My Child Has Begun Hitting

Hi. I have a 21 mo old who went through the same phase. I did pretty much what you did and when talking to her tried to help her verbalized what I thought she was feeling. A daycare provider also suggested since she went throughva biting phase to tell her teeth are for food.
I don't know if what any of what I did helps but I have seen herveznt to hit/bite and Ctually pull back ( so I praise her for not doing it).
I also want to mention you may not want to use the bed for time out. Use a more neutral spot like a chair or the couch so he doesn't get confused and think when you put him to bed he had done something wrong.

C.,

Stay consistent, but you problaby should say less, rather than more. At this age, tell him what you WANT him to do rather than what you don't want. That is the stage they are in, and you will find better compliance. Instead of "don't hit" say, "gentle hands" or "nice touch" or what every you use to describe touching but not hitting.

M.

At 20 months, your child is too young for time outs to be effective methods of punishment, although they may be effective in calming him down. If you notice they have a calming effect, you may want to continue, but if they don't, there is no point. Most kids cannot really understand the cause and effect of a time out until they are about 2 years old. Also, do not ignore his hitting. Violence, unlike some other attention-getting behaviors from a child, should never be ignored. I would grab his hands, kneel down so that you are his level and can look him straight in the eye, and tell him with a strong, firm, serious (but not yelling) voice that you know he is angry/frustrated, etc., but he is NOT to hit you, that it hurts, and you will not tolerate it. If he is angry, he needs to tell you he is angry. Do this every time he hits you, without fail.

Then, watch him very carefully. The next time he gets angry with you or Daddy and doesn't hit, but rather uses words (even if he yells and cries), tell him how good he is, how proud you are that he used his words. If he is a visual sort of kid, you might even make some sort of rewards chart and give him a sticker every time he uses his words instead of his hands. After 5 stickers (or something), he gets a small 99 cent toy or something as a reward. Good luck.

If he raises his hand to hit, grab his arm and say, "NO!"
Immediately remove him to his time-out spot (not his bed, because you do not want a negative association with punishment) for 1 1/2 min.
Say, "You are in time out for hitting."
At the end of the time return to him.
Reiterate that he was there for hitting, then he must say "Sorry", then hugs and it is done.
If you can do this EVERY time, he will soon get the idea that this is not acceptable behavior.
This rule should be posted with your family rules too.

You hit the nail on the head when you said that he was frustrated. However, he can't express that, so he hits instead. You have to give him the words. Take his hands so he can't hit and tell him "Hitting hurts, don't hit Mommy. If you are mad, say I'm mad." When he learns to use his words to express his feelings, the hitting will stop. Model this also. When you are frustrated with him, look at him and say "I'm mad." Say it in a mad tone of voice. He will mimick your tone of voice, it will help him to get the frustration out. If he is angy at another child help him to say to the child, "I'm mad because you took my toy." If you spoon feed him the words, and he repeats them back it will empower him. He will feel in control of the situation even if it really isn't changing the situation. The expression of feelings will help to calm him down. At 18 months, he may not speak in complete sentences, but just "I'm mad, my toy" will help. More words and better discriptions, like "frustrated" will come with age. Good luck.

Almost every child goes through this when they get frustrated before they have the words to communicate their frustration. Children who sign (either because they are deaf or live with someone who is, or because they have learned early signs for communication) are about the only groups that sees less hitting.
You're right, he's too young for time out. It's certainly not going to hurt him, but you're wasting your time and his and probably just making him more frustrated. Don't confuse teaching discipline with giving punishment.
Use your words so he can learn how to as well.
"It hurts me when you hit. Next time tell me you are mad."
Then always have him apologize to whomever he's hit.

This equation works for almost everything.
"It ______ me when you _____."
OR
"It makes me _______ when you _____."
Please _______ next time instead."

You tell them how you feel using I/me statements and then give them an alternative to use.

"It makes me angry when you throw your spoon. Please tell me if you are finished next time instead of throwing your spoon on the floor."

What you want to be doing is setting up a communication pattern you can continue to use as they grow instead of hitting or yelling or using time out for everything every time they do something you don't like.

Good Luck:) The hitting will cease in time.

Keep up on the timeouts. I wouldn't use the bed though. I would use a naughty spot. We have started using the corner, but my daughter is almost 3. When he hits, grab his hands and say "We don't hit. It hurts Mommy." Then stick him on the naughty spot. It may take some time and lots of repition, but he'll eventually get it. Like you said, he's probably getting frustrated and can't express himself and that's why he's hitting. You can even say to him "I know you're mad, but we still can't hit!" Or give him another outlet for his frustration. Good luck!

My nephew went through a bad phase of hitting & biting out of frustration/anger at about this same age. My brother & his wife would tell him "use your words" to try to get him to say what he was feeling instead of acting it out. It took a while, and when he was out of control, they took hold of his hands (firmly but not in a punishing/hurtful way) and tell him hitting hurts and hurting it not nice, and to touch people gently. If he did it again, he did get timeouts. Once he started saying he was angry/frustrated/upset, the hitting/biting got less. And once he understood that talking helped fix some problems (he could let them know what he wanted, for example), that also helped.