Terrible 2'S Seems Too Early

A., I have two boys who both threw tantrums and such early. My pediatrician and other moms suggested that it can be the result of knowing what they want or like but lacking the verbal skills to communicate. They get frustrated, and developmentally cannot control their impulses to physically act out. I found that instead of punishing (which I tried, but it did not work) I tried to give them another, acceptable behavior to cope. For my biter, I let him bite a pillow. For my hitter, I let him bang his bed with his pillow. It got rid of their anger, and they usually ended up laughing at the chosen activity. Hope it helps, H. C.

will, sometimes they do go throught thier terrible 2 early try timeout everytime she does anything bad make a time out chair with a timer and the frist time 5min then evertime shes bad set the time up and then let her know what she has done and way shes in timeout try this and let me know how it goes.
M.

Hey A.,

I have a 3 and a half year old little girl who is the same way. She has been "challenging" to say the least. The only advice I can give is to keep her entertained - easier said than done, especially if you have other children, like I do.

Feel free to contact me anytime you want to vent. I completely understand.

hey A. sometimes kids just try us for no real reason evey child is different your next one an angel you just never know sometime all you can do is take deep breath and deal with her and each situation and pray this faze passes quickly. Also somtimes they will mimick another child they have been around in the past . I too am a stay at home mom however mine is a 10 year old little boy , let me know if I can help anymore even just morol support.
S.

You made me have flashbacks!LOL My son who is now 6 went through the same thing! 1-2 and 2-3 were really rough! He had such a temper that it had me really worried! I would put him into time out in my room, no toys, and he would destroy my room. Strip the bed empty the drawers, knock things over it was really bad! I would try to ignore what he was doing, I knew he wasn't going to get hurt, and after time it calmed down.It was very trying but it did end. Now he is a pretty good kid!
I dont know if this helps any but I felt I had to share. I think it calmed because I didn't let it get to me, fuel it. It's a power strugle where they really test their limits and your reactions.

Hi A.,

It must be very trying to have a child at your wits end...perhaps she may just be wanting your attention. By doing all those stuff, it will attract your attention. She probably thinks that if she behaves, it does not get you on your toes while the vice versa. Have you tried praising her for the good that she does. Spend a little time noticing her good points and applaud her.

Sometimes,when you dicipline a child too often, it loses its effect...BTW terrible 2 may not be clock work.. it sometimes happen earlier than usual...when the child matures faster...like my own daughter. She is now 15. Her 'teen syndrome' also started at 10! which drove me nuts.

Little bit of me:

I'm a stay home mum like yourself with 1 girl, 15 and 2 boys aged 13 and 11...and still learning how to deal with children..

A.: They start their "terrible's" at ages earlier than 2. Mine started his at 18 months. Hang in there and heed some of the advice the other moms posted. I think she may be too young for time out, though. They usually don't understand "time out" until around age 2 but some comprehend it sooner.

Also condsider this: If she's just all over the place, your little one may have ADD/HD or some other underlining problem other than the proverbial terrible two's. Or, she could have food allergies that can cause her aggression. However, I am not a medical professional, so you may want to consult your doctor. He/she may dismiss it as normal but mother's always know best. We have a sixth sense for a reason. If you strongly feel that something other than the terrible 2's are to blame, go with your gut and get a second opinion or even consult with Early Intervention Services on what resources there are for you to have your little one evaluated. There is no shame in using Early Intervention Services. I have a professional career but I am also using them to help me bring my 2 year old up to speed on his speech delay (he was a preemie). They also offered me other forms of resources to help me understand the complexities of getting through toddler issues.

Best of luck and hang in there! As with sleep deprivation during the first six weeks, this too will end.

E.
(Mom to Jack, 2)

Looks like there are a lot of great responses here. I have 2 boys. I was very lucky with my first, but my second made up for it. LOL I finally just laid down the rules and stuck to them. Reguardless of what they were. I wrote them down on a poster - clean room - no running - no hitting - no bitting - etc. Yes, at that age, he cleaned his room. Pick up toys, "helped" make the bed and that sort of stuff. But he got the idea. His reward was a sticker of his choice for that day. At the end of the week, he got a huge sticker. If he got 4 huge stickers for the month, then I took them to fun adventure or a movie. Something they like to do but we rarely got to. It didn't take long at all. He is 8 now and I don't even have to tell him when we get home to do his chores. They both start automatically before they do anything else. (Unless they have homework of course. lol)
Good luck and you will be in my prayers.

Hi A.,

15 months is a challenging age. The most important thing is consistency. Consistency in using the seat belt in the shopping cart the high-chair etc. They are also a little too young to understand disipline. Usually around two and a half they start getting right from wrong. Time out always worked with my children or to take their 30 min. of video time away or sometimes dessert. Children usually don't misbehave for no reason. They are usually overly tired, hot, thirsty or hungry when they are acting up. Thanks, SK p.s. If you are not getting a little mom time in the evening you should try it. Let your husband spend some quality time with the baby giving a bath or reading while you take a bath and wind down from your day.

She's becoming autonomous. She wants to do what she wants and is becoming independant. Also she understands more then she can say so she may be frustrated if she fails to communicate with you. She's trying to assert herself and she is learning that hitting and throwing things are not acceptable even though she may enjoy doing those things. She is also learning what those actions cause you do to. Which she may find amusing.

Hang in there.

When my son does these things I do one or all these of three things. I remove him from the situation for a short while (1 minute) and tell him why he should not do what he did. If he hit someone or threw something of someone elses I tell him to apologize and give the person a hug even though he can't actually say the words.If his behavior does not improve I take him away from the situation and tell him why and we do not return to that area or activity.

