Temper Tantrums Only When Dads Around

It seems to me she is trying to get daddy's attention and make up for the time she missed. She doesn't have the ability yet to realize and verbalize this -- so it comes out in the form of a tantrum.

I know other posters mentioned spankings or time outs. I have a book called 'Playful Parenting' that I was just re-reading yesterday. It recommends 'talk time' in the chapter on discipline. I haven't been using this - but I am thinking of trying (we do time outs as of now).

Basically, when the childs acts up - say 'I think we need talk time'. Go to the couch together and talk about what is really going on, OR just act silly and giggle together, etc. Either way, it is about the fact that the child is feeling disconnected when they are tantruming and therefore, isolating them more in time out or a spanking is further disconnecting them.

I can see the authors point. I also have done behavior modification with children with autism in the past and it is hard for me to move away from feeling that I am then
re-enforcing the negative behavior.

I figure it's worth a try - b/c I don't want to feel I am always threatening a time out OR giving one! By the way -- my 2 1/2 year old I feel is trying to reconnect w/ daddy b/c he has been glued to CNN and politics every night all night and not paying as much attention to the kids. SO--- that is where I saw that the dissconection thing made sense.

Good luck!

Hello... Maybe hearing her daddy's voice while he is gone and having some (one on one) time when he gets home will help. She needs to know that this behavior is unacceptable because if it is not addressed it will get worse (sorry if that sounds harsh) I spanked my child after his tantrums; Once we were both calm... I never spanked when angry or in the moment! I would ask him what that was about and how could he have handled the situation differently?(age appropriate dialogue of course!) He learned quickly that throwing the tantrums was not worth a spanking! Take care

Relax (as best you can!), the child is normal.

Dad not being around displeases her, so she had to let him know that. Dad coming home is a break in routine, which often triggers tantrums. You probably pay some attention to your husband, which means, she thinks, less attention for her, so she tantrums. She may also know your limits, but still be testing out Dad's. As long as you and your husband are on the same page when it comes to dealing with the tantrums and are firm and patient through them she'll be fine. You might also help her express her feelings in words, pictures, playdough - however she can.

E.

Having a temper tantrum for one or another caregiver/parent is NORMAL up until 4 or 5 years. I work with young kids and see it all the time. The kids are fine, then mom or dad walk in the door and they turn into mini monsters. It's very typical for the child to do it more for the parent they see less of. It is a very typical attention-seeking behavior or reaction to changes in their routine.

I would suggest you firmly begin a routine that her behavior is unacceptable and will not work to get her what she wants (Dad's or your attention). She should go to time out when she starts, then be allowed out when she's calm. Spanking after time out isn't smart, and teaches them nothing, even if you wait until you are "calm". You should be talking to them and giving them words for their feelings instead, since children this age don't have the needed self-control. "Are you calm now? Ready to play with Daddy?" Kids have a right to their feelings, even anger, but they have to be taught appropriate ways to calm themselves and deal with it.

I think having her hear daddy's voice and see pictures everyday is a great idea. Put pictures of him in her room. Have him call her and talk. Talk to her about him being gone and even start talking to her about him coming home. She may be too young to understand now, but she'll never learn if you don't have conversation with her. Make sure she is well-rested and not hungry (top causes of any temper tantrum!) before she sees Dad. And dad also needs to sit down with you and discuss a behavior plan so you both are CONSISTENT when dealing with her temper tantrums.