A Hitting 10 Mth Old

She doesn't understnad at this point...she is becoming a toddler...and a toddlers's job is to test their boundaries. Soyou should keep telling her no...or if possible prevent it from happening in the first place, but she will try it again and again and again...she is learing her boundaries! As far as getting into stuff...well...try to have one area that is hers and hers alone...nothing is off limits...that way you will have a safe place for her and she won't have to hear the word no... If you are visiting other people...try to take some toys...or ask them if there is something they don't mind her playing with...coasters...etc...she just sees all these new things and wants to try at least one out!

Hitting her back will not help. Violence promotes violence. You must get a playpen. Explain a rule and when she breaks it she gets a timeout. Don't get angry just put her gently in the playpen for a minute. After it's over, explain what she did wrong and ask for a hug. Because she is young you will have to do this many times for the same problem. It will eventually be much more effective than spanking. This is the part of parenthood that's really tough.

think about this, you are hitting her to get her to stop hitting.... doesnt make much since does it? if you see her getting ready to do it and catch her arm and firmly say no and let it go. also try getting up and just walking away she will see that its not getting a reaction and be done with it. 10 months is still pretty young so be easy with her. P.s. almost every baby does this at some point!

Babies understand "no" quite early, but 11 months old is a bit too early for her to understand punishments/consequences of her actions, like spankings or time outs. My son would just laugh at me and touch the object again if I gave him a slap on the hand, so I finally asked the pediatrician. The Dr. said that around 18 months is a better age to start formal discipline as they will understand it better. For now, she will explore everything, and you'll just have to either babyproof her surroundings or stay on your toes.

The hitting is a game to her right now. She is probably easily distracted still, so I'd just try to distract her with another game. Also, if you don't react at all to the hitting, she will probably stop because it won't be fun anymore. My son also went through this one with pinching - he pinched my arm once and I yelped in surprise, so then it became a game. I had to stop reacting before he would stop doing it.

Hope this helps.

A 10 month old is not hateful. She is exploring and learning, she does not know that she is hurting you. When she hits and you react with "owww, stop it!" she is getting a reaction from you and probably thinks it's a game and thinks it's funny. Nicely tell her that we don't hit and redirect her hands. Babies learn by exploring, touching, putting things in their mouth, that's what they do. I have a nine month old who is also getting into everything. Your best bet is to baby proof, baby proof, baby proof! Give her a safe environment where she can explore. For example, in my kitchen all the cabinets have baby locks except the cabinet with all the tupperware and plastic things. I intentionally left locks off that one and allow him to play in that cabinet while I'm in the kitchen. If you are in a home that is not baby proofed, gently remove her from the items she should not be touching and redirect her to something she can touch. Make sure to bring some of her toys with you. Please don't get angry or upset with her, she's just a baby and everything is new and exciting to her. I know it's tough, but this stage will pass and you'll be on to something else! :-) Good luck!

It is perfectly ok for you to pop her on the hand. And with a stern NO and if you're holding her put her down. She will eventually get the connection. I can't stand it when I see parents allowing their children to hit them. She knows what she's doing. Hard to believe that someone that young & sweet can, but they do.

There is a book out there called To Train a Child by Michael and D. Pearl. Now some people have issues with their training, but I think their ideas are good. You can always adapt it for your daughter. But they have had great success in training little ones, like your daughter, to not touch things or to behave (not hitting for example).

I don't know that she is willfully crawling to get these things as much as it's pretty, new and I want it now. But I believe she can be taught not to touch those things. Check out the book and see what you think. Some like it some don't.

Best of luck.

I agree with the other posters who say she isn't being hateful and doesn't understand and that this is just a developmental phase of exploring. Check with your pediatrician for more guidance if you trust him or her.

Forget the calm voice! I would say "ouch!" in your best angry voice (appropriate for 10mo, that is!), then say "No hitting" in a firm/sturn voice and go for the 'cold shoulder' for about 15-20 seconds. Don't do ANYTHING that rewards her for the behavior, like holding her, talking to her more. 15-20 seconds is about all a 10mo can take, though.

