disciplining My Son

Hi A.,

I too have a three year old son, and he has quite the temper tantrums!! My husband and I work with an amazing child therapist that has helped tremendously with calming his fits down. When I would put my son in time-out, he would come after me and hit, spit, or throw things, and so the therapist suggested puting him in his room, and holding the door closed so he couldn't come after me. At first it was really hard, but HE HATES IT! And now all I have to do is threaten sending him to his room, and he usually calms down.

Another thing that she suggested is that I stop constantly trying to reason and explain everything to him. I need to tell him once and then if he does it again, I simply need to either move him, or take whatever it is that is causing the problem. No talking, just do those things, and then he knows that mom is only going to say it once, and then take action.

I hope this helps! Things are not perfect for us, but parenting is much more enjoyable and less frustrating.

Sincerely,

S. Fleming

If you are open to seeing someone that specializes in family counseling and provides excellent parenting advice, I would call Stacey Bruen.

Bruen Stacey MC CPC
9929 N 95th Street Suite 101
Scottsdale, AZ 85260
###-###-####

Otherwise, I would suggest the book 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan, PhD.

Hope this helps.

L. Kandell, MS, RD, IBCLC/RLC
Registered Dietitian/Pediatric Specialist
AFFILIATED NUTRITION CONSULTANTS, LLC
###-###-####

Mother of two children ages 8 yrs (girl) and 5 yrs (boy).

hi A.
i would definitely do sign language with him. my guess is he's acting out because maybe he's so frustrated??? I would be too if people couldn't understand what i was trying to say. give him a way of communicating by using sign.

good luck

A.

Perhaps your son is acting out because of his frustration. I am sure you and he are both very frustrated. Have you considered counseling? Everything I have read about raising a child with special needs says it's important to stay calm and patient and get help when you need it. It seems like time outs and toy deprivation are only serving to further the problem. He probably doesn't understand why he is being punished. Good luck and God Bless!
C.

My daughter was having problems in preschool with not "behaving" and this was odd-because she usually was so good....so we figured out she wasn't hearing. We had her tested and she had a 50% hearing loss. Ear tubes corrected this in our case.

I found this link that MAY help you. There are all sorts of links on it. I hope this helps! You need some local support.

http://clerccenter.gallaudet.edu/InfoToGo/

Hi. My name is M.. I have an almost 8yr old son and an almost 4yr old son. I am 25 also. My older son has ADHD and we have had some communication issues as he couldnt sit long enough to reason with. We got through it. But in the time I have been a parent, I have encountered ups and downs. I am not a doctor and am not offering any kind of advise other than as a parent to another parent. I believe that the reason your son has these tantrums is because he is frustrated. If he cant hear you or doesnt understand what is expected of him, he must be very frustrated. He reacts with these frustration tantrums because he doesnt know how else to communicate that he doesnt know what to do. As a parent, I would suggest that you attempt to communicate with your son face to face with gestures and pictures and facial expressions. These are avenues you can use to convey to him what you want him to do. When he doesnt do what you ask, and you are sure that he understands your request, you might try sitting him on his bed until he complies. If he gets up, put him back on his bed, and explain to him why he is there. He may get up, but I would not allow him to do anything he wants to do until he is obediant. This will be difficult at first, but eventually, if you are firm, he will understand that he must obey your requests. Hope this helps.

Hi A.,

First of all, a great big hug for you (and a welcome into the world of parenting a deaf child)

I can tell you FROM EXPERIENCE that a deaf child can be disciplined and held to the same behavior expectations as any other child. The KEY is communication. Julie M is right about the Deaf community (in general) having a chip on their shoulder regarding communication barriers. The many who suggested sign language are absolutely right! It is ESSENTIAL that you learn signs. The better communication you have (via signing AND whatever else) with your child, the less of a chip on his shoulder he will have towards hearing people in general and your family in particular. I love hearing people but that is because my whole family signs and I did not have any barriers at home, only later when I went out into "the world" on my own.

