Trying to Get a 15 Month Old Brestfeed Baby to Sleep in His Own Bed

There is no easy way to do this. You will basically have to go through a couple of sleepless nights. When he wakes up, sooth him, walk around, but DON'T feed him. The only way to get him to quit using you as a pacifier is to stop being one. I just had to do this with my little girl, and a good friend had to do this with her 11 month old who was waking up 2 or 3 times a night. I found that those nights that I didn't feed DD, but I got up with her, I really didn't lose any more sleep than when I fed her. Good luck.

My doctor told me that he should be able to sleep throught the night without a feeding by 1 year. Have you tried to let him cry it out? It sounds mean, but within a week he should be sleeping all night. It was with us. Hope you get some good sleep soon!

Hi, R.. Congratulations on the extended breastfeeding. Please pay no attention to the posts that the baby should be off the bottle or breast by a year. I think it's what's been ingrained in us in this culture. There are many, many, many cultures that breastfeed way past a year, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Here's an excerpt from an article I googled.
"The natural time of weaning will vary from child to child. In cultures where children are allowed to nurse as long as they want it has been found that natural weaning takes place between three and four years of age. Extended nursing seems to be the human norm. In this culture, we often see breastfeeding only as a means of providing optimal nutrition coupled with immunological protection. Breastfeeding provides much more than just nutrition. Toddlers really enjoy nursing -- they don't nurse for milk alone. Breastfeeding soothes your child. It comforts him when he is tired, sick or hurt. Nursing is your baby's way of touching base with you as he busily explores his world. Parents often worry that their child will become clingy and dependent if they are nursed for an extended period of time. Providing your little one with this loving and secure base actually helps him to become independent." There are many, many more such supporting articles out there as well, so don't feel pressure to stop if you're not ready. I nursed my almost 4 year old until she was 2, and I am still nursing my 17 month old. He does still wake a couple of times during the night for some soothing, but since we co-sleep it isn't an issue. My daughter was a night nurser, too, and I used some great tips from Elizabeth Pantley's "The No Cry Sleep Solution" to break her of those habits. It took longer than the 3 days that the "Cry It Out" proponents mention. However, it was just a week or two, with no crying it out either. Sometimes, the quickest solution isn't always the right one. Just go with what your heart is leading you to do, but I truly don't believe that letting a child cry it out is your only option. There are more gentle (albeit a little more time consuming) options out there. Good luck!

Here is a great article about night weaning that really helped me, http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp . Maybe after the night weaning then you can move on to the next issue of getting baby to sleep in a crib. I agree with the other mother...baby steps if you can't stand to hear the little one cry. Night wean, then getting baby to nap in the crib during the daytime, play in the nursery so baby isn't scared to be alone in that room, then separating baby to the crib at night. Do what you feel is right.

Most likely it is time to get him off of the breast and at the table for food and drink.
The human gets adjusted to their new surrounding and situations in 3 weeks. We also start getting rid of what ever we are dependent on in 3 days.

The breast milk is for children that cannot hold their own cup. I say give it up!
Bev

I would say time to let him cry it out, or pump during the day and let Daddy feed at night. I let my twins cry it out starting at about 3 months, that's when they're daddy left me, and its been a Godsend. They sleep all night now, except when they're having teething pains and just need like a 4 oz. bottle, some Tylenol and then they go right back down after maybe 5-10 minutes of rocking. *shrugs* Maybe that just works for me, lol, but let us know how it goes. And BTW, congratulations on breastfeeding this long. =)

R.,

I went through the same thing. The process of getting my little girl to sleep in her own bed was long, but painless. First I starting playing with her in her room, on her bed. I wanted her to know that her room and her bed were fun things. The next week I started putting her in her own bed if she fell asleep in the car. I slowly moved to putting her down for all of her naps in her own bed. Then one day I simply got fed up with her sleeping in my bed. I looked at her and with a "matter of fact" tone I said, "sweetie, mommy loves you, and I'm not mad. But this sleeping together thing just isn't working any more. Its time for you to be a big girl and sleep in your own bed." I took her to her bed, tucked her in, gave her a stuffed animal and a sippie cup, and that was it. We haven't had any problems since.

Hope this helps!