My son is going through a hitting stage. When he hits I take his hands and place them by his side. I tell him hands are not for hitting. Hitting hurts. Oww! I do this so many times a week I can't even count them. Children don't have memories like adults so they have to be reminded routinely.

I have a 3 year old son and he started really early too! I have tried everything from spanking, time out, etc. and nothing seemed to work. Finally, I started watching Nanny 911 and she really gives some excellent pointers! We now have a naughty chair that he sits in for 3 minutes whenever he doesn't mind. Whoever named it "the terrible 2's" didn't wait until the 3's came along.

A.,WE HAVE 3 CHILDREN AND SOMETIMES I WAS AT MY ENDS ALSO.ALTHOUGH MINE ARE 22,14,&8 NOW.I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY BUT HAVE YOU EVER WATCHED SUPER NANNY??I WATCH SHE WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO BALANCE THE SITUATION.ALSO MAYBE DUE TO THE FACT THAT YOU ARE A WORKING MOM SHE FEELS LIKE SHE DONT GET ENOUGH TIME WITH YOU.NEGATIVE ATTENTION,IS HER WAY OF TELLING YOU THAT SHE NEEDS MORE TIME WITH YOU.DOES HER FATHER HAVE AN ACTIVE ROLE IN HER LIFE?WELL GOOD LUCK!! KIM

Hi A.,

I get a daily "insight" email on parenting (in general) and just so happens today's was about "the wild child" - I'll paste it below for you. All the information is at the bottom if you'd like to check it out for yourself... just go to the website and subscribe to the daily groove. I've gotten lots of great tips from them! I hope this helps, and I do believe that it is just a phase, hang in there mamma! :o)

Sincerely,
L. S. (I'm in Aiken, SC)
WAHMommy to Logan 8/25/04 & Shane 7/18/06
Personal Consultant, Natural Family Boutique
www.NaturalParentingAndPlaythings.com

THE DAILY GROOVE ~ by Scott Noelle

:: The Wild Child ::

Domesticated animals confined to farms, zoos, and
similar unnatural habitats lack a certain "spark"
found in their wild counterparts. They've been bred or
trained to live apart from their nature. They've
adjusted to their lack of freedom.

Put a wild animal in a cage for the first time and
behold the fury! What else would you expect from a
creature who still knows it's supposed to be free?

Children are born free and wild, and they don't
readily submit to "domestication." And thank Goodness
for that! Because those who retain that spark are the
ones who will uplift humanity in generations to come.

Today, look for evidence of the spark of wildness in
your child... and *celebrate* it! Trust that s/he will
civilize in due time. And meantime, let that spark
ignite the flames of an authentic, passionate life.

:: http://www.enjoyparenting.com/dailygroove ::

Feel free to forward this entire message to your friends!

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A.,
I definately sympatize with you, I have a 2 1/2 year old who kind of when through the same thing. Are there any triggers that set her off, my daughter would start acting up and still does when she feels like she is not getting enough attention. And unfortunately, 15 months is not too early to start the terrible twos. Have you tried time out in her room where she doesn't have an audience? She can pitch a fit and throw things in her room (just make sure your remove anything breakable) then have her clean it up when she is ready to stop. This might help her learn consequences of actions. She is at the age where she is testing her limits and it just continues but it does get better. I hope my tidbit helps. Feel free to write any time.
J.

I had the same problem with my little girl. She will not be 2 until October, but she almost got kicked out of daycare for biting. We finally done two things with her. We would make her stop and look us right in the eyes and tell her no, that hurts, not nice. And time out also was affective for her. But we would watch her closely and see what kind of things frustrated her to get her to that point and then we tried to intervene or re-route things before they got to that point. Keep me posted on how things go, I know it is very frustrating, fortunately we have got out of that stage, for now anyway....2 is coming up!

Hey A.
There are a couple of things that I know of that could be going on. It could be the "terrible twos" (no kid can be slotted into the same timetable, the TTs is just a rough estimate of when most kids start this.) That's not a bad thing, she's asserting her independence and asking for you to set boundaries so she feels safe. There could be something going on in the home or at day care - I know my son, who is now 5, acted up alot more when I and/or my husband were under great stress from work or if there was a change in our lives - a move to a new house or a new daycare(kids are so attuned to these things.)Is it possible pinpoint any changes in your life or hers that might be causing the outbursts? Sometimes these things can be a cry for help, maybe she's not getting her needs met, ie, setting boundaries or limits to make her feel safe - always set in a loving, gentle way, of course! - or her way of saying something isn't right. Their communication skills are so limited at this age, they have so few channels to get through to their caregivers.

I'm not sure what you mean by "punishing" but it seems an awfully strong word to use in conjunction with a 15 month old. From the parenting books I've read, kids also can act out like this if they are reined in too tightly, if you try to be too strict.

A very good book that I turned to constantly in my son's baby and toddler years is "touchpoints" by T. Berry Brazelton. He is a well-known pediatrician and this book is considered one of the top time-honored parenting books. William Sears is another pediatrician who is well respected. These might help you better understand what's going on, and sometimes just knowng what's going on helps you get through.

Terrible twos are trying times. I don't envy you. It's hard to stay level headed and not get frustrated. Good luck to you!
K.

Hi A.,

I have two boys, the oldest will be three in Dec.

Have you tried putting her in her room and closing the door? Perrin gets like that and I feel like all I am doing is spanking and it's just not effective. I have found that if I put him in his room and close the door it does have a effect on him. I won't let him come out till he has calmed down and is ready to listen.