Highly recommended videos (in addition to a class and/or hanging out with deaf people who sign with you - nothing is as good as this!) "Signing Time" videos are very good. The reason I say this is not because I have learned signs from this (I learned from my parents who are also deaf, and my son is learning from us who are also deaf) I have met people/friends who used signs pretty well and I knew they werent taking sign classes and that I wasn't teaching them. Every time it was from Signing Time. (Many other people try other videos but are still afraid to or just dont sign as well as those I've seen using Signing Time. I do NOT recommend books - they are ONLY to remind you of what you've learned - you cannot learn movements from a flat image)

There is so much I want to share with you but this may make it too long for you to read. Please feel free to contact me and I'd love to meet you if we can. At the very least, I can share with you the tricks and joys and perks of being Deaf!! ____@____.com

Even though I came from a deaf family, went through public school, deaf school, mainstreamed, all that, it was still a shock for me when my son became deaf around the time he turned 3. So while I can't say I understand totally how you feel with finding that your child is deaf, I do understand at least some of the emotions and all of the struggles (maybe even more, cuz I have seen so much?) of what to do, where do we go, how do we do this, all those questions.

A great resource is CRS - Childrens Rehabilitative Services - they're closer to you in Phoenix than they are to me. They are great in that they take care of all the testing and provide my son's hearing aids free. (They didn't help with the emotional/behavior aspects though, maybe because it had calmed down before I found them)

Your 3yo's tantrums are a mix of A) frustration in not being able to tell you what he wants B) wanting to be more independent than a 3yo is able, and C) just being a normal 3yo!

I didn't have the terrible two's with my son - I attribute that to us using signs and his being able to tell us when he was done, when he wanted more, if he wanted bananas or crackers, etc. But oh boy, I wasn't spared the trying three's!! He'd want to do things himself that I wasn't about to let a 3 year old do independently!

One more thing, if you're still reading down this far! Regarding the closed door -- what my parents did for us naughty deaf kids was to put an hook and eye on the top of the bedroom door. That way the door is not completely closed (if you can't hear what's on the other side, it is scary) but the child cannot come out. Do it so that the door is about an inch or two open, wide enough to see through. I did this with my son when he WOULD NOT EVER STAY IN BED, and only had to lock the door for about a week or two before we could simply put him to bed and he knew it meant to stay there. The first couple nights were hard and wrenching because he screamed and cried and shook the door so hard but the peace of mind of being able to put him to bed and have him stay there is SO worth it!!! 2-3 years later he's still good about staying at bedtime and I've never had to use the door latch since. (maybe once or twice for 15 mins)

A.,
My name is J.. I am an audiologist at the University of Colorado Hospital. I saw your request for advice on discipline and thought I might respond. I don't have any advice myself re:discipline problems (my daughter is only 7 months old so I haven't encountered those issues YET - lol). However, we do have a psychologist here in my clinic who specializes in working with the deaf and hard of hearing population. He has dealt with those kinds of issues in the past. I don't know if it is something you might be interested in or not, but I just thought I would mention it to you. His name is Robert Baldwin. You can call ###-###-#### to schedule an appointment if you are interested. Hope that helps!
J. Grober

A.-

Your e-mail touches my heart. I am a sign language interprter that has worked with children with a hearing loss for years. I understand your son's frustration as I went to school for 2 years at Gallaudete University in which everyone communicated in sign language and I was completely lost for a long time and could not communicate.
My question to you is...Have you been introduced to any other parents with children that have a hearing loss? Also, the school system should be providing your family with free services due to your son's hearing loss. I can get you more information if you would like.
My suggestion to you right now would be to act it out. The only thing he understands right now is visual information. Gesture as much as you can to show desired and non-desirable behaviour and reafirm with positve and negaitve expressions.

Let me know if you would like more information,
L.

