Strong Willed Toddlers

Did you sat 17 months old? If you simply say "No hit!" while lifting her out of the situation and redirecting her, that would be one of the ways I would approach it.
She is still just a baby, and has not yet developed cognitive reasoning. So she's unable to connect whatever actual discipline you might use with the act. Good for you for not using spanking. I don't believe that hitting a child for hitting (or anything else) serves any positive end.

My son is my first to do the hitting thing. He screeches, hits, and says no very meanly, especially to his two big sisters. I have to pull him away, first of all, but I have discovered that if I hold his arms at his wrists gently but firmly until he calms down, then he stops the hitting. I know that he has come to respond to that and he knows that it means to stop. I haven't found anything else that even remotlely works on him!

I have a 30 month old (2 1/2) little girl who is becomming very strong willed, and one thing I think I have found is having her stand in the corner. She sometimes will ask to stand in the corner when she's not being "bad" but when she is being "bad" she doesn't like it at all...I also try and ignore the tantrums and sometimes that can only go so far. I have started to put her in her room when I suspect one is coming on, and she doesn't like that either so fortunately the tantrum comes to somewhat of an end...I hope this helps you a little bit...
I am 33 year old mother of 2, however there is a 9 year gap between them, so I feel like I am a first time mom all over again...

I too have a very strong willed toddler. He is almost three now but at about the same age ( 17 motnhs) was when he really began to act out. My husband and I use the time out method the majority of the time. When we started with the time outs we had trouble making him stay where he was put. We found that the best way was to use the same spot every time if at all possible. Keep ignoring the tantrums, I have always heard that works best. She is probably just going through a phase but at that age be prepared. Because as soon as that one is over another one will start. I think it constantly changes over the next couple of years. Just never let her catch on at how frustrated you are. I found out that the more distraught I became the more he would push his behavior ( he still does :) ) Good Luck!

I have been using what is called "1-2-3 Magic" and it is wonderful. To put in a nut shell, when your child does something or is about to do something wrong, you tell them no and wait about 5 seconds then count 1, wait 5 seconds, count 2, wait 5 seconds, and count 3 if they have not done what they are supposed to. When you get to 3, you either put them in time out or take away a favorite toy. You need to decide what the punishment is going to be before you start this. When you use time out, of course go by the rule about a minute per year of age. It will not take long before your daughter gets the idea. My daughter was 2 when I started this and it has been wonderful. There are times that we get to 3 but for the most part when I start counting she does what she is supposed to even if she cries and doesn't want to. There is a book out there and it is called "1-2-3 Magic" by Thomas W. Phelan. It covers everything from bad behavior to temper tantrums, etc. I strongly recommend this book and taking a workshop if one is available in your area. I took a 2 day workshop and it was wonderful. I came out renewed and ready to start. It was nice to hear other parents talk about their children and know I was not the only person with a strong willed toddler. I have looked and the book is available on ebay, if you are interested. If you would like more information on this, let me know. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!!! I know where you are coming from. My daughter is now 3, she is still very strong willed but she minds a lot better!!!

If you give a child too much attention when they are misbehaving they learn to use that to get attention. It may well be as the other poster stated that she does this because she wants to be heard but it is our job as parents to teach our children the appropriate way to express feelings or get get onesself heard. In real life if she tries to tell her boss she is unhappy about her new hours by yelling and hitting him she will get fired or possibly worse. That is why I like Love and Logic. It gives responses to behavior that really prepare them for life in the world. It is about giving loving responses that lets the child know you hear and sympathize whith them but (fill in the blank) is the consequence for (fill in the blank) behavior. It also lets the child be responsible for his or her own behavior. L&L has liturature specifically geared towards toddler parents because you can start teaching them these types of things now but you do have to modify it for their abilities. It has been a very helpful program for us. My daughter was 5 when we found out about it and she had some atrocious behavior. Friends and family can hardly believe she is the same child because she is so sweet and well behaved now (she is 8.) It is only because I was consistent with the techniques I learned through Love & Logic. They have books and seminars and on their web site they have free articles so you can check it out for free. The site is http://www.loveandlogic.com/ If you look under articles there are several there that could help in your situation. Guidelines for Sharing Control Through Choices, Helping Aggressive Toddlers and Preschoolers Get Started Before it’s too Late, etc. Good luck to you.

