HELP!! How Do I Handle My 18 Month Old's Temper Tantrums!!!

I have two children and my second child started this at 6 months. The only thing that worked when we were at home was to put him in his room and shut the door. He was not allowed out until he could control himself and at 18 mths they know how the behave. If we were out and shopping and the tantrum started we would stop and leave the store go to the car and sit until he could control himself then go back and finish shopping or go home which ever was needed. He finally grew out of it but you have to be consistant and do the exact same thing every time with out backing down.

My child @ 18 months old also started with the temper; she is now 21 months. I put her into daycare which has helped her very well. We also decided to try timeout; which she hated at first. But now she will go into time out by herself and then she comes to me to apologiz.

Well the good news is that the earlier into the "terrible two's" the sooner you are out of them :-)

I agree with earlier posts- learn what you can about child psychology! While every child is different and the same thing does not work for each one, the more you can arm yourself with knowledge the better you can develop the best plan for YOUR litle one!

We have an 18 month too. Some things definitely worked for us...Distraction, communication and consistancy.

For us the public tanturms are hardest (in the house no problem!), our DD is most sentitive when she is tired (some are set off by hunger or boredom)so if we had a bad nap day - we probably aren't hitting the mall late that afternoon. We try to keep realistic expectations and keep our plans flexible. When out, we keep a "distraction kit" in the diaperbag (stickers kept in old greeting card envelopes, a book, etc). If we don't get to the last errand and head to the park instead to blow off energy- no biggie.

We have tried to help our DD communicate better with signing. Invaluable! She was big on whining and growling early on so the signing helped her communicate. we are big on positive reinforcement and lots of praise when she is being good..she now tells us "good girl" when she is being good (she's getting it).

Finally, consistancy (you may not see it now - hang in there!) will pay off. no means no...there will be flip outs. But if you waiver she will know and then it is a battle of the wills and trust me she is not at all embarassed to wig out in the middle of Target :-). Cinsistency also needs a united front. My DD was flipping out when she could not play with my cell phone...i later found out my DH was giving her his to play with. no wonder!

They certainly know the difference between yes and no but at this age, it is irrelavant to them. A tantrum is just a tantrum...it will happen but it will pass. It's not a reflection on you as a parent!

Good luck!

Have you read "Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Harvey Karp? It's a really interesting way to handle their tantrums and it works. It takes a lot of practice and feels weird at first but it really does work.

The basics are that you first recognize their tantrum (not matter how dumb it seems) [Example if they want to go outside you say...You're MAD MAD MAD, you WANT to go outside NOW], even stomp your foot for emphasis if you want to. Then once they see that you 'get it' as to why your mad. You explain in short words why they can't go outside [but..no...you can't go...mommy busy], and then distract or redirect [BUT you can come play with these pots and pans!].

It's a good method and the book is very helpful. It also has advice as to how to do time outs effectively and when to do them.
The book also points out that you have to give them praise all the time so that when you say no it actually means something. I'm doing that now with my 9 month olds and it gets exhausting but it helps. (Thank you for this Thank you for that, you're so good! Thank you for playing nicely, thank you for laughing etc.). So when I correct them, they see that I mean it and I'm not happy.

Hey C.,

As mama's we all have this same question, what do I do when?? You have gotten a lot of advice and I don't feel led to share what we do in our home. Every child is different and every family is different in what they believe works best. I believe you have much wisdom as a mom and I believe you should go with what is in your heart. What YOU believe will work best. Sometimes we learn by trial and error, but if we make the wrong move, our heart will tell us. This is a stage in your little ones life and with the right guidance it WILL pass. Trust your heart!!

I hope this helps and encourages you!
T.

I also do not think you can reason with that young of children you just have to do the best you can until they mature it takes a while. That does not mean in my opinion let them have their way. I did explain it and let them know every time what is expected and what is not trying to be consistent with that and eventually they will learn that. I don't think being a militant in your tactics at that age is effective, I guess my main point is that they will yes you do need a game plan but also be patent with it and roll with it or you will stress yourself out, expect that it may not work every time but continue to teach or distract what ever you decide and one day you will be surprised that they will understand and get it and you will think I did it.. At that time you will know your child is old enough to reason with more. 18 months is really young and exciting stage.

Get the book The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp. It is great and it really helps you communicate with your toddler and figure out the source of the tantrums. Dr. Karp suggests using "cave talk" with toddlers which is basically stating their feelings in a very brief way, like "Johnny MAD! MAD!" which helps your child understand that you understand him/her. I found it very helpful when my daughter started that stage. Good luck!

My personal belief is that you should never punish a temper tantrum in a child that young. At that age it is the only way they have of expressing their emotions. Frustration comes out as a tantrum, it is not her fault. Firstly, I would try to avoid the triggers. Make sure she is well rested and well fed, as being overtired or hungry can make the littlest things lead to a temper tantrum. Also, if you notice other specific triggers, try to avoid those, but do not give into her just to avoid a tantrum. She needs to learn that no means no, tantrum or not. When she does throw a tantrum, make sure you put in a safe place where she can't get hurt until she calms herself. If you are in public, take her to the car and strap her in the car seat until she calms down. You can also offer words of encouragement, and help her start finding words to use to express herself. And, when she is finally calm, LOTS of praise for doing a good job calming herself and getting over the tantrum. Even when there is the slightest pause in the crying, praise that, so she gets the ides that being quiet/settled is a GOOD thing.

Just be consistant. Mean what you say and say what you mean. She needs the security of knowing that when you say 'no", it ALWAYS means "no", not just sometimes. If she melts down out in public, walk outside and don't go back in until she calms down and the second she starts to melt again take her outside again.

