Trouble with 18 Mth. Old

Been there and I know the feeling of totoal frustration. I found that not using the word "no" and redirecting her without saying no sometimes helped. I had a bag of different toys that she may not have seen for awhile and would use the different items to distract her. There are times when it may be dangerous or distructive for her and then you will just have to remove her from the situation. I would send my daughter to her room (or take her) and would tell her that she would need to stay there until she felt better. "When you are ready you can come back" I also used a minte timer and would tell her if she was ready when the bell dinged she could come back. If she threw things and was really out of control I would remove everything from her crib and put her in for her own safety. The good news is that it eventually got better.

Blunt honest answer -- Time and patience.

She is at the age where the "terrible twos" raise their complex head. Her brain is growing at phenomenal rates - the biggest development since she was born - and sometimes she just doesn't know what to do with it all. Most kids (and their parents) go through this - the not liking "no", wanting their own way, and tantrums when they don't get what they want.

Like I said, her brain is growing and developing amazingly. She understands a lot more of what you are saying, and is beginning to understand that she is a separate entity and has her own desires, but she doesn't understand her emotions, and certainly doesn't have the language skills to explain what she wants. Which leads to lots of frustration on her part, and meltdowns.

First off, stay calm yourself. The more worked up you get about it, the more she will act out (any behavior you give attention to is likely to increase, what you ignore is likely to go away). Try to prevent unwanted behavior by catching her before it starts and distracting her to other things. If she is doing something she shouldn't, intervene, remove her, and try to distract her with something more desirable to you. She's really too young to understand time outs, and spanking will be more associated with the punisher than the misdeed.

Give her words to express herself. Say "I know you are unhappy about this" or "I can tell you're frustrated." She won't start using the words for awhile, but if you can say it for her it could help.

Kids are more likely to melt down when they are hungry or tired, so try to keep meals, snacks, and naps as consistent as possible. If you're going out, take a snack with in case you're gone longer than you expect.

Sometimes you just have to make sure she's in a safe location and then walk away. Let her scream for a bit. You don't have to let her hit people (or pets) or throw or break things, remove them from the situation. And sometimes you need to just hold her when she cries, hug her while keeping her from flailing around. (How do we tell when to do which? ... I'm afraid I can't answer that, just be calm and listen to your instincts)

And then you just have to wait it out. Some kids go through this stage really quickly (a few months), while others are there until past their 3rd birthday. I know that doesn't help you now, but knowing that it's normal and will pass should at list give you something to tell yourself when you have to walk away.

Its a phase and she's trying to get her way. Best thing to do is ignore her and she will stop eventually. Once you've said NO, make sure it remains as a no. If you give in once, it will continue the tantrums for an indefinite period.
If you find yourself in a public place and this occurs, politely carry your writhing child out to the car or some other area with a little privacy and let her finish it out. Don't talk, and if you do, talk very calmly and quietly.

welcome to the terrible 2s yes they do it before the age of two this too shall pass. sounds like when she is doing temper tantrums she needs to be put to bed for a nap. temper tantrums in my opinion and obvious mis behavior happens when they are tired. I say put her down for a nap every time she does it but make sure she isnt hungry first. mine gets this way when he is tired or hungry.

While I know it's frustrating, it's so very normal for that age. At 18 months, she barely has the capacity to predict consequences on her own and so just redirection and firm but loving words are the best way to go. I know many may disagree, but I think 18 months is too young for effective time-outs and spankings are simply confusing at this age (or in my opinion any age) because she can't differentiate between when it's ok to hit or not. With my kids, if redirection didn't work at this age, I would warn them of a very simple consequence, e.g. "if you don't stop fussing and put that down, mommy is going to take your bear away." This approach seemed to do the trick and there is almost no yelling at our house. Good luck! It gets easier!

i had the same problem with mine not too long ago. When she starts, put her in her room, dont close the door but rather put a gate up in the doorway ( that way u can check on her w/out her knowing, to see what she is doin) and tell her she is trouble for acting out and that she cant come out until she calms down. i did this with mine and she got over it pretty quickly.

Good luck

Hi K., a very good website for parenting advice of this type is www.ahaparenting.com I have learned a great deal from Dr. Laura markham's daily newsletters.
HTH. J.

First of all, stick to your guns! It's hard now, but it'll be so much easier later (that way she'll learn that throwing a tantrum won't get her what she wants). My cousin (who is 21 now) threw HORRIBLE tantrums. My aunt moved him to a safe place so he wouldn't get hurt. If she was unable to move him, she'd move what she could (kitchen table, chairs, etc.) & step away from him ~ She'd watch without letting him know she was watching ~ to make sure he was safe. He eventually learned that a tantrum would not get him what he wanted & learned to respond to redirection. He is a fine young man now! :o)
Good luck!

Thank you for reminding us that time-outs and spankings
do not work with this age child.
Despite all evidence to the contrary
some parents keep trying these things,
imagining that they will change a child's behavior.

Whatever you are presenting to her AFTER her behavior
has no effect on her behavior.
She makes no connection in her mind
with what she did and what you followed up with.

So, no matter how she responds to the time-out or the spanking,
she will not remember this the next time.
The behavior will continue until and unless
you learn to suppress or redirect the behavior
BEFORE it happens or while it happens.

Good luck, mom!

My personal feelings about hitting children aside, you won't find any spanking advocate who says hitting an 18-month-old works. So please stop hitting your daughter. It only leads to MORE physical outbursts from her, not fewer. She's not old enough to understand why you've hit her.
Same goes for time-outs. She's too young, most people agree that a child only starts to understand time-outs around 2 years old.

The only real way to deal with it is 1) ignore it and 2) redirect her. Try reading the book "Adventures in Gentle Discipline". It will give you the tools to deal with many different issues at different ages. The key is consistency so she knows the consequence for acting out.

Just remember that her behavior is totally age appropriate. So instead of punishing her for acting her age (especially in ways that she isn't old enough to understand) learn how to deal with her actions in a constructive way and guide her in a way that she can learn to express herself with words instead of actions.

Instead of saying "no" and leaving it at that, tell her what the right thing is. Instead of "no throwing toys" tell her "please keep your toys on the floor". And give her choices as much as possible so she can't tell YOU no. "Do you want to brush teeth or put on PJs first?" works much better than "it's time to put on PJs". It gives a young child a sense of control that they lack.