I really hope this helps.

K.
Perrin and Nathan's Mommy

All I can tell you is don't give up. My daughter is 4 1/2 and started the terrible two's well before her 2nd birthday. I still at times feel as though I am constantly correcting her for her behavior. She is more than likely trying to find out exactly how far she can push her limits. One thing I found that worked well for my daughter was essentially a time out except she stood in the corner. She didn't have to face the corner but being away from her toys or me was enough to get the point the inappropriate behavior would not be tolerated. She was only made to stay there for a couple of minutes and before she could come out she had to say she was sorry. I know your daughter may not be talking well yet or understand sorry but taking her away from the situation may be enough to get her attention.

Hello A.,

I am a mother of a five and a half year old and a three year old. My youngest started his "terrible twos" early as well. Unfortunately, once they grow out of this testing the limits they a couple of years later start all over again. It is just a struggle that most children will continually go through to test limits and see what they can get away with. There is no quick fix nor a set way to handle these moments. Patience and consistency is key. If you let her behavior slide one moment just to turn around and later correct it she will of course not listen to the correction. From my limited experience as a parent and a past pre-school teacher, I can only suggest a few things. It is not always easy being a parent. I love the good moments with my children but hate correcting them as well. Correction of course is a response of love. We want our children to be honest, loving, caring, and intelligent individuals. Unfortunately, this comes by shaping, molding, and helping them to learn through discipline. Here are some of my suggestions...(Remember evey child is different, what might work for one doesn't work for all)
1. Catch her doing good. When you catch her doing good, praise her and reward her even if the reward is small. By doing this you are giving her the attention she is asking for but are showing her there is another way to seek it other than acting out.
2. When she doesn't listen, place her in time out and set a timer. (One minute per year of age). Then walk away or make yourself busy in the same room. Discipline a lot of the times is sought by children because of the interaction they receive with the parents.
3. I know she is only 15 months but have her help you around the house. My son loved placing wet clothes in the dryer. This helps them to not only participate in your day but once again show a more positive interaction.
4. Make a sticker chart. I made a chart of simple things like putting shoes up or eating dinner. They recieved a sticker for each item. Since your daughter is 15 months, tally the stickers at the end of the day and let her pick a reward. Let's say you state that she needs to receive 5 stickers for the day (start low at first until she gets the hang of it-you want her to feel it is something she can accomplish) then let her pick from three rewards.
5. Then of course throughout the months as her positive behavior and her awareness increases then you would slowly incorporate the fact that good behavior is something that is expected. Change her sticker chart to things above the ordinary. You can even use it for potty training.
6. Remember she is little and if you get upset or even angry walk away for a moment and then come back. Most parents who correct don't realize their tone or even strength when angry.
7. This too shall pass. Cheesy I know but it is true. Before you know it you'll be in conflict over which boy she should date and which college she wants to attend. I know it's hard but try to keep a perspective on things.
****And most importantly...Treat yourself. I am sure you are a great mom otherwise you wouldn't be asking for help. Give yourself a day or even a couple of hours to read that book you've been wanting to read or soak in a bath. Take a nap or even try window shopping. Try anything that will help feed you so to speak. When you are in the right mind then it helps you to deal with difficult situations more clearly and efficiently.
I hope I helped,
S.

Hey A.,
I can relate. My 18 month old went through a period where she was a little trying. I got here involved in things: a gymnastics class for toddlers and a playgroup. Having the activites really helped regulate her moods and I think it also taught her how to interact with other kids. I found myself using time out a lot less. Good luck!

Take heart- many a trusted mom has told me that terrible 2's start at age 1 and last 2 years... and it seems true sometimes. Our son, now 2, went through a long and trying biting stage, starting at age 1, that would not quit. We did start time-outs at around 18months and that has helped some. The other thing we have done is emphasize that when he bites or hits, it hurts mommy or daddy, which makes us sad. And when someone is sad, you give them a hug, not a hit. He was a little older than your daughter when we started this, maybe 20 mos. He's still far from perfect in the hitting department, but there has been definite improvement, especially now that he understands concepts like "hurt" "sad" and "time out." It will get better! Good luck!

Hey A. - I feel your pain. My son is now 2 1/2 but he started some terrible 2 acting out around 15 months too! He only acted our for a few months and then went back to being a great kid - only to turn around and start acting out again shortly after his 2nd b'day. He is still a great kid, but he does push my buttons and my mom and mother in law both said it is just him trying to see what he can get away with from mommy and testing his limits. Sure is frustrating some times, but I truly feel it's just a faze. Hope you have better luck soon!

A., number one- DON'T let her know that you are getting tired of punishing her. She will run with that. Do you think she may have an attention problem? My daughter and granddaughter have that problem and once they received some medicine the world changed for the better. Most of all stay stern with your rules and praise her when she does well. Children love to be prasied. Good Luck and hang in there it will get better

R.

A.,

I believe you need to stick to discipline. There is a book called Dare to Discipline by I think Dr. Dobson. It is very helpful. I even rented the DVD version from my church to get a little jump start.

By the way. Terrible 2's is a farce it is more like terrible Toddler yrs. At least it was with my 2 kids.

Jen

My husband and I have been talking about that stage with our daughter. She is now 3 1/2; we have a 10 month old boy. Our daughter was frustrated because she couldn't communicate because she didn't have the vocabulary yet. Our son is frustrated because he wants to get places faster than his little legs can crawl.

