Thank You! - Central Falls,RI

Hi LM,

My suggestion would be to start with a simple book on discipline. Love and Logic is a popular one and offers good, practical advice.

While your son's life is feeling some upheaval, know that he is expressing his anger with you because you are 'safe'. That said, you also need to show him that you won't allow this to continue.

One thing you may need to do is to remain in a standing position when you plan on telling hims something he doesn't like. Access to your body is limited in that way.

Every time he hurts your body, he gets a quick instruction: "You may not hit me" and then "You may not be with me right now." Then, do what you need to in regard to providing separation for a while. I know that a three-minute time out is really not long enough for a child to calm down. My suggestion is that you put him in his room until he is able to be calm, to use a calm voice, etc. If he won't stay in his room, then keep taking him back in "You may be with me when you can be safe." Repeat, repeat, repeat. NOT a lot of any other talking or cajoling or explaining mommy's feelings.... this is a great way for parents to sabotage themselves.

I know this might seem harsh, but if the toys are being thrown in a hurting way, I would consider throwing that toy away. Not nice, but I don't take to having missile objects lobbed at me in a hurtful way. Or, put the toy away for LONG time, until he's passed this phase. Either way, he'll feel that he's 'lost' the toy permanently. Not nice, but neither is throwing things.

I'd give you more advice, but must pick up my son from kinder. Please hang in there, find that love and logic book and know that this will get better if you are consistent, make clear limits, and above all-- do what you say you are going to do in regard to consequences. You're the boss, mom!

L. M.,
99 % of kids who misbehave do it with/in front of their parents more than any other place because they know they can "PLAY" parents/or Mom, and they know with Mom/parents how far they can go before they have crossed that magical line and mom/dad blow ! With other people they don't know exactly when they have crossed that line ,or how far they can push the envelope. Parents (as imperfect as we are) tend to allow alot more than the next person might, (or we might , when taking care of someone else's children.) And we tend to forget about being consistant, so, kids, you gotta love 'em ,but, if you give them an inch, they will take a mile or even two !" Kids do go thru different stages ,so this too will pass,..., but , history can repeat itself ! Have patience, be consistant and don't let yourself be manipulated .Lots of Luck, C. S.

ive heard how they act at 3 is how they will act at 13. My neice proved this one true.

This could be one of those situations where the wrong kinds of correction could make the problems worse. If your son's behavior problems are symptoms of stress, or of some unmet emotional need, then punishing him will push him into an even needier place. Or he'll figure out, eventually, how to behave as you want and ignore his feelings, which is, unfortunately, something that happens too often with boys (girls are usually allowed a greater range of expression).

Of course, it's hard to know if that's the root cause of the behaviors. Some of it could simply be the testing of boundaries that kids this age are compelled to do. And the fact that he acts out toward you and not the sitter is probably a good sign, actually. His bonding with you is strong enough that he can risk bugging you.

At around your son's age, I began using with my grandson the techniques in a wonderful little parenting book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. They are simple to understand and use, direct, effective and respectful to both parent and child. They'll help your son understand how important it is to become a team player and how glad he is to have you on his team. They'll help you help him understand his own needs, and realize his own problem-solving abiliy.

You have to scale down your language and expectations a bit for a 3yo, but I think you'll find the methods used in this little book worth trying.

My best to you and your little guy. I hope things smooth out for you.

Totally normal, they say Terrible Two's, I say Terrible 3's. They are getting more independent and asserting themselves with testing boundaries. He wants to see how much he can get away with and what you're limits are. My 3 1/2 year old, 4 in December, has recently decided that when he doesn't want to do something he will say no, then either cry or throw a tantrum! I thought we were done with tantrums, but apparently not. The one thing I find works, is giving options. You can do this, or that. Then give consequences if he still misbehaves. So far, I use that, or sometimes I just ignore the tantrum and he will address me when he's done, that works wonders sometimes. Good luck, we've all been/are there!:)

There is hope, it is just a phase. A week before my son turned 3 he became a monster. Luckily, it only lasted a few weeks and he very rarely reverts to craziness (he is now 4). Be stern on the things he really can't do (pulling hair, throwing toys, and hitting),and make sure you follow through with whatever you say will happen. He is most likely just testing you to see how far he can go. I think we avoided the terrible 3s (other than those 3 weeks) because we really stick with what we say, even if we have to put him in timeout or take away the same thing 20 times, at some point he figures it out. He will get the idea if you keep it up, so don't give up, just keep trying and it will get better. Also, with all of the changes in his life, the more consistency you can give him, not just in discipline, also bedtime, pickup, dropoff routines, will really help him.