I have to say that I have never responded negatively or in direct contradiction to any poster's responses but I have to say that if my child were old enough to "crawl" over their father to get to the breast and they can actually understand that "babas went night night" then maybe they should be weened form the breast. This is not a judgement to those who breastfeed until their child is 2+ just a response to the creepy mental image that came with the description.
Really, there are SO many different schools of thought on the issue. My thought is that if my child has enough teeth to bite the breast or enough verbal skills to ask for the breast then he/she is too old for the breast. However, I realize many do not feel that way. I liked the idea of having dad put on night duty and taking the breast out of the equation for a while. All of the research I have read states that most children are able to sleep 6-8 hours, minimally, through the night by 6 months. Also, children are creatures of habituation so when your child cries at night and you consistently give him the breast, then he has learned that crying will get him the breast. You have to quit providing him that "reward" for lack of a better word and convince yourself that he will not starve by morning (I know it is hard bc everytime my little girl cries I want to be right there!). Whether you let him "cry it out" ( remember no child has been harmed through crying) or provide intermittent verbal/tactile soothing is up to you. Other things I have read is to create a nightly routine of a good (meaning healthy) feeding, crib time, and soothing music to get your child to understand when it is bedtime compared to other naptimes. With consistency on your part, your child will get it! Good luck to you!

I would try a special stuffed animal, cuddly animal that he would like to snuggle with. My Son has a Giraffe called Rah Rah. I would make this cuddly toy be just for sleeping with at night/naps. They have some neat ones where one of them you hear the heartbeat; there's one that is a turtle that lights up. I would try a sound machine with soothing sounds. The sounds are ocean waves, crickets/outdoor sounds, white noise, etc... We do that and also use music boxes and all these things help a lot.

Try this to get him to sleep all night. He should be sleeping all night by now. Just before bed time give him more food, cereal for instance to make him not get hungry before morning.
Is his bed in your room? if so, move it to his room. He is not sleeping sound, waking up to see if your are there and then all he knows is to nurse. I have had 3 boys.

What worked for us was moving our kids to their own rooms around 15 months, but putting them on a full-size mattress on the floor (one that has room for a PARENT to lie down comfortably with the baby). I spent a lot of time in the baby's room at first--playing with toys, getting him comfortable to the idea that his room was a fun place. Then I'd walk out for a bit while he played...later walk out and close the door...basically, gradually get him used to being alone and happy in his room. But I'll be honest--my first didn't sleep through on his own until he weaned at 20 months (and has been a SUPERB sleeper ever since!), and my still-occasionally-nursing 21-month-old still has one of us sleep next to her most of every night. It's different, but I can get more sleep next to her than I could hopping out of my bed when she needed to nurse 2-5 times a night. Now we're weaning, she's down to 1 or 2 bottles of gradually more watered down formula or milk, and the end is in sight. Hang in there--you'll find what you need. Just remember that this child's concept of trust is set by how you handle these early years...if you can let him take the lead for just a little longer, it could pay off in a much happier, more secure child in the long run. All the best to you!!

Hi R.! Good for you for BF this long. I BF my daughter until she was 2 years old. At 18 months, I had had it with the nightime "feedings", which had become using me for a pacifier (which she also refused to use). My husband and I decided that he would take her during the night, comfort her, offer her water (no other foods or drinks, not good for the teeth), sing to her, rock her, etc until such time that she was convinced it was over.

We only had a 1 bedroom apartment, so I moved out to the living room and slept on the sofa for 6 months until I was sure she was no longer waking at night. By then she was 2 yrs old, and I didn't want to continue daytime nursing much longer either, and three weeks after her second birthday, she had weaned herself completely.

I was a stay-at-home mother and she was my first child, so I really had "time" to be awake all night long, but I was exhausted. It just had to end. It wasn't easy, but we made it, and at 6.5 yrs old, she doesn't seem to have suffered any ill effects from those difficult nights.

Good luck to you!
S.

I weaned my son from night feedings before I made him sleep in his own bed. I would just rub his back and talk softly to him until he fell back asleep. It takes awhile, a week minimum, but eventually he realized at night he wasn't going to be nursed. At that age he didn't need it except for comfort at night. I also started rocking him to sleep instead of nursing him to sleep. Then once he was used to not nursing at night we started putting him in his own bed after rocking him to sleep. Then when he woke up I just patted his back like I did in our bed. It worked out well for us but takes a lot of patience and you have to be consistent. Also, every child is different so something else may work better for you. If he screams louder and you give in he'll think he just needs to scream even louder for you to give in again. Good luck!