I think what helped with our daughter is she understood a LOT more than we thought, but we never "dumbed down" with her. I always used very simple explanations and age appropriate words, but she knew what we were saying. I think my son's frustration will get better once he is able to walk. He loves to follow his chatterbox sister around!!! Just my point of view....

Good luck.

My daughter went through the same thing. They don't tell you about the 15 month early start...just the terrible two'. My husband and I quickly went into boundary mode...setting limits...time out (but only for a few minutes..like 1 minute) and saying "No" when the major stuff like hitting, biting and redirecting with other stuff. She is now 20 months and has a good understanding of boundaries and stuff like she knows the stove is "hot" and she knows not to try to drag her little brother across the room : )

Hey. I have a 3 year old that went through the same thing, and a 1 year old heading into it. I'll tell you this, it is absoloutely challenging. At 15 months, your daughter is ready for a spanking. Get a wooden spoon, or something that looks intimidating, but isn't painful. At this age, spankings should only be used in DIRECT DISOBEDIENCE. This means, if she does something you have told her NOT to do, she gets a spanking. Hitting, throwing, etc, are definite reasons for a spanking.

Time out at this age is something you should be careful with just because their attention span is off. I'd wait until she's about 2 to do the time out thing. Just because you may find yourself spending the entire minute she is in time out putting her back in time out....

AND, also, at this age, they know what they want, but they don't know how to verbalize it. And that is so hard and frustrating for any individual. Give them options. Do you want this or that? I have to do that with my 3 year old STILL! Do you want to get out of your car seat, or would you like mommy to help you..? Sometimes she wants my help, sometimes she cries her little heart out if I help her and she REALLY wanted to try to do it by herself...

My son was the same way at that age, and I was at my wits end also. It kept on until he was 3 1/2-4 yrs.old. I even took him to a pediatric behavior specialist and she thought it was early signs of ADHD/Oppositional Defiant Disorder. He was that bad! I have ADHD myself,so I didn't waste anytime to get him tested, but after him taking meds for about 6 months I found his personality zombie-like. So, I took him off the meds, and put my foot down big time. It wore me out, but it has been worth it. He is 5 yrs old now,starting kindergarten, and is behaving alot better. Some children get so frustrated at your daughter's age, because they are so limited, so they lash out by using aggressiveness,etc.You have to hold her down,on your lap,and don't let go until she has calm down.Tell her when she is done screaming and hitting that you will let her go,DO NOT say anything else to her,no eye contact.After awhile she will give up, and realize she is not going to win.Ask her if she is done.When she is,let her go, and explain to her why you held her down.Do this everytime she pitches a fit. This technique helped me out alot with the aggressive tantrums.

Actually, with my daughter we hit the terrible two's early also. From what I have heard from other mothers is that this is the normal time for them to start. With my daughter, she was frustrated because she wanted to communicate something to me and I just didn't understand. Once she started talking better and I understood her, things got a lot better. She is now 2 yrs and 2 months old. I also noticed, the behavior got worse when she had ear infection and couldn't express the pain very well. Time outs would work for me when she would hit me. I know it is frustrating! I'm 31 stay at home mom with a 2 yr old and a 2 month old!

Well I regret to inform you that it is not to early, and it's nowhere near over. My Daughter just turned 3. If you notice her watching for your response, (and you're not in a crowded reaturant)you might try to just ignore her. My little monster thinks its funny when I'm ready to pull my hair out. I find that if I don't ackwowledge her bad behavior, and wait a few minutes and then give her positve attention it helps.

P.S I hope this helps you.

A.--

I have a 10 month old daughter, so I'm a little behind where you are at, but I have several friends with children your daughter's age and a bit older. They have told me that the terrible two's starts just after 1. Before being a stay-at-home mom, I was a teacher. None of the qualifications makes me an expert, but I though my advice may offer you some peace of mind, and maybe success as well.

My suggestions are to 1) create a schedule for play as you would naps or any other routine you want her to follow. This will give her the security of a ritual, but you can vary the activites for creativity and developmental skills.

2) Clearly express you expectations of her. Example, "Today we are going to play with blocks, but these are to stack and arrange, NOT to throw, etc....

Create, commit to, and follow the steps in your dicipline plan. EXAMPLE: First offer her a warning, then a time out and if the behavior continues put her in her room. She will throw a tantrum, I'm sure, but ignore it. When the tantrum ends, return to the room and restate your expectations and she if she can continue the activity. If problems arise again, end the activity and playtime is over.

Hang in there. I know I have this to look forward to soon...

K.

A. I belong to this wonderful group online. It is a group for moms and dads who have children who make it difficult for you sometimes, we post and so many people give such wonderful ideas on what you can do. Go to www.psk.com read about it. Sheesh, my 5 year old started terrible twos as early and I was ready to shoot myself, well not literally, but I got so frustrated. If I had that online mothers group back then I would have gotten through it easier. So many people in the group have so many solutions or just someone there who understands. Please consider it... I know what you are going through!!! I am a mom of 2 and I am 35 and work full time. I hope things get better. Ellen from Chattanooga TN.

When nothing else seemed to work with my daughter, I ended up letting her have her tantrum in her room and walking away until she calmed down. So far that worked for us. Once she realized she wasn't getting our attention she would stop and then I would go to her and explain to her why she was there and that I loved her but would not stand for this. We only had to do this 2 times and now at 22 months if she starts getting cranky all we have to say is does she want to go to her room. :) hope this helps.