Hi A.,

Sorry to hear that you are having so much difficulty with your son. I am a social worker, and a parent of a strong-willed 2 year old and can empathize with you. I was wondering if his hearing problem is going to be an ongoing issue, and does the daycare have trouble with him, and how do they handle it? If they don't have many issues butthe discipline works with him, it might be helpful to discipline the way they discipline. I was also thinking that you could use flash cards with him, that have faces on them, and accomplishing tasks (i.e. sad face, mad face, mommy help, show me, hug me,ect.) any of the commands that you would use often. When he becomes upset, you can use your words, and hold up the card that matches what you are trying to understand from him, and communicate with him. This will also encourage him, and he can use the cards with you to communicate. You can also gently redirect him, by putting his hands on the toys if you want him to clean up, or use his favirite doll to clean up the toys, and encouraging him to do the same. This age is difficult because three year olds are asserting their independence with their bodies, and vocabulary. If he is having trouble communicating verbally he is going to act out more physically. The best is to find alternative ways for you and him to communicate, as well as having a routine as much as possible. I wish you well. A.

His behavior is probably worse because of his hearing problem. His hearing problem not only prevents him from hearing you, but also from getting his needs met. Getting some help with sign language for the whole family will probably settle things down, even though his hearing loss isn't permanent.

Good things to learn would be signs for favorite foods, how to ask you to turn the volume down on the TV or radio, how to ask for seconds, how to say "yes" and "no," and "I don't like it." And "I'm happy/scared/angry/sad/excited." If he's potty trained, "I have to go to the bathroom" would be good, too. He would at the very least, then, be able to get a drink of orange juice when he's thirsty or tell you that the thunderstorm scared him.

He would probably act out a lot less.

HTH

Dear A.:

It is more difficult to communicate with children who have hearing impairments or visual impairments. I imagine you must be very stressed due to this communication problem. I work with blind students and I have worked with some deaf children. I highly recommend that you take a sign language class that is offered through the school district or through our local community center (parks and rec center) or colleges (even though your son will be receiving surgery). I would also encourage you to take the Love and Logic Class (parenting classes) that is also offered through the local school district. The Poudre School District has the Love and Logic Classes through their Early Childhood Centers. You can call Fullana Early Childhood Center###-###-####) or Barton Early Childhood Center ###-###-####) to get the times and dates of classes. The Love and Logic books are also available at book stores. In addition, you may want to contact RAFT (Resource Access for Families and Toddlers) ###-###-####. They work with families who have children with disabilities. Many of these classes are low cost and they may take 1-2 hours per week. Also, many schools are using a POG (I'm pretty certain that is the term) system for children. These are picture images for the child and they are placed on a portable board. Some of these boards have a memory system of images. You can point to the image for things that you want the child to do. For example, there may be a picture of a child eating which you would point to if you want to serve dinner. You can ask one of these centers (RAFT) if there is a way to access this tool. The images originate from the American Sign Language system. These tools also empower the child so that they can point to the image and ask for things as well. I hope this helps! You may find that this picture board will help you during the post operative procedure.

As for time outs:
Time outs often do not work because many adults do not understand how time outs should be implemented. First of all, I may not be reading your message correctly and sometimes it is hard to evaluate a time-out without visually seeing one. However, one doesn't hold the child down, but one does place the child back to the time out area. One designates an area of the house as the "time out area" (usually a place that is safe and away from objects and toys and definitely not the child's bedroom, since this should be their place of relaxation). Anyway, you can purchase a mat and have that become the naughty mat. Whenever the child is being naughty, you must bring them to the naughty mat and explain (briefly) why they are being sent to the naughty mat. Example: Son, you do not hit another child, so you must sit on the naughty mat for 3 minutes (one minute per age of child). If the child gets up, you keep placing them back on the naughty mat. This might take up to an hour of re-placing the child on the naughty mat until they sit there quietly and do their alloted time. The key is consistency! You must demonstrate that you are aware of their behavior. Once they have sat down for the full designated time (3 minutes for a 3 year old), then, you re-explain why you put them there and they should apologize for their naughty behavior. The Super Nanny show on TV often demonstrates how parents should appropriately use time outs. The Super Nanny also has a book for parents. Perhaps you can find this book and the Love and Logic Book at the local public library. I hope this sounds clear. It is so hard to discuss time outs without demonstrations.