I breastfed my twins 11 months and than my daughter 17 months--I had challenges--but all were beautifully healthy because I perservered.
To encourage you, I would say if baby felt like mom was nearby in crib there would be a calming down. Babies know our scents-how mom smells.Wear a soft white Tshirt for several feedings--than put it on a stuffed animal or small pillow(you can tie a knot and make it snug). After you've fed baby and are laying baby in crib say in a firm, comforting tone---'You are fine, its time to go to sleep-- maybe repeating it several times.They understand the tonal quality of your voice--not the words obviuosly. Then pat their back, put scented pillow or animal nearby--I put lullaby music on, sit and rocking chair a few minutes and quietly leave. It may take a week of this--Just know you've done a wonderful job--that's why you've become pacifier. You may have to get up a few times in the night until it changes. Possibly add extra solid food at dinner--to allow for growth spurts that cause babies to be hungrier at night.
Just a few thoughts--
My twins sons are 31, 6'2", 220 and had a big appetites but have grown into successful,healthy adults. My daughter will be 20 next week and taught me about what I've shared with you. I will say some prayers for you.
Be encourage mom:)
Roberta

I am SO not being a smart allic (sp) but put in ear plugs & take a tylenol PM! I had twins & asked their doctor the same question although they were only 4 months old but I really needed MY sleep as you do. This was not their doctor's answer but what I had to do along with his recommendation. I'm the type person who is skeptical. I wanted to prove what he told me to do wouldn't work. He's been a peditrician for 20 yrs. at a thriving office. He told me to let them cry it out. As a first time parent (age 41) & trying to have these kids thru 10 yrs. of infertility treatments, I didn't want them to CRY! I wanted to soothe them BUT he told me, "IF YOU LOVE THEM, YOU WILL ALLOW THEM TO LEARN TO SLEEP ON THEIR OWN". This is all it took for me to try his suggestions.

He promised me in only 3 nights they would be going to sleep on their own. The first night they screamed for over an hour. The second night they screamed for 40 minutes. The third night 20 minutes & WOOLAH! The next night, they fell to sleep on their own. WHAT A RELIEF FOR ALL OF US!

Now with your child being 15 mos. old, he's smarter than a 5 mos. old. He knows how to play you & when. Your task will be much harder but the theory will still work. Let him cry it out. Go in there & comfort him by patting him on the back, finding his blankie or stuffed animal or whatever.....(I know you are saying, ya right!)......but it did work.

Best of luck to you. BTW, my twins are 2 now & I still sleep w/ ear plugs & Tylenol PM (1/4 dosage). I can hear them when they cry but not when they make a tiny move or roll over or whimper.

OH! and YES, I did breastfeed my twins!
J.

R., I feel for you but as hard as it may be to do I would let him scream it out. I made that mistake with my first, and until I toughened up he would not go to sleep, but the only way he will learn to put himself to sleep is if he has to learn. There is no reason for you to be nursing in the night, most breastfed babies will sleep through the night by 3 months (night being 6-8 hrs) by 6 months I had my 2nd and 3rd sleeping 8-10hrs with out a feeding. The 1st couple times I let mine scream it out, I had to get in the shower so I wouldn't hear it, but it does work. I usually only takes 3 nights to break the habit.

R.,
I have a little snuggler. When he turned 11 months was when we switched him to food and got him off the breast. Our pedatrician encouraged it since he had his teeth and could eat. He was not a sound sleeper at night either. He is 8 now and still likes to snuggle with us. We had to lay down some very strict rules around the same time so I could function during the day. He responded well AFTER(that was hard for me and him) the first 2 weeks. It was hard but in the long run it empowered him to comfort himself now that he knew we were just down the hall.

Well, you may want to start giving him a sippy cup when he wakes up. That wouldn't be my first choice but it shouldn't hurt to try.