A.,

My heavens haven't we all been there a time a two.....I'm 33 with a three year old. We have successfully used A.P.I. --- Attachment Parenting International which advocates "gentle" parenting. There are many books by Dr. Sears, who founded API,that offer "guidelines" and give great examples/suggestions on how to implement boundries or rules.

As a parent I really do not like having to say "NO" all the time or constantly having him in time out. So providing an environment that means he gets many yes's with positive reinforcement is a dream. But there are days he just tries the limits.....

Dr.Sears offers an alternative way to look at the "Terrible Two's". It's not so much about a little person trying to "rule" the house, it's much more about discovering how to be independent. How to communicate with a limited vocabulary and etc... They really just get frustrated. Her mental capacity is outrunning her langauge ability --- teaching sign can help. What's nice about Sears --- he gives alot of suggestions so that you can find what works for your family.

Anyway, here's the API website and we meet every third Wednesday. If you're interested just email!
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/about.shtml

My daughter is 23 mos old and we have had some of the same issues. Every child is different, of course, but we (my husband & I have the same approach). We are firm, direct and consistant in whatever discipline or re-directing we do. I communicate with my daughter in a very serious and un emotional way when she gets "in trouble". As the Super Nanny says, "it's unacceptable behavior". It's or philosophy that kids have so little boundaries these days and a little and you can never start too early to impliment...at least to their understanding. We sometimes use 1-2 mins of time-out in a chair or the crib. One of my friends swears by the books Happiest Toddler on the Block and How to Amek the Terrible Two's Terrific. Good luck!
G.

Wow! you've receive a lot of advice on this subject! I'm a speech pathologist and so my first question naturally was "How is her talking coming along? Is this a communication issue?". I work full time with children 0-3 yrs old through Early Intervention which is a state funded program free to any child with delays.

Hi A.,

I have no idea why they call it the "Terrible 2's" because everyone that I have spoken with says that they start at about 15-18 months and go until they can speak and communicate better. My older son was a terror until he could speak. I remember so just crying and wondering where I went wrong because he obviously wasn't going through the terrible 2's since he wasn't 2 yet. WRONG! I talked with other moms and even his doctor and they all said the same thing. Now my younger son is 15 months and going through it now and I'm not so worried because I know it will end soon. I think that it's because they can't communicate with us yet and they get frustrated by it. Because as soon as my oldest was able to communicate with us, he was fine! Just give it time and know that it will pass soon enough. I know it's hard!

- S.

My son went through the same thing.......he's 5 now and much calmer, thankfully. I learned that his attitude was a direct reflection of mine. If I was stressed or angry, he picked up on that and acted out. When I learned to keep my emotions under control in front of him, his attitude calmed down tremendously. The best advice I can give you is keep things as fun and upbeat as possible, play and praise her whenever you can so it doesn't seem like you are always punishing her. Being a single mom, I was always "absent" and lost in my thoughts, not really into playing with my child because i was too worried about how bills were gonna get paid, etc. and he would pick up on that and act out in anger to get my attention. Children will do anything to get your attention, whether it's good or bad attention. So give her as much good attention as you possibly can and you'll see the negative behaviors happening less often. Good luck!

Have you read the Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp? You may want to start there...I'm no MD, but consistancy is a key when it comes to kids...I saw on Dr. Phil the other day, if you send them to time out, make sure it's a wall corner or something that is non stimulating...Remember, take a deep breathe, relax a little before you punish, but stay firm and consistant...

Best of Luck! We've all been there if that helps any...

My name is T. and I have a 6 year old along with a 17 month and I promise you the 2 thing does come sooner then what you want it to just be calm and teach her that its not good to do things like that and show her that you can be just a pain..
Things will get better and when they are 2 its not as bad as everyone says it is... Everyone gets stressed out and discourage with them. Its going to get better

T.

There are a couple of awesome books you can try. The first one I would start with is "Baby Wise" by Ezzo. He also has a website: http://www.ezzo.info/babywise.htm

The second I would recommend is "The New Dare to Discipline" by Dobson. Here's the website: http://www.family.org/resources/itempg.cfm?itemid=132

Good luck.

hi,im so glad to know im not alone.i have two boys ages 8 and 23months.they are alot of work!!!,my 23month old has been,id say wild since before he could crawl,the whole day,then he learned to run and climb,now hes into everything and has a bad problem of screaming for no reason and throwing,he gave his brother a black eye from throwing his sippy cup right at his eye.i get tired of saying no 500 times a day,but ive been trying to ignore him when he does bad stuff,i think hes calming down some.i think terriable 2's start early and end late.i also stay at home and im 28 years old.dont feel bad about being at your ends wit,im there to all the time!!!well good luck!

I hear what you are saying. Try reading strong willed child by James Dobson

I have an 18 month old boy and he is just as trying. I know it sounds crazy, but all the books have been right in my case. I ignore his tantrums, and in a very short period he moves on to something else, totally forgetting what he was frustrated about. They can't understand at this age what they're doing. They are just trying to get a reaction. I also think repetition is key. Just keep trying to explain not to throw or hit and why. Eventually she will understand.

With my three year old and eighteen month old, positive reinforcement is the only thing that worked! I know it sounds "soft" or even annoying (ha ha) but it does work. Instead of yelling, No! or stop! or whatever, you say, "thank you for not throwing! Thank you for not hitting our friends, etc." and "we like our toys, we don't throw them!" It is quite annoying at times, since you just want to scream :). Also, putting her TOYS in a time out (not her) also worked for my kids. (they don't have a lot, so maybe that is why!) We went through a biting stage as well, and positive reinforcement worked for that too. "Thank you for not biting! Biting hurts our friends." I know it sounds mushy, and I am not a mushy person,
Good luck! E.