With regards to grabbing stuff at family and friends, it is VERY typical of her age. Unfortunately, I remember the days when i wished I could 'babyproof' others homes b/c they just don't realize how much stuff is out there to get into when they don't have a 10mo of their own. Trust me, by the time your DD is 3yo, you will have forgotten, too!!

I am not against corporal punishment, but at 10mo, I don't think she understands the different between what you are doing when you are unhappy (smacking her hand) and why it is not OK for her to do it when she is unhappy. Save the bottom-pops for a year or two...trust me, you will use them!

She doesn't know what she is doing... which is why she needs to learn. The "negative consequence" she gets needs to be something that suits her personality -- some kids will be heartbroken by being put down, while others won't care. Right now, she thinks it's a game ["Oh, I can get mommy to say 'Owww'... whatever that means -- it's a funny sound... whenever I hit her in the face"], so I think it is entirely appropriate to let her know that hitting hurts and/or is inappropriate, whether that's by popping or thumping her hand (so that she knows that "ow" means "it hurts") or by some other method.

As far as being "into everything" -- normal baby stuff! *BUT* she does need to learn her boundaries. You can do this by making sure everything she can reach is okay for her to touch, or by making sure she understands that some things are no-no. Or a combination of both. Obviously, anything she could mess up or hurt herself on should go away until she knows her boundaries. My SIL trained her child to learn what "no" meant by having some object (a magazine holder, I think in her case) be a no-no. She pointed it out to her and said, "No-no!" and every time the girl got close, repeated "no-no", and "don't touch" and if she touched it, they popped her hand. Pretty soon, she learned that "no" meant "no" and she was much easier to deal with.

The only thing I could suggest is that everytime she does something like you described you remove her from your presence. Whether she understands what she is doing (which I totally believe kids even at this age understand or are beginning to undertand cause & effect) fully, she will understand that everytime she does this she is picked up and taken to another room without anyone in it, she will stop. Once she realizes that this behavior causes her to be alone she'll get it and stop.
Make sure the room is a safe place and not her own room because she will start to associate her room as being bad. Try a corner in the kitchen or some place safe. Say "NO" when she does it, pick her up and take her into the other room. Let her cry, let her get mad....you can hear her and she'll be fine and then she'll learn.

Popping her hand acutally re-inforces the bad behavior. A ten mo old cannot understand why they cant do what you are doing. She will actually copy you more. I'm guilty of popping my son's hand too, but I could see that it did not work. Mine started right about 10 mos too. I dont really agree that they are doing it to "play", at least mine wasnt playing. But he seemed to do it out of frustration. He wanted something, or wanted to do something that he couldnt have or do yet. But it's not a hateful thing, just a baby trying to express frustration. Mine always hit when I was holding him, so I would grab his hand when he pulled back to hit, hold it firmly, say "no hitting" firmly, and let it go. If he hit anyways, then I would put him down in the corner. Just putting him down was enough punishment. I would walk away from him, and when he crawled to me crying, I would pick him up and say "no hitting mommy, be soft". Then I would show him how to pet softly. That usually worked fine. And fortunately, this phase won't last forever, she'll grow out of it in no time really. She'll learn better ways to express herself if she doesnt see hitting as a good way to get attention.

For discipline at this age, all the experts say that re-directing their attention to something else works best. For getting into stuff, you don't want to make her a timid child, just give her something else she IS allowed to play with. My parents' house is completely un-babyproofed, so we do a lot of redirecting over there. My purse is a bottomless pit of stuff to hold his attention, and I do give him things of theirs to play with that are safe for him.

Popping her hand doesn't reinforce the message you're trying to convey: don't hit. The firm voice or the 'mini time out' worked for my son during that age for hair pulling. Everytime he did it I pulled his hand away, said 'no pull hair' and sat him on the floor. It took 2-4 weeks to get it to stop. Hitting seems harder though, my son has started flailing around when he's excited and taking me and my husband out. But I think it should still work. Say 'No hitting' and move away or sit her down. Discipline can start very early, 18 may be the cause and effect phase, but babies much younger than yours do respond to commands and learn phrases and voice inflections. Like my son would pause his actions when he was your daughter's age when I would say 'be careful' in a concerned voice.