Also, can she communicate OK? We taught my late talker some basic signs and he was a much calmer and happier toddler

Your darling child is showing signs of independence--not a lways at the best moment. Learn how to take deep breaths, you'll need lots of air :) My grandaughter responded (Most of the times) when we ignored her a little while and then asked if anyone had heard from her, or seen her lately. THEN talking to her very quietly (NOT while in the tantrum).
Once or twice she did get the cold shower, but only as a last resource. Try negotiating, they understand. Good luck.

The way I did it was: at home I put them in their room until the tantrum was done, letting them know they could come out when they were done, while out, we would leave immeadiatly and they got NOTHING. Once calm I would explain that it was unacceptable behavior that would not be tolerated. They are free to be unhappy about something, but not free to punish the rest of the world.

i'm sure that i'm not going to answer this like most people, but i don't like to be embarrassed and have people look at me when my child might be screaming and throwing a fit or running throughout a store. at 18mos she knows what she is doing and she knows how to push your buttons. yes, she is exhibiting her independance and that is a good thing. you don't want a child who can't do anythign for themselves. but when my daughter and son did/do this and i am in a store, i leave. i don't get down and try to talk to them, i don't try to divert their attention. they are throwing a fit and they aren't listening to what i have to say. they are tuning me out and it's all about them. so, i pick them up and walk out of the store/restaraunt wherever. if i'm grocery shopping and my husband is with me. he finishes up. if hes not done eating, he stays in the restaraunt and finishes. if i'm at home and it starts then i either put them in their room so i don't have to listen, or i put them in a chair at the table so i can keep an eye on them and they have to stay there until they are still and quiet. i'm sorry, but i have been around a ton of kids and at 18mo you can't get down on their level and talk to them like they are 30. they are kids and sometimes removing them from the situation is the best.

I would take my son to a bathroom and sit on the toilet and have him look at me and speak to him firmly and seriously. We did this alot when he was smaller. It truly worked for him when I sat down and spoke to his level. Never talk to her standing over her. I explained myself to him and than asked him if he understood me. I would make him acknowledge me by saying "understood". Try putting her in time out at home. I know it is hard with an 18 year old, but you have to start now or it will get harder as you go. My son did have a melt down one time, I spanked his bottom and told him it was unacceptable to behave that way and it never happened again.

Hi C.. I have a 22 months old and she loves to throw temper tantrums but she is mostly violent. Yeah, I know - not good. She likes to hit and throw things a lot. We have started using a time out chair and it has worked pretty good. Nothing works 100% of the time, but after just a month or so even a threat to send her there and she usually stops whatever she is doing that she shouldnt be. Out in public, Im not so sure about. I was worried out our lil one getting outta control too, so i decided to use the time out chair. I dont really like time outs but its a better option than spanking. And at 2 she's only there for 2 mins, but she seems to understand. It takes a lot of patience and consistency but I think its worth it :o) Good luck with your lil one!

Throw yourself on the floor next to her and have your own little fit!! I watched my girlfriend do this and you would not believe her daughters reaction!! I imagine that doesn't work all the time, but if you have
tried everything else..........

Good luck!

Well every kid is different but here is what is starting to work for me. Again it's a book on behavior.
1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan
There is also a website so you can get a little more about this book.
http://www.parentmagic.com/
Trial and error in what works best for your daughter, just don't let her know she's getting the best of you. She keep up the tantrums.

I'm in the same boat with my 16 month old son.
We have a spanking spoon that is portable, not that he gets spanked but usually just the sight of it is enough and if not, a tap on the diaper. We also have a designated spot for him to sit in time out. He sits there maybe a minute (1 min for every year) and if he tries to get up before, I sit him back down or put my hands over his legs and tell him in a calm but forceful voice, "sit down, you're in time out. We do not hit/throw things/talk to mama like that."
When the time is over, I say it again in a little gentler voice and give him some love. When he puts things down or doesn't touch things when I tell him, "no," I get really excited and tell him thank you.
I personally am apprehensive about using his room as a time out place because he has tons of toys and I don't want him to ever associate nap/bedtime with punishment.
And as far as them not understanding every word...they get the idea and before we know it, they will. I also try to divert and redirect him in situations when he is misbehaving.
Some sayings I learned from when my 8 yr old was his age and went to daycare that I thought were helpful and cute:
"We don't hit our friends, we hug our friends," "We don't bite our friends, we bite our food," "We don't color on walls, we color on paper." --I'm sure you can come up with your own and although they may seem a little silly, that constant reinforcement helps and as our tots speak more, they will begin repeating it to us and as they see other children do those "bad" things, they will exclaim, "mama, we don't do that, do we?!" and be proud of it.

Good luck!

well when you are at home, put her in time out for this bad behavior and tell her that you will not tollerate this kind of behavior from her.
no out in public you tell her before she foes what you expect from her and tell her what the consequinces will be if she behaives badly out in public tell her that if she acts out that you will just go home and she will have a time out nap when you get home.
for her telling you no, tell her every time she does this she is gonna get a time out.

maybe consider taking a free parenting class near you they are soooo helpful. call your local children's and families or go on the computer and see if you can find a free parenting class in your area.

it is important that you always be consitant on the punsihment for this behavior, and time outs are usally one minute per age. 2 mintues may not seem that much but it will be for her.

Depending on what triggers her temper tantrums. If she wants to play with something she isn't supposed to be playing with, you would give her something more appropriate. Options are always good, too. Although she is only 18 months old she understands a lot more than we would like to think. When trying to re-direct her attention, give her two options (for example: Would you like to play with your dolls or read a 'The Three Little Bears'?). Giving her options will make her feel like a big girl and encourage her to begin using her words, if she isn't already (or not using her words very well).

D. T

It is just a stage believe me my Daughter did the same exact thing it lasted a while but by two we've outgrown it, Thank God, and now she's a big charm...