Hi A.,
I have a 2 year old that is actually almost 3 and not to upset you but it does not get better as far as the terrible 2s and 3s.. My little girl started about the same time yours is, and I know how you feel about getting tired of punishing, especially when it seems not to be helping.. It has finally gotten to the point that most times, not all the time, if I give her a certain look she knows that its about that time and most of the time she will chill with whatever she is doing, but it took a while and alot of me counting to 10 for us to get here..
I dont know what kind of punishment you are doing but I found that the ole sticking their nose in the corner and daring them to turn around worked for me, or sitting them down in a chair and again darring them to get up also did too. Now the amount of time that they are in the corner or the chair depends on you and the "crime"..
I do believe in spanking my little one on the bottum, but sometimes it just seems like that is all you do then you feel really bad, that is when I had to resort to the corner or chair.
Another thing that I started doing was if she threw her toys, I would give her a warning and if it continues they got "thrown away" (I actually put them away). I found with mine that if I took her favorite things away due to the way she was acting that would sometimes straighten her up. Also we go to the park at least once a week but if she is acting up that is one of the things I will take away.
Now I never had a problem with hitting (YET) so I dont really know how to answer that. But for the not listening and just all in all misbehaving I have a friend that said she started just putting her little girl in the bed (she read it somewhere) and she would tell her little girl that when she could start behaving, be it listening, not throwing, or hitting, then she could get up. Usually she cries herself to sleep and is a total different person when she gets up, but each kid is different.
This might all be stuff that you have tried, I dont know, I just wanted to give you some ideas that have helped me. Something that you might want to do if you dont already is rewarding her after she has been good all day, whether it is with stickers, going to the playground or something like that. Just so she sees that being good has rewards and being bad does not..

Hope it helps,
J.

Sounds to me she is so testing your limits, LOL! One thing you could try is to set up a pack-n-play some where in the "play area" and when she acts up place her in the pack for a time-out. Also, not sure if you "yell/scream" at her but I truely believe this does not help a child - try talking and be calm (give respect to get respect). :)

M.

I have a 15 month old son and I thought the same thing. Got a lot of books and guess what....it is totally normal. The books say to not give them an audience. Walk away from them and try to ignore it. I have found that is working as he stops faster than when I am right near him. Also, if doesn't stop I am picking him up and telling him in a calm but firm voice that it is not acceptable behavior. I know he doesn't understand but he stops. So stay calm, walk away and then take control. TRUST me it is TOTALLY NORMAL!

S.

Hey, I just moved here from Atlanta and our pediatrician was an older man (I'd say early 70s). He's seen it all and at my son's 15 month appointment, he said "terrible 2s" can start as early as 14 or 15 months so you are definitely not alone.

We've been in the trying 2-year old phase for about a year and a half. It's not too early to start with time-outs though. I've always heard one minute per year of age. It will give her a minute or two to calm down and for you as well. We put our son in time out wherever the "infraction" happens. We don't have a specific "naughty" chair or anything. We just put him with his back against a wall, sitting on the floor where he can't reach any toys or anything. Then we just walk away and let him get it out of his system. If he gets up, we put him back in and the clock starts over. When we take him out, we make him say he's "sorry for hitting the cat" or whatever and we hug and go on as if nothing happened. You just have to be really consistent.

Good luck and hang in there. It will be over in 18 years.

I'm a 57 yr old grandmother, 3 grown children, 4 grandchildren, one of who is 18 months. Be patient, it will pass, BUT be loving and firm. Tell her, "no hit" or "no throw" then pick her up and sit her on a little chair or over to the side of a room (even take her into her room and sit her on the floor) of course she won't stay there for long, but believe me, even at 15 months, she'll learn that this is what happens to her if she hits or throws, etc. the key is to be consistent.

I would try ignoring her the next time she does any of those activities. She is probably looking for some attention and doesn't care whether it's negative or postiive. Then when she is behaving nicely make sure you praise her and give her lots of attention and tell her how happy you are that she is acting so nice. Give her a little reward (maybe a sticker or M&M). Also, try to 'feed the meter' and pay attention to her when she's not expecting it. Play w/her for awhile when you usually are trying to get other things done. This may help let her know that she is your number one priority. Hopefully this helps! Let me know how things go!
R.

Hi A.... My daughter who is now 26 months old (turned 2 May 29th) started on the terrible 2's before hitting 24 months. Infact, she was about 17 months old when things really started picking up. She has crying fits, screams, head-butts us if at all possible, slaps, and on occasion will even throw things. I asked my pediatrician about all of this at her 18 month visit and her 24 month one and they said it is not unusual at all...and it will even out - eventually. I wish I had some great foolproof advice on managing it, but I basically try to avoid her 'triggers' (being hungry or tired)...I let her have her fits in a safe place, but I don't soothe her or pick her up while she's in the throes of one (per my dr)....if she does something REALLY bad I pick her up and put her in her crib for a short time and let her go. I comfort her only when it is all over. Obviously they are too young for time-outs at this age and don't understand it anyway. I have also discovered that ignoring her fits seems to work, too. If she's just crying and being obnoxious because I won't let her color I just let her make a fuss and pretend that I don't notice. It's amazing that it does stop and pretty quickly at that. I hope this helps a little. If you are really bothered you may want to talk to your doctor about it. I'm sure hearing from them that this is normal will make you feel a little better - but you will probably receive plenty of replies telling you that exact thing as well. Hang in there and try to stay sane....I've been told that 3 yrs old is much, much worse! :)

PS - at our 2yr appt in June my dr said that I needed to stop reacting to the negative behaviour and instead start praising the good behaviour. She said as long as my daughter is getting attention she doesn't care if it's positive or negative. So I need to start praising and recognizing her when she's being good, that way she will WANT to keep doing that to keep getting that attention. It's hard to do, but we have been trying and I will say that there has definitely been some major improvements in her behaviour. I guess sometimes dr's DO know what they are talking about!