Personally I don't agree with slapping her hand for slapping you. I think it sends the wrong message that hitting IS okay. That said at 10 months you really don't have a ton of "discipline" techniques to use. When my daughter was younger and would hit we would tell her "No, that hurts people. We touch people soft" and then take her hand and gently rub it over our face/hands/whatever and then use our hands to gently rub her face. That way you are telling her that the hitting behavior is not acceptable but also giving her an appropriate alternative.

As far as getting into stuff...wait til she starts walking! :) Again, I'm not big on the hand slapping for things like this. I don't mind a quick pop on the hand for something that is dangerous but I only use it if I need her attention immediately because she is in danger. I'd try and get to her before she gets into whatever she isn't supposed to be into (I know, this makes it really hard to have an actual conversation with someone) and then redirect her to something she can have. A simple "No, we don't play with that. But come look at this!" worked well for us over time. You are again telling what behavior is not okay and giving an acceptable alternative. You have to be patient though because it takes time, repetition and consistency.

Also keep in mind that little kids are testing their boundaries and make bad decisions. Heck, I'm 27 and there are things I know I shouldn't do but I do them anyways. At less than a year I would definitely expect your daughter to do things she knows she shouldn't do.

Good luck!

You will have problems with them doing things they know they shouldn't for a long time to come. First, know it's not personal. They are testing you to see if you will be consistant.

What ever method you deside to do be consistant with it. My daughters would always yank the little baby hairs on the back of my neck when i would pick them up. I would gently put my thumb in the middle of their hand give a gentle squeeze and say NO. If they did it again, I would do it again. The third time I would say if you can't stop I have to put you down and I would follow through. This used to make them so mad, but the learned that mommy always gives two warning and the third warning had a punishment with it. If I show them 2 fingers from across a crowded room they straighten right up.

When she slaps or hits, I would tell her "no hitting" in a calm voice and then put her in her crib or her playpen and leave the room. Just leave her there alone for a minute. The separation from you should be enough to break her of the habit. That worked for my son although he was a little older when he started hitting. He learned fast that if he wants to play with mommy and daddy, don't hit. She might enjoy the excitement of hearing you say owww, no, stop it. She might just be hitting to get an excited reaction from you.

As far as her grabbing things when she visits friends or family, she is curious about these new things. Are you trying to teach her not to be inquisitive? If so, then I guess, you should could try to stop her inquisitive, curious behavior-although I'm not sure how.

But I consider curiousity to be a good trait and wouldn't want to stop my children from experiencing new things so I usually ask if I may touch whatever it is that my child wants to look at. If my friend or family member says yes, then I would hold the object and let my child look at it and maybe feel it while I hold it so I can be careful not to drop or break it. I would tell my child what it is, the color, what it feels like, what it does, etc. She is just trying to learn and experience the world, so why not let her do it in a safe way.

Good luck. I hope my advice helps.

Popping her hand is just doing the same thing to her that she is doing to you. She cannot differentiate at this age. Time out! 1 minute is the longest in a babies life when they have to sit still. As soon as she does it say "no hit" and tell her she will sit in time out if she does it again. When she does it again... gently pick her up and take her to a place/chair/sofa/corner and sit her down, tell her to stay there for 1 minute and why she is there. When she cries stay with her but keeping her sitting/staying and calmly explain that you love her and that she cannot hit. She won't really get all the words but after a few times she will get the connection. This is what worked for us. Although, now at 18 months we are going through a throwing phase... the fun never ends..LOL. Good luck.