Hi S....the wonderful strong willed child! My son turned 3 in November and he was a very strong willed child. He is much better now as far as the undesirable behavior, but we still have to stay on top of the situation. Its hard to remember what I did at 17 months, but I remember right around the time he turned two, we decided what we were doing was not working and we set out to change things. Our son would hit, spit, bite, scream, pull hair, etc. The thing that worked best for him was time out (no attention from Mommy or not being in the same room with Mommy was what he needed - he had a time out chair that faced the corner) and loss of privaledges. For example, we discussed the 'rules' and drew pictures of each. If he broke a rule, he lost all of his toys and TV for one hour. You may not have to be that extreme, it may be effective just to pick a favorite toy. But with my son, it had to be all of it. Also, another extremely effective thing was taking him out of the situation. If we were at the playground or park and he hit or pushed another child, we left immediately. Not always convienient, but do it (esp if you threaten it!!). I've only had to leave the Chick-fil-A play area once (with him kicking and screaming the whole way to the car - talk about a scene!) - but since then I haven't had a problem there. We've had to leave the park twice...but that was over a year ago and we haven't had to do it since. I've had to do this twice at the grocery store (I always save the refrigerated stuff for last so that in case I have to leave then there is no damage done to the food!). I remind him before we go somewhere what the consequences will be.

Also, try to catch your child doing good and praise them. This goes such a long way...reinforcing the good. It is hard to do at first, but once you form the habit, you'll notice the difference. My son doesn't accept change well, and I've notice that change leads to meltdowns. So, I try to prepare him (this is what we are doing today, or we're leaving the park in 10 minutes, here's what were doing next, etc...he needs a transition period)!

Keep trying and find what works. Remember your goals. I know this can be hard and very frustrating!!! You're doing a great job. Its like Dr Dobson says in his "Strong Willed Child" book....a strong willed child is like the grocery cart with the wheel that always wants to go off to the side....you are exhausted by the end of your grocery trip b/c steering that cart is so much harder than the other cart....ok, so I did a terrible job of relating that story, but what I'm trying to say is....keep at it, its hard, but strong willed child make very determined adults who stick to their morals and beliefs and aren't swayed by the temptations and pressures around them :)

I highly recommend the book, Personality Plus for Parents, by Florence Littauer. It helps to understand our temperaments, and those of our children. It has given me great insight, understanding, and tolerance. It has helped me to direct my childrens' energy and passion.

Hope it helps.

L. S

I sure don't have all the answers, but my three little kids never said "no"
kids say what they hear. I told my kids "may not" and that sounded much better going to them and coming back from them. EX. "you may not throw your food"

good luck

Hello S.,
I am a 25 year old mother of a 2 1/2 year old and a 2 month old. My 2 1/2 year old daughter has always been VERY strong willed, but very rational too. I started using the time out corner when she was about 16 months old. I was hesitant at first because many of the books I'd read said to wait until they are two to do this because they couldn't understand. My daughter however has always been very advanced in her vocabulary, and it was evident that she knew what was happening. If your child is the same way, I definitely recommend this method. She went through the tantrum phase for about 6-8 weeks. When she would have one, I would ask her to use her words and tell her that I can't understand her when she's crying and yelling. And if she couldn't act like a big girl she'd have to go in time out. It was a little rough the first few times, but after just a few weeks she pretty much stopped the tantrums. I really believe ALL kids (even our strong-willed one's) really crave guidance and direction. She hasn't had a tantrum in a long time now and she's supposedly in the midst of the "terrible two's". No matter what you do, be consistent! That is the key to all discipline. Hope this helps....hang in there.

Be consistant with the toddler.....

My 19-month old son is doing the same thing (and has been for a month or two). It seems like he hits, pinches, pulls my hair mostly when he's tired, so I either try to get him to bed or I put up the safety gate and let him have a little time-out in his room. He usually gets to the point when the crying and fussiness is no longer about his frustration, but about wanting me to hold him. I think it's a pre-verbal frustration phase and he simply doesn't know what else to do.

Hope that helps!

My dr laughs anytime i mention timeout for my 2 yr old. He said its good if theyll sit there but most at that age and younger wont. Then the point is missed cause all your doing is fighting with her to get her to sit. My best suggestion is if you still use the crib tell her that hitting is not nice. Then put her in her crib. I wouldnt put toys int here or a nything it is punishment after all. Then go get her out when you think it appropriate. If not using the crib tell her to go to her room til s he can behave. We use this with our daughter some now. Its taken a time or 2 to get her used to it. but it is working.

Hello S.,
I have a 21 month old, she has been where your child is. She would say no-no and go to hit at us if we told her she couldn't have something, or took something away, lay herself on the floor and scream, like I had just did the worse thing you could imagine. I finally started with asking her when she had something I didn't want her to have, like my cup of sprite, or my phone, etc.... I would say "May mommy have that please" and tell her as she was standing there, "That is such a sweet girl" in a soft spoken voice, and she would bring it to me, and hand it over, then I would say "Thank You" and ask her, you want to play with baby, (which is her baby doll) to get her mind off of what she just handed over, so she wouldn't try to take it again. Believe it or not, this started working. When she would hit, I would give her a very sad look and tell her, that hurt, and say to her, "tell such and such your sorry and give them a kiss" or "tell mommy your sorry and give me a kiss" when she did this, I would change my sad face to a smileing face and let her know she did well, and she started catching on, that hitting was not nice and you have to appologize for doing that. It worked also. Oh, and when she threw a tantrum, laying on the floor and would cry and kick her feet, I tried to pick her up and she would be angry and get louder, I finally would sit by, and tell her when she is done, I would hold her, then I would give it a few minutes, let her scream it out and then ask, are you done, if she continued, I would slowly get up, go fix her bottle, and then come back and tell her, okay that is enough, it is nap time, and I would lay her down in her crib and make sure she had her passy, and tell her I love you, and then I would walk out, close the door and stand by to see if she stopped, Not letting her know I was just outside the door, eventually after 3 minutes, it always did stop. She had soon stopped, knowing what I would do if she threw a tantrum. It is hard, but you have to let her know, that you are not going to let her behave in that manner. Good Luck, I hope this helped.

Ahh getting on to terrible twos. :) What I would suggest first is that you do not ignore her any more. What she is doing is expressing her frustration at her inability to communicate her needs to you. Ignoring her will just make things worse. On the other hand, encouraging her isn't good either. What I would recommend is when this tantrum begins is get down to her eye level and make sure she is looking at you. If she isn't looking at you, she isn't listening to you. So, get down to her level and ask her to tell you what she wants. If she starts to yell, tell her, "Momma hears you, do you want...?" and insert an object here. Go through this until she feels heard. If she is saying, "I want the toy!" Tell her, "I know you want the toy, I hear you" until she calms down. And if you don't want her to have the toy, make sure she first knows you hear that she wants it, then tell her why she cannot have it. Then re-direct her. This will help her to know that even though you will not give her everything she wants, at least you are listening.

As for the hitting, teach her what an owwie is, or what a hurt is. Then when she hits, tell her it hurts and isn't nice. She'll catch on and stop it, because she is also developing her sense of empathy right now.

Good luck.

when my 22 month old son gets out of hand I put him in his crib until he calms down. when i hear him chatting and singing he gets to come out. it works great. spanking does not work for him. my husband can place him on the couch for timeout and he will actually stay there, but not for mommy. also realize that she hears "no no" so she says no no, start praising her alot for good things like clapping your hands and saying yeah and yes for the good stuff and she will want to do those things more than the negative things... TRY to ignore the negative fit throwing by doing something else, like walking away from her and start playing with a fun toy on the other side of the room (don't talk to her while she is screaming). that works for me, he follows me and forgets why he is mad because he wants to play with me and the toy he is allowed to play with...

Dear S.,
My Daughter (23MO) is the same way some days.
I tell her we don't hit ANYONE and if she decides she is going to hit, she will go to bed. If she does it again, I put her in her crib w/out any toys for a few minutes. (We have a "timeout spot" but she won't sit there).
This is the only thing I have found as Discipline that works. I don't feel that spanking Isn't appropriate for SOME things, I just think spanking your child to teach them not to hit is ridiculus as well as a BAD example of appropriate behavior.
My only suggestion about "NO" is I ask HER "WHY?", it throws her off long enough to get me to get the correct answer, but I don't know how long this will work...:-)
Good Luck!
C.

Timeout is a good punishment for her. I only use spanking for drastic measures. Try taking away something that she likes like a toy or a doll, etc...When she has her tantrums put her in a room by herself and let her think that you're not looking. Tell her that she can come out when she calms down. If none of that works then a little pat on the hand isn't gonna hurt. Good Luck!!!!!!

First, do not ignore her tantrums. They will only get worse as she gets older. Sit her down, get on her eye level and talk with her. She will understnad more than you think. I think one of the best things is a naughty chair or spot. She should stay there for just a couple of minutes and then hug her and play with her. And yes she is just going through a phase BUT she is also testing her limits with you. She will stop this but you have to let her know you are the parent, not her. If she learns this at an early age, you and her will be soooooooo much better off.

Oh, BTW, I am a mother of four grown kids all strong willed! And amazingly enough, I made it and so did they.

You can try time out but it's not really effective until two or older. My son went through the same thing. He would push other kids down and hit. Just keep telling her to use nice hands and re- direct. Tantrums are very common at this age. You are doing the right thing with ignoring. As long as she knows that you and your husband are in charge and not her, it will eventually sink in. My son just turned two and he is so much better about hitting and pushing. Just keep telling yourself that it WILL get better! Hope this helps!