Teenager "The Talk"

I didn't do it with my now 13 yo and two years ago she started her period. Oops, she knew only a little bit about what was going on. So we had to have a quick lesson right then. I dropped the ball big time.
With my first we told him many times at the dinner table what we expected, and how babies were made, what diseases came form having multiple partners. .
He was old enough to remember the 4 other pregnancies, the WIC visits because of all of them and freezing milk, the penny pinching. the diapers, the puking. He is in no rush to have babies.

I think you have done a great job.
He will know the facts, he got it from you, he knows he can come to you anytime if he needs help with something. Good job M..

no talk to him more...educate him, and tell him the good and bad parts of it, there are so many common myths that kids believe and end up pregnant or stds...like you can't get pregnant on your period, if you pull out its ok.....if you don't educate him who will? does he have an uncle he'd feel better talking to?

I think talks about sex should be ongoing- my seven-year-old and I talk about these issues often- whenever she has questions- and she feels comfortable asking me questions as she has them. My four year old feels comfortable asking me questions about her body parts. No way are you over-bearing. At 13, your son has sexual urges and it would be beyond irresponsible for a parent not to educate him and guide him about sex and puberty. Hopefully you have talks with him regularly, not just once.

You definitely did not have this talk too early and good for you for teaching him about protection. Please be sure to include protection from what, including sexually transmitted diseases aside from pregnancy. My niece works with teenagers and it is unbelievable what diseases they already have at such a young age. The parents of these teenagers (and pre-teens) just don't talk about how their health/life can be afflicted. Consider a youth group, if he isn't already in one, they really push resisting peer pressure and for those who choose to become sexually active they teach about responsibility/risk of being sexually active. Again, good for you and good luck.

I agree with many here. I think it is an ongoing conversation that starts with toddlers asking, what is this for? Where do babies come from? I am always honest with my daughter, who is nearly nine now. Obviously I don't go into crazy details yet, but I don't lie to her either, or make up stories about flowers and birds, etc. I think there are so many examples and life stories to use when talking to kids about why waiting is best for them. Some Mom's might be horrified by this, but I am going to tell my daughter to masturbate when we get to that age. The truth is, teens have a huge desire for sex, it's part of how we are made as humans, and masturbating fullfills the need. I don't want the first time she is touched by a boy to feel so good that she can't stop it. I think it also gives a young lady a sense of control of her sexuality, to know that she can satisfy her physical needs without getting herself in a compromising emotional and social situation. I know I will probably take some flack for it, but I want my daughter to own her sexuality, and hopefully wait until she is mature enough to handle it as a consenting adult.

At our house it is an ongoing part of communication. I have a 16 yr old daughter.

I started early on that no question she had was off topic and I would answer anything honestly.

My daughter had the Health class and it touched on some things we've already talked about.

She has high goals and dreams, of course I talk about birth control and STD.

I'd much rather her get info from me vs off the streets.

I think that more parents should do what you are doing. "The Talk" is not a one and done and it is not required for the same gender parent to talk to the child If you are comfortable talking to your son (or uncomfortable but realize that 12 yr olds get pregnant) then talk to him. It doesn't need to be a lecture. I also find that the car is a good place to discuss uncomfortable topics. They don't have to look at you.

No, you are responsible. Just make it clear that your expectations are that he SHOULDN'T be in need of a condom anytime soon, but regardless he should know the ins and outs of things. AND...no, there shouldn't be any embarrassment. Just explain the facts of life as facts, and explain the appropriate emotional context and maturity level in which sexual activity is acceptable as well as potential ramifications and consequences.

If you've waited til 13 to discuss anything about reproduction with him, you've waited too long. Most kids know about sex and reproduction by this age, he's a year away from high school age. I don't believe in "the talk." I have a 16 yr old daughter and 12 year old son. We started ongoing discussions at 8 and 9 years old, about puberty which then lead to reproduction, sex, emotions, responsibility, etc. It's much better for kids to learn about these things from parents rather than friends who may not be giving accurate information. He is not too young. In our school district, reproduction is taught in sixth grade health. The first discussion shouldn't be about showing him condoms. You have some ground to make up for if you haven't discussed anything about reproduction yet.
I don't believe in waiting for sex til marriage and dont' want my kids marrying young to act on sexual desires. I believe that sex is a normal part of adult relationships and that saving it for marriage isn't something admirable or to be looked up to, but those are my beliefs. My children know that I believe you need to be a legal adult before you can consider being emotionally ready and responsible, and that I want them to have some experience before committing to marriage, if they marry at all.

I think it's great that you're talking to him about this. Kids are getting younger when it comes to exploring.

Just be sure you let him know that you'd MUCH prefer that he wait and explain WHY.

