To Tell or Not to Tell - Minneapolis,MN

I agree with many of the women who responded in that your husbands ethics should be questioned in this situation. If you want to go behind his back and tell her somehow, set up a fake email address and anonymously tip her off. I don't recommend going behind his back, but if he already told you he wanted you to keep this a secret, then I don't see why he would change his mind on this. If you tell Jane that it is you, it WILL come back on you - I guarantee it. It's ultimately up to you what you do, but your husband shouldn't be friends with a guy who would do that to his wife.

???? Tough One!!!! I have been in the same situation a few years back. I did not tell. I think even though she says she knows "john" would never cheat, women always know when somthing is going on! If you do tell chances are she may not believe you & turn you into the bad guy. Even though you or I would be super P-O'd if people did not tell us!!! How awful and unfair! What a bad position to put others in!!!
Sorry I'm not much help on this one:(

Sounds like you need to talk to your husband before you do anything. What I wonder is, why does he want to be a friend to someone who treats his family that way? Hopefully you can help him see that this guy is lower than low (not only cheating, but sharing all the, er, intimate details) and you can agree that Jane must know, if for no other reason than because her health is at risk. I hope it works out!

A.

I would see what your hubby thinks of telling her, and i think that if he doesn't want too he is not a good friend because you are right about stds and I would tell jane asap

In my opinion if your husband is keeping this kind of secret from someone, what is he hiding from YOU.

In my opinion he is just as guilty, it is no better to do the act than to lie about it.

How can he possibly look his sister-in-law in the face and act as though nothing is going on?

If it were me, I would confront your brother-in-law, what good does it do to pretend there isn't a huge elephant in the room. I would confront him until I was blue in the face and really let him know what I thought of him. If it were my BIL I would do the same thing to him, I would let him know just how disgusted I am with his actions and how I don't want him around my house. I would probably tell him that he needs to tell his wife, before I did.

Would you want someone to hide this from you?

Ouch! What a hard spot to be in. Doesn't it seem that when our best friend or family member or someone tells us something that we swear to keep to ourselves always ends up being told to our spouse because in our minds they don't count? I will admit, I tell my husband everything and he in return normally tells me a lot to. The one thing is it stops there. But, if I was being cheated on, wouldn't I want to know?? Well, yes, but then you have to ask yourself, if you told your husband something that you had found out that you intended on doing no action on, what would you expect from him? If he felt that he needed to tell the spouse how would that make you feel? It is hard getting involved in other peoples marriages, and I know there has been times I have been tempted, but if my husband learns of something and shares it with me, I ask him if he plans on doing anything. If he says no, I may try to tell him I think he should tell his friend to do something, but what else can I do? I feel for this women. I have been cheated on when I was 3 months pregnant with my ex's child and didn't find out until after our son was born. It really really hurt!! But that was his fault, no one else's. I would talk to your husband and see what you can do through him.

Nine years??? For heaven's sake, it sounds to me that the cousin is interested in a harem, not a marriage to his wife. My opinion is this...

First, make complete sure of the facts. If they are indeed having un-safe sex then someone owes it to "Jane" to speak up. This is her health we're talking about. Talk about a loaded gun!

Hey, does "Jane" have an internet connection? You could anonymously direct her to this post... an off-hand hint.

I think you need to tell her. Not directly...find something and send it to her without her knowing who it came from. I think you need to take a closer look at home too...if your husband loves to hang out with "john" and enables him to cheats by keeping is mouth shut...then you need to take a closer look at his belief system. How do you know he is not doing the same thing to you. This is an opportunity to shake things up and make your own marriage affair proof. I would be leary of him hanging around "Johnny Boy." Do not mind your own busness..this effects your family too.