Toddler Has Become a Terrible Two in a Mere Two Weeks!

I give a warning to my daughter. If she does it again, I give her a time two minute out. She then has to apologize for what she did. We talk about why she was in time out. Then she gives me a hug.
This has worked very well. I had ti give her time outs a lot in the beginning, but now after the warning she stops.

I have a 3 year old and we went through the similar issues. I just kept telling her when she calmed down that to get mommys attention she just had to take one little finger(I demonstrated for her) and tap my arm and say "excuse me mommy, excuse me mommy". I made it a silly thing when I told her and she does it now rather then hit me and it seems to avoid her getting up set and she gets so proud of herself when she does it the way I told her to. She says I did it I did it. We also make a huge deal out of it when she does it the right way so that she understands. I hope this helps.

ND

Our 27 month old has recently taken to hitting us when he gets frustrated. We put him in a time out when he does it. I really didn't think he would even get the concept of a "time out" at such a young age, but this passed weekend, he hit me and I said, "You are going in time-out for hitting Mom." He sat and cried for the 2 minutes and I went over there and said, "Jacob, look at Mom. Do you know why you are in time-out?" He cried, "Yea." I asked him why and he said, "Mama, hit." So, it seems he knew why. I asked him to say sorry to me and give me a hug and he did. The next night, in the bath, he raised his arm to hit me again and I said, "Jacob. Don't hit. What happens when you hit Mama?" He lowered his hand and said, "time out." and didn't hit me.

I almost died. I know for a fact that I don't think Jacob understands a lot of what we tell him, but you may be surprised what they pick up. Even with the speech delay - she may understand...you know?

If you don't feel you are ready for the time-outs - OR if you don't want to use that sort of discipline - I would suggest taking her little arm when she hits you and tell her. "No". Then, show her how to use "nice hands" or "gentle hands" or whatever. Maybe by actually showing her, she will realize it.

Good luck and you aren't alone in the terrible-two's. Our little guy is there RIGHT with your daughter. Oh, how fun. lol.

T.

Hi! Before I even finished reading your request I thought that your daughter is having a difficult time communicating that is why she is hitting and biting. Then I read that she has a speech delay. Ah hah! My nine year old has down syndrome and started early intervention and speech therapy around 4-6 months old. Does your speech therapist incorporate sign language? That really helped my daughter, in fact children can learn to sign before they can talk. Ask your therapist about this and sit in on the sessions or get a book so you can learn the signs too. They are easy and you can use sign at the same time you say the words so your daughter can learn them. My daughter used sign even after she could say the words, and she still uses sign (even though she can talk fine) because they use it in her classroom at school.

Now dealing with the hitting and biting. Have you tried a time out when she does this? Is there a certain situation that triggers the hitting or biting? Is she having trouble communicating so she hits, or does it happen no matter what? Tell her "do not hit me because that hurts". You may also ask her if she needs a hug or a snuggle. I have noticed that that helped my daughter get out of the grumpy mood she was in. Also since your daughter has trouble communicating, try and help her find the words she needs. Ask her how she is feeling, does she feel mad, sad, frustrated? There are some great communication boards with pictures that you can order at www.aimeesolutions.com. These are boards that my nine year old uses at school. They are also the picture boards that I talked about for your daughters bed time routine list with pictures last week. You can make your own, but check out the website for ideas. They are really great for kids that have a speech delay or have a problem with transitioning. I hope this helps you. Let me know if you have any questions!! L.

My 22 month old has also just started hitting and even kicking when I'm changing his diapers. I do what you do. I hold his arm and look him in the eye and say "No hitting". Sometimes I say "Hitting is naughty" or "We give love with our hands. Hitting hurts." But generally, I make it short and sweet. I'm told that it takes a LONG time for this to sink in, and like your daughter, it's obvious that he's doing this just for the reaction. Even when he smiles or laughs, I try not to get angry, look hurt, etc. I just say "No" and remove myself from his reach if he continues. It's really annoying, but hopefully he'll get it soon. I'd just continue to do what you're doing. Good luck!