My mother had the talk with me pretty early, but she made it sound like it was 'cool' and ok to begin having sex at an early age. Things would've probably been very different for me as a teen if my mother would've told me to wait and why it's a good idea to wait.

No, you are not overbearing. You are smart.

Look. Let's say I don't want my kids to swim in the ocean without supervision until they're older. They don't know how to read the ocean yet, and can't deal with potential mishaps (like undertow/a cramp/rip tides). Do I still teach them to swim NOW? Of course. Educating them in water safety is not the same as allowing them to swim without supervision. My children are not ready to swim in the ocean by themselves, do it safely and deal with the (possible) repercussions. However, when they ARE ready, they'll know how to do it safely, and enjoy the activity.

Likewise, I don't want my kids on a roadway by themselves. My kids are still little, and when we're in town, they hold my hand near the road. I don't want them to be around cars without my help at this point. However, I still teach them how to take walks safely, because one day they WILL be old enough to cruise around by themselves...and when they are, I want them to know how to do so safely.

IMO, our kids SHOULD know what a condom is, how it works, and how effective they are at reducing the risk of pregnancy/stds. Our children should understand how to have safer sex. Knowing how to have safer sex, is not the same as promoting teen sex. It's simply gearing them up to 1. know ways to reduce physical risks 2. understand and respect consent 3. have respect for their bodies, their partner's body, and the act of sex.

Also, if we give our kids good information, they'll be able to share that, rather than half truths/rumors. In the case that a friend of theirs is having teen sex, they'll have the answers to questions like, "Do I need to check the expiration date of a condom? How do you put a condom on *correctly*? Does lube help reduce the chance of breakage? Can lube be petrolatum based, when using a condom? etc."

You've handed your son a great tool. And, you've talked comfortably and openly about sex. Guess what, he's more likely to come to YOU for advice! Fantastic job, T!

Good for you. I beleive you are 100% right. It is better to be smart and be open and honest so he will come to you and not be embarassed. Your husband needs to get with the times. At least you are forthright and honest.

I think it's great to do that, but it sounds to me more like you gave him the okay just as long as he uses a condom. The sex talk is more than just about safety, but about readiness, caution not to take advantage of girls or vice versa, letting him know it's okay to not be physically active and helping him learn to set standards and what behaviors are expected. Kids aren't just having sex these days, but having oral/anal at this young age too. So all of that needs to be addressed, and like other moms said, it needs to be ongoing communication. It shouldn't be about embarrassment at all, then he'll just hide things in the future if that is your emphasis.

I have a 16, 14 and almost 5 year old... of course haven't said anything to the 5 year old... however, I've had some open conversations with the other two. My daughter is the oldest, she started early, summer going into 5th grade, I touched on sex a little, not too much, but gradually through the years talk to her. They talk a lot more with friends, which I remember that too growing up, I have left an open door of communication with her. I've told her a lot about STDs and pregnancy. She's not sexually active (I'm pretty sure of that) and I've tried to tell her to wait until she does get married... As for my 14 year old, he really doesn't like to talk too much about it, however, I've had some little talks with him and encourage him to talk to his dad if he wanted too. My husband and I aren't totally on the same page, he thinks boys should have sex early on, which I tell my son to wait until marriage. Anyway, I preach a lot to my son about respecting girls and how doing things show you don't respect them.
I don't think the talk with your son was too early, just keep the open door of communication going...

Hi, T:

It is a shock to hear about this sex talk at such an early age but
you have to to prepare the young folks of today to protect themselves.
It is always helpful to encourage abstinence until marriage.

It would also be helpful when the young folks get older is to move beyone the anatomy and physiology lesson to the lessons about respect and tenderness and reciprocity.

Just a thought.
Good luck
D.

The sex talk comes earlier and earlier every generation it seems. My daughter was told about it by a friend just this year, so at 8 years old I had to sit her down and have 'The Talk' to override the 4th graders (odd) version. It broke my heart to have to do that so young, but times are different.

Good for you for teaching your son responsibility. Of course we would all love for our sweet angel babies to stay pure forever and ever, but teenage hormones are such a tough thing to overcome. Did you know that teenage pregnancy rates are the lowest they've EVER been? That's right, the age of 'No glove, no love' is WORKING waaaay better than 'True love waits.' That's also right that our kids generation has less pregnant teens than your GRANDPARENT'S generation! So go you! Give him that condom with the clear understanding that he would be far better off waiting, and that's what you expect, but at the very least wear one of these!!

Good for you! It's so much better for him to get accurate information from his parents than who knows what information from the other 13 year olds (is your son 13 and in 5th grade?). You also might want to cover that it should be used in conjunction with spermicide. I don't think it is so much a 'talk' as an ongoing discussion. And I am guessing that since 13 year olds have babies, that they likely have sex.