I wish you much success!

A. D.
____@____.com

Hi A.,

I have worked as a clinical social worker with Child Find, a state funded early interevention program for children 0 to 5. I believe that kids don't necessarily have a disorder just because they need to learn better behavior. Child Find can support you and your son in learning to develop coping and behavior skills when it comes to dealing with difficult behavior. Some kids are just more challanging than others. It's HARD for a parent to deal with it on their own. You love your son. Sometimes it helps to have someone else, an educator with Child Find, help with redirecting challanging behavior. All I can say is I think it's GREAT that your asking for help. You and your son deserve support. We weren't meant to deal with our kids in isolation. We need a tribe, community, village to help us raise kids and stay sane. I'm new to grand junction so I don't have a number but I belive you can reach Child Find through the school district. Good Luck...and remember he won't be this age forever.

he is obviously extremely frustrated! 3-4 has got to be the worst time for boys....in my opinion...girls it's 4-7...and then on...

i really don't know what it's like to have a hearing problem...but i can imagine that if i knew that people were communicating with me..if i knew that there were teachers, store clerks, other children....looking at me in the eyes and talking, and i only heard mumbo - and yelling...i would probably be full of anger,frustration and doubt...At 3...those little imaginations are running faster than a first date...

i believe in taking certain things away...actually having the child throw it away ( after you put a brand new garbage bag in)...it's hard at first...but when they learn that they automatically have it back when it's earned.....then try another method..

my babysitter currently is my aunt...and it's 4 hours a day....but her step-son flat out lied to me in front of my daughter (5)....I got a little bucket full of very warm water (drop of pinesol) and an old baby toothbrush.... and he cleaned my kitchen and dining room floors...but i was fair...i swept it for him with him holding the bucket and i moved the chairs. i even showed him how to do it correctly....now he's a bit older.(9)..IM NOT SUGGESTING YOU TRY THIS ON YOUR 3 YEAR OLD...IT'S MORE FOR YOUNG ADOLESCENTS..

the moral is.... we have to teach ourselves what is effective...what would make us feel certain ways....and be creative ourselves...

Hi,

Just curious if he acts like this at his preschool with his teachers. If he doesnt, he probably does it to you because he knows he can get away with it. He also might be frustated he can't communicate properly because of his hearing problem. Is he learning sign language or going to a therapist? That might help.

I think your son is mainly frustrated because he can not communicate properly. You could ask the pre-school he attends to see what they do to discipline him and what works for them. Also there is a helpful web site that I have been using for advice as well and it's called babycenter.com. It's free and there is a ton of information that might help you.

Communicating can be with more then just words. Your body language, attitude and actions say a lot to your son. All 3 year olds are going to scream and whatnot when they aren't getting their way or are getting something taken away. The key is to follow through with your actions, keep calm and remain consistent. Don't give up or give in. It will be difficult initially so physic yourself out and get into the right attitude. You are the parent and are teaching your son. He doesn't have to like it but he has to learn it. The show Super Nanny really shows you the body language, attitude and actions to take. If your a woman of faith, pray to God for guidance and read Proverbs. Good luck and God Bless. J.

I use to work at a Christian daycare, and I also have a 10-year-old, and a 2 year-old. My son is very stubborn (like his momma), but threw consistency, and lots of love time out really does work. Instead of putting my son in timeout all over the house we have a time out rug, and we do not change the method of punishment. For example, if my son hits we always give him a warning first, and if he hits again (in the same time frame) then he goes to time out. He gets to sit on his timeout rug for two minutes (1 minute for each year).

Another thing is that we do not yell at him, but we work very hard to remain calm with our gestures and voices. I always talk to my son at his level, and never stick fingers in his face. Sticking to our plan has taught structure, and understanding of the rules. Good Luck!