C., you need to start ignoring your 10 month's bad behavior. Your child is receiving mixed messages by letting her know that it's not ok for her to hit but you can hit her. Let her know that it is wrong to hit and that
hands are made to hug and hold not for hitting. You need to stop it now while it is easy to correct mistakes. Another advise is to be consistent with positive behavior. Praise her for making the right decision. If you correct these behaviors now you will have less problems when she gets older. I work with 2-3 yrs olds and have had lots of practice. See if this will work with your 10 month old. Your child at this age is curious about things so of course she will get into things. She is beginning to test her limits. Redirect her by giving her something different or take her away from the situation. It takes patience but it will all be worth it in the long run. Best wishes to parenthood!

A 10 mth old is still to young to understand hitting is bad expecially when you are hitting her. If you don't want her to hit, you shouldn't teach her to hit. Put her in time out every time she hits! Say no.that's not nice to hit put her in timeout in her crib for 1 min. And before you take her out tell her she has to say sorry. If she doesn't talk have it be with a hug and a kiss. She thinks its a game is she smiles at you when you tell her no. Its confusing to her that you tell her no hitting but then you hit her, you know? Hope that was helpful. Good luck!

First of all your daughter is not being "hateful" to you and her father. Everything you described is normal 10 month old behavior. She is just playing. If you hit her back the message she will learn is that people who love you hit you and you will never be able to stop that behavior.

As for getting into things that you don't want her to get into, it is time to "child proof" your home. Put those things away until she is old enough to understand that she cannot play with them. She will be school age before she understands not to get into things. Request that friends and family whose home she visits "child proof" their homes too so that you don't spend the whole time you are there telling her, "No."

I would encourage you to get a book on child development. Your expectations for your child are unrealistic for her developmental age. It might also help to take a parenting class and learn great ways to discipline your child at each developmental stage. Good luck with your little one!

I have popped my son's hand when he has hit me... but instead of saying owwww and then no, I pop the hand then hold it and say "that hurts mommy, dont do it"

After a little while he finally got it.

As for the grabbing things, this will continue until he is a teenager :) I have a very young son but I have helped raise kids and I have learned you pretty much have to baby proof your house and where ever you plan on being on a regular basis. If you dont then be prepared to either (1) drag a play pen around or (2) follow her around and take things away and say "no"

Good luck!

Hey C., Your daughter does things to learn what the reaction is. Some things they do for attention, some because they are babies, and some because she knows already what the reaction is.

I don't suggest you pop her hand. You are teaching her that hitting is ok, and that you can hit, but she can't? Try saying, "That hurts mommy/daddy," and pushing her hand away. If it continues, put her down if possible and walk away for a minute. Come back to her and tell her "nice touches," as you make her hand stroke your arm , face, hand, ect...This will teach her an appropriate way of touch. You can help by saying, "mommy likes that," or "that feels nice." She will learn that she doesn't have to be mean to hold your attention.

10-month-olds are not purposely "hateful" in my opinion. I would not hit her back--this just shows that hitting is acceptable when one is angry or upset. I know it's super frustrating keeping a crawler out of things, but this is developmentally appropriate for babies to explore their worlds. They're not trying to be bad; they're just curious! You do have to "shadow" them. For the hitting, you could try a short time out, maybe 30 seconds, or just stop playing with her. If she sees that you won't talk to or play with her if she's hitting, she'll eventually change her behavior to get you back to her.

First of all, your ten month old is not behaving out of hate or any other negative emotion at this age. She is learning how to use her body, and she has no concept whatsoever of the difference between hitting with all her might and gently patting something. While an adult slapping you (or a ten year old) would be done out of hate, anger, or as an insult, for your ten month old, it is a game consisting of "touching" mom and dad and seeing a reaction from them. To her "owww" does not register as "I'm hurt", it is simply a sound you are making in response to her well intended slaps.

I would seriously recommend that you adults who are dealing with her ask the pediatrician for recommendations on some literature (books or pamphlets) that describe normal child development and how to cope with unwanted behaviors in a child who is too young to comprehend and/or fully control right and wrong behavior. This is really just the beginning for your daughter, and I think you will find that your frustration will be much less if you understand where she is developmentally speaking.