I HAVE A 3 YEASR OLD AND A 2 YEAR OLD. WE HAVE THE SAME TROUBLES, WE HAVE STARTED USING THE TIME OUT SYSTEM AND IT WORKS. WE PUT THE 3 YEARS OLD IN TIME OUT FOR 3 MINUTES AND THE 2 YEAR OLD IN FOR 2 MINUTES. THEY SAY TO PUT THE CHILD IN TIME OUT ONE MINUTE FOR EVERY YEAR THAT THEY ARE. IT HAS WORKED FOR ME,YES THEY STILL HIT, THROW THINGS AND DO NOT LISTEN BUT NOT AS BAD ANY MORE. HOPE THIS WORKS.

A., I have a little boy that is 30 months and he has been doing some of the same things since about that age. The only thing I can tell you that helps is just being consistent with your rules and the consequences. I went through some of the same emotions and yes it does get better with time. LOL.

Children pick up things early. Especially how mom responds to their behavior. I found that with my overly aggressive daughter, she learned what was acceptable behavior by my response to her. If she was "trying me", (which children will do), I simply ignore the bad behavior and reward the good behavior. It won't be long before she realizes that the rewards are far greater when she is being a little angel than when she is throwing tantrums. Most of the time children act up to get attention, they understand that you react to behavior good or bad. So the more you react to the good behavior and reprimand the bad but don't get overly excited about it, they will learn that Mommy appreciates them for being good. Of course, I'm no Dr. Spock, just a mother who's been through it too.... :-)

I don't have a suggestion for you..but check out this website

http://www.theparentingcoach.com

She has wonderful advice and also counsels parents.
There are some great articles to read too.

Good Luck!
K.

It might be worthwhile to keep a food journal for a week or two, to make sure that something that she's eating isn't especially setting her off. (Try some new foods during this time--a different breakfast and a different lunch than she's used to, and see if the behavior alters.)

Some children's behavior gets worse after eating stuff with red dye, or with certain types of juice, etc. etc.

Just another suggestion...

Hang in there!

I am a local child psychologist who specializes in behavioral issues. I would consider going to talk to a behavioralist to give you some pointers to address the behaviors, because if you dont address them now, they will get worse when she does turn two. Just a thought...it would be well worth it

I just think your daughter is a normal, albeit trying, toddler. Tell her "NO" firmly and try to stop the behavior, but punishing her will be of little or no use at this age. Usually a firm rsponse and a re-direction of behavior will settle it at this age. Good luck and enjoy your baby! They gow up quickly!

Alittle about me----I am a Metro Schools elementary guidance counselor with a grown 26 year old son and and 11 year old daughter who can act like a toddler at times! HA!

Just be patient, be patient, be patient, hopefully she'll outgrow this. However, if you feel that her behavior is bad beyond what a normal child of her age should be exhibiting then you may want to talk with your pediatrition about the situation. He may give some helpful advice.
You may also consider some sort of parenting class. The teacher or other students might have some good ideas for you.
Best of luck.

CO

Hi A.. I had the same problem a couple of months ago. My daughter is just over 2 years old and she did the same thing. I used to put her in her crib and let her cry it out for about 15 mins then she would stop crying and it would be like it never happened. I only had to do it about 3 or 4 times till she relized what she was doing, now I do it maybe once or twice every two weeks or so. It really works.
J.

A.,

A little about me: I'm a grandma with 4 grandkids....two are under two....and at this same developmental stage.....

Take heart......this, too, shall pass.....(smile)

....in the meantime, though, consider how much frustration your little one is experiencing....trying to communicate her desires and feelings without words.....trying to make things work.....trying get things at she wants to reach, and keep things she shouldn't have.....she's impatient when things don't happen like she wants them to...and she's as frustrated right now as you are......(if you had that much difficulty with your environment wouldn't you be frustrated??!)

Remember that all that screaming and flailing about is about her frustration.....she's not trying to oppose you, really....she's just reacting to everything that seems to be OPPOSING HER!! (ha!)....and you're in her way.....

...but the answer isn't in letting her have her own way.....and it isn't in punishing her all the time, either, because she'll just get discouraged with all the negativity.

The best answer (and I know its not always possible, of course) is to set up things so she can be successful at stuff that's good for her.....and not have an opportunity to get into something you'll immediately have to get her out of (and add to her frustration...)

Another thing is to make sure she's getting adequate nap time on a regular schedule in the same place each day....more about predictable routine here....and even though she may protest sometimes, she'll find comfort and security in the predictability of the naptime routine.

The good news is that she's pretty easily distracted at this age....and she only THINKs she knows what she really needs!!! (ha!)

Routine is a wonderful thing at this age. Even though the transitions throughout the day are going to be met with a howl and slaps and body contortions, probably.....she'll respond to your firm, confident tone and gentle, but firm, hands that lift her away from what it's time to stop doing to go to the bath (like you always do at this time of day).....and learn what's coming next....and she'll find security in knowing that you are in charge and you are taking care of her (in spite of the way she's treating you today.)