Hi ND.
I'm S. from Lisle. Our son Roland showed same...speech delay and had early intervention...then the unprovoked agression started out of the blue. We thought it was behavioral due to frustrations from not speaking. Went thru an additional round of evaluations -- sensory integration disorder was discovered. Sensory data communicated to the brain is not processed properly. He has no sense of where his body is in space. But in the beginning - I was struck in the face ALOT. Time outs, time in his crib...and especially lack of my attention (good or bad) helped. As did occupational therapy which is helping build his space issues and not knowing his strength. Motor skills delays are associated as well. "THE OUT OF SYNC CHILD" is a good book and google the disorder. Good luck!

Hi -

You have too many long responses for me to review them and see if me small suggestions have been covered.

My little guy, exactly 2 1/2, started hitting me when he's angry. He DID see this behavior with a boy he spends time with.

Even though I also say "don't hit ... it hurts mommy ... not nice, etc., nothing works when he's upset.

I have used a two minute time-out more or less successfully. In addition, I use the discipline method of our wonderful pre-school: redirection. I am becoming a master of moving on to the next thing.

I like to kid myself that two year olds are little sociopaths as they learn about cause and effect and actually can be quite entertained when causing pain. I just don't expect a big ahah from him in terms of "getting it" all right now.

Most of the time this happens when I know what he is angry about. But frustration as they learn to communicate can be intense as one writer mentioned and I spend much time listening and affirming even when I don't completely get it.

Best of luck.

It can be really frustrating to deal with - and I imagine that the speech delays make it frustrating for her to try to communicate.

They say (and it worked for us) that the best response is to give them a positive direction rather than to say no. So instead of "no hitting," you would say "we touch gently" and then the first few times take her hand and stroke your arm. I used to also smile and make a big fuss about it at that point, "OH! It feels so nice when you touch gently!" Silly but it gets their attention.

many of the things others have posted, but sometimes, when my daughter hits me on purpose, I put myself into timeout for two minutes (when she's safe, like my husband is home). She misses me and wants to get back together with me, which she can do if she apologizes. I've done this twice and it helps me recover from the frustration (and yes, sometimes pain) that she is hitting AND she usually apologizes fairly soon afterwards. She hasn't done it again since.

When my dd went through that I tried the time outs and all that stuff. Nothing really worked because it did not get to the root of the problem. So once I decided why she was hitting, I would say, "I see you are angry/frustrated/excited/want some attention etc." then depending on the "why", suggest an appropriate alternative. "Give me a high five (this helps them release that urge to hit) Want a hug? Let's hit the pillow or drum, maybe stomp our feet because you are angry. "

Once I was able to get to the root of the problem and stopped just treating the symptom (with a timeout etc.), our communication got much better and I was less of a punching bag!

You could try reading 1,2,3 magic and see if you can use that with a short time out since she is over the age of 2. I think you can use any strategy as long as you are consistent and don't over react.

I think it is important to NOT say, "No hit". In my experience, kids don't get that...what they DO get is "NO" and then a redirection. With my own daughter, I would say, "NO" and then redirect her to something she COULD hit (pillow, drum, etc). As she gets older...I just give her something to do with her hands and tell her that "hands are not for hitting" (yarn, markers, etc).

I also wanted to add that it's important as parents to not "qualify" our statements when we talk to our children. Saying, "Get off the couch" is a demand...a statement. Saying, "Get off the couch, ok?" is a question...a request. Children ignore these. I've found that by replacing "Ok" with "do you understand" it made my statements/demands stick more. It sounded more like a demand and less like a request. To this day, as soon as my daughter hears a statement followed by "do you understand?" she realizes it's because I mean business.

I was going to suggest talking to the speech therapist, but it sounds like it could be other things, according to the response below me. FYI: age three is ever worse.

M.

I am anxious to get see your responses, because I am going through EXACTLY the same thing. My 20 month old is hitting me (and himself) and I don't know how to tackle it. Timeouts do not work whatsoever.

Try saying "NO Hitting...it hurt's Mommy", then put her in a time out for two minutes, she's plenty old enough, and she'll understand that she geta a consequence(eventuall) for hittig.

Have you tried time out. Make her sit in a corner or spot for a while, (this can take some time).
Do you do things with her,walks, reading a book,etc. She seems to want attention from you.
I had one of my daughter do this and she use to spit as well. I made it understood that I was not putting up with this in my house and I had her on time out alot for awhile but it works. I sat with her and asked her way she felt she had to do this and how if she wanted my attention all she had to do is tell me.Good Luck, it is hard stage.