I do know that as long as you continue to give him what he wants when he screams, the cycle won't change. The only way to break him of it is to do just that, break him of it. You are going to have to stop. Sounds like he is using you as a pacifier, however, it's not going to be easy to break him.

well your situation is different than mine because I dont breast feed but the doctor told me to make my babys bottles more watery at night so he wont wake up wanting a bottle. All those calories he is getting is keeping him awake.

First I want to tell you how wonderful I think it is that you've kept breastfeeding!!! When my older son was 12 mos old I decided to night ween him. I kept a journal by my bed and noted the time when he would wake up, how long he would nurse for and the time he would fall back asleep. After 4 nights of keeping track (difficult, but worth it) I noticed a pattern. I also realized that it was getting to the point where my boy was waking up almost every one or two hours, nursing for all of 5 min and falling back asleep. This reassured me that we did indeed have a problem. So, my husband took over putting him to bed by lying down with him (we co-slept). Then the first night, I started out sleeping on the couch. When my son woke up to nurse the first time, my husband was there to sooth him. Yes, he cried, but he was being held and loved and soothed by someone he trusted, so it was ok. Then when he woke up the second time, I moved into the room and nursed him. The second night, my hubby took over for 2 "wake-ups." Then the 3rd wake-up was my signal to lay down with him and nurse. After a few nights of this, we got to where we were only nursing once and it was in the early morning, which I was comfortable with. After that point, whenever my son would wake up and want to nurse, I would tell him that it was night time and that "Daddy went night-night, mommy went night-night, Austin went night-night and chi-chi's went night-night ) that's what he called them). Anyway, that's how we dealt with that. Then, I had him start sleeping in a crib that I had converted into a toddler bed and we shoved it up against our bed, so we were right next to each other with just a low railing between us (like a co-sleeper bed). I could throw my arm over the railing and place my hand on him if needed. When he would try to get up I would tell him that it was time to sleep and I'd lay him back down. Then if he'd get right back up I'd simply say "Austin sleep" softly and then lay him back down. After that when he'd get up I wouldn't say a word but I'd just lay him back down. The first night I had to do this 26 times! But the next night I only went through it all 3 times. Once we had him sleeping in the toddler bed ok, we moved it against the wall so there was some distance between me in my bed and him in his bed. After a few weeks of that (and him learning to crawl out of the toddler bed in the middle of the night and walk around) we finally moved him in his crib into his own room (where I'd made it a point to play during the day so he felt comfortable in it). We spent about another 2 wks getting him to sleep ok by himself and I won't lie... often those nights included my husband or I sleeping on the floor next to his crib. But it all worked itself out eventually. And when I look back on it now it seemed to go by so fast. Sorry for the long response ;-) I wish you the best of luck!!!

M.

Im currently going through the same thing except my daughter is 14 months. Hopefully someone out there will have some great advice. All that I've gotten, is to stop breastfeeding and she will have to learn to like milk. She has never liked cows milk, formula or anything except water and breastmilk. I'm totally sleep deprived, so at least you know you are not alone.

have you watched Supernanny? she helps families desl with this all the time---and it works ! You have to put the child in bed - if they wake up - DON'T pick them up - pat their back and tell them it's time to sleep and walk out....sometimes it takes hours for the child to go back to sleep at the beginning but they eventually get it....do not get them out of bed. -don't feed him either. He is old enough to sleep through the night. You will have to listen to him crying for a few nights but it's ok - he's fine, just not liking the new rules

WOw still nursing at 15 months. I think babies need to be done with nursing or the bottle by 1 year. the longer they go the longer it takes. YOu do sound like a pacifier to me. Have you tried giving him a pacifier? 15 months seams a little old to be getting up wanting to nurse in the middle of the night. if he gets up i would give him an applesauce and some water from a cup. he could be hungry mine used to go through that and they would eat and applesauce and some water to rinse it off the teeth and back to bed they went.

I am a 33yr old mom of three kids 12, 6, and 3. I from their birth put them to bed at night in their crib and they slept from 7PM to 7Am. They did have feedings(breastfeeding) in the night but by 2-3 months were sleeping through the night.I unfortuneatly was unable to brest feed for a long period of time with any of my children. They were on bottles by three months because my production was to little to sustain.So I didn't have a baby attached to my body but they also didn't wake up for bottle feedings after 4 months or so.

