Toddler Can Stop Hitting

Hi Nory,

My son is going through the same thing. I agree with the time out method. It takes a little time but if you are consistant he will eventually get it. The only thing I want to add is to find out why he is hitting. It is probably just to discover cause and effect. I noticed that my son will also do it if he is frustrated, so when I go over to him after time out, I teach him the right way to take out his frustration.
Good Luck
K.

Put the child into time out. When you do this you keep an eye on your child but the child becomes invisible. You do not act as though you see him nor do you hear him in time out. He will soon learn that this is not the attention that he wants to receive. At this age, time out sessions need to be kept to one to two minutes maxium. You can always extend it as he gets older or as needed. Children act out for many reasons. This is one way of receiving your attention even when your attention is needed in another area. He will soon tire of not getting the attention that he is currently seeking. Once this fails him he will move on to other methods. This works for many behaviors that you wish to change. Good luck.

Dear Mommy,

You said you have tried everything, have you tried popping him on his hand and then saying do not hit mommy. It seems today that parents are totally against spanking their kids but when trying to reason with them does not work then you need to take the necessary steps to correct him before he gets older. The bible says spare the rod spoil the child. If he is only 20 months and is hitting you with objects it can only get worst as he gets older. Good luck with your little one.

Nory,

One option: Take the little hand that he is hitting with and pop it and say to him, "No, No" immediately after he hits.
At his age you cannot explain anything and he won't really understand time out.
Another option: When he hits, take his hand and hold it firmly with both of your hands and look at his hand and say "No, No, no hitting" immediately after he hits. Also look him in the eyes with a very serious look (i.e. "the look").
Then, after either option, show him how to gently touch you and then say, "Very nice, very gentle, good!"
Take Care,
T. (mom of 4)

Nory,

Your parents were correct ~ Yelling doesn't get you anywhere and breaks down communication.
First, I want you to know that I don't think this is an abnormal thing for children as my son went through this faze and since he did not attend daycare I know he didn't get it from other kids.

What worked for me was time out and/or a spanking (sometimes time out wouldn't faze him as he would do again so you find another method but if spanking is not for you then find another way). It took a few days but he eventually started to puzzle together that when he hit he was in trouble and since he didn't like being in trouble he stopped hitting.

Best wishes to you and yours.

Nory,
I had the same issue years ago. I used "time out".
We had a time out chair in the corner of the kitchen. I used the one minute per year of child method. So I would do about 2 minutes for your little one. It's hard, and you have to be consistent. They learn, eventually.
C.
work at home mom of 2

He is not too young for time out, but you have to use it properly or don't bother. When he hits, take his hands and get to his eye level and firmly and seriously (without shouting) say what you have already said (like "no hitting-that hurts mommy")but then add, "If you hit again you will go in time out." Of course the first time you say it he will have no idea what that means, so chances are he will test you. When he hits again, immediatley PICK HIM UP, let him know that he has to sit in time out because he hurt you. Then plop him in a spot where you can see him but he is away from the main action of the family (like the end of a hallway or just around the corner from the living room a corner of the kitchen or whatever). Some people use a time out chair, but I have found that a "spot" on the floor works best so that way if they want to throw themselves down and have a little fit they won't get hurt. Walk away. If he moves from the spot, only say ONCE, "You have to stay in time out because you hurt mommy." If he gets up again, keep picking him up and putting him in the spot over and over again WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO HIM until he stays. If he is crying, that's fine. As soon as he stays there and starts to calm down (just a minute or 2), go back over to him. While he is still in the spot, get eye level with him and calmly but firmly explain that he will have to sit in time out when he hurts mommy. Depending on how strong willed your son is, this method should eventually start working. No, it will not be a miracle and make him never hit you again after just the first time. You will have to be consistant and do this several times so he makes the connection that EVERY time he hits there will be the same consequence. Eventually, when you catch him lifting something like his sippy cup like he is going to hit you, all you have to do is remind him that if he hits and hurts mommy he will have to sit in time out. In order for time out to work, you have to be consistant with using it, use it the same way every time, and DO NOT speak with him or give him any attention while he is sitting there. That last part is pretty important. It's so easy to keep talking to him and remind him to stay there or whatever, but that completely blows the point of him being there if you give him any attention at all while he is there. I'd also have him tell mommy sorry and/or give you a hug.

Hi Nori,

He may or may not be too young for time out, as you can tell by the conflicting advice from others. Some kids don't really "get" it when you give them time out before two. However, others do. My 21 month old son has been getting time outs for hitting for about 1 1/2 months, and he seems to understand. It is important to tell him what he has done wrong after (while you get down to his level and have him look you in the eyes) and ask him to apologize. Our son doesn't understand the apologizing part, but the misbehavior stops immediately after the time out and he sits on his naughty mat until we go over to get him. I figure he'll get the apology when he gets it... the important part is that he is learning that whatever he is doing is unacceptable to mom or dad.