Hi C.,
Ten month olds definitely know "no"! A suggestion.. keep your emotion out of it when you say, "no". Then give her a negative sensation when she doesn't respond to your word, "no". Instead of slappiing her hand (which she can imitate too easily), try flicking it or flicking her thigh where she can't see it's you doing it. Soon, she'll associate *ignoring* your word, "no" with that snappy flick. But if you keep your word itself neutral, not angry, she'll be more likely to respond to it, especially if, when she does respond, you follow up with something pleasurable, like a smile or praise of some kind. She'll be getting the attention and gratification when she obeys your word, "no", and definite discomfort (from that mysterious flick) when she doesn't. Also, ten month olds sometimes lack the resolve to do without what they're after, and after a few flicks, you still might need to cut the cycle by removing your baby from the temptation. The whole point is to train your baby to respond to your instructions, and there will be plenty of opportunities for that! ; ) Concerning her slapping you and her father, babies love a response from their parents, and she might be slapping for that, not because she's being hateful. Keep your reaction neutral, but uncomfortable for her (the flick where she doesn't see it coming). She won't get anything out of that transaction, and after a few tries, will look for another way to get a response from you. Show her how nicely you respond to something sweet instead.

J.

You may just have a strong willed child & SMacking her hand is reenforcing her behavior.get down eye level with her talk in a firm Voice & tell u don't hit mommy or daddy.the father must be willing to stand behind u & do Same

Hi C. - it is definitely a phase that all children go through as a part of growing, understanding the world around them, cause and reaction, etc... And despite what some of the other posts have said, no she is not aware of what she is doing in the way in which you would think she is. She knows there is a reaction when she hits, but there is no premeditation in what she's doing and she isn't doing it to be hateful or mean. A 10 month old isn't even capable of understanding those kinds of emotions and motives. They don't have the intellectual maturity or capacity for such complex thinking at this age. My advice would be to be firm but gently when you tell her not to hit. Try using the words please before you tell her, as well - never too late to start modeling the respectful and kind behavior to her that you would like her to use when she is older. The more fuss you make around the behavior, the more she will do it just for the reaction. Redirect her attention to something else - distraction is a great tool at this age.
Congratulations that she is crawling - amazing how quickly things change! She is a baby and babies and young children learn about the world around them by touching, putting things in their mouths, etc... they are exploring. The best thing to do is to baby proof - put things that you do not want her to touch, out of her reach. Things will be much less stressful for everyone if you just make a safe area where she can play - where she can't hurt or damage anything. I promise that she will grow out of this more quickly than you can imagine and you'll be able to put things back within reach - but not until she's 3 or 4. So hang in there for a bit. You and your husband will enjoy and take joy in all of her discoveries so much more if you aren't worried about something breaking. When you are at a friends, just ask them to move any valuables out of reach while you are there. Before I had children I did it all the time for friends who did. As far as popping her on the hand, I don't agree with hitting for any reason, but that is me and I know there are other M.'s out there with different views on this. She is also way way too young for a time-out. The way I feel about hitting is that if you don't want her to hit, then don't model the behavior by hitting her. Seriously, re-directing her at this age is so easy and so successful. Good luck with everything and take the time to really enjoy seeing this world through your child's wide eyes.

Because of your daughter's age, if you hit her hand she will associate the idea of "I hit and then you hit". She will not associate your hit back as a consequence for her action.
At that age, I would hold the hand firmly and say no. If it continued, I'd sit her in a space were she cannot play almost like a time out. Because of her age you want to remove the object that she hits -which would be yourself. Simply put her in her playpen or high chair saying no we don't hit. And continue what you were doing and then return shortly (minute or so0. Soon she will see that she no longer has play time when she swats her hand. Same thing when she takes things off a shelf when visiting. But at the same time because of her age she is exploring. She only wants to touch everything around her. Take that time to begin expanding vocabulary. Talk about and name what it is that excites her but still saying we don't pick this up. Happy Parenting takes creative thinking so all will stay sane. :-)