I was given the best gift ever by my sister in-law. The book Baby wise. In this book it discussed healthy sleep patters for children and how to create them at any age

. He has learned that you respond when he cries. It will continue and possibly get worse if you continue to respond. In the book it talks about having a routine first and then sticking to it diligently. You have to put him in his crib at bed time. Lovingly tuck them in talk softly, play music whatever bedtime ritual you do to calm him do it and then turn out the lights and walk out. If you have not done this before he will more than likely cry. It takes about three nights to create a new bedtime ritual. If he cries(I know for a mom its torture) the book gives you clear guidelines to make it easy. You look at the clock when he starts, let him cry for 20 minutes without responding. You then go in and lay him down again if needed and tuck him in again lovingly(stay calm he will sense your anxiety)and leave again. It may take three times to do this but remember that if he is fed, dry, loved and not in pain HE WILL BE OK. My daughter we had to do this with at about 8 months because her sleep habits changed and we responded.(even though we had read the book,it is just natural to respond) What it created was a middle of the night play session for about two weeks. We decided this was becoming a bad habit that we could not keep up and use the technique. IF you can stick it out I assure you by the third night you will see a different child. It is basically the same thing that the Super Nanny does on her show.

Talk the plan through with your husband so he is on board. That way when you want to crack you have each other. Some parents just cant do it. I am not one of those parents. I used it from birth so I had few issues. I have recomended it to friends and those who could follow through have had great success. They say I can't believe she goes to bed all by herself now.

My children were so used to the routine that when we took them out of the crib at two years of age and into a twin bed they would not get out of bed when we put them in or get up on there own in the morning. They did not know it was an option because the routine they were in had always been the same. If it works for you don't make the mistake of telling them they can get up either. My children would call for us over the video monitor because we explained and showed them at two how it works.

The breast feeding issue is just something else you have to make a firm decision about and stick with it. He doesn't need it anymore(congrats on how long you were able to do it) it is just his pacifier or security blanket if you will. It is just a matter of creating new habits with him.

From the other responses I read you can either spend three days retraining the habits that have been set in place or reconfigure your sleep space,schedule,house,. It is only three days and it will work. Please whatever you do don't start giving him anything except water at night. It will just start another habit that you will have to break and as a former Dental assistant it is very bad for there teeth.

Let me know what happens.

Good Luck and God Bless
M.

Hi R.,
I don't know if this will help or not. My daughter is 14 months old and up until last week she was still breastfeeding twice a night also. (although she has always slept in her crib.) I finally decided to just let her cry it out for 1 of the feedings. I still went in there when she cried but I didn't breastfeed her. After 3-4 days she was only waking up once, to breastfeed. So then I let her cry out that one. Last night was the first night she slept through the night without breastfeeding. She woke up one time but went back to sleep pretty quick. It took about a week and 1/2 to get to this point. I have tried this in the past but this is the first time I stuck to it and didn't give in to nursing her and I think it finally worked. I still breast feed during the day. I don't know if this will help but at least you know someone else is out there with that age child going through this. Sorry I don't have advice about moving him to his crib! Good luck!

I don't have much advice for the sleeping issue, but I just wanted to say congratulations for nursing this long! I nursed my little girl until she was 20 months old, and she weaned herself. You are doing a wonderful thing for you and your baby, so keep it up! Good luck with getting your son to sleep through the night!

Congratulations on nursing this long. My son is 4yr and still nurses at night before he goes to bed. Don't listen to the ones that say stop. Nurse as long as you and your baby are comfortable. Don't let anyone pressure you in stopping before you and baby are ready to stop. I also agree with telling him that nurses (that is what my son calls them)are night night. Or telling him that it is not time to nurse (if you nurse on a schedule). Pacifiers did not work for me he took them but when he would nurse it hurt me (the sucking motion is different). So I took them away (he was a thumb sucker from day one, husband wanted him to have the pacifier and not the thumb). Have you thought about getting him in a toddler bed? Me personally I put my son to bed in my bed and when I go to bed I move him to his bed. If he wakes up I just tend to him. He will get use to being in his own bed. Just give him time. Good luck. And keep up the good nutritional value in breastfeeding your son.

Congrats on the extended nursing! There are a ton of benefits to both your and your child (check out www.kellymom.com for info). Sounds like your child already eats and drinks big kid food (as mine did) so that's a moot point. There are a LOT of misconceptions about extended nursing (and nursing in general). Just because your child turns a year doesn't mean your breast milk goes bad or becomes less nutritious for him.

Also, you don't have to let him "cry it out" especially if it doesn't work for you or you're not comfortable doing it. We went through this and did some night weaning. It didn't happen over night, and we did suffer a few set backs due to teething and illness. Yes, there were a few tears but not hours and hours of it either. DS finally weaned (more my decision) at 2 1/2 so night weaning doesn't necessarily mean the end of bfing. We didn't move him into his own bed until a bit later since night weaning helped a ton. Google "Jay Gordon" and "night weaning" for a really excellent how to article. It may (or may not) be too much to ask for him to night wean and move at the same time especially if there's teething involved; however, it may work for you. You will know best. I'd suggest putting a mattress on the floor for him beside your bed at first. Baby steps. It will also help if you can get Daddy involved to step in too. Elizabeth Pantley has a book -- No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. She deals with family bed, moving to own bed, extended nursing, etc and is a great resource too. Most libraries have the book.

Good luck!

He is a year past needing to wake up and feed for neccessity. Any baby would prefer to see mom every time he wakes up (which is normal for everyones sleep cycle). His need to hang with mom (and yours to hang out with him) is outweighed by the burden it puts on your other kids and the solid sleep that is required for their development (especially during school- they need a good rest). During spring break, tell your other kids the baby will cry at night and that it's ok. Let him cry it out & in 3 days he will be more rested, your other kids will not be disturbed, and you will be rested (which will make life better for everyone as well). You will feel awful hearing him cry, but it's not fair to the family otherwise & there is no reason for him to need you in the middle of the night (especially twice). He will be the same happy kid when he wakes up and won't even remember. In fact, he will be a happier, well rested kid. Good luck, I know it's hard- I have 3 as well.

I know it will be very difficult, but I agree you have to let him cry it out. I was my daughters pacifier she would wake up maybe nurse 2 to 3 minutes and go right back to sleep. I am a stay at home mom and told myself it was no big deal not like I have to get up and go anywhere in the morning. She was my only child at the time so why not. I went into her 4 month check up and the doctor said Do you want to feed her for next year during the night? I soon realized I had to stop. It was so difficult to hear her cry it out, but I did it and you can too. You could also try just bringing him a sippy cup of milk or water that might help.

As I look back when I was a stay at home Mom that was the happiest time of my life. The world speaks differently to reject this life style but I am excited to hear more and more younger mothers are staying at home to raise their children. This blessing doesn't come along everyday.

I've resently lose my parents, they were happily married for 61 years. They always said never to take each other for granted and they always believe in keeping the family together. The dinner table was our connection. We would share this meal and discuss whatever happened that day. Daddy was a retired Col and we moved many times during my school years.

I could go on but to your question. My Mother always told me, if the baby has been fed, is dry and nothing is sticking them. Then they are fine. I breasted feed both my children. I started feeling like a bottle with two legs. Some of my friends will use a breast pump to allow someone else to feed the baby once in awhile. But once you decide to make this move you can still hold your baby close to you while they feed. This gives them the security of closness. My son never liked the pacifier either. My dauther wouldn't give up the pacifier. As you know, each one is different with their own needs. They are very cleaver. My doctor made me leave my daughter alone while she cried in bed. I discovered I had spoiled her. Of course what my daughter could not see was me peeking through the door to be sure she was alright.

I'm sure you will get better answers than this one, but something pulled me to answer.

Blessings to you,

MK

R.,
I too deal with the same issue although my son will soon be turning 3. My son will go to bed in his own bed but will wake up in the middle of the night saying he misses me and needs me to "love" him by holding him in my bed. When he wakes up in the morning the first thing hhe wants to nurse. I too feel like a pacifer! My only advice is that I went through the same issue with his older brother (now 5) and he did grow out of it. Boys just seem to want a lot of time with Momma. We have set a date that when my son blows out his birthday candles, he will become too big boy to nurse. This worked with potty training at age 2 ... connecting a big event with doing something "big boy". I'm hopeful my pacifer days will end!