Yelling or spanking do not solve anything, in my opinion, other than teaching your child that he should fear you. How silly (not to mention hypocritical) it is to teach a child not to hit by hitting him, and I do think they're capable of understanding the hypocracy in that! Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychological Association recommend finding another kind of punishment other than spanking, and even feel that spanking increases the child's chance of using physical aggression (source:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanking). Certainly any parent who makes the effort is capable of disciplining their child without the use of corporal punishment. No offense meant to others, just my two cents!

Have you tried this?

Get on the eye level of child. (so you will need to bend down or get on your knees). Take both of his hands and say "No Hitting" or simply "no" every time he tries to hit you.

Make the tone of your voice deeper or more stern, if you get to high pitched or sound like normal then he may think you are "playing" with him.

Also, realize that it may get worse before it gets better. Because he could escalate the behavior.

Doing time out for this will help too. If he is talking well ... you can get him to verbalize why you put him on the naughty mat for timeout.

We did the "eye level/say no" method with our daughter when she was a year or so old ... to keep her from touching things on a table/tv button/vcr-dvd buttons...and it worked like a charm.

We never had to remove anything from her path. She learned to NOT touch it. At time I would have to be right there at her eye level and say "no"/remove her hand for up to 10 minutes to make it sink in. People were amazed that she didn't "plunder" thru their house when we visited and that she didn't touch things on tables.

MY SON WAS A BITER; I GOT THE OTHER KIDS TO GETHER AND EXPLAINED HOW TO BITE BACK (LIGHTLY) HE STOPPED BITING IN LESS THAN A WEEK. Ii'D TAKE ANYTHING HR HITS WITH AND LIGHTLY HIT BACK, THEN PUT THE OBJECT AWAY. tHIS IS NOT MEANT TO BEAT THE TELL OUT OF KID BUT TOLET HIM KNOW IT HURTS.

this is a VERY common problem for your son at his age. It sounds like your doing the right thing.....and not yelling is good too. It doesn't help. You can do time-outs everytime he hits at his age you can do time out for 1 1/2 to 2 min. at a time.

Hi Nory,

I think you are doing everything right. You just need to stay your course.

And by all means, do not model UNDESIREABLE behavior by hitting back. While it may work in the short term to get your child to stop, it will leave long-term ramifications. Kids need to learn to behave with good manners because it is the right thing to do--not because they are afraid of the consequences.

Kids learn what is acceptable by watching others, especially their parents. You cannot teach a child not to do something by basically saying, "You are not supposed to hit, but I'm going to hit you to teach you not to hit." Sorry, but I don't think the authors of the Bible were educated in Early Childhood Development. If hitting is not okay, then it should never be okay, no matter who is doing it.

Unfortunately, toddlers are going to hit. Some more than others. And, you don't have to resort to punitive action, either. . It takes over 100 times for a toddler to actually "program" a message into his head.

Just stick to your course of action (I.e. saying, "Hitting is not okay with me. Hitting is hurtful and you are not allowed to touch my body that way." And then gently take the object away or gently grab his hands and model the type of behavior that you would like. For example, use his hand to stroke your arm gently and say, "This is the way you CAN use your hands to touch my body."

It is always best to redirect to positive behaviors. If he's using a sippy cup to hit, just remind him that cups are not for hitting, but they ARE for drinking. I used to tell my daughter (now 2 1/2) that hands are not for hitting and then I would ask her to tell me other ways she can positively use her hands (for clapping, for waving, etc.).

For the record, my daughter still hits from time to time, even though her language skills are fantastic. I just still remind her that hands are not for hitting and hitting hurts.

It's tough being a toddler--It's good to be reminded of that from time to time.

As for the patience thing, I started saying to my daughter: "Let's both relax and take a deep breath and count to ten" Her teacher at school actually saw her saying that to her friends one day. They DO listen!

if you have time to read, I highly recommend the book Kids are Worth It! by Barbara Coloroso. I also recommend, Positive Discipline by Dr. Jane Nelsen. They have been invaluable to me in my quest for a positive parenting experience.

Best of luck to you! You are NOT alone!!

have you tried time out.

I had one that hit and one that would bite. So if you hit you sit. Every time. No matter where you are. Be consistent and it will get better. Good luck.

I did a lot of the things you have received and they didn't work for me. So here's what I did.

When my son would hit me I would start to cry and say "Stephen hit me, I hurt." At first they don't know what to make of it but after a few times of that then they start to cry with you. I finally got my son to the point where he would tell me sorry and rub my head. I had he broke of the hitting before he was 2 yr. this way.

My son is a little on the sensitive side anyways so I thought why not.

Good luck this is a tough one to break at times. I still have a few times that he hits me again.