I can't say I identify with your situation because I have never experienced anything like it, but I really believe that when a loving parent has tried everything to discipline a child that has a medical condition, such as a hearing problem and needs surgery to correct it, it seems to be best to seek a professional child counselor. It can be frustrating to a child if his medical condition is keeping him from understanding your expectations of him behaviorally and that may be causing his outburst, just pure frustration. But again, I am not experienced in this situation but I just think that seeking help and narrowing down all possible causes of his behavior is so helpful.

Hi A.,

I feel your frustration. Having a child with limited communication skills is a challenge. Do you use sign language or PICs with your son?

My son is almost six and is speech delayed and when he was younger, also had the hearing problems. His emotional outbursts usually stem from his lack of being able to communicate with us.

Just as it is frustrating to you to get your point across, so it is for him to make his. Have you ever been disciplined by someone speaking say, Spanish, where you only can make out a few words but have no idea what they are saying, you just know they are mad.

One thing that seemed to work for us is to make sure our son had full eye contact with us when we were discipling him, so he could read our facial expressions and lips.

Also, discipline has to be done in the moment not after it has already happened because it makes it harder to tell them what they did was wrong instead of what they are doing is wrong. Clear as mud, right.(ex. Catching child coloring on the wall while crayon is still in hand. gently grabbing hand, turning child to face you and signing "no,don't" while shaking your head no and then distracting child to something allowed, like coloring on paper(and take a moment to color with him, it may be the attention he wanted), instead of finding coloring marks on wall and taking child to wall and pointing to marks then putting crayon to paper and then putting him in timeout, he may think he isn't allowed to color at all making him more frustrated and more likely to lash out.)

If it's the fact he won't put his toys away, make a game out of it. Sign "help, Mommy" and take turns picking up toys, then reward him when the job is finished, give him a great big hug and say "Thanks, for helping Mommy." Rewarded behavior will be repeated.

I hope this helps.

K.

How long has he been in preschool? Does he act like this there?

I too have a 3 year old son. Some times he'd be responsive, sometimes he wouldn't. I do time out and used to worry when he would throw things, yell, etc...I started ignoring the bad timeout behavior. I also noticed that I was putting him in time out as a punishment, which the whole time out theory is a 'Time out' from positive reinforcment (see www.askdrsears.com) not an addition of negative. I set the timer, sit him down and tell him why he's taking a break and that he he may get up when the timer sounds. The only time I give any attention is when he gets up. I set him back down, patiently. I repeat this, as many times as it takes. If the timer goes off while I'm helping him sit, I still let him up. If he's bad again, we repeat the process. It took about a week of this and now he's great with time out! I also ask him to say sorry for the bad behavior and if he's thrown toys, he must help me pick them up.

My son has also hit, kicked, spit and bitten my husband and I. At first I was really worried. But patience got us threw. Most likely it's a fase. Or it could be something at preschool. Is he getting enough positive attention from you and your husband? Is there stress in the home? Like fighting, both parents involved in something else(planning a move, studying) I'm assuming that you're Christian.....if you haven't already checked out Dr Sears, you should. He even has a book called Christian Parenting. His website has excellent advise on time out's, the do's and don't's of disipline, etc. He has a firm 'no spanking' policy.

Just remember, be consistant. :)

Dear A.,

I hope this helps,you are dealing with a very difficult problem. In my experience, this age group wants love, consistency and firm but loving limits. I learned also to keep the talking simple. In other words, when he does not cooperate, 3-5 words are all he will hear. i.e, please don't do that(whatever). Then, Mommy said please don't do that. Then, Mommy told you no,and you do it each and every time. Then he needs to be moved away from the situation to a safe place to deal with his consequence,whatever that may be. He may also be having some anxiety about separation,and frustration about not hearing or communicating well,and may need lots of extra love and positive reinforcements. Praise any small behavior that is good to the skies! Overload on extravagant praise, hugs and kisses when he does well. Above all, refrain from long sentences and too much talking, as right now he is not hearing all of it. I hope this helps, good luck and God bless.

You may find that his hearing problem is what is leading to a lot of his behavior issues. I know that I would be extremely frustrated. Instead of trying to discipline him right now expecially when he is throwing a tantrum is to tell him you understand and maybe even join in. I have actually done this even in the middle of the mall. My daughter throws herself on the floor kicking and screaming I tell her that I completely understand that your getting fed up here I think I am too can I join you and then I get down on the floor and stomp my feet right along side of her. Then I thank her and explain that getting out my frustration has made me feel a lot better. Then I ask Do you feel better too? Now lets find something else to do that will make us feel good. I get strange looks but then I get laughs as people see that she is now perfectly content and even happy about going on. Now that she feels that she has been heard and understood.

You may also seriously want to get a video on Sign Language this could allow you both another way to communicate This may curb his frustrations. There are many great baby sign videos out there right now.

I hope the operation does successfully restore your sons hearing.

Hi A. - My cousin is going through something similar, however they adopted their daughter from the Ukraine about a year ago. If you would like to check out her website or email her from her website, I am sure she might have some great wisdom for you... http://speakshermind.redmonk.net/
Her name is Jodi & my name is H.. Good luck!

Well maybe to give a little insite into the issue. My sister growing up had a vision problem, it made her very mean and angry and her behavior problems did not subside until she got glasses. So maybe once your son can hear better he might not be so frustrated. But after that, due to the fact that he is used to this behavior, you probably will still have to work with him. My daughter also went thru a difficut time when she was three, rather then responding but holding her down or paying attention to this behavior I would completely ignore it, forcing her to communicate it a better way. That really seemed to help. Or when I know she was really frustrated becasue she couldnt communicate with me I would just stop and hug her and tell her its going to be okay, and I uhderstand she is upset, and at time that really calmed her down. I also had a favorate activity that would be taken away with bad behavior which was also a bit more insentive to good behavior.
I hope some of these suggestions help. Good luck and hang in there, parenting is the most difficult job one could ever face!

First off, even though your son IS squirming, keep in mind that "time out" is a punishment and he's getting the benefit of having negative consequences. The behavior problems, however, are not likely due to discipline (or lack there-of). Think about how increadibly miffed at the world you would be if you were him. He's just old enough to have begun to truely communicate with the world, but he knows he's missing out on something. Life for a baby is hard (I know, toddler). If he's at daycare, think of all the times a day he must get "surprised" by other kids that, after talking to him, try to trade toys with him? Or a teacher that, after telling him no several times, has put him in time out. If he can't hear these things properly, it must seem to him that he is being picked on. And, to him, it must also seem as if there are jokes and games he is not being included in on purpose (Think about everyone speaking Russian and laughing. In your mind you think "Was that about me? What is so funny or fun, and why won't they tell me about it?"). Then he comes home cranky, quite unable to express it properly, and gets in more trouble. Now he thinks, "Great, they send me away for most of the day, and now they're picking on me, too." (Kids don't get "work"). What he needs is extra loving and snuggles, so that he knows he is still loved and thought of a special. If you have to dicipline him, give him a non-verbal warning such as waving a red flag in his line of sight. I know that sounds cliche, but it does work. Mostly, though - he needs to be loved on. :)

I too tried to inforce the stay put time out and then I saw on Super Nanny and she said to make a time out place and put them there, then walk away. My four year old will not be still in time out, so I just let her throw a fit and I ignore her. When the timer goes off we talk about what she did. IF you are reacting to or giving into his screaming then he is running the show. Have you taught him sign language? He may be very frustrated if he can't communicate with you. Hove you contacted anyone at the Phoenix Day School for the Deaf? I'm sure they would be a wealth of information for you.
I read the response where the therapist said to put the child in their room and hold the door shut...I had a baby sitter who did that to me and now I have claustrophobia. Seriously!

I can't give any advice based on personal experience (I don't even have a child yet). This is just an idea... have you tried asking some of the doctors that you may be working with for his hearing problem/surgery for advice/resouces to help deal with behavior combined with his hearing problem. They may be able to suggest resources that could give you information on disciplining techniques for hearing impaired children. Also, once you find something that works, I would pass that info. on to the caregivers at his child care facility.

My daughter is 2 years old. I've noticed when I don't spend as much time with her or we don't pay as much attention as we do. She starts screaming and sometimes she hits. I've been sick and she was upset. So I started playing with her and paying more attention to her. It worked, she is nice and we laughed and have fun together. Stop everything you are doing and play with him, it may help. One hour of your time can make the diference and they'll be happy and you too ;) Let us know if it works.. Sylvia

Have you thought about teaching your son sign language so you can communicate with him better? Small babies can learn to make basic signs even before they can speak. Maybe by your son learning some signs he can communicate more with you. Then you both would not get so frustrated.

I have met parents whose babies (8 months, 10 months) could sign when they were hungry, tired, whatever. One couple used a video from the baby einstein series.

Have you tried sign language? My three year old daughter is developmentally delayed and has slight hearing loss in her right ear. We do signs and speaking at the same time with her. What kind of therapy does he receive? What kind of surgery is he getting?

Hi A.!
I recommend Tara Wood with Xylem Family Resource.
www.xylemfamily.org
____@____.com
###-###-####
She has much experience with situations like yours and I'm sure she'd love to help.

Since we are just getting into the temper tantrum stage with our daughter, I can't offer a whole lot of advice from experience. I can suggest a book to read, "Making Children Mind without Losing Yours". My mom gave it to us as a baby shower gift and she gives this gift to everyone because it is a good book that works. My counsin was having similar problems with her daughter and used the principals in the book and things changed pretty quick. When her second child came along they were already use to using the pricipals suggested and didn't have to many problems.

Best of luck to you,

S.

With or without a hearing problem, using signs can help any communication between parent and young child. My daughter is two and a half and getting more and more verbal, but also, lately, more and more frustrated when she can't accomplish what she wants. So I introduced the sign for "frustrated" and re-emphasized the sign for "help." I don't know what kind of therapy/help your son gets from an SLP, but many therapists recommend the use of signs with young children and I have many take my classes to better incorporate the information in their practices. See http://www.sign2speak.com for more information.

With or without the use of signs, you will probably need extra patience with your son, which you've probably already cultivated! I'd also suggest coming up with a plan with your preschool. A consistent approach would benefit him most.

A., it is going to be very hard for your son to understand discipline if you are unable to communicate effectively with him. While a hearing child can understand why his toy gets taken away when he throws it, it seems from your message that your son is just getting confused and angry.

In fact, his inability to communicate with his parents may be part of the frustrations that are causing him to act up. I would suggest that you learn some simple sign language and teach it to him. He will be able to pick up on it very quickly and simple signs are easy for us parents to learn, too. I taught my son some signs when he was too young to talk to aid us in communicating so I am sure that your son would be able to learn and use them at age 3. At his age, he can probably learn 5 to 10 new signs a day with no problem. Just think, within a week, you could be having "conversations" with him. :-)

God bless you as you work through this challenge.

With the hearing problem, is likely coming frustrations. He can't communicate as he wants. Inside he knows what he wants to say or do but he cannot find a way to express himself. Patience, understanding and a very calm attitude from you will help. Children with any kind of a disability requires some different handling then your typical child.

Hi A.!!

I was forunate enough to have met a young woman who was deaf. From becoming friends with her, I found out the deaf community has "a chip on their shoulder" because they want to communicate with everyone, but they can't. From what she told me, I would assume the same is true with your son...he is probably frustrated that he can't communicate with you like he wants to. He doesn't know how else to communicate except for physically. Are you doing a cochlar implant? have you thought about teaching him sign language? I talk my boys sign language when they were babies before they could even taught. It was a great way for them to communicate with me since they couldn't say anything. I hope this helps! I am by no means an expert! My prayers are with you!Let me know how it goes!

blessings-J.