It's hard not to take it personally when she slaps you in the face....I remember, believe me. And if she does that...or tries to bite....you have to be VERY FIRM about that not being acceptable.....but try to just use a firm touch and a calm, serious,firm voice, rather than reacting in kind. It'll communicate "don't hit me" better if you're not hitting her when you're saying it....but instead you're holding her hands firmly against her body and speaking firmly. Then you move quickly onto something else.

You're her security..... the one she depends on....she knows that..... and when you oppose her, she needs to be reassured that it's because you love her and you know what is best for her. (As much as possible, try to keep the frustration out of your own voice....but I know how hard that is!) Talk to her as much as possible, too, even if you know she can't understand all the words. And sing to her when you don't have anything to talk about. Make up the words...it doesn't have to be a real song. Some of her "acting out" is about needing attention from you...and you can partially meet that need with your voice while you're doing something else in the room.

A spat on the diaper is fine, too, of course, to get her attention when your voice can't break through the bedlam.....but it will loose its effectiveness if you use it too much.

And don't forget that a quiet space is a good place to calm down.....for both of you....some lap time with a book, or a cup of juice and an rocking chair. She just may need to be still with you for a bit.

I hope this isn't too much "advice". If it is.....just blame it on an old grandma who has too much to say.....

But do be encouraged....this won't last forever. As she learns to talk better, a lot of this frustration will go away and you'll have a little friend at your side who is talking your ear off, but who is a lot easier to get along with.

....oh yeah....try to get adequate rest, yourself....it will make a huge difference in the way you feel. This is really a tough time right now....and it takes a lot out of the both of you.....

Cheers!
Grammie

terrible 2's do come early some time . my daugther STARTED WITH THE TERRIBLES 2 RIGHT AFTER SHE TURNED 1 .

A.,

It's not too early for the terrible 2's--mine is 20 months, but she's been asserting her authority for a while now. I used to teach 2's, and I found that the best (if not easiest) thing is to stay as calm as possible. Yell and they yell back. Know that you will say the same thing over and over and remove her from the situation if necessary. But know that eventually she will get it. Try to give her an alternative--ie you can't throw that vase, but you can look at these tupperware bowls. If she doesn't go for it, try not to repeat yourself over and over or give in--just ride out the tantrum and they should gradually subside. Hope that helps, and remember that eventually you will be proud to have a strong and determined daughter who knows what she wants and goes for it! :)

L.

PS Oops! Just read the update--I agree that she's too young for a time out. For now a distraction is better than any long time out. I'd be careful w/using the bed as punishment, though--you want her to have pleasant associations w/it!

Hello I am a stay at home Mom of a 21/2 year old and I'm going thru the same thing. It can be unbareable but there is a light at the end I promise!! If you stick with you dicipline and be consistent you will prevail. Maybe change your dicipline technique but stay firm and try not to give in to anything b/c the can smell weekness.LOL..LOL

I hope everything turns out well...C. W

every parent- or most every parent goes through this with their child... i would recommend reading some of bill sears books- he has a few for high spririted kids and helping their parents. also there is a great new book by harvey karp - the happiest baby on the block guy- has a new one the happiest toddler on the block- he really helps with the perspective aspect of being a toddler- hope this helps!

i went through the same thing. wwe ended up taking her favorite toy away and putting it up some where but in view still and told her that if she wanted it back she had to be a good girl. it worked better than the time put thing for us.

I have a 16 month old little boy that is doing the same thing. My cousin also has a 16 month old and her doctor told her that if her son starts throwing a fit and throws himself on the floor to make sure he is ok and just to walk away from him. That b/c they can't talk to you yet they get frustrated and that is how they get it out. I've tried it some he screams for a few minutes and then is ok. My husband even put our son in the bed last night when he started the screaming and let him scream it out for a few minutes and when he went back in and picked him up he stopped and was fine. Mine doesn't hit but he does throw things. I just try to make sure that he can't get to anything breakable b/c I don't know how to stop him from doing that.

A.,
This seems like a mixture of your daughter trying to figure out her boundaries and frustration. Children typically act out when they are frustrated and the issue that causes frustration at this age is usually the inabilty to communicate her wants and needs. Your daughter is at an age when her receptive language skills exceed her expressive language skills. In short, she understands more than she can express. She may be trying to tell you something and your totally unaware, and when she knows you don't know, she will then act out. The biggest thing I've learned is #1 be conistent to teach her boundaries and rules. Nothing helps a child more than knowing for sure what is expected of them and what they are able to do. Boundaries are very important. The second thing is to be aware of her communication. She may not say what she wants, but most children will point, look, try to lead you etc. This is her communication until her verbal skills pick up. These communication skills should be observed and respected by you. Pretend your an investigator, pay attention and let her know you are trying to understand her communication. She may need help to increase these skills. Start by labeling everything with a one-word label then put the object in a phrase. (i.e., "juice...Do you want juice?"). Also introducing signs of words that are important in her daily life that she is not saying yet will also help increase her communication skills. I hope this helps a little. Sincerely, M. Mingone Owner of Education Play Station and Speech Language Pathologist

I know you have probably heard this a million times, but the best advice I have is to completely ignore the bad behavior. I work with special needs children and the advice from all the behavioral specialists is to make sure the child will not harm themselves, put them in a safe place like a crib and then walk away until they can calm down. This is very hard to do, but if you can be consistent (that means everyone she is around has to be on board) it usually pays off! Good luck, a toddlers job is to test the limits and yours is to set those limits. R.

Buy the book, "1-2-3 Magic" It is a wonderful tool to help with any age